Something’s missing here.  It’s this truth: Results come only from action.  If you don’t have the results you want, you’re not taking the right action.  So instead of rationalizing your way out of doing what you need to do, learn what action you should take, and then take it.  Your time is now.

Life won’t always go as desired.  When it doesn’t, don’t just say, “Well, it must not be the Lord’s timing.”  Concluding so prematurely will keep you from the real solutions you need.

Too many LDS singles use the concept of the Lord’s timing as a crutch to excuse themselves from further involvement in their own eternal progression.  We all want to believe we can get what we want without making any changes in ourselves, that we just need to keep the standards and then the Lord will just deliver our desired companion when the time is right.  It’s an enticing  yet deceptive argument.

The universe doesn’t work that way.  To reap the harvest, you must sow the seed for that harvest.  To get a different harvest, you must sow different seed.  And you choose what seed to sow.  You can make you more attractive to your hoped for eternal companion.  Giving your all to the right things always produces the right results.

Ultimately, happiness is not about doing the right things but rather giving your all to the right things.  Without question the standards are some of those right things.  So is holding to the iron rod.

And so is eliminating habits that encourage potential companions to decide against you.  So is changing the way you think so your approach to life broadcasts an attractive rather than repulsive energy.  So is conquering your fears holding you back from achieving your potential.  So is partnering with the Lord so you can know what steps you need to take today to turn your life around and capture all the joy He wants you to have right now.

Rushing to conclude the Lord’s timing isn’t right just because you’re still single blinds you from seeing all you can do that’s right for you.  You’ll never get right results without right action.  No matter how much you’ve done, there’s always more you can do.

Results come from action and only from action.  Stop using the Lord’s timing as a crutch to justify inaction.  You don’t get results from anything but action.  Someone must act for you to get results.  That someone is you, and your time is now.

That undoubtedly irritates some of you, especially if you’ve sincerely given your all to secure your companion.  And I’m not discounting the Lord’s timetable for each of our lives.  He knows not only what’s right but when it’s right.

That’s why you need to partner with Him. When you do, you’ll know what you should do with the time you have now.  For most LDS singles, now is the time to take action to move towards eternal blessings.  It’s not just about keeping the standards.  It’s changing the way you think so you embrace a new way of being that makes you more attractive.

That’s the real secret.  Marriage is best pursued indirectly, not directly.  When you choose to make the right changes in you, you drastically increase the likelihood someone you want will want you.  Partnering with the Lord will help you know what changes are best for you to make today that will attract a brighter tomorrow.

The Lord does have a right time for each of us to receive eternal blessings.  But unless you’ve got revelation your time isn’t now, you’re choosing to be single when you use the concept of the Lord’s timing to justify your own inaction.  For most LDS singles, your time is now.  So get busy giving your all to all the right things for you.  When you do, you’ll move yourself closer to the blessings you desire.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Yet in other respects, I feel like I’m worse, especially when compared with what I’d expect to be at this point in my life.  As I think about why I’m where I am, I realize I’m no different than anyone else.  We do what we want.

Tony Robbins once said, “Change is never a matter of ability.  It’s always a matter of motivation.”  If you really want to make a change in life, you simply make the change.  It’s never a matter of ability because, if you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to do it.

So despite the volume of our protestations, we all do have the life we really want.  My life is where it is because that’s where I want it to be.  I see a change I think I want in my life, and I think I want it because it appears to give me something desirable.  But in reality I have the life I truly desire most, because results come only from actions, and I chose the actions that have given me the results I have.

Still, I keep returning to the question of making changes in my life because what I have truly desired does not completely satisfy.  Why then do I not make the changes that will give me that different life?  I have ability to change but not sufficient motivation.  I’m just too comfortable where I am now.

I think many of us live in this same rut.  We don’t really do what we need to do to achieve positive change because we’re far too comfortable with out present life.  Pursuing positive change opens the door to problems and challenges involving pain and confusion.  I think all of us have enough of those not to want any more.

At the same time, there’s no reward without risk.  You can’t really feel the deep joy of love without opening your heart to betrayal and loss.  You can’t lose weight without exposing yourself to pain and discomfort a new diet might bring or to the exhaustion and injury that exercise can inflict.  You can’t experience the good results from being out in the world without exposing yourself to the bad things that happen to people every single day.

Many of us sense these risks and pull away.  We want safe, sure, guaranteed.  So we stay in our comfort zones, yearning to get out but never wanting to do what will get us out.  We’re just not motivated enough.  We’re doing what we want.

So how then do you get motivated enough to change?  I think we’ll all have our own answer, but I do see one common thread that could tie all those individual answers together.  You get to a point where you won’t tolerate not having the change any longer.

You just get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  You make a decision — a real decision, one in which you cut yourself off from every possible outcome except the one you pre-determine.  You put your all into producing the actions that will produce that pre-determined result.  And to keep yourself motivated, you surround yourself with like-minded go-getters who’ll support you in going after your best life.

Not everyone will do that, but either way, we do what we want.  We have the results we have because of the action we’ve taken, and we take that action because that’s what we really want to do.  If you really want to do something different that’ll produce different results in your life, then you’ll do that.  Hitting rock bottom could be the greatest blessing ever, because there you can more easily find your motivation to do something different.  As you then decide not to tolerate anything less than your absolute best, you’ll get yourself on the path to your absolute best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

How many of us are doing that?  How many of us are taking the action needed to improve our lives?  Again, only action produces results.  And it doesn’t matter how undesired your reality is today.  You can flip any reality into something better when you flip your focus.

Some may find that a bold claim.  If you’re engulfed in your own negative experience, you’ll rightly wonder how simply looking at something different can change anything.  But we’re talking here about focusing, not just looking.

Just because you look at something doesn’t mean you’re focused on it.  When you drive a car, for example, you’ll look ahead for the most part because that’s the direction you’re going.  But occasionally, you look in your mirrors to get a sense of what’s around you.  That’s part of safe driving.  But how safe would you be looking mostly in your rear view mirror?  You’d find driving your vehicle safely difficult if you did that.

That’s the difference between focusing and seeing.  Everyone has undesired experiences in life.  Simply looking at them won’t create a negative reality.  Only when you constantly choose to keep your vision fixed on the negative are you focused on the negative.  And a focus on the negative means a reality filled with negativity.

Changing a negative reality is as simple as choosing a positive focus.  If a negative reality results from a negative focus, then a positive reality will result from a positive focus.  But how exactly does that work?

Many think reality is the collection of what happens to you, but this perspective drives a focus on what others do or don’t do, and the resulting reality is one in which you’re disempowered to change your own life for the better.

What happens to you does play a role in shaping reality, but you play a much larger role with the meaning you assign.  You’ll get a certain result depending on your actions.  And, yes, other people play a role in determining that result.  But whatever the result, you choose what that result means.  And that meaning plays a larger role in creating your reality than what others do.

The same undesired experience can come to two different people, and you can find one in complete turmoil and the other in complete peace.  The same thing happened to both, so why don’t both have the same reality?  It’s because reality is more than just what you experience; it’s also what meaning you choose to give your experience.  And the way you assign meaning is through your focus.  You choose your focus, and thereby you choose the meaning you assign to your experiences, and thereby you choose your reality.

When you understand how it all works, the ramifications can overwhelm.  If you choose your reality, then the one ultimately responsible if you don’t like your reality is you!  That realization usually precedes one of two responses: You’ll either cower back and hide, or you’ll stand up and embrace it.

Cowering can be comfortable, but that choice disempowers you, surrendering you to a victim mentality that keeps you in the prison of always blaming others for why your life isn’t what it should be.  But your best life has you empowered with a victor mentality that liberates you.  And that’s where the harder choice to stand up and embrace the truth comes in.  To have your best life, you must stand and own it.

If you don’t like your current reality, you can flip it when you flip your focus.  Stand up, own your life, and start making intentional choices to seize your power of agency and move yourself towards your best life.  You’ll feel the empowerment that comes from taking control of your life.  You’ll feel the satisfaction that comes from making progress towards your goals.  And you’ll learn how to stay positive no matter what negative experiences come your way.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Most people, single or married, simply accept what they're given.  They don't chase what they want.  The result is they often don't get what they want.  And not getting what they want, they end up unhappy.  They settle for a life far beneath their privileges.

It doesn't have to be that way for anyone.  And yes, anyone includes YOU!  I don't care what's happened to you or where you're from or how old you are or any of that business.  Results come from one thing and one thing only, and that's action.  Period.  Take the same actions, you get the same results.  Take different actions, you get different results.

Once you stop over-thinking it and just accept the simplicity of that truth, it's easier to see other truths, like the need to own your life.  After all, if your results come from your actions, then the only way your life gets better is with better actions.  And that means accepting responsibility for how your life results and start choosing actions that will produce the results you want.

Most don't really struggle with grasping the Law of the Harvest.  They know they need more effective actions to get more effective results.  What many struggle with are the details.  They don't know exactly what actions are the more effective ones.  "What specific actions," they ask, "do I need to take to get the specific results I want?"

If you're asking that question, understand you'll never know the answer you should have for that question if you don't get your thinking right.  Sound bonkers?  It's still completely true.  We don't just act; we're not hardwired that way.  We're biologically hardwired to play out habit.  And that means some thinking had to occur before we took any action.

Without understanding why you've chosen to act as you have in the past, you won't know what you need to choose in the future to get different results.  Understanding the connection between what you've done and what you got will help you know what changes you need in what you do to get changes in what you get.

One of my favorite scenes in the film Jack Reacher is when Jack is in Helen's office helping her understand why her client is innocent.  To open her mind to new possibilities, Jack has Helen look at people working late in a neighboring building.  He slowly steps her through seeing through new eyes what she's seen before too many times to count.  And he does it by entertaining an important philosophical question of what it truly means to be free.

True freedom exists in how you think.  Changing how you think lets you see more clearly the connections between what you've done and what you got.  You can see new possibilities for getting something different.  You can see the changes you need in yourself to embrace those possibilities.  And you can see how that future can be yours regardless of what's happened to you or where you're from or how old you are or any of that business.

Break yourself free of a life far less than the one you're capable of living.  God gave you agency so you could choose for yourself what you'll do.  Choose to learn the connections between how you think, what you do, and what you get.  Then choose to leverage that knowledge in better actions designed to yield better results.  When you consistently choose to plant and nurture seeds of more effective action, over time you'll reap a harvest of more effective results.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Take God’s approach to the Creation, for example.  He knew what He wanted, and He took action to make it happen.  He didn’t sit around believing everything would somehow work out just because He was righteous.  He took action that brought about what He wanted.

Likewise, you can sit around and pretend the blessings you want will come simply because you’re righteous.  Or you can follow God’s example and take action to create your best life.

I love how the Creation starts the scriptural record.  That placement reinforces the metaphor that story is for creating your best life.  And anyone can follow God’s example to do just that.

God didn’t simply start creating.  He worked from a plan requiring action.  In so doing, God took responsibility for producing desired results.  And He remained resolute in executing that plan.  How is simply staying on the covenant path hoping your blessings come “when the time is right” working from an action plan?  That choice places responsibility for how your life results in God’s hands.  That’s not the example God set.

To follow God’s example, own your life.   Don’t push responsibility for the results in your life to anyone else.  You take responsibility for your results in your life.  Every result you want in life comes by obedience to its respective principle (D&C 130:20-21).  Only action produces results.  So get your action plan together and start taking action.

Many LDS singles stop here.  They just don’t know the specific actions they need to take in order to produce the result they desire.  It’s hard to have a plan when you don’t know what to put in the plan.

Again, let’s “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47).  God had helpers during the Creation.  He gave them His vision of what He wanted, and then He worked with them as they together performed the Creation.  God didn’t work alone and didn’t force anyone to do what He wanted.  Instead, He exercised His influence and respected agency.

You shouldn’t go it alone, either.  Make sure you include the right people in your action plan who’ll help you achieve your results.  Of course, the most important helper in your plan should be the Lord.  When you partner with Him, He can help you make more out of your life than you can without Him.

And there’s others you should consider.  Family, friends, and Church leaders can provide valuable support along your journey.  Especially helpful is an advocate, someone who provides counsel, support, and accountability for specific actions.  Some will trust their bishop or a ministering brother or sister with that role.  Others might look to a sibling or special friend.  Still others might find that help in Joy in the Journey Radio, and we’re here for you if that’s your choice.

Do you see how just going through the motions of being righteous and waiting for the “right time” doesn’t match how God acts?  Following His example of taking ownership, developing a plan, and then securing a team to work towards a common result will more likely produce the best life we all seek.

And yes, not everyone will be on board.  Some people will disappoint you, but let’s again look to God’s example.  He always respected agency.  He never forced anyone to help Him achieve His plan.  Instead, He chose to act in ways that would influence others positively in their choices.  You can do likewise.  As you achieve your potential by making needed changes in you, you can radiate an energy that will influence others positively in their choices.

So quit sitting on the sidelines and get in the game of life!  You’ll never score any points unless you’re on the field.  Don’t sit around pretending the blessings you want will come simply because you’re righteous.  Follow God’s example, own your life, get your plan together, and take action to create your best life.  When you take responsibility for your results and then take the right actions, you’ll get the right results.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

But an OK life never rises above mediocrity and won't ever be great or phenomenal.  Most settle for mediocrity, but you don't have to accept an OK life.  You can be phenomenal.  You can live your best life.

To realize the reality you want to have outside of you, you must do the work to change what's  inside of you.  So stop waiting and start working.  Your best life awaits you.

Most people have a limited life because they have limited thinking based on limiting assumptions.  And because of how we're all biologically hardwired to operate, those assumptions lead to habits producing the same results most mediocre lives have.

Do you believe you're the victim of choices others make?  Do you believe you just aren't good enough to live your dreams?  Do you believe your best days are behind you?  Do you believe your happiness depends on what happens outside yourself?  If so, you're likely not in control of life.  Rather, life is in control of you.

But just as you can choose thinking that limits you, you can choose thinking that empowers you.  You really can turn your life around because you are a child of the Creator of the universe endowed with His unlimited potential and the wondrous gift of agency.  You can and do choose for yourself.

So you can choose to accept responsibility for the choices you've made that have brought you the life you have now.  When you do, you begin to own your life.  And that's when everything can begin to change for you.  You can further that change by deciding what you want, knowing clearly why you want it, and then committing yourself to excellence in literally everything you do.

You need that foundation to effect the changes you want to see outside yourself.  Too many people (who usually live limited mediocre lives) think their lives will improve when their external circumstances do.  They work directly on external changes, but that's all backwards.  To change your life on the outside, you must first change your life on the inside.

That means you must get good with you.  You must dig deep enough inside of you to uncover the true root of your problem, the seeds of mediocre thinking sprouting into the mediocre habits producing your mediocre life.  You must learn how you were biologically designed to function so you can leverage it instead of continually fighting against it.

We all broadcast an energy to others, and what you have inside determines the quality of that energy.  To broadcast an attractive energy, what's inside of you must be attractive.  Stop trying to escape singles life and start embracing it and making the most of it.  Love yourself but also commit to doing whatever it takes to better yourself.  Achieving that balance is the essence of obtaining your best life.

Pursuing that balance won't be easy, because challenges will always threaten your desired transformation.  That's why you must continually refresh your thinking and your determination to keep after it.

Believe your best is yet to come, that the blessings you want are real and yours.  Let go of trying to manage every detail and just enjoy the ride.  Live in the moment, live with intention, and live in possibility while you work for probability.  It's balancing the fantastic with the practical.

And the best way I've found to do that is practicing a ridiculous, sickening work ethic.  The grind is amply named, and you need to do it every day.  Use your agency to choose to keep after it.  Never quit.  Never surrender.  Never stop until you win.

Most people live mediocre lives centered on satisfaction of self because that's what they choose.  Those who live phenomenal lives centered on contribution to others have their best life because that's what they choose.  Your best life awaits you.  When you choose to take control of your life, get good with you, and keep after it, you too can live the phenomenal life that is your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Yet far too many of us LDS singles choose bondage.  We choose to keep habits of thinking that hold us back.  We choose habits of seeing the obstacles instead of the opportunities.  We choose habits of living under the oppression of a victim mentality instead of the liberation of a victor mentality.  We are in many ways our own worst obstacle.  If only we could get out of our own way!

And that’s the irony of it all.  We can get out of our own way.  We can break free from the bondage of a lesser life because we are free to choose for ourselves.  We simply need to make the right choices.

I know some of you are scoffing at that idea right now.  You’re thinking your freedom isn’t like a light switch you just turn on and off at will.  Real life, you’re thinking, isn’t like that.  There’s so much affecting your life you don’t control.

I used to think that way, back when I didn’t enjoy my life.  What I couldn’t see then that I clearly see now is how my choices in how to think brought me the reality I was living.  The way of thinking I embraced in those days discounted my gift of agency.

I didn’t see how my habitual choice to focus on the negative created the negative energy I broadcast to others around me.  I didn’t see how my habitual choice to look constantly at my obstacles prevented me from seeing my opportunities.  I didn’t see how my habitual choice to embrace a victim mentality kept me from living a life of victory.

The truth is your focus determines your reality.  When you focus on the negative, you have a negative reality.  When you focus on the positive, you have a positive reality.  Because you choose your focus, you also choose your reality.

And here’s more truth: Most of your choices you don’t make consciously.  Rather you choose out of habit.

About 97% of everything you do on a day-to-day basis is simply a habit playing itself out.  Habits don’t require you to think about what you do when you do it.  You can, but you don’t have to.  That’s the beauty of habits.  They automate sequences of action so you can actually live life.

But your best life is a life lived by intention, one you consciously choose.  Because you choose habitually 97% of the time, you choose consciously only 3% of the time.  That suggests you can’t live your best life, but you can because you choose your habits.

When you understand how habit works and then make conscious choices to embrace more effective habits — especially in how you think — you really can choose your life because you choose the elements that together create the life you have.

The moment I realized that truth was a pivotal turning point in my life when everything changed for me.  I had a life I didn’t want because I chose the elements that combined according to natural law to create the reality I had.  And it all came back to how I chose to think.

Sure, those choices were by and large habitual.  But I chose my habits.  In the very least, by choosing not to improve an existing habit, I by default chose not to embrace a better one.

That moment when I consciously chose to own my life turned everything around for me.  That’s because I started making choices that were more conducive to the reality I wanted.  And that’s a choice you can make as well because you have the same gift of agency.

Don’t depreciate that gift.  Choose to own your life.  Choose to break yourself free of the habits of thinking producing a reality you don’t want.  You don’t have to live that way.  You don’t have to settle.  When you learn how to leverage your gift of agency to your advantage, you can live a phenomenal life, irrespective of the choices others make.  You can make your life extraordinary.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I’m not sure what it was exactly.  It’s not like the situation this sister describes is abnormal, extraordinary, or unusual.  Confronting loneliness is part of the reality of singleness.  I just felt I should address the question posed in this post.

Don’t ask me to compare the loneliness of the never-married versus the divorced versus the widowed.  I don’t even know where to begin there, nor am I entirely certain that comparison would provide any real value.

What I do know is that I’ve had my own confrontation with loneliness and overcome it.  I know the depths of despair that can enter the heart from prolonged singleness.  I’ve been single for over two decades.  I also know the pure joy and hope that fill the heart and soul when you change the way you think and adopt a personal ministry.  And I know this is true because I’ve lived that joy and am living it now.

Most of the comments offered in response to this single mother’s question revolved around two approaches: hobbies and renewal activities.  They represent two ways of what I see as fundamentally the same approach.  And that approach doesn’t address the real issue at hand.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not against hobbies.  And I’m certainly not against participating in regular activities that renew the spirit, heart, mind, and body.  In fact, having regular renewal rituals is a great way to live life.  We all need to recharge from time to time.

Yet neither of these methods proposed to combat the loneliness we LDS singles encounter solve the problem.  They’re simply bandages covering the problem with a seemingly healthy and often pleasurable distraction.  Avoiding problems will never solve them.  Real solutions always require us to act.

That action starts when we change the way we think.  We need to discard the notion that we have to be married or have some significant other in our lives in order to be happy.  We need to stop conditioning our happiness on the choices of others.  And we need to throw off any vestige of any victim mentality we have and replace it with a victor mentality.  We need to own our lives, taking full responsibility for whatever results we do have and recognizing the power of our own choices in delivering to us the life we want.

Attitude without action will never bring you achievement. Some people get fired up with positive thinking, but then their lives don’t change because they didn’t really change, especially in the way they think.  Changed thinking always leads to changed action, which in turn always leads to a changed reality.

One of the best actions more effective ways of thinking always lead one to take is to adopt a personal ministry.  Your personal ministry is that unique contribution of goodness you make to the world, the cause through which you uplift and bless the lives of others.  We’ve discussed before on the program how adopting a personal ministry can help LDS singles overcome their challenges.  Here are just three of those reasons:

1. A personal ministry provides a sense of progression when other aspects of life (dating especially) can seem stagnant.
2. A personal ministry creates space for you to joy in the joy you bring to others through your personal ministry.
3. A personal ministry makes you more attractive to a potential spouse.

When you think about it, it’s not hard to understand why a personal ministry offers so much benefit for LDS singles seeking to overcome loneliness and other challenges we LDS singles face.  It aligns us with the path the Savior trod by turning ourselves outward towards others.

That’s in stark contrast to the bandage solutions mentioned earlier.  Again, I’m not against hobbies and renewal rituals.  But focusing exclusively here will turn ourselves inward towards ourselves.  That’s why they will never really solve the problem of loneliness.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with others in ways that remind us we aren’t ever really alone.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with the Savior Who fills us with His love that helps us to know we aren’t ever really alone.

If you feel consumed by loneliness, consider your focus.  Your focus will always determines your reality.  Change your thinking, adopt a personal ministry, and turn yourself outward.  You’ll shift your focus towards others and shift your reality away from your problems and into your possibilities.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

But you can still own your life.  You can still take responsibility for yourself and the results you have in your life.  And today is the perfect opportunity to do just that because today is April Fool’s Day.  Now, I’ll admit social distancing and sequestering have radically changed the landscape.  But a change in landscape should never signal us to surrender positive energy.  Now more than ever we should be always up for fun.

Many people don’t associate staying at home with fun.  They think about going out to restaurants, stores, malls, parks, concert venues, and the like.  Many of us approach April Fool’s Day the same way, conjuring images of practical jokes played on people and often in front of other people.

But that was yesterday.  Today the landscape is different.  We need to practice social distancing and sequester ourselves in our homes as much as possible.  And those who refuse to change their thinking to match this new landscape will experience untold and unnecessary hardship.

Long time listeners to this program are familiar with these principles in relation to helping LDS singles find joy regardless of their circumstances.  For example, many singles who leave YSA land without getting married experience a difficult transition into SA world.  Some don’t even transition; they go inactive or leave the Church altogether.

That’s because their YSA thinking doesn’t match the new SA landscape, and they simply respond to their biological hardwiring which encourages them to maintain the status quo.  They keep thinking the same way, and that just leads them to leave.  But if these singes would change their thinking to match their new landscape, they could experience a greater amount of joy despite their circumstances.

We can begin to capture much of the joy we’ve been missing by owning our lives and looking for the opportunity amidst the obstacle.  I demonstrated that attitude this morning in my Daily Dose video.  Is it cheesy and silly?  Absolutely.  And that’s OK, because I refused to let my current situation keep me from having a spot of fun.

You too can refuse to allow your current situation to keep you from experiencing joy amidst adversity.  You can still celebrate April Fools Day.  Will it be the same?  Of course not.  But joy is still joy, no matter how it comes.

Presented with this knowledge, each of us now confronts this question: Will you own your life?  Or put another way, will you take responsibility for the results you experience in your life?  Will you refuse to allow your circumstances to dictate your attitude and perspective?

I choose to own my life.  My circumstances will be what they will be, but they will never dictate my choices.  I choose to live with intention, not on autopilot.  I choose to produce more than I consume, not just consume.  I choose phenomenal, not mediocre.  I choose life, not death.  I choose faith, not fear.  I choose hope, not despair.  I choose love, not hate.  I choose joy, not sorrow.

And so can you.  Decide today you will own your life.  Decide that no matter your circumstances you will be always up for fun.  Then follow through with that decision by taking advantage however you can of the moments for fun that come your way.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

We’re all unique enough that my list of needed changes will be different from yours, because my truth about why I’m single is probably different than yours.  We both need to face our own truth, but the actual steps we take to apply that shared principle may be quite different.

I can provide tools and teach you how to use them, but I can’t use them for you.  You must build your life.  And building your best life won’t happen until you own your life and accept that the change you need to make is not just one thing.

The memory of that phone conversation has stuck with me.  Maybe it’s because the question asked is a common one.  "OK, so what's the one thing I need to do in order to . . . . ?"  It seems like an intelligent question to ask, but I've got a serious problem with it.

You see, it's really not that intelligent at all.

Run with me for a moment.  The question assumes you need to change only one thing in order to transport your world into a new and higher dimension of existence.  Seriously, what sense does that make?  I know that’s what we all want, but it’s just not realistic.

Here’s real: I've got more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes and certainly more than most people.  And the vast majority of people aren’t that far behind me.  We all have many ways in which we can improve.

Here’s a better question: What is everything I need to do to improve myself?  With that answer, you take a more holistic approach towards making needed changes in yourself.

Of course, the answer to that question will likely overwhelm; we’re all so imperfect that the list of needed changes is quite long.  I recall the experience I had taking notes during General Conference.  The resulting list of changes I obtained overwhelmed me to the point that I didn’t want to take any action.  Making any progress seemed hopeless.

That’s why you should ask yourself this best question: What one thing can I do today to improve myself?  The answer to that question won’t overwhelm because it’s just one thing.  At the same time, this question doesn’t assume you need to do only one thing to improve.  The approach is well balanced.

Of course, simply knowing what you must do won’t bring the results you seek in life.  Results come from one thing and one thing only, and that is action. You must do.

When you take action, you can begin to understand yourself better.  You can make better sense of the terrain of LDS singles life.  You open yourself to receiving the tools you need.  And action leads to a sense of progress that is truly liberating.  You may have a lot to do, but conquering the one thing you need to do today will give you confidence from knowing you’re on your way.  And that knowledge makes the journey so much more joyful.

Don’t wait to feel free.  Don’t wait to feel better about yourself and your life.  No matter how much you need to improve, we all need to practice what President Oakes has described as “the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.”  We make the journey to eternal glory one step at a time.

Never assume your list of needed improvements has only one item.  It’s not just one thing.  But take that understanding with you as you tackle the one thing you need to do today.  Doing so will help you walk by faith.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.