You must believe People make resolutions with the best of intentions. In fact, those good intentions drive us to create the resolution. We see something we want in our lives, or maybe something we want out of our lives, and we resolve to change. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so good intentions alone are insufficient to achieve greatness. Good intentions reflect good desires, and as such they make a good start. But you must also believe in the change you want for yourself. If you don't believe, you won't receive. Without believing that what you want for yourself is possible, you won't even try. You’ll quit before you start. And you’re guaranteed not to achieve anything if you don’t try. But you must believe in more than possibility. You must believe what you want for yourself is probable. And you must believe in yourself and your ability to make what you want more probable. That’s of course easier to do when you partner with the Lord. “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). You must planOnce you believe the attainment of your desires is not only possible but also probable, you must take action, starting with a plan. What steps will you take to achieve your desires? How we achieve our goals may not happen exactly the way we envision. In fact, they very often don't. But a good plan provides concrete action you can take. It gives permission and direction to be busy doing. And that's essential, because results come from one thing and one thing only — action. The best plans provide specific actions you can take. Clearly defined, simple tasks conform well to how the brain is hardwired. Our brains are hardwired not to think but to execute clear, simple instructions. When you break your plans down to that level, you align yourself with how you’re built. And that significantly improves your probability of success. The best plans also consider environment. Your brain is hardwired to determine normal by assessing your surroundings. Let’s say you want to lose weight. If the people usually around you have some pounds to shed themselves, then your brain will think being at that weight is normal, and it will be harder for you to lose weight because most of us don't want to be abnormal; we want to fit in and belong to the group. You must also consider potential distractions in your environment. Again, if you want to lose weight, make sure your food stores don't contain anything that will work against you. Finally, the best plans consider psychology. Many who are overweight use emotional eating to compensate for something they lack. They use the pleasures of eating to feed their emotional needs (pun intended). If you try to lose weight without addressing deeply seated psychological influences, it's more probable you won't succeed. Your plan must include healthy ways to address your emotional needs that can support you in achieving your goals. You must actWith a good plan in place, the only thing left is to do. Results come from one thing and only one thing — action. Action plus attitude equals achievement. Your past attempts ending in failure can provide lessons for success. A failed attempt doesn't mean you’re a failure; it just means your approach is a failure. Direction determines destination, so make a slight change in your approach — in the direction you take — and you can arrive at an entirely new destination. Anything you can imagine you can have. Anything you can dream you can live. A new year is now upon us, and with it comes new opportunity to improve upon ourselves and to live our best life. When we believe, plan, and act, we can achieve anything. Now is the time for you to rise up and claim your best life. When you do, you give others permission to rise up and claim their best life. That makes life better for everyone. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
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Halloween! That frightful time of year we embrace with a spirit of good fun means dressing up in costumes and of course eating lots of holiday-themed food. And let's not forget the trick-or-treating. But while we all spend one day a year approaching fearful sights with a gleeful sort of playfulness, many spend the other 364 days of the year cowering to fear. Can we bring to every day of the year the same sort of playfulness that we bring to Halloween? We all have our fears. One of the biggest fears many LDS singles have is the fear of never marrying. Whether that fear or another haunts you most, you’ll never conquer your fear by cowering to it. To conquer your fear, you must take and use the power you already have within yourself. You must face your fears. Believe the Lord To start, you have great reason for courage. You’re not on your journey alone. Your Heavenly Father has provided a Savior Who loves you so much that He never could abandon you, let alone would. And that Savior Who created the universe is a powerful ally. If you truly trust in that all-powerful Creator, if you truly have faith in Him, if you truly believe Him, you’ll never feel fear. And that’s simply because you won't be able to. Faith and fear cannot exist in the same space at the same time. So when the Lord promises He’ll bless you, you can rest assured He’ll fulfill His promises. And He won't just fulfill them in part; He'll fulfill them down to the dot of the last I and the cross of the last T. So great will be your blessing that, when that glorious day finally comes, you’ll wonder how it ever was that you doubted Him. And many of those promises are not just for the next life but for this life. Yes, a few may have to wait for eternity, but I firmly believe that 99% of us can have their promised blessings here and now in mortality. You may doubt and even laugh as did Abraham's wife Sarah, but the Lord will fulfill every syllable of every word of every promise that He makes to you. Period. Partner with the Lord How do you believe that? How do you generate such faith in the Lord and in His promises that you continue to believe fervently even when everything around you seems to say the exact opposite? First, approach the Lord as did the father with the mentally disturbed son who exclaimed, "Lord, . . . help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:24). You’re never alone in your journey, so don’t try to go it alone. Walk with Him who gave His all so you could succeed in your ultimate journey. Second, take action. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that faith is a principle of action. That means you cannot have faith if you just wish and wait. To increase your faith, you must increase your action. This is why you approach the Lord first. When you partner with Him, He’ll help you understand the next step you need to take in your journey. When you then act on that revelation and take that next step, you walk by faith toward a bright and glorious future, one with the blessings He wants to give you. Walk with the Lord Walking by faith doesn't mean never feeling fear, but it can bring courage. And courage means doing what you need to do even though you may feel afraid. When you walk by faith, you can face your fears with the confidence He will never abandon you. If all of us were to step back and observe the situation, we’d see that all fear does is prevent us from taking the next step in our journey. But whatever your fears are, you still control what response you will provide. Will you allow your fear to control you and cower from your next step? Or will you control you and take that next step? When you take that next step, your courage grows, your faith grows, and you can walk and take more next steps with more confidence. The more you act, the more your faith grows, the more your confidence grows, and the more you can live with the surety that the Lord will fulfill all of His promises to you. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Many LDS singles feel bereft of hope when they don’t see any obvious opportunities for the eternal marriage they desire. Fundamentally, their lack of hope doesn’t differ from anyone else struggling to realize righteous desires. For example, infertility plagues many righteous married couples desiring biological children. Yet in all cases hope abounds. If you can’t see the way forward, please consider this question: Are you operating out of your memory or your imagination? Your focus becomes your reality, so when you focus on the failures you’ve known, your reality becomes filled with more of those failures. But when you focus on the success you can imagine, your reality becomes filled with possibility. We all can access redemption in every sense of the word because of Christ and His glorious Atonement. No matter how dark or bleak your circumstances may appear, you always have reason to hope. There is always hope because there is always Christ. Believe Christ How do you feel this great truth when all around you seems dismal? Almost all of us believe very readily in miracles that Christ performed among a people most of us don’t know in a land far away which most of us haven’t seen. Yet when it comes to believing in miracles performed in our own lives and in our own backyard, we respond more slowly. We need to start believing Christ. What do you do when things you don't want to happen do in fact happen? Knowing God has apportioned a time when all wrongs will be righted makes patience easier. Knowing a just God won’t wait to right our wrongs when the time to right them is right also encourages patience. There is always hope because there is always Christ. Still, longing can pain the heart in the present moment. Because your focus determines your reality, focusing on your pains always yields a reality of pain. Focus instead on the Savior so that He becomes your reality. Believe Him when He said, “Come unto me . . . and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). His strength can give you strength. Understand the journey Christ never taught that all of His promised blessings would be distributed like a buffet lunch — first come are first served and everyone else will just have to wait. He wants all to enjoy all of His promised blessings. That means you. Because you're unique in personality and demeanor, so also are the gifts you've been given to help you achieve your full potential. Just as in the parable of the talents, all who improve upon what they've been given, whatever that original amount may be, will receive the joy of the Lord. That joy can fill you now as well as in times to come. There is always hope because there is always Christ. Yes, Christ wants all to enjoy all of His promised blessings. Yet some saints, because of where they are in their life journey, may not be ready for some of those blessings. So if you're yearning for that special someone and wonder why you don't have the blessing you desire, consider that you might not be ready. Or maybe your companion isn’t ready. Or perhaps the time is right for both of you and you simply need to get busy doing the right things. In any case, Christ can help you take the proper next step. There is always hope because there is always Christ. Expand your vision If you operate out of your memory, then you're seeing with no more than your physical eyes. That means ultimately you'll have no hope, because you don’t physically see the means to achieve your desires. Even here, there is always hope because there is always Christ. Christ can help you operate our of your imagination, which means seeing with spiritual eyes. He can help you to see what’s there but not seen with physical eyes. What you want may be right in front of you, but because of how you think, you might not recognize it. Expand your definition of an opportunity, and you’ll see paths you couldn’t see before. Christ can also help you to see what’s not now in existence because it has yet to be created. What you desire may be something He creates for you. Or maybe you need to create it for yourself. In all cases, Christ will help you to do whatever is needful for you to receive all of the blessings He desires to give to you. There is always hope because there is always Christ. Don’t ever stop living for the righteous blessings you desire. And don’t ever lose hope. No matter your situation, there’s always something you can do to move forward. There is always hope because there is always Christ. When you feel that hope, you’ll have the comfort of knowing the Savior is right by your side to help you along. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Everyone dreams of living a better life, yet we all respond to those dreams differently. Some while away the days not doing much to move closer to those dreams. Others are doing something, only they’re stuck. Try as they might, they just can’t seem to succeed. Either way, it seems like everyone needs a miracle for their dreams to come true. And then there’s those I call patient fools. They believe the absence of the miracle they need means it must not be the right time. And so they patiently wait, expecting their miracle to deliver their dreams when the time becomes right. For many LDS singles, that miracle is finding an eternal companion. Some dream about the day it will happen but never take action to move towards it. Others take action but can’t seem to make any progress. Still others simply wait, thinking the time is somehow not yet right. Whatever miracle you want in your life, that miracle won’t happen by itself. Someone needs to act, and that someone is you! If you truly want it, you can make your miracle happen. Take action Dreams inspire us with a vision of possibility. They animate the imagination and stir something within the soul. Yet no dream enters reality on its own. We must take action! The world didn’t just appear out of nowhere. Under the direction of our Creator, heavenly workers took action. Those workers then returned to report their labors. The miracle that is Earth did not happen all at once but step by step as action was taken. In like manner, your dreams will never happen unless you take action. Yes, taking action introduces change, and with change comes new challenges and new concerns. But only through action will your dreams become reality. And you can respond to those challenges and concerns with faith. Partner with the Lord. By returning to Him every day to report the actions you’ve taken, you can receive counsel and direction regarding your next steps. When you take those steps and then return and report again, you can counsel with Him regarding the next steps. By walking consistently in faith, you can make your miracle happen. Take the right action Many of us aren’t just sitting on the sidelines of life twiddling our thumbs. No, we’re out there taking action. The problem is we don’t seem to be going anywhere. The pursuit for eternal companionship leaves many LDS singles feeling like that hamster down at the local pet store. That hamster takes action, exerting tons of energy to run faster and go farther. But in the end, running inside a wheel doesn’t move the hamster that far. Likewise, many LDS singles exert tons of energy running between conferences and other activities. But in the end, they don’t move very far. If this describes you, stop running inside a wheel, and start doing the right things for you. You must take action, but not just any action will produce your miracle. You must take the right action. You must do what’s right for you. I’ve talked before about how the right things are more than just the standards for being active LDS. They include owning your life, opening yourself to possibilities, partnering with the Lord, and embracing a personal ministry by which you bring goodness into the world. Each of these right actions contribute to making your miracle happen. Take the right action now Some LDS singles have trouble accepting that truth. They live under the myth that their blessings will come if they just live a righteous life. They’re fine waiting until the “right” time for their miracle when it will just happen. These patient fools have grown comfortable in their complacency. They fool themselves into thinking their patience is rooted in faith. But faith is a principle of action. Patience truly rooted in faith is not passive, but active! Patient fools also fool themselves into thinking the time for their miracle isn’t right just because it hasn’t happened yet. I’ve previously described how many LDS singles use the concept of timing as a crutch. Yes, the Lord has a timetable, but just because something hasn’t happened doesn’t mean the time isn’t right for it to happen. The time can be as right as rain, but miracles require action to happen. If you truly want it, you can make your miracle happen when you take the required action now. Own your life. Embrace a personal ministry. Partner with the Lord. Counsel with Him regarding your next steps. Work hard and be open to possibility. Then return and report to Him. When you make the right things for you a lifestyle, you can make your miracle happen. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Life holds many challenges, and LDS singles life is no exception. Whether you never married, are divorced, or are widowed, heartache can cripple you emotionally and obscure your view of a bright future. But just because you can’t see a bright tomorrow doesn’t mean that bright tomorrow won’t come. Day always follows night; it’s natural law. And it’s always darkest just before the dawn. It’s easy to believe in that dawn when the light shines over the horizon. It’s harder to believe in the dawn when the darkness is all you can see. How do you resist the call of pessimism to abandon all hope? You do it with faith. You must have a vision of what you can become. You must believe in that vision and your own ability to realize that vision. And you must have the resiliency to go the distance needed to make that vision reality. You must never say die. Choose your vision It takes faith to a have a vision of what you can become. It takes even more faith to believe you can achieve that vision. Where does such faith originate? It comes from the source of all true faith — the Lord Jesus Christ. His restored gospel teaches us that through Him we can all become something more and return to live with our Heavenly Father. And in what must be the grandest glorification of God, we can also be like Him. Indeed, the realization of such a vision is a commandment:
Just like every other commandment, the Lord will provide the way to accomplish it.
As I’ve pointed out earlier, Nephi was single when he uttered those inspirational words. He went on to achieve great things. We who are single can be just as inspirational and achieve just as great things in our own lives. Choose your road Walking that path of faith isn’t easy. But it’s not impossible. And it’s a lot more joyful than any alternative. The Lord won’t abandon you. He loves you so much He willingly suffered a tortuous death. Love that strong means He won’t stop until you have every blessing you will receive. Note that I said “will receive.” Great as His love is for you, the Lord will not violate individual agency. He won’t force blessings upon you. That means you have to choose. You must choose light over darkness. You must choose optimism over pessimism. You must choose confidence over doubt. You must choose faith over fear. Many are so much more comfortable with pessimism, doubt, and fear that choosing this low road is much easier. But that choice also means accepting darkness and all its attendant disillusionment and despair as your reality. Don’t sell yourself short or live beneath your potential! Don’t give up on yourself! The Lord believes in you and your potential. He could never lead you into everlasting failure. Everything He has done and continues to do is so that you can become everything you were meant to become. God never stopped believing in you. Will you not take Him at His word? Choose your difference Your blessings are real. They’re not vain imaginations of your yearning soul nor wishful whims of fancy. They are real, and you can achieve them because God has decreed it. Don’t you dare give up on yourself! You and your contributions are far too valuable to sit idly on the sidelines of history. God has reserved you for this time and place because you have goodness which only you can give. Choose to make that difference by leaning on He Who is the difference for all of us. Darkness may surround you now, but that darkness will not last forever. No trial comes into our lives to stay; sooner or later they all pass. Partner with the Lord and let His strength become your strength. Let His faith become your faith. Let His confidence become your confidence. Never say die. It’s not over until you win. When you adopt that attitude, you can do the impossible. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Lately I’ve been talking about the fundamentals of dating because so many don’t understand them. Today I’m addressing one fundamental in particular. But first we need to consider what we’re trying to accomplish. Because dating involves the agency of another person, success in that journey is correlative, not causal. That means we get better results by making ourselves more attractive rather than campaigning directly for it. I’ve tried the direct route before. After years of effort, I can say it just doesn’t work. So now I’m where every LDS single should be — on the correlative train. Instead of pursuing marriage directly, we should live our lives such that others will want to share them with us. We get that kind of life by making ourselves more attractive — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Each of these aspects is intertwined with the other three. Take losing weight, for instance. Losing weight of course has physical aspects, but it also has emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects as well. Those who ignore those other three aspects are essentially taking a proverbial knife to a gun fight. Include the physical I believe the best solutions are holistic; they consider the whole as well as the individual parts. Losing weight is no different, though I confess it’s been really hard. Losing weight is the Holy Grail of modern life — forever beckoning, and forever elusive. But that just means I don’t understand the fundamentals! For years I tried increasing my understanding of biology. Much of my knowledge here is hard won through research in books and testing in the laboratory of trial and error. That’s how I know if I don’t keep myself fully hydrated, I won’t lose weight. I now drink mostly water whenever I drink anything, starting with a full glass of water when I get out of bed in the morning. Good nutrition is also important. I’ve seen better results with a daily regimen of vitamins and supplements. Yes, it’s better when they come from food, but I haven’t the time to track how much of each vitamin every food I consume contains. It’s much easier to pop a pill and be done with it. You need to find what works for you. Don’t neglect the emotional and mental Because weight loss is interconnected in its aspects, we can’t focus on just biology. The emotional aspect is of especial concern for LDS singles. Acceptance in LDS subculture depends greatly on whether or not we get married. Thus, failure in our dating journey can easily leave us feeling unaccepted. That’s what makes eating extra food — and especially the foods we shouldn’t eat all the time — so very tempting. They never say no. They never turn us away. And they always make us feel good. At least they do in the moment. Emotional eating always comes back to bite you (pun intended). We’re not likely to lose weight without addressing the underlying emotional issues driving unhealthy eating habits. And let’s not forget the mental aspect of losing weight. If we believe we’re “big-boned” or genetically disposed to carry fat, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. We’ll never put forth the effort as intensely and for as long as we need if we believe any of that. We have to believe before we receive. Emphasize the spiritual Of all the aspects to consider, the spiritual is the most important. We need to articulate clearly and precisely why we want to lose weight. And that why needs to be powerful enough to carry us through the hard times. The most powerful spiritual drivers are faith-based. We activate that faith when we understand the doctrines and principles behind our objectives. So what’s the gospel doctrine behind losing weight? Certainly the Word of Wisdom comes to mind. And how about the doctrine that our body is a temple? If you considered just that one idea every time you put something in your mouth, what changes would you make to your eating habits? What’s the biggest reason why I’ve struggled with losing weight for so many years? I’ve been approaching it backwards. Even with the holistic nature of my approach, I wasn’t starting with the spiritual aspect. I started with the application — give me the fix I need to make my fat melt away — rather than with the doctrines and principles behind the application. Recently, I’ve picked the torch back up. I’m trying again. So can you. But this time, let’s start our holistic approach with the spiritual. That will bring us better results. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
I’m sure we’ve all had the childhood fantasy of being a superhero. The world — or at least the world as we knew it — was on the brink of total annihilation. Then, at the pivotal moment, we step in, defeat the villains, and save the world. Such dreams of my younger days took a slight twist when hormones began coursing through my veins. Instead of saving the world, I was saving a beautiful woman who of course would fall madly in love with me for saving her. We would get married and live happily ever after. Then I would wake up and see reality was something very different. We’ve all dreamed of saving the day in one form or another. Those we dream of saving may or may not need us to be a superhero. But our own individual lives certainly do. Yes, our lives need each of us to be a superhero — a superhero of faith. We need to walk by faith in order to live our best life, to do everything the Lord wants us to do and become everything He wants us to become. Achieving that means rising above the ordinary and making faith our superpower. Step into the dark Superheroes of faith walk by it. I’m sure many of us know Paul’s declaration that “we walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7). Yet I’m not as certain that as many of us live that. Too many want to see the end from the beginning. We all have decisions to make in life, and many of us want to see that everything will turn out OK before we take that first step. President Boyd K. Packer once told about seeking advice from President Harold B. Lee in making an important decision. After hearing a rehearsal of the situation, President Lee responded, “Your problem is that you want to know the end from the beginning. You need to walk by faith. Consult with the Lord, make the best decision you can, and then trust the Lord to work everything for your good.” President Packer followed that counsel, and indeed, everything worked out for his good. Many of us want to know how everything will work out before we take that first step. We need to trust the Lord when He reveals a path to us and take that first step into the dark. Walking by faith means trusting Him to work everything for our good, especially when we don’t know how that could ever happen. Proceed with vision In contrast, walking by sight means proceeding with a preconceived plan in view. We saw the plan detailing how everything comes together before we took the first step. And we continue to view that plan as we journey onward. Walking by sight also means proceeding in accordance with what we our natural eyes see. Too often we relinquish our dreams because what we see with our natural eyes tells us those blessings can never come to us. The life we desire seems so impossible we wonder how it could ever be. Enoch had just such a moment. When the Lord called him to declare repentance, he wondered, Why me? For “I . . . am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech” (Moses 6:31). But the Lord told him, “Go forth and do as I have commanded thee . . . . Anoint thine eyes with clay, and wash them, and thou shalt see” (Moses 6:32, 35). Upon doing so, Enoch gained a vision of his potential. He then proceeded with that vision and became everything the Lord wanted him to become. The Lord has great blessings for us, but we must walk with vision to receive them. We must act in full confidence His promises will be kept, even when what we see with our natural eyes says they never will. Exercise your power Walking by faith — with vision and not by sight — is truly extraordinary in a world where mediocrity is the norm. This is a world which says that seeing is believing. Those who proceed with vision truly are superheroes. Their superpower of faith allows them to walk with confidence that believing is seeing. At length, what was seen only in the inner world becomes visible for all in the outer world. Do you want your best life? Be a superhero. Partner with the Lord. Let Him show you your potential and the path you need to take to realize it. When you step out into the dark, fully confident the Lord will be with you, you’ll find the light you carry — the light that is the Lord — will go with you. And that will bring more joy in your journey.
Stake and ward leaders as well the singles themselves all play a part in ministering more effectively to LDS singles. However, some local leaders are unwilling to change their thinking about how best to minister to LDS singles. Exercising patience with reluctant leaders follows the path the Savior marked. While it may take years to realize, positive change inevitably awaits all who pursue it with diligence and patience. That may not appear apparent while traversing the path. Not able to see the end from the beginning, we can easily lose heart. Other realities of LDS singles life can provide a similar view. Unable to see the end we desire after years of trying, we can feel to give up on ourselves and our righteous desires. In such moments, we would do well to remember the Psalmist’s words: “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalms 37:4). The eternal plan Our Heavenly Father sent each of us to mortality so we could have growth experiences we couldn’t otherwise have. He never accepted this plan grudgingly. He embraces it because He wants to bless us more than we could possibly imagine. Not seeing the end from the beginning, we can easily forget that truth. But we wouldn’t need to walk by faith if we could see everything. Exercising trust in the Lord is part of the necessary process we need to grow according to His plan. We can more easily trust in the Lord when we delight in Him. If a righteous activity feels more like drudgery than delight, that’s a sign we need to change ourselves. To receive the glorious end, we must stay on the right path. But we also need to maintain the right perspective. We must believe in order to receive. That means acting in faith, nothing doubting, that our righteous desires for this life are possible, irrespective of our past experiences. That belief comes easier when we delight in the Lord. The parable of the strawberry jam The greatest blessings always come according to (1) the Lord’s timetable and (2) our diligence in doing the right things for us. As a boy, I spent some summers on my grandmother’s farm. Her homemade strawberry jam on homemade bread was delightful. But to get that delight, the strawberries first had to grow in the garden. Then I had to do the right things with the berries — pick them, clean them, and combine them with the right ingredients in the right amounts. Any deviation diminished the joy I experienced when that slather of strawberry jam entered my mouth. Our road to eternal blessings is very much like that road to homemade strawberry jam. We must allow natural processes to take their course. Sometimes we need to grow before we’re ready to receive what we want. Sometimes others need to grow. Other times, we need to wait for the right person to cross our path. In any event, we need patience while the Lord works to bring us the opportunities for our blessings. Once the time is right, we must do the right things. You don’t get jam in the garden; you get jam in the jar after doing the right things with the berries. Likewise, righteous blessings will never be ours unless we do the right things with the timely opportunities the Lord provides for us. That means more than just keeping the standards. It means doing what’s needful to get what we want. Nearness to Him We can know what those right things are for us when we partner with the Lord. He can reveal to us what we need to do to move ourselves closer to righteous blessings. That relationship can also provide the strength needed to walk by faith. It all comes more easily when we delight ourselves in Him. Nephi understood what it meant to delight in the Lord. He wanted to be not just in the Lord’s presence but so close he’d be encircled “in the robe of [His] righteousness” (2 Nephi 4:33). Could Nephi have gained the strength to set the example he did because he delighted in the Lord? We have many opportunities to near ourselves to the Lord and delight more in Him. General Conference is just around the corner. Prayer, fasting, scripture study, and temple attendance all provide opportunities to near ourselves to the Lord and delight in Him when we approach the activity with the proper attitude. In any event, the Spirit can help us understand what right actions are best for us today. When we heed that still, small voice, we’re bound to have more joy in our journey.
Last week I helped a student review a recent math exam. Focusing on her grade of 48%, she told me how much of a failure she was. “Oh, no, you’re not!” I immediately contradicted. “All this shows is your approach didn’t work. Now, let’s find a new one.” We then discussed her learning preferences while I interjected cautions to watch her self-talk. “If you keep telling yourself something’s hard,” I said, “then it’ll never be easy because you’re training your mind to think of that something only as being hard. You can change your course by changing your story. Tell yourself you haven’t learned it yet and then focus on that yet. Tell yourself it’s possible to learn how to do this.” With a willingness to believe a different life experience was possible, we analyzed the exam questions she missed. “You’re making the same type of mistake over and over again,” I observed. “This is great, because you’ll get huge gains in improvement from changing just one habit.” After we discussed some practical steps she could take, she left eager to embrace a brighter future. Failure reflects approach not identity Many LDS singles are just like that student. When her efforts failed, she told herself she was a failure. Likewise, when our efforts don’t produce our desired blessings, we LDS singles tell ourselves similar stories. How quickly many rush towards negative thinking after a setback in dating! The date we just had didn’t go as well as we hoped, or maybe it never happened because an invitation was rejected or never even received. Whatever the situation, we tend to think our result reflects who we are. But our results reflect what we do, not who we are. You’ll always get a small flame when you light a match, no matter who you are. Failure to light the match comes from using a less effective approach. What we do, not who we are, produces our results. Thus, when we obtain undesired results, we need to doubt our approach, not our identity. What can I do differently to obtain better results? What changes do I need to make in myself? Questions such as these help us to confront our challenges more positively. Our stories carry power Our approach includes the stories we tell ourselves. I observed that truth with the student I helped last week. She continually struggled with math because that’s what her story taught her to believe. And she believed it. Likewise, we LDS singles often tell ourselves stories that impede our progress towards eternal blessings. If we keep saying dating is hard, even though it isn’t, we’ll always struggle with it. If we keep saying we don’t have any opportunities, we’ll never see the opportunities the Lord provides every single day. Our stories carry power. We can leverage this power to our advantage with the word yet. Including yet in our stories helps us to focus on possibility. Do we tell ourselves stories that bend our belief towards hope our tomorrow really can be different than our yesterday? That’s an important change to make in ourselves so that our approach yields better results. “I haven’t succeeded in dating yet” is much more energizing than the demoralizing “I’ve never succeeded in dating.” We are creatures of habit We turn stories of our failure into habits by telling them over and over again. Because we’re biologically hardwired to follow habits, we then keep focusing on our failures. This pattern leads us to more repeated failure. Less effective habits keep us standing in our own way of achieving the eternal blessings we desire. But we can step out of our own way by replacing less effective habits with more effective ones that will bring us more joy in our mortal journey. Instead of habitually thinking our results reflect our identity, we can habitually think our results reflect our approach. We can habitually question what changes we need to make in ourselves. We can also habitually tell ourselves more positive stories, ones that empower us to believe in possibility and move forward with energy and optimism. Earlier today I happened upon that student I helped last week. Her entire demeanor was much improved. I asked if she’d implemented any of my suggested changes in her approach. She joyfully responded she had and scored 83% on her practice exam. I rejoiced with her in her success. We LDS singles can experience similar success in our own lives as we change our approach for eternal blessings. We make all the difference in the results our efforts bring with the stories we tell ourselves. Make sure the stories you tell yourself support a positive, optimistic approach to your challenges. With that habit in place, you’ll experience more joy in your journey.
We’ve all fallen short at times. No one’s perfect. We’re all works in progress. Yet too often we focus on our imperfections. We wonder how we could ever obtain eternal blessings when we just aren’t good enough. We’re not tall enough or thin enough or funny enough or beautiful enough or strong enough or whatever enough. We can go insane focusing on what we lack. Because your focus becomes your reality, focusing on what you lack produces a reality of lack. It’s impossible to feel competent when you always focus on how you fail to achieve. It’s impossible to feel optimistic when you always focus on pessimism. But the reverse is also true. It’s impossible to feel incompetent when you always focus on what you’ve achieved and what you can do. It’s impossible to feel pessimistic when you always focus on optimism and reasons to believe in a bright and glorious future. We each have a choice every single day regarding the perspective we’ll embrace. I choose to say “Enough with enough!” It’s half full and half empty We’ve all heard how perspective in life is like a partially filled glass of water. Is the glass half full or half empty? Seeing the glass as half empty brings pessimism. Seeing the glass as half full brings optimism. I agree our focus determines our reality. That’s why I say the glass is both half full and half empty. Yes, we want to be positive. But ignoring our problems just isn’t smart. Nature teaches that weeds will infest your garden unless you act appropriately. Likewise, ignoring the problems in the garden of your life allows those weeds to grow and fester. Yes, look to the positive. Then take the energy and optimism that perspective gives you to tackle the negative. See the opportunities in your obstacles. Believe in possibility, and make changes in yourself so you increase your probability of success. You’re already enough Of course, you should see the glass as half full before you see it as half empty. That approach fortifies you to overcome your challenges. We can all easily answer what’s wrong with our lives. But what good is in your life? When you follow the advice of the hymn and count your blessings, you’ll start to see how much good you really do have in your life. As wrong as you may feel your life is going, there’s always something going right. Last summer I faced the loss of a very special relationship. Yet in the midst of that experience, the Spirit directed my attention to how much I loved my job and how much it allowed me to contribute to improving the lives of others. While it felt like one part of my life was going very wrong, another was going very right. Focusing on that right part helped me to feel how blessed I really am. Amplifying positive perspectives and experiences in your life grants strength to confront and overcome your challenges. Of no perspective is that more true than of the Atonement. That consummating act of the Lord’s pure love proves you’re already enough. Would He have suffered and died as He did if you weren’t? Of course not. Additionally, the Atonement means He’ll never abandon you. He provides you with many tender mercies every single day. He’ll always be there to help you know your next step and have the strength to take it. You are a conqueror With that strength, you can conquer any challenge before you. You can transform any setback into an advantage. You can find opportunities in any obstacle. Rather than ignoring the “half empty” aspects of your life, you can confront them with confidence and come off conqueror. What obstacle keeps you from your eternal blessings? Are you not funny enough? Say “Enough with enough!” and partner with the Lord to know how to work on improving that skill while searching for that someone who thinks your skill level is enough. Are you not beautiful enough? Say “Enough with enough!” and partner with the Lord to know how to work on improving yourself while searching for that someone who thinks you are enough. And so it goes with any area in which you think you aren’t enough. Say “Enough with enough!” Then partner with the Lord to know what changes you need to make in yourself and get to work. You weren’t sent here to fail. You were sent here to succeed, and that gloriously. Stop focusing on how you aren’t good enough. Say “Enough with enough!” And then get to work on changing you. When you do, you can change your life and have more joy in your journey. |
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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