We singles know better than most that life doesn’t always go the way you want it to go. I’m sure I could find a story about someone who’s been forced into a totally different life because an accident left him or her paralyzed from the neck down. And whoever tells it to me would probably be saying, “See, you don’t have it so bad. It could be worse!”
I’m not really interested in finding that story. I’ve got plenty of that story in my own life because I’m a single adult. What LDS single hasn’t experienced severe discouragement at being forced into an unanticipated life because of how others used their agency? That’s true regardless of if you’ve never been married, are divorced, or are widowed.
It’s extremely easy to focus on how others used their agency when considering the life you have now. But that focus doesn’t improve the life you have now. That’s because it can’t. To do so would defy natural law.
Your focus always becomes your reality. Focusing on how others used their agency to your disadvantage will make you feel disadvantaged. You’ll see yourself as a victim. That perspective robs you of the power you have to turn your life around.
Yes, you can turn your life around. I don’t care what has happened to you. How do you do it? By practicing the ABC’s of owning your life.
It starts with attitude
Everything in life starts with attitude, so of course owning your life starts here. Attitude is the guide that channels your focus, and your focus becomes your reality. That means your attitude becomes your reality.
You always have a choice regarding your attitude. That means by choosing your attitude, you also choose your reality.
Owning your life then means what I’ve always said it means — taking responsibility for how your life has resulted. When you realize that power of agency in creating your best life, taking responsibility for how your life has resulted becomes much easier.
God loves you so immensely He gave you a mortal existence to help you achieve your potential. That means blessings and tender mercies inundate the path of your journey. Those two ideas together mean God loves you so much He has blessings for you beyond your wildest imagination!
When you approach life with an attitude of faith, you’ll see a lot more sunshine than rain cloud. The world is your oyster. Go get your pearls!
It continues with balance
Of course, owning your life doesn’t mean going overboard with a positive attitude. Owning your life encourages a balanced approach to living.
When you own your life, you take responsibility for how your life has resulted. If you’re responsible for your life, then you don’t really care how others use their agency. You care only for how you use yours. After all, others aren’t responsible. You are.
As I’ve discussed previously, the road to marriage is not causal but correlative. The agency of another person is involved. All you can do is influence the outcome you want. You influence best when you embrace a balanced approach.
Who’s really more attractive? The people so focused on marriage they seem to be about that and nothing else? Or the people approaching life with balance and thus aren’t focused obsessively on any one thing? That right there says it all.
It solidifies with caring
All the attitude and balance in the world won’t make much difference, though, if you don’t care about what you do. Caring joins attitude and balance together. You’ll won’t want to own your life if you don’t care about what you do.
Conversely, when you own your life, you care about what you do. And that broadcasts to other people that your life is real. Real life is always more attractive because everybody hungers for real. Real is something worth caring about and hence worth joining. Real life is also more joyful than the alternative life on autopilot. And that joy helps you to maintain the attitude and balance necessary to own your life.
If your life isn’t what you want it to be, then have a care and own your life. Start making changes in your attitude, your balance, and your caring. You’ll be much more attractive to the companion you hope to bring into your life, and you’ll enjoy your journey much more regardless of when that companion enters your life.
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and now I produce a weekly radio show to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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