Joy In The Journey Radio
  • Home
  • Radio 4 LDS Singles
    • Recent Shows >
      • 30 Nov 22
      • 23 Nov 22
    • Archive 2022
    • Archive 2021
    • Archive 2020
    • Archive 2019
    • Archive 2018
  • LDS Singles Blog
  • Members
    • Members-only
  • World of TED
  • Firesides
  • Books
  • FAQ
  • Volunteer
  • Home-centered Church
  • Donate
  • Contact

continue the conversation

A letter to a single sister

9/25/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
I couldn’t resist.  After reading this Liahona article online, I just had to produce a radio show focused upon it.  Once you read it, I’m sure you’ll see why.

Sister Sharon Eubank, First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency and a single Latter-day Saint, wrote an outstanding article in response to a letter she received from another single Latter-day Saint sister.  Here’s a portion of that letter:

“I’m 48 years old and have never been married; I’ve really struggled with this reality. I’ve had a difficult time knowing what my purpose in this life is as a single person with no family or posterity. Family is such a big focus in the Church (as it should be), but when that blessing isn’t given to you, it can be challenging to know where you fit in. How do I get past feelings of emptiness and feel more purpose in life?”
. . . I have to wonder: Is Sister Eubank a secret audience member?
Sister Eubank’s article, entitled “A Letter to a Single Sister (and anyone else who is longing to belong),” nails awesome point after awesome point in response to that question.  Much of what she says echoes what I’ve been saying for years in the blog and on the radio show, so much so that I have to wonder: Is Sister Eubank a secret audience member?
I’m not sure, but as much as Sister Eubank hit the nail on the head, I got a few more items of response in my own “letter” to a single sister.

Focus on what you have

Picture
Let’s start by deconstructing the question posed.  Read the whole excerpt, and then read the second sentence.  It’s pretty clear this sister thinks part of her purpose here in mortality is to have a family and raise a righteous posterity.

There’s nothing wrong per se with adopting that purpose, but there is a potential problem.  Being single, this good sister doesn’t have that family or posterity.  And when you focus on what you lack, you create a reality of lack, because your focus determines your reality.  To create a reality of plenty, focus on your plenty.  Focus on what you have.

Sister Eubank does an excellent job of pointing out some of what this sister has.  Worthy of everyone’s consideration, here are some ideas:


A ward family gives us a chance to interact and bond with people we otherwise may not understand.

“Ah,” you say, “but my ward isn’t like this.”

Maybe. But consider this: You have no idea the power you yourself have over the tone and example of your own ward. This may be part of your mission....
Being single myself, I get how this feels. You have no wingman; sitting at church is awkward; parties can be torture; relatives feel they can comment when no one should be saying a word.

For me, Christmas morning emphasizes my singleness like no other time. The temptation is to allow my “category” to be an excuse to be sad or to never take initiative. Once I started hosting Christmas and planning family events, it made a difference in how I felt and how I was viewed in my family. The change reminded me that family isn’t only being a spouse and a parent. There are things I can do as an aunt that a parent cannot do, and I try to be aware and perform those well. Being a good sibling, daughter, granddaughter, and aunt are not throwaway roles. They are sacred. You and I have much to contribute; and we will be held accountable.

Keep in mind that all of us have these and other opportunities all around us to bring goodness into the world and make a difference in someone else’s life.  It all comes down to two words: personal ministry.

Adopt a personal ministry

Picture
Long time audience members should have expected those two words to appear sooner or later.  How do you feel more purpose in life?  You get a purpose, that’s how!  A personal ministry provides that.

So many LDS singles have experiences mirroring that of our single sister friend.  They feel empty and stunted in their growth because they’ve adopted the life plan our LDS culture gives them — get married when you’re young and raise a family.  When that doesn’t happen, we live with the pain of unfulfilled expectations — that is, until we gain a new expectation.

That’s where a personal ministry comes into play.  When you commit to bringing your unique contribution of goodness to the world, you adopt with it a new identity you can act on more fully.  Working on your personal ministry can give you a sense of fulfillment and progression when you find discouragement in your dating journey.

Sister Eubank offered much of the same counsel using different words:


I came to the earth with eons of experience and talent. I also came with certain responsibilities personal to me. My macro-mission is the same as anyone else’s: have experiences, repent and forgive, gain ordinances, serve others. My micro-mission, however, is specific and part of a divine plan for me. If I’m doing my best to keep my covenants, the life I’m living now is part of that plan. I want to respect the life the Lord has given me; it isn’t a punishment I’ve been given because somehow I wasn’t good enough.

Blessings come in different order, but to those who strive to be faithful, the blessings all come. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said it best: “Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”

Partner with the Lord

Picture
There’s one more item I’d like to address.  Our single sister friend said, “Family is such a big focus in the Church (as it should be), but when that blessing isn’t given to you, it can be challenging to know where you fit in.”  I want to examine seven key words further — “when that blessing isn’t given to you.”

There’s a false assumption behind those words.  Marriage is not a lottery in which some are blessed and others aren’t.  Results come from action.  Those who receive the blessing of marriage and family do so because they obeyed the law upon which that blessing is predicated (D&C 130:21).

Hard as it may be to accept, no matter where you are in your dating journey, you don’t progress without the requisite agreement.  So if you’re still single, it’s because you don’t have the agreement you need to progress further.

How do you get the agreement you need?  How do you get any agreement?  You become more agreeable.  You offer more value.  That means looking inside yourself for the changes you need to make.  Unfortunately, too many of us are looking outside of ourselves for the changes we need.

That can change when we partner with the Lord.  He wants us to succeed and will help us when we turn to Him.  Sister Eubank testified of the love the Lord has for all of us.


Most of all, I hope you know there is no category that can hold you except that of being a child of the eternal God. The Lord sees you. You’re not invisible to Him. He loves your efforts that no one else may see. You’re valuable, and He treasures you in all your quirks and individuality. If you trust your life to Him, His hand will guide you every step of the way until you are happy and at peace with all the desires of your heart.
Indeed, the Lord is mindful of you and me.  When we come to Him, give Him our pains and struggles, and take upon us our own personal ministry, we can be free of the negative emotional burden which so many LDS singles needlessly carry.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
Picture
0 Comments

The eye of faith

9/18/2019

0 Comments

 
I’ve always loved this document, even though my single status means I don’t fit neatly into the ideal the proclamation presents.
Yes, my friends, it’s time once more to return to Conference and feel once more the loving influence of our Heavenly Father as He speaks through modern day prophets and apostles.  Today we’ll examine the remarks of Elder Neil L. Andersen from the Saturday afternoon session.

Elder Andersen’s remarks, entitled “The Eye of Faith,” begin with a cursory examination of truth.  But then Elder Andersen turns his attention towards particular truths, specifically those found in The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

I’ve always loved this document, even though my single status means I don’t fit neatly into the ideal the proclamation presents.  You can find my favorite sentence occurs near its end. “Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.”
That’s why I love Elder Andersen’s remarks.  He did just that — adapt the proclamation on the family to those with “other circumstances,” particularly single adults.  And he shows that adopting the eye of faith brings the truths of God more clearly into focus.

Gain a clearer perspective

Picture
As already stated, Elder Andersen begins with a cursory examination of truth.  He reminds us that, although many in the world believe truth to be relative, some truths are absolute and eternal.

We can understand spiritual truths only through spiritual means.  Thus, when we view those truths with the eye of the world, we won’t fully understand them.  But viewing them with the eye of faith, we can behold the beautiful tapestry God has woven for His children.

Elder Andersen demonstrates this difference by sharing artwork comprised of blocks hanging from the ceiling.  Seen from one perspective, the blocks appear scattered and chaotic.  But change the perspective by seeing from a different vantage point, and the image of a human eye comes clearly into view.

Prophets help us gain such views.  I love the words which Elder Andersen shared of our Prophet before he became the Prophet.


Prior to being the President of the Church, President Russell M. Nelson said: “Prophets see ahead. They see the harrowing dangers the adversary has placed or will yet place in our path. Prophets also foresee the grand possibilities and privileges awaiting those who listen with the intent to obey.”

Fit yourself to truth

Picture
That vision doesn’t come to those who pick and choose what they’ll accept among God’s words.  We need the perspective of the eye of faith to see more clearly and appreciate the absolute nature of some truths.  Many of those truths are in God’s plan of happiness for His children.  With that segue, Elder Andersen moves towards a particular part of that plan — truths in the proclamation on the family.

I still remember when Gordon B. Hinckley announced the proclamation during the General Relief Society meeting the weekend before Conference.  I of course wasn’t in that meeting, but I was receptive to the proclamation first announced in that meeting.  Upon reading it, I felt the proclamation was inspired of God.

That doesn’t mean it’s been easy to take the truths of that document into my life.  Much of it speaks of a reality outside my situation then and currently.  As such, I’ve always had to adjust my view to embrace the contents.

Elder Andersen acknowledges I’m not alone in that regard.  Said he,


There are so many, young and old, who are loyal and true to the gospel of Jesus Christ, even though their own current experience does not fit neatly inside the family proclamation: children whose lives have been shaken by divorce; youth whose friends mock the law of chastity; divorced women and men who have been gravely wounded by the unfaithfulness of a spouse; husbands and wives who are unable to have children; women and men who are married to a spouse who does not share their faith in the restored gospel; single women and men who, for various reasons, have been unable to marry.

One friend of nearly 20 years, whom I admire greatly, is not married because of same-sex attraction. He has remained true to his temple covenants, has expanded his creative and professional talents, and has served nobly in both the Church and the community. He recently said to me, “I can sympathize with those in my situation who choose not to keep the law of chastity in the world in which we live. But didn’t Christ ask us to be ‘not of this world’? It is clear that God’s standards are different from those of the world.”
In addition, my heart went out to Elder Andersen’s single sister friend as he shared a brief portion of this sister’s experience:

My wife, Kathy, and I have known a single sister, now in her mid-40s, who is gifted in her professional abilities and serves valiantly in her ward. She too has kept the laws of God. She wrote:
“I dreamed of the day I would be blessed with a husband and children. I am still waiting. At times, my situation brings feelings of being forgotten and alone, but I try to keep the focus off what I don’t have and instead on what I do have and how I can help others.
“Service to my extended family, in my ward, and in the temple has helped me. I am not forgotten or alone because I am part of, and we are all part of, a larger family.”

I feel this sister’s pain, but I also rejoice she has learned some of the approaches I’ve been advocating in this forum for years.

Come to Christ

Picture
Elder Andersen concludes his address by acknowledging some may feel he doesn’t really understand them or their experience.  He then says what I wish more leaders would say — “I may not.”

I love his admission of at least potential ignorance.  I also love what he says next.  Come to the Savior Who does understand and has provided the Atonement that can attend to all of your pain, sickness, yearning, and suffering.

Listen to the promise an Apostle of the Lord makes to those who will come completely to Christ.


As you seek Him and keep His commandments, I promise you that He will bless you and lift the burdens too heavy to bear alone. He will give you eternal friends and opportunities to serve. More important, He will fill you with the powerful Spirit of the Holy Ghost and shine His heavenly approval upon you. No choice, no alternative that denies the companionship of the Holy Ghost or the blessings of eternity is worthy of our consideration.
Let us embrace the eye of faith.  Doing so will open a greater understanding and appreciation of God’s spiritual truths to our view.  We’ll also better see and appreciate the tender mercies which the Lord grants to each one of us everyday.  And that will bring more joy in our journey.
You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
Picture
0 Comments

For every time

9/11/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
I remember the very palpable fear that gripped many of my friends, and I did what I could to listen, to comfort, and to strengthen.
Today being the 18th anniversary of 9/11, I can’t help but think about what happened on that fateful day and the experience I had living through it.  Though I was nowhere near New York or anywhere along the East Coast, the events of that day were palpable to all who lived through them.

I was a new graduate student at my alma mater.  The University of Idaho resides in the northern part of the state where it shares the same time zone with the West Coast, three hours behind the East Coast.

I remember arriving early at the lab that Tuesday morning and hearing the phone ring.  My major professor was calling to see if anyone was in the lab.  He told me of an aircraft accident in New York and lamented what a sad day it was for the aerospace industry.
I didn’t understand what had occurred until later in the day when I stopped by the Institute building, the social hub for LDS students.  Coming through the front doors, I could see everyone gathered in front of the TV in the game room.  I entered wondering why everyone was so somber.

That’s when I saw the images of the twin towers bellowing smoke, and in short order, I watched them fall to the ground.  I remember the very palpable fear that gripped many of my friends, and I did what I could to listen, to comfort, and to strengthen.

I also remember the news images of people flocking to the churches and bowing their heads in prayer.  For a brief moment, the nation set aside its cantankerous political divisions and united in supplication to God.

I suppose that’s to be expected.  Many naturally seek prayer in troubled times.  But prayer isn’t just for a troubled time.  Prayer is for every time.

Express gratitude

Picture
We read in the scriptures how humanity is slow to reach after God when times are good but quick to reach after Him in times of trouble (Helaman 12:2-3; D&C 101:8).  These verses beg the question: Do you reach after Him when times are good?

I’ve spoken before about confining my morning prayers to heartfelt thanks, and I’ve mostly kept to that.  This practice has greatly blessed my life.  Starting the day with an expression of gratitude has transformed the spirit of my days.  That gratitude has also transformed how I think about myself and everything in my life.

Because I don’t ask for anything during my morning prayers, you can imagine what my evening prayers are like.  “Lord, I tried today, and I just can’t make it.  And unless you help me, I’m not going to make it at all.”  My sense of dependency upon God has increased substantially, and accordingly I feel a deeper relationship with Him.

Seek counsel

Picture
That’s not to say that I or my prayers are perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  I’ve always said I have more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes.  I am after all a walking construction zone.

I console myself in accepting these truths by realizing that God isn’t finished with me yet.  He’s still working to make me fit for the fulness of my potential, a potential which I will fill as I heed His counsel and follow His Spirit.

Of course, it’s easier to heed counsel that one receives, and here I have plenty of room for improvement.  “Seek and ye shall find” has another meaning, namely if you don’t seek, you probably won’t find.  Reaching after God when times are good means always reaching after His counsel and the revelation that can guide one in life.

Make your change

Picture
Maybe you can improve your prayers the same way I can improve mine.  Maybe you can open up more to God and seek after His counsel for the steps you need to take next in your life.

Or perhaps you most need a different improvement in your prayers.  Maybe you need to express more gratitude.  Maybe you need to be more genuine and less rote.  Or maybe you just need to pray regularly since you aren’t doing that.

Whatever the improvement (and if you’re like me, you’ll need to improve in multiple areas), consider how you approach prayer.  How you approach prayer speaks volumes about how you approach God.  And how you approach God greatly influences the depth and quality of your relationship with Him.

So for every time in your life, make sure you include prayer.  Working to improve your prayers will deepen your relationship with God and your appreciation for the Savior.  That’s a quality you can feel.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
Picture
0 Comments

Smile like a monkey

9/4/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
That means you don’t just smile.  You smile like a monkey with a new banana.
I’ve been thinking lately, mostly about two things.  OK, so I’m thinking about a lot of things since I’m now living in a new state in a different part of the country and going back to school for the first time in 16 years.  What can I say?

But seriously, two items have recurred in my thoughts.  The first is the positive energy ramble I made on the radio show a couple of weeks ago.  The second is something a friend from college (yes, the first time I went) once said.  Her mother had taught her to “fake it until you make it,” meaning that, if you don’t feel happy, you should just pretend you’re happy and act like you’re happy until you really are.
At the center of the transformation was a smile.  If you don’t feel happy, “fake it until you make it” means smiling to act like you’re happy until you start smiling because you really are happy.  And the more the better.  That means you don’t just smile.  You smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Reach the state

Picture
There’s some truth to that idea.  Emotions are fickle things; one minute you’re up, and the next you’re down.  They come and go with the moment.

That’s why you should focus on being rather than feeling.  Far too many focus what they do on feeling happy.  But far better than feeling happy is actually being happy, not the emotion but the state.

Outside circumstances can lead us to feel happy.  You just won the lottery, or (far more probable) you just achieved a major goal, like getting engaged or receiving a promotion at work or finding someone to buy your old home after moving to a new area or losing those stubborn pounds around your mid-section.  Most people in any one of these circumstances would feel happy.

But outside circumstances can change like the wind, and so the emotions we connect to them are likewise just as transient.  That’s why you don’t want to focus on feeling happy.  You want to be happy.

Align outside and in

Picture
But how do you go past the emotion to reach the state?  How do we be happy rather than just feel happy?

That’s where “fake it till you make it” comes into play.  Just as emotions are tied to outside circumstances, your state is tied to inward circumstances.  That means your choices can influence your state.

And strangely enough, those actions begin by adjusting your exterior.  You then align your interior to match.  To be happy, adjust your exterior to be happy, even if it feels like a show.  By persisting in that show long enough, you’ll align your interior to match.

But let’s go one step further.  If you can choose, independent of your outside circumstances, to change your state on the inside, why go halfway?  Why do anything half baked?  Why not go all the way?  Why settle for just being sort of happy when you can be beaming happy?

So if you’re going to adopt a happy state by smiling until the smile is genuine, why would you grimace or just crack a smile?  Don’t just smile.  Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Stay obedient

Picture
But what happened to living the gospel?  Don’t the scriptures say you can’t be happy if you’re wicked (Alma 41:10)?  But if you can just change your state with choices you make, couldn’t the wicked just choose to do that and be happy in their wickedness?

I’ve heard many a Latter-day Saint stand in testimony meeting and testify that the only true happiness in life comes from keeping the commandments.  I mostly agree with that.  I say mostly because the way some people talk about it, they seem to indicate you can’t be happy without living all the commandments, meaning singles (who by definition are not living the commandment to marry) can never be happy.

I’ve declared many times on this program that LDS singles can experience joy in their lives regardless of their circumstances, and I stand by that declaration.  It’s exactly for situations like this that we have the Atonement.  Christ will do what you cannot once you’ve done all you can do (2 Nephi 25:23).  If you’re doing your best, you can be happy despite the shortness of your own sincere efforts.

So smile like a monkey with a new banana!  When you do your best to do what’s right and then you “fake it until you make it,” you put yourself on the road to being happy and not just feeling happy.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
Picture
0 Comments
    Picture

    Author

    Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have  more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.

    Comment

    Joy in the Journey Radio encourages the free discussion of ideas but reserves the right to remove and/or block comments which do not conform to LDS standards.

    Donate

    Joy in the Journey Radio offers many free resources to help LDS singles everywhere, but it certainly isn't free!  Help Joy in the Journey Radio in its mission to improve the lives of LDS singles by donating today.

    Posts by Month

    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014

    Categories

    All
    Adrian Ochoa
    Agency
    Assumptions
    Atonement
    Attitude
    Attraction
    Autopilot
    Balance
    Becky Craven
    Believe
    Best Life
    Bradley R Wilcox
    Camille N Johnson
    Change The Culture
    Changing LDS Singles Culture
    Christ
    Christmas
    Clark G Gilbert
    Confidence
    Conscious Choices
    Covenant Mindset
    Dale G Renlund
    Dallin H Oaks
    Dating
    David A Bednar
    Depression
    Dieter F Uchtdorf
    Discipleship
    Donald L Hallstrom
    D Todd Christofferson
    Face To Face
    Faith
    Family
    Family History
    Fear
    Filters
    Finances
    Focus Determines Reality
    Full Life: Body
    Full Life: Heart
    Full Life: Mind
    Full Life: Spirit
    Future
    Gary E Stevenson
    General Conference
    Gerrit W Gong
    Goals
    Gordon B Hinckley
    Gratitude
    Habits
    Happiness
    Hope
    Jack Gerard
    Jean Bingham
    Jeffrey R Holland
    John A McCune
    John C Pingree Jr
    Journey
    Joy
    Leaders
    Legacy
    Life Of Meaning
    Live In The Moment
    Marriage
    Marrieds
    Michael A Dunn
    Michelle Craig
    Miracles
    M Russell Ballard
    Natural Mindset
    Neil Andersen
    Opportunity
    Own Your Life
    Partner With The Lord
    Peace
    Personal Ministry
    Perspective
    Philosophy
    Proclamation On The Family
    Quentin L Cook
    Real
    Reformat And Reboot
    Relationships
    Ronald Rasband
    Russell M Nelson
    Sacrament
    Self Talk
    Self-talk
    Service
    Sharon Eubank
    Stories
    Support
    Surrender To Love
    Susan H Porter
    Taylor G Godoy
    Temple
    Thinking
    Thomas S Monson
    Trials
    Unity
    Valentine's Day
    Vision
    Walk By Faith
    Yoon Hwan Choi
    Zion

    RSS Feed

Offerings

Home
Radio 4 LDS Singles
LDS Singles Blog
Books
Speaking
Recipes
Home-centered Church

Production

About
Staff

Support

FAQ
Volunteer
Donate
Contact
Joy in the Journey Radio is a production
of Aspire Mountain Media LLC.
© 2014-2022 Aspire Mountain Media LLC.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

  • Home
  • Radio 4 LDS Singles
    • Recent Shows >
      • 30 Nov 22
      • 23 Nov 22
    • Archive 2022
    • Archive 2021
    • Archive 2020
    • Archive 2019
    • Archive 2018
  • LDS Singles Blog
  • Members
    • Members-only
  • World of TED
  • Firesides
  • Books
  • FAQ
  • Volunteer
  • Home-centered Church
  • Donate
  • Contact