More church is not the answer

For LDS singles in pain, more church is not the answer.

Last week I shared mixed feelings ahead of the first ever Church broadcast specifically for the SA crowd.  I was excited the Church is finally offering something specifically for this demographic.  At the same time, my past experience with SA firesides being little more than second helpings of Sunday School advised a cautious optimism.

Now after the event, my mixed feelings are even more convoluted.  Many good and even great ideas were shared.  The testimonies offered promoted faith in the Lord and the covenant path.  Yet again and again participants would get close to what singles really need to hear but then never dive into that pool.  The result was a nice, underwhelming event.

Early in the broadcast I got the feeling there was an elephant in the room no one was talking about.  As time progressed, it seemed participants danced around the edge of that elephant while never wanting to go so much as near it with a 50-foot pole.  And here’s all the answers they gave in just two words: more church.  For LDS singles in pain, more church is not the answer.

Service should heal, not cover

Don’t misunderstand.  I’m not against church.  I’m just recognizing for anything in life there’s less effective thinking and more effective thinking.  Often broadcast participants approached the more effective perspectives LDS singles need but then refused to go all in, opting instead to dance around the edges.

Here I am watching them approach a more effective perspective, cheering them on, shouting, “Yes! Yes! Now dive on in!” only to watch them sit on the dock, smile, and say, “Just stay on the covenant path.  It’ll all work out!”  It left me with the amplified mixed feelings cited earlier.

Take service, for example.  Service is great, but service alone is not the answer.  Yes, it’s true far too many singles are far too self absorbed.  Your focus determines your reality, so if you’re super focused on your problem, you’re reality will be super problematic.  When you focus on the obstacle, you create a reality of obstruction, limitation, and frustration.

Service can and should be part of the solution.  But just going through the motions doesn’t flip your focus, and that’s what’s needed to flip your reality.  The way many push service in counseling singles turns it into a bandage, and singles feeling pain want healing, not a bandage.  It’s more effective to show how service can help solve the problem.  But how do you do that when you won’t even go near the elephant in the room with a 50-foot pole?

---

Community should be felt, not just mentioned

The idea of community is another example of broadcast participants approaching a great idea and then just dancing on the edges.  I love Sister Eubank in this broadcast because she speaks from a place of experience; she’s actually living LDS singles life.  But even she seemed to stop short.

I was all giddy when early in the event Sister Eubank started talking about how she loves belonging to a community.  “Yes!” I screamed.  “Now dive in!  Talk about how we need to create and grow that sense of community!  Talk about personal ministries!”

But she didn’t dive in.  She backed off, leaving me to wonder what if any sense of community I and many other LDS singles can expect with the other LDS singles who live where we do.  Very often, that answer is none, further feeding my mixed feelings about the broadcast.

---

We need more effective thinking

I’m not trying to tear down.  I extremely appreciate and celebrate the Church, which hasn’t done much for this specific demographic, for finally doing something more.  I just wish they’d do something more effective and not just something more.

Certainly the broadcast touched multiples times on how singles can find more joy in their journey.  But many singles won’t be helped by platitudes that simply dance around the edges of more effective thinking.  By itself, more church is not the answer.  We’ll dive deeper in the program today into all that.

The solutions we seek won’t come at the same level of thinking that produced our problems.  We need higher, more effective thinking.  Service and staying on the covenant path are certainly parts of that, but they won’t get singles far who don’t live with intention and take actions designed to encourage the results they want.

Happiness is giving your all to all the right things for you.  When you partner with the Lord, He can show you all that’s right for you and support you in giving your all to that all.  Doing that will bless your life and the lives of those you touch.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

---

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!