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Partner anew

3/24/2021

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The resulting experience has prompted me to wonder if I really understand what it means to partner with the Lord.
Recently I had the qualifying exam for my PhD program.  This ten-day affair tested my ability to perform independent research with a written and an oral part.  On Day 1, I received my topic to research.  By Day 7, I had to submit a written proposal for an appropriate research project that fills a current gap in the field.  The test ends with an oral presentation on my proposal and answering questions from a three-person committee.

I get two chances to pass the exam before being kicked out of my program, so no pressure there.  It’s a major milestone on the way to my PhD degree.  I experienced it just before Spring Break.
The major challenge for me wasn’t the test itself.  For me, it was keeping up with everything else.  I still had to attend class, submit homework, prepare for exams, and complete all other responsibilities.  Overwhelmed, I turned to the Lord for help.  The resulting experience has prompted me to wonder if I really understand what it means to partner with the Lord.

Surrender yourself

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I’ve discussed partnering with the Lord before.  The essential idea has always been to embrace the Lord as a partner for your life.  No matter how good you are, He can make more out of your life than you can.  So it just makes sense to counsel with Him and receive guidance as you make your way through mortality.

Yet my qualifying exam showed me an aspect I’d not before considered.  As I collected journal articles related to my assigned topic, I began writing summaries of the articles so I could compare and identify any trends as well as gaps in the current research.  But the shear quantity of content to summarize so overwhelmed me that by Day 5 it looked like I wouldn’t meet deadline.  How could I write a research proposal when I hadn’t even read enough to know what research gaps existed?

Not knowing where to stand, I went to my knees and pleaded with the Lord for help.  I’ve offered such pleadings before, but this time was different.  This time I surrendered myself completely to God, declaring a sense of dependency upon Him I truly felt inside.  I could succeed only with Him.  I needed Him to reveal what I should write and to guide me in finding the supporting material for that proposal among all the many articles I had collected.

Receive help

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That sense of dependency took what I thought partnering with the Lord was to another level.  I felt it so strongly tears freely accompanied my cries for help.  I truly believed what I declared — without Him to support me, I would surely fail.

I remained on my knees after concluding my prayer, listening for His voice as I wiped the tears from my face.  At length I arose and returned to my desk, ready to begin working.  I didn’t know what to do, but I was willing to do.

It was in that moment ideas began flooding into my mind.  I began to understand the direction I should take.  As I acted on those ideas, more ideas came.  Though the hour was late, I felt a resurgence of strength and energy fill me, allowing me to keep working on implementing the ideas coming to me.

Before long, I had a rough outline.  I worked all the next day to finish and then submit the written proposal.  I had a similar experience with the presentation, both in preparing and delivering it.  Soon afterwards, I received notice I passed the exam.

Partner anew

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That same experience played out as I fulfilled my other responsibilities.  I continued praying with that same sense of dependency.  Not only were my prayers answered, but I began to feel closer to the Lord than I’ve ever felt.

Pondering upon these experiences has led me to realize more what partnering with the Lord really means.  It means feeling so dependent upon Him you must have His contribution to succeed.  It means laying bare all you have, feel, think, and can see as evidence making the case for your dependency upon Him.  And it means rising to your feet after falling to your knees and walking forward in faith He will provide according to your need.

Though my experience was directed towards my studies, I recognize how this same process can apply to every area of life.  Don’t wait to feel the security and support the Lord is eager to give the willing.  Partner with the Lord anew, and take your relationship with Him to another level.  You’ll receive what you need to move forward, and you’ll feel closer to Him than you ever have.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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A new tradition

11/11/2020

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Each year I embark to deepen discipleship.  And each year I find myself well rewarded.
I tend to get reflective now and then.  It’s just how I’m constructed.  And lately I’ve been reflecting on a tradition I adopted a few years ago to improve my walk in the covenant path.

I’ve spoken before about my tradition of spending the last 40 days of the year studying and applying the Sermon on the Mount.  Each year I embark to deepen discipleship.  And each year I find myself well rewarded.

This year I’ve determined to take this to the next level by involving other people.  I don’t know anyone will join me, but I feel I need to attempt it all the same.  I’ll of course provide resources to help bring the group together and walk through the tradition.  And who knows?  Maybe I’ll  get enough people to do this with me every year that something old turns into a new tradition.

How it works

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Here’s how the 40 days work.  Every day, the schedule lists a portion of the Sermon on the Mount to study for that day.  That might be a single verse or several verses.

The schedule provides the section as recorded in Matthew and 3 Nephi as well as other relevant references for comparison.  The end result is a foundation of scriptures to compare at the start of the daily practice.  You read, compare, examine, and reflect.

Then you commit to applying during the course of that day what you’ve learned.  You go through your day, completing your commitment.  At the end of the day, you “return and report” by reflecting on your experience and writing about how it changed you.

Then the next day, you repeat the process with a new verse or section of verses as detailed in the schedule.  You do this for 39 days.  On Day #40, you reflect upon and write about your experience as a whole.

The next level

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I can’t speak highly enough of how this tradition has helped me draw closer to my Savior and become more truly His.  It’s not just study.  It’s a continual process of learn, do, and reflect that creates a journey similar to an ever expanding spiral staircase.

I’ve always shared this tradition with others.  But this year my growth requires me to invite others to walk each of the 40 days with me.  By walking as a group together, we can strengthen and support each other.

To that end, I’m announcing some changes for Joy in the Journey Radio.  First, I’ll provide for free the schedule for the 40-day journey.  Look to the end of the monologue blog post.

Second, to help those who want an extra aid, I’ll provide a workbook as a guide for walking through each of the 40 days.  Everything you need for each step of each day will be there, including side-by-side scripture comparisons, space for writing, and suggested commitments for application.  Because Amazon provides the best way to provide this workbook in the most useful format, you’ll have to buy it.  But I’ll keep the price as low as Amazon will allow.

Third, I’m going to devote the Joy in the Journey Radio Facebook page to this tradition.  During each of the 40 days, I’ll post the relevant scriptures along with something extra like my commitment for that day or some thoughts about the verse(s) for that day.  Others can then share what they learned or experienced, allowing everyone to be strengthened by each other’s journey.  And as always, joining and participating in the Facebook group is free.

Let’s walk together

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I’m not sure how I’ll manage this group in addition to all of my other responsibilities.  My calling and my schooling by themselves take significant time.  But I feel strongly I need to pursue this, and so I step out with faith the Lord will provide for me.

Day #1 is November 22, so don’t delay getting involved, especially if you want the workbook to guide you along.  Get the schedule and join the Facebook page.  You’ll see what I call the holy trinity of holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day) in a whole new light.  And deepening your discipleship is a great way to end the current year and begin a new one.

For all of us, 2020 has been an absolutely crazy year.  So come join me in adopting a new tradition.  Let’s end 2020 together by engaging a journey that will deepen our discipleship, bring us closer to the Savior, and help us feel more of His love as we strengthen and support each other.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Learn how you can listen to  all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
Sermon on the Mount 40-Day Schedule
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How's your mother?

5/6/2020

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Your focus will always determine your reality.  So make the positive choice.
Mother’s Day is once more around the corner, but this year is different.  In our pandemic world,  many won’t be traveling to spend time with that special someone whose day we celebrate in May every year.  And there certainly won’t be any Mother’s Day program at church.

I imagine some single women are happy about that.  This time every year, social media echoes the complaints of those who’ve had painful reminders of what they want but don’t have.  Many of those single sisters skip church on Mother’s Day.  They know what to expect, and they’re not masochists.  They stay home rather than torture themselves further.
That one part is completely true.  They are torturing themselves.  Your focus always determines your reality, so when you focus on what you don’t have, your reality becomes one of lack and emptiness.  Because each one of us has agency, we choose our focus.  And that means we choose our reality.  Indeed, these sisters are torturing themselves.  Their wanting serves only to amplify the effect.

Of course, that truth doesn’t excuse married Church members from lacking sensitivity.  In recent years, I’ve noticed more married Church members displaying more sensitivity.  Nevertheless, not every ward is like that.  We still have work to do.

In the meantime, it’s productive for all of us to shift our focus towards what Mother’s Day was intended to celebrate.  All of us have a mother who bore us and a mother who raised us.  For some those two women are one and the same.  But either way, we can each answer this question: “How’s your mother?”

Start appreciating

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Just as focusing on your lack produces a reality of scarcity, focusing on what you have produces the opposite reality — one filled with abundance and plenty.  Your life shifts substantially in the improvement direction when you exchange your expectation for appreciation.  It’s all starts with an attitude of gratitude.

So many create disappointment by expecting too much.  We want, want, want. And very often what we want, however righteous that desire, centers around something we don’t have.  Because our focus always determines our reality, focusing on what we don’t have produces a reality of lack.  And the more deeply we want, the more deeply felt that lack becomes.

But exchanging your expectation for appreciation creates something amazing.  By constantly expressing gratitude, we can shift our focus towards what we do have.  And focusing on what we do have creates a reality of abundance.  The more deeply we appreciate, the more deeply felt gratitude becomes.  We can bathe in the joy of feeling richly blessed.

Shift your focus

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That feeling is completely legitimate because it results from how we’re constructed.  Your focus determines your reality.  That principle applies to everything, including Mother’s Day.  Focus on what you don’t have, and you’ll take no joy in the celebration because your reality will be so full of emptiness you won’t want to celebrate.  On the other hand, if you can focus on the good about the day, then you can have a joyful reality you’ll want to celebrate.

I know that can be challenging.  As I said before, not every ward displays sensitivity to singles.  It’s hard to stay positive when the dream you don’t have but most desire gets highlighted every week at church.  I know what it’s like to get constant reminders of what you lack rubbed in your face every week.  I know it’s hard.

I also know what hard means.  It doesn’t mean impossible.  It just means difficult.  And difficult can become easy when you partner with the Lord.

Move forward

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The Lord can guide your focus towards the blessings you have today because your mother sacrificed.  When you trade your expectation for appreciation, you open yourself to receive more of the joy life has to offer.

And if your relationship with your mother needs work, you can focus on what you can do to improve that relationship.  Even good relationships can be improved, so focusing on doing something in that arena is good advice for all of us.  Even if your mother has passed on to the other side, you can still find ways to express appreciation and improve your relationship on your end.

So I ask once more, “How’s your mother?” which is really just another way of asking “How’s your focus this Mother’s Day?”  Your focus will always determine your reality.  So make the positive choice.  When you embrace a positive focus, you’ll receive a positive reality.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Don't tax yourself

4/15/2020

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By focusing our attention on what we can do, we empower ourselves not only to conquer the challenges before us but to do so with a smile-laden gusto.  We really can have joy in life regardless of our circumstances.
After large-scale sequestering for about a month now, writers have begun describing the onset of cabin fever.  They are largely pessimistic, sharing extra helpings of fear and uncertainty.

Some of the uncertainty is understandable.  Much about COVID-19 remains unknown, increasing the challenge of defending the population from danger.  But that doesn’t justify the rampant fear many in the media seem intent on perpetuating.  As we discussed earlier, we need not fear.  We can have faith the Lord’s plan will unfold.  And that faith can anchor us against the tides of doubt and fear rising in the world.

While faith can help us look towards the future with optimism, we all still experience the effects of stress during the crisis.  Looking for the positive amidst the negative can provide some help.  For example, the IRS has given Americans a three-month extension on filing and paying their income taxes.  So if you haven’t filed your taxes yet, that’s definitely good news.
That said, many of us are still taxing ourselves.  We are by nature social creatures, so it’s natural to respond to a crisis by nearing ourselves to others.  Yet the current crisis keeps many of us physically apart.  And without some plan to provide for needs, that separation is taxing many beyond their capacity.

Focus on ability

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We’ve discussed before the basic areas of life, what I call the spirit, the heart, the mind, and the body.  Regardless of the names you employ, these areas each have their own needs, which will tax anyone’s reserves when left unmet.  And the faith that optimistically inspires us to see beyond the current crisis can guide us to solutions amidst the current crisis.

We achieve that result in large measure by answering this question: “What can I do?”  Too many of us, yearning for a return to normal, seek after what we’d like to do had the pandemic not turned the world upside down.  But that thinking won’t help us thrive in our new world.  We must adapt or die.  To thrive in a new reality, we must change our thinking to match the landscape.

For example, before the pandemic hit, I was investigating exercise options.  Then the pandemic eliminated the gym as an option.  But instead of wallowing in my inability, which would just lead me to inaction and its attendant reality lacking results, I focused on answering “What can I do?”  That question led me to using my own body weight for strength training and walking in my neighborhood for cardio.  That combined with changes in diet have led to my first real weight loss success in a long time.

Get your plan

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In like manner, we can ask “What can I do?” to address any need in life.  By focusing our attention on what we can do, we empower ourselves not only to conquer the challenges before us but to do so with a smile-laden gusto.  We really can have joy in life regardless of our circumstances.

That power to transcend our troubles resides in agency, God’s gift made meaningful by Jesus Christ.  His Atonement makes it possible to triumph over sin and death, obstacles that separate us from God.  Without that Atonement, our overcoming any obstacle in this world would have no meaning.  We would all unavoidably perish (Alma 34:9).

Of course, such a key component in our eternity did not come about by chance.  It was part of a plan provided before this world was.  What we see now created temporally God first created spiritually (Moses 3:5).  Following that example as we answer the question “What can I do?” will lead us to the plans we need to meet our needs during the coming months.

Rise above the challenge

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With so much unknown at present about coronavirus, we can expect the current situation of sequestering and social distancing to last at least through summer.  Do you have the plans and the means in place to meet your own needs during that time?

When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  But you don’t have to fail.  You have a choice.  You have power within that choice to change your attitude and how you think.  And when you change how you think, you change your life.  You can feel real joy regardless of what negative or pessimistic circumstances surround you.

Don’t tax yourself by failing to plan appropriately for your changed landscape.  Ask yourself, “What can I do?” and then partner with the Lord as you answer that question.  Those answers can structure a plan for meeting your needs for as long as the crisis lasts.  The storm of pandemic may rage on the outside, but you can live with faith, optimism, and confidence on the inside.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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You really are beautiful

7/17/2019

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You can’t choose for others, but you can choose for yourself.  And when you learn three important lessons, you can more easily see that you really are beautiful.
Our modern world is obsessed with sensuality.  You don’t have to look very far to see it.  Media from magazines to online videos all highlight physically attractive people.  How they dress and hold themselves sends a very clear message: You must be sexy to be loved.

It’s easy to look at the world around us and condemn it.  It’s much harder but necessary to look within and condemn ourselves.  Many singles do exactly what the world around them does.  Their words and actions send a clear message: You must be sexy to be loved.

How does this happen?  When singles congregate for activities or any other function, many interact only with those they find attractive.  The messages these actions send demoralize the lonely and ignored.  These people feel the burden of being unloved.

You’ll never see me on the cover of GQ Magazine, so I’m familiar with that burden.  But rather than criticize others, I want to focus our attention inwards at ourselves.  You can’t choose for others, but you can choose for yourself.  And when you learn three important lessons, you can more easily see that you really are beautiful.

Interpret others more appropriately

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The first lesson took me years to learn.  But once I got it, what a difference it made!  After all, how you think about yourself largely contributes to how you portray yourself to others.

Most people believe the actions of others reflect their identity.  When someone summarily dismisses you, it’s easy to believe it’s because you don’t have any value.  Those who believe this fallacy can easily disparage themselves into depression.

But what others say or do doesn’t reflect your identity but rather your effort.  If people are passing you by, it’s not because you don’t have value but rather because you don’t offer value.  Offering is a choice, one we all can make.  Focusing on what you can do rather than on what you lack always produces a more positive reality.

True, not everyone will respond positively to your offering.  Some simply won’t see any value in it.  But that just means they’re visually impaired.  What will you do to help them see?  Again, focusing on what you can do produces a more positive reality.

See as God sees

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Perhaps the most important choice you can make to help others see your value is to learn to see as God sees.  I’ve been learning this lesson over many years, and I’m still learning.  But what I have learned so far has improved my life tremendously.

What do you think God sees when He looks at you?  We’ve all heard“the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 18:10).  But why is that?  What does He really see when He looks at you?

He sees potential.  His sight isn’t confined to the moment, as our sight often is.  He sees not just what we are today or even what we were yesterday but we can be tomorrow.  Too often, especially when we’re discouraged, we aren’t looking forward to our potential but rather behind to what we were.  We tell ourselves so often the lie about our past determining our future that we believe it.  If only we could see as God sees!

That’s not likely to happen without partnering with the Lord.  When you let Him guide your feet, He can also guide your eyes.  We see a marvelous example in Enoch, who initially didn’t see very much in himself (Moses 6:31).  But the Lord helped him to see more clearly (Moses 6:35-36), and the result was mountains moved and rivers turned from their course (Moses 7:13).  Just as He helped Enoch see his potential, the Lord will help you see yours when you partner with Him.

Love yourself

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Loving yourself will also help you see that potential.  You know yourself better than most people, so they’ll simply take their cues about you from you.  If you’re discouraged about yourself, then most people will follow that lead.

Conversely, if you’re care about you, then most people will follow that lead.  When you demonstrate through your actions that you’re worth something, most people will also think you’re worth something and act accordingly.  Again, people respond not to who you are but rather to what you do.  And you choose what you do.

So choose to learn the lessons that reveal your true beauty.  Learn to interpret others more appropriately, see yourself as God sees you, and love yourself.  In learning those lessons, you’ll come to see you really are beautiful.  You’ll release yourself from an unnecessary burden of despair and depression.  You’ll feel more hopeful and optimistic about your future.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Build your fortress

6/5/2019

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If we build our fortress around the right things, we can successfully rise above the challenges before us.
It’s time once again on Joy in the Journey Radio to return to Conference, but this time there’s a new twist.  Jill Best has both returned to the program — we’ll hear from her in a moment — and selected the Conference address for the program today.  What did she pick?  She chose Elder Rasband’s address entitled “Build a Fortress of Spirituality and Protection.”

I’m sure we’ll find out in the course of the program today why she selected this address, but as I sit here writing the monologue for the program, I confess I’m a little challenged.  Usually when highlighting a Conference address, I have some special application for singles or some new insight that applies to singles.  With Elder Rasband, I got nothing — at least not initially.

Of course, I do like a little challenge, something that will stretch me a little beyond my comfort zone.  And as I ponder how to address this challenge before me, I realize that the theme of building a fortress holds broad application.  Elder Rasband focused on applying the concept to our spiritual lives, and he was right to do so.  As he appropriately affirms, Satan is waging a war for the souls of men and women.

But it’s not just the spiritual aspect of our lives that need reinforcement.  What additional reinforcement could help LDS singles better meet the challenges of LDS singles life?  If we build our fortress around the right things, we can successfully rise above the challenges before us.

Fortify it all

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That statement, of course, begs the question: What are those right things?  They’re the same right things I’ve used before to define happiness — giving your all to all the right things for you.  That’s more than just keeping the standards.  That means everything that’s right for you.

Of course, we need to build a fortress that provides spiritual safety.  Any other victory in life would be hollow with spiritual vulnerability.  It won’t matter in the end what else we’ve chosen if we haven’t chosen Christ.

That said, we need fortification for all other areas of life.  What are we doing to fortify our most important relationships?  What fortifications are we building to protect our minds?  And how are we fortifying our physical bodies, our personal finances, and our careers?

Elder Rasband declared,


Satan knows his days are numbered and that time is growing shorter. As crafty and cunning as he is, he will not win. However, his battle for each one of our souls rages on. . . .

Satan is a subtle snake, sneaking into our minds and hearts when we have let our guard down, faced a disappointment, or lost hope. He entices us with flattery, a promise of ease, comfort, or a temporary high when we are low. He justifies pride, unkindness, dishonesty, discontent, and immorality, and in time we can be “past feeling.” The Spirit can leave us. “And thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.”

Do you think Satan highlights our disappointments only when those disappointments are spiritual?  You’re awfully naive if you do.

Get the spiritual first

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The key to fortifying every aspect of our lives lies with first fortifying the spiritual.  As Elder Rasband taught, “For our safety, we must build a fortress of spirituality and protection for our very souls, a fortress that will not be penetrated by the evil one.”  Once we have the spiritual fortifications in place, every other fortification can and will follow.

Partnering with the Lord is essential in constructing that bulwark.  We’ve all heard the Prophet teach we won’t spiritually survive the coming days if we can’t receive revelation.  Elder Rasband referenced that teaching in his own remarks.  The Lord can show us what next steps we need to take.

Elder Rasband continued,


Such righteous purpose is well described in the Book of Mormon when Captain Moroni prepared the Nephites to face attacks from a deceitful, bloodthirsty, power-hungry Amalickiah. Moroni constructed fortresses to protect the Nephites “that they might live unto the Lord their God, and that they might maintain that which was called by their enemies the cause of Christians.” Moroni “was firm in the faith of Christ” and was faithful “in keeping the commandments of God … and resisting iniquity.”

When the Lamanites came to battle, they were astonished by the Nephites’ preparation, and they were defeated. The Nephites thanked “the Lord their God, because of his matchless power in delivering them from the hands of their enemies.” They had built fortresses for protection on the outside, and they had built faith in the Lord Jesus Christ on the inside?—deep in their souls.

That’s a key concept — building faith in the Lord on the inside so you can build your fortress for protection on the outside.

Get good with you

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All of this depends on you getting good with you.  When you combine personal righteousness with clarity of identity and purpose, you attune yourself to the celestial frequency of revelation.  Without that clarity, excessive internal static will override the revelatory signal you need to receive.

Once you get good with you, everything else will follow.  You’ll know better how to protect your most important relationships.  You’ll know better the messages you need to feed your mind.  And you’ll know better how to protect your job, your finances, and your health.  In the very least, partnering with the Lord can lead you to a resource you need to find answers.

For every part of your life, build your fortress.  Partner with the Lord, get good with you, and get the revelation you need to prepare for what is to come.  You’ll feel the peace and security that can come in no other way.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Try something new

5/22/2019

0 Comments

 
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We want results in the least amount of time. Yet sometimes the best approach isn’t the most direct but the most meandering.  The growth we most need isn’t always along a direct path.
None of us can live our best life alone.  Your best life will always involve other people.  Because other people have their own agency, they need to decide for themselves in your favor for you to live your best life.

That life doesn’t come any other way.  Again, you can’t have your best life by yourself.  Your best life involves other people.

There’s many ways that can happen.  Often we gravitate towards approaches that seem more direct because we want results in the least amount of time.  Yet sometimes the best approach isn’t the most direct but the most meandering.  The growth we most need isn’t always along a direct path.

Such is often the case with learning new skills.  If you want your best life, you want change.  Part of that change is learning what you don’t now know and doing what you don’t now do.  And that will never happen until you try something new.

Get on the learning train

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We’ve discussed before the need to quit life on autopilot and live life intentionally.  Refusing to break out of the same old routines will keep your life in that same old routine.  To have something you never had, you have to do something you never did.

That’s where learning a new skill can help you live your best life.  Doing something new intentionally breaks you out of the same old routine.  You’re reaching for a new experience you can use to help make a new life — your best life!

As we’ve already mentioned, to have your best life, you need other people.  When you learn something new, you have something you can use to involve those other people in your life and influence them to decide in your favor.

Imagine two people, one who’s content with staying the same and another who’s busy learning a new skill.  Who do you want to get to know more about?  Certainly not the one content with staying the same.  That person will just influence you to stay the same, and that means not living your best life.  However, the one busy learning a new skill offers hope that life can be better than what it has been, that the changes you want to have your best life are possible.

Including learning something new in your conversations with other people will not only give you something interesting to talk about but also makes you more interesting to others, enabling you to forge more effective connections with them that will influence them to decide in your favor.  Learning something new in a class environment can also be the means for meeting the new people you need to have your best life.

Select your skill

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What new skill should you learn?  With no limit on what you could choose, the options are endless.  But the best skill you can learn is always the one you need to learn right now.

This is where partnering with the Lord comes in.  He can help you understand what you should do.  We’ve discussed before how the Lord is anxious to assist us as we journey towards our best life.

That said, He may see wisdom in letting you decide for yourself.  In that event, just follow your heart.  What have you always wanted to do?  Perhaps it’s to play a musical instrument.  Or maybe you want to speak a foreign language.  Maybe you want to have more confidence in conversations.  Perhaps you’d like to learn how to cook something new.  Or maybe it’s to draw or swim or sew.  Select something you want to try and go for it!

Get after it now

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Once you’ve made your choice, don’t delay!  Start today!  Start right now to do something that will move you in that direction of learning your new skill.

Starting now, even if your action is minuscule, sets you up for success.  Results come from one thing and one thing only — action.  So when you delay taking action, you delay receiving results.  The more you do that, the easier it gets to delay more and more.

But when you take action, no matter how small, you set yourself on the path of action.  That makes it easier for you to take more action.  The more you do that, the easier it gets to take more and more action, until at last you have your results.

So don’t wait.  Try something new today.  You’ll get out of life on autopilot and embrace the enthusiasm and vigor from living with intention.  You’ll be better able to influence for good other people in your life as well as to bring into your life those others who you need for your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Design your best life

5/1/2019

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The most joyful living is not an accident or a result of random chance....  It happens intentionally, by design.
Last week I declared I would settle for nothing less than phenomenal in my life.  That doesn’t mean everything will always be perfect.  Nor does it mean I won’t slip on occasion.  But it does mean I’ll do my best to live above my standard.

That determination opens the joy available in every moment of living.  The most joyful living is not an accident or a result of random chance but happens intentionally.  You must constantly choose to make choices with an awareness of what you’re choosing.

In that regard, a plan to guide your choices can help you consciously move yourself towards that joyful existence I call your best life.  Again, the most joyful living doesn’t happen by accident.  It happens intentionally, by design.  That means you can design your best life.

Take a lesson from a farmer

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Many don’t believe that.  They assume life is the collection of circumstances outside their control.  But that’s why many people aren’t all that happy.

Your focus determines your reality.  Because you can choose what you focus on, you can choose your reality.  True, most don’t choose their circumstances, but that never stopped anyone who lived joyfully from living joyfully.  These people lived their best life because they made different choices with the same circumstances.

Some of us should take a lesson from a farmer.  Farmers don’t choose their circumstances.  They have the soil and the water that’s available.  Their seeds for planting are whatever they are.  The weather will be whatever it will be.  So much of what’s needful for the harvest is outside their control.  Yet with hard work in what they can control, they produce bountiful harvests year after year.

In like manner, we haven’t chosen many of the circumstances of our lives.  What we have is what we have, and it’s often all we have.  But if we work hard in what we can control, we can produce harvests of truly joyful living year after year.  This is what I call your best life.

Embrace what you control

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I can hear many of you now.  What exactly can we control?  Here’s my answer: Standards, attitude, approach.

It starts with standards.  You’ll never design your best life without knowing what’s acceptable and what’s not.  The best delineations between what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t are made after partnering with the Lord to get good with you.  Once you know and accept who you really are and what your personal ministry should be, you can best draw that line between what you’ll accept in your life and what you won’t.  The more clear you make that definition, the more able you’ll be to live the life you intend.

Once you know exactly what you want, you need resolve to do whatever it takes to get it (within the realm of covenant living, of course).  You need the attitude of the victor and not the victim.  That attitude will fire your imagination to design a life you’ll truly enjoy and pull you through to that fulfilling end when the road there gets tough.

Of course, attitude without action will never bring you achievement.  To live a life you design, you must take action.  Working smart as well as working hard requires attention to one’s approach.  Too often we think what we seek must come in one specific way.  But much of life is not path-dependent; there’s often more than one road leading to the top of the mountain.  And sometimes the road that’s best for us to travel is not the one we expect.

Get clear and get going

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With these three elements in place — standards, attitude, and approach — you can decide what you want your life to be and feel the joy that comes from working to make it happen.  Usually that means taking small steps every single day to inch yourself closer to the life you dream.

That’s where many of us fall short.  We don’t do the little things everyday that can near us to our best life.  Then, after a larger block of time has passed, we can’t help but notice we’re left standing on the pier because our ship has long since sailed.

That’s where being clear about your standards, attitude, and approach holds its best value.  Once you’re crystal clear on those elements, what you need to do everyday will be obvious.  Performing those seemingly small and insignificant actions everyday will collect to create the very significant life you design for yourself.

So what are you waiting for?  Get clear, and then get going. None of this happens overnight.  But as you move closer to the life you design for yourself, you’ll feel the joy that comes from making progress.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Ditch the plan

4/3/2019

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"Just because your life hasn’t turned out the way you anticipated doesn’t mean all is lost.  There is always hope because there is always Christ.  And we take the first step to grasping that hope when we ditch the plan our culture has been feeding us."
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Our LDS culture hands each of us a life plan describing how life is supposed to go.  We go on a mission, do college, start the career, and somewhere in that mix get married.  Then we live happily ever after with our eternal companion.

But the lives of many LDS singles differ greatly from that story.  Some haven’t married, others divorce, and still others lose a spouse to death.  Whatever the reason, those who find themselves single when they don’t want to be consider that happily-ever-after story nothing more than a fairy tale.

And LDS singles deal with the shock of that unexpected life chapter in multiple ways.  Some enter paralysis, unable to move outside of their newly found rut.  Some despair, thinking all hope is lost for them.  Others question themselves, wondering what sin they committed to deserve losing the blessings they were promised.  Other responses run the spectrum of possibilities.

Yet no matter the reason or the response, one truth continues to shine brightly.  Just because your life hasn’t turned out the way you anticipated doesn’t mean all is lost.  There is always hope because there is always Christ.   And we take the first step to grasping that hope when we ditch the plan our culture has been feeding us.

Get a better map

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Whatever your destination, you need an accurate map.  A map that doesn’t match your current landscape will do nothing more than obstruct and frustrate you.  It’ll never help you find your way.  And that won’t change until you get a better map.

That’s why most LDS singles need to ditch the life plan our culture feeds us.  It doesn’t represent their current landscape.  Perhaps it was fine for where they were, but it’s not a good map for where they are right now.  Want to move forward with your life?  Get a better map!

That better map will one you create after you partner with the Lord.  President Ezra Taft Benson taught that Christ can make more out of our lives than we can on our own.   He has the better map we need.  When we turn to Him, He’ll guide the next steps of our journey.

Let go of the past

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Still, some among us insist on keeping that defunct life plan despite its mismatch with their current landscape.  Accordingly, they feel stuck, unable to move, because they can never live that plan.  Try as they might, they can’t travel back in time to make different choices.  We all must play the hand we’re dealt.

While in college, I had the possibility of conforming to the life plan.  But that ship has long since sailed.  So any insistence on my part to hold on to this life plan is insanity.  I’d be grasping at lost opportunities that’ll never be anywhere but in the past.  And no one can move forward until they let go of the past.

Why would any of us fight against reason and keep ourselves immobile by holding on to the past?  Reasons will vary with the individual, but many singles associate belonging with conforming to that cultural life plan.  The need to belong is a basic human need, and so they don’t want to accept the possibility that need won’t ever be met.

Follow His plan

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And that’s the lie from our culture that we shouldn’t believe.  When the mark of belonging is being married with kids, you’ll never feel like you belong while you’re single.  Singles by definition aren’t married, which means by definition they don’t belong.

But you don’t have to believe that.  You don’t have to believe what’s handed to you.  You can adopt your own mark of belonging, one centered on Christ and your desire to be true to the covenants you’ve made with Him.  And adopting a personal ministry can help you do just that.

When you partner with the Lord and surrender yourself completely to the personal ministry He shows you, you’ll look forward to the goodness you can contribute into the lives of others.  The better map you need for your journey involves a personal ministry.  And the Lord can use your focus on others through the vehicle of a personal ministry to help you let go of the past, embrace the joy to be found in facing forward, and make more out of your life than you can alone.

So ditch the plan our LDS culture feeds us about life and partner with the Lord.  He’ll heal you and help you to move forward.  He’ll show you the next steps you need to take.  And He’ll guide you in your personal ministry as you focus on contributing goodness into the lives of others.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Don't you dare

3/27/2019

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"These accomplishments and dreams inspire me.  Yet my mind turns to those who could have such accomplishments and dreams but don’t.  They don’t believe they’re meant for anything extraordinary.  They don’t see how anything approaching greatness could ever involve them.  The future they see holds no promise, no hope, and no joy."
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I’ve been thinking recently about what I do here — this program, the blog, and everything connected to it.  I’ve had such hopes and plans for helping LDS singles everywhere live better, more joyful lives.  I still do.

Bit by bit, it’s all coming together.  I’ve come so far since that very first blog post on 12/12/12.  I’ve come so far from that first blog post on this website, the post in which I declared my desire for real in my life.  I’ve come so far from providing audio clip readings of my posts.  And I’ve got farther yet to go before I’m done.

These accomplishments and dreams inspire me.  Yet my mind turns to those who could have such accomplishments and dreams but don’t.  They don’t believe they’re meant for anything extraordinary.  They don’t see how anything approaching greatness could ever involve them.  The future they see holds no promise, no hope, and no joy.

If that describes you, I hope you listen closely to the program today.  I have a special message just for you.  And it’s this: Don’t you dare give up on yourself.

Choose your joy

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I know the depths of depression, the darkness that can envelope a soul in despair so devoid of hope that one wonders how life could ever be joyful for any but the luckiest among us.  But I also know that vision doesn’t have to represent anyone’s reality.  You can choose your joy.

Once, my sense of “logic” would find such statements repugnant, not to mention incomprehensible.  What I see now that I didn’t see then are the faulty assumptions underneath that thinking.  Just because others believe something doesn’t make it true.  Nor does it mean you have to believe it.  You can believe what you want to believe.

And you can believe that what you believe and how you think will ultimately determine your reality.  That’s how our brains are biologically hardwired.  You can choose to think more effectively, to give yourself messages filled with positive energy, to put controls around your emotions, to choose your joy.  You can choose your reality.

Let your light shine

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Because you can choose your reality, you can choose to be a victim, or you can choose to be a victor.  You can choose to wallow within your own self-absorption.  Or you can choose to look outside yourself to how you can bless the lives of others.

Think of what that means.  We all posses the awesome potential for bringing goodness into the world, for making a real difference in the lives of others.  That means you have that potential.  You can inspire others to shine their lights bringing goodness into the lives of others when you shine your light bringing goodness into their lives.

But what would happen if you choose not to shine your light, not to make your contribution of goodness into the world?  Would others falter because they never had the light you could shine?  Would someone surrender to negativity because he or she didn’t have quite enough reserves to resist, reserves that would have been sufficient with your contribution?

The Master taught, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).  What distance between God and individual men and women will not be shortened when you choose not to make your contribution?

Partner with Him

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That’s why you should never dare to give up on yourself.  It’s not about you; it’s about all of us.  So when you give up on yourself, you’re giving up on the people who stand to benefit from the contribution you could make, a contribution only you can make.  When you give up on yourself, you give up on all of the rest of us.

When many of us look our meager offerings, we wonder how so much could ever hang in the balance.  How could our contribution ever be so important?  The Lord’s disciples thought this way when they saw they had only five loaves and two fishes (see Matthew 14:17).  How could so little feed so many?  And yet in the hands of the Master it did.  Likewise, the Master can work miracles in the lives of others as you follow His direction to give your contribution.

Don’t you dare give up on yourself!  When life looks bleak, partner with the Lord.  He will heal you so you believe in yourself and your contribution.  He will lead you to those who need your contribution.  And His hands will transform your contribution into miracles in their lives.  You can bask in their love for you and for the Lord when you make that contribution you can make.  And that will bring more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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    Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show to help LDS singles have  more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.

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