That said, the smart tough get going long before the going gets tough.  They don’t just wait for the waves of life to crash against them and hope for the best.  They anticipate their challenges and prepare for them.  They embrace a vision that drives them to do more and to be more.  They don’t just perform; they super-perform.  They understand that life is so short and so marvelous the only real decision is to go big or go home.

To start, let’s step back from the whole making-goals-for-the-new-year routine and adjust our approach.  Quite frankly, too many of us have simply played out ineffective habits that don’t produce the results we really want in life.  You need to step outside yourself and see everything anew.

And the first thing you need to see anew is yourself.  Too many people refuse to go big because that vision doesn’t match how they see themselves.  Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar often said, “You cannot consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way you see yourself.”

So are your dreams of your best life small or big?  And how do they compare with how you see yourself?  Do you see yourself as capable of accomplishing great things?  Or do you see yourself as a nobody, a failure, or someone who’ll just never have success?  If you find it hard to dream big, examine your self-image.  If you see yourself as unworthy or incapable, you’ll struggle to believe — and I mean really believe — you can achieve anything great in your life.  So before you start setting goals, you need to get good with you.

Once you’re good with you so the way you see yourself matches big dreams, only then can you truly dream big.  That’s because a poor self-image fetters your dreams within self-imposed restrictions.  When you free yourself from those self-imposed restrictions, you feel liberated to achieve the full measure of your potential.  And it’s an empowering feeling.

However, most never get to that point.  They keep listening to their biological hardwiring say, “Yeah, but ....”  Truly, that voice is designed to keep you safe.  But the longer you listen to that voice, the more your self-imposed restrictions that begin with “Yeah, but” will keep you living far beneath your potential.  “Safe” isn’t really safe.  Risky is the real safe.

Let go of your fears, your disappointments, your inadequacies, your failures, your excuses, and everything else keeping you from the life you want.  No one achieves anything big by accident.  Big results call for intentional choices, and big dreams can drive the choices that produce big results.

Notice I haven’t said anything yet about setting goals.  That’s because it’s pointless to go after a target before you’re properly prepared.  If you want to climb Mount Everest, for example, don’t wear shorts and sandals.  Be smart and bundle up.

The same is true about goals.  Before you announce any New Year resolutions — or really any goal at any time — make sure you have the right foundation of being good with you and unchaining yourself from the self-imposed limitations of small dreams.  Only when you think big and dream big can you then live big.

Living big doesn’t mean what it appears on the surface.  It doesn’t mean living outside your means or suddenly achieving greatness in a single bound.  Living big means taking small steps every day and celebrating the daily wins you encounter along the way.  Real success is the daily accumulation of those seemingly insignificant small wins.

So go big or go home.  Life is too short and too marvelous to waste on small potatoes.  Supersize your life by getting good with you, releasing the restrictions on your dreams, and then setting goals to achieve and celebrate the daily wins in your life.  When you do, you’ll grow yourself into living big.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

It helps me to remember I am not on my journey through life alone.  But it helps even more to vocalize that to someone.

A couple of weeks ago I had an extended conversation with my stake president.  Given my calling as his executive secretary, my recent struggles with singleness especially concerned him.  But I found that vocalizing my faith to someone who shares it filled me with an extra measure of strength that I previously did not know.

And how I needed that strength!  It’s one thing to believe the promises of the Lord when you seem to have all the time in the world.  But as you age and that window of youthful opportunity gets smaller and smaller, it gets harder and harder to believe.

But whatever difficulty or ease we each may have in believing does not change the essential truth of His promises.  That thought gives me courage, and so it can to you as well.  The Lord will fulfill every single one of His promises to you [pun intended].  So great will be your blessing that, when that glorious day finally comes, you’ll wonder how it ever was that you doubted Him.

How do you believe that?  How do you generate such faith in the Lord and in His promises that you continue to believe fervently even when everything around you seems to say the exact opposite?

You must first approach the Lord.  We must walk in the ways of the Master Who still has power to calm the waves and the storms around us.  Then you must take action.  You can’t just wish and wait, expecting your blessings to come.  To increase your faith, you must increase your action.  To believe Him more, you must walk more in the covenant path.

As I reflect upon my own performance, I quickly see my shortcomings.  That’s not surprising given my lifelong status as a walking construction zone.  But perfection is not about performance; it’s about persisting towards proximity to Christ.  As we keep trying to follow Him and come closer to Him, He gives us strength to endure well the time before our blessings come, whether that time be short or long.

In the post from two years ago, I said, “If all of us were to step back and observe the situation, we’d see that all fear does is prevent us from taking the next step in our journey.  But whatever your fears are, you still control what response you will provide.  Will you allow your fear to control you and cower from your next step?  Or will you control you and take that next step?”

The moments I experience now try me more than the moments I encountered two years ago.  But reading those words from two years ago now gives me added strength to endure well my more trying moments in the present and added hope my moments in the future will still be brighter and more glorious than I could ever imagine.

The Lord will grant you the tender mercies you need to face your fears just as He has for me.  He will help you to trust Him.  And when you truly trust Him, you can walk by faith even if your path is upon the very water that waves against you in the storm.  When you trust Him, He will show you your diligence and patience will not go unrewarded.  When you trust Him, He will make you more and more equal to whatever challenge confronts you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Whatever the reason, I'm learning not to question promptings to do good but rather simply to follow them.  I'm learning to trust, without seeing the end, that the end will be better than I ever could have imagined it.  I'm learning to trust that the blessings I long for most in my life will come, as Elder Holland declared, by and by.

It's easy for all of us to get so absorbed in our own trials that we lose perspective.  And with that loss of perspective often comes also the loss of another sight — one that sees the way forward.

Many singles feel so burdened by the loneliness and heartache of singles life that all they see in their future is an eternity of loneliness and heartache.  Such an outcome should not surprise.  After all, your focus becomes your reality.

Singles who know the depth of that despair from seeming ever so out of reach of desired blessings intimately know loneliness and heartache.  So of course singles would feel comforted and appreciative of Elder Holland's early and earnest recognition of that familiarity.

But notice what immediately followed.  Elder Holland was just as eager and earnest in recognizing the depth of despair many trapped in a lonely marriage feel, seemingly ever so out of reach of escape from their familiarity with loneliness and heartache.

Without recognizing the pain others feel, it's easy to become so absorbed in our own pain that we can't see anything else.  Our pain becomes so enlarged we think it not only fills our world but that it is the world.

That's one of the comforting aspects of Elder's Holland's remarks.  He reminds us that, regardless of our individual situations, we all feel pain.  We all ache under the burden of trial.  We all long for relief.

Yet we often pray for freedom and relief on our schedule rather than for faith to rely on God's.  As we plead with heaven to lighten our load, our pleadings will be answered, though sometimes not how or when we would wish.

As Elder Holland reminds us all,

But then Elder Holland cut straight to the truth at the crux of the matter.

How did people come to believe that all suffering is necessarily bad?  Whatever its source, Elder Holland rightly suggests some suffering isn't bad.  In fact, I dare to declare some suffering is necessarily good.

No doubt those steeped in their own pain will find it difficult to believe any suffering could be good, let alone necessarily good.  As already noted, it's easy to be so absorbed in one's own troubles that it's difficult to see how those troubles could ever be stepping stones to tranquility.

And yet that's precisely why some pain is necessarily good.  Henry Ward Beecher once said our troubles are "the tools by which God fashions us for better things."  It is through our trials that we become refined and more of our best selves.  It is through our trials that we develop the characteristics of godhood.  It is through our trials that we come to know God.

How else could He be known?  Elder Holland says as much when he declared,

We all have pain in this life.  But when we look beyond our own pain to see the pain in others, we find it easier to see our own in perspective.  We find it easier to reach out to help others.  We find it easier to see meaning and purpose in our own suffering.  And we find it easier to trust God through bad seasons as well as good ones.  We find it easier to walk in faith and confidence that the promised blessings will come to us by and by.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

But an OK life never rises above mediocrity and won't ever be great or phenomenal.  Most settle for mediocrity, but you don't have to accept an OK life.  You can be phenomenal.  You can live your best life.

To realize the reality you want to have outside of you, you must do the work to change what's  inside of you.  So stop waiting and start working.  Your best life awaits you.

Most people have a limited life because they have limited thinking based on limiting assumptions.  And because of how we're all biologically hardwired to operate, those assumptions lead to habits producing the same results most mediocre lives have.

Do you believe you're the victim of choices others make?  Do you believe you just aren't good enough to live your dreams?  Do you believe your best days are behind you?  Do you believe your happiness depends on what happens outside yourself?  If so, you're likely not in control of life.  Rather, life is in control of you.

But just as you can choose thinking that limits you, you can choose thinking that empowers you.  You really can turn your life around because you are a child of the Creator of the universe endowed with His unlimited potential and the wondrous gift of agency.  You can and do choose for yourself.

So you can choose to accept responsibility for the choices you've made that have brought you the life you have now.  When you do, you begin to own your life.  And that's when everything can begin to change for you.  You can further that change by deciding what you want, knowing clearly why you want it, and then committing yourself to excellence in literally everything you do.

You need that foundation to effect the changes you want to see outside yourself.  Too many people (who usually live limited mediocre lives) think their lives will improve when their external circumstances do.  They work directly on external changes, but that's all backwards.  To change your life on the outside, you must first change your life on the inside.

That means you must get good with you.  You must dig deep enough inside of you to uncover the true root of your problem, the seeds of mediocre thinking sprouting into the mediocre habits producing your mediocre life.  You must learn how you were biologically designed to function so you can leverage it instead of continually fighting against it.

We all broadcast an energy to others, and what you have inside determines the quality of that energy.  To broadcast an attractive energy, what's inside of you must be attractive.  Stop trying to escape singles life and start embracing it and making the most of it.  Love yourself but also commit to doing whatever it takes to better yourself.  Achieving that balance is the essence of obtaining your best life.

Pursuing that balance won't be easy, because challenges will always threaten your desired transformation.  That's why you must continually refresh your thinking and your determination to keep after it.

Believe your best is yet to come, that the blessings you want are real and yours.  Let go of trying to manage every detail and just enjoy the ride.  Live in the moment, live with intention, and live in possibility while you work for probability.  It's balancing the fantastic with the practical.

And the best way I've found to do that is practicing a ridiculous, sickening work ethic.  The grind is amply named, and you need to do it every day.  Use your agency to choose to keep after it.  Never quit.  Never surrender.  Never stop until you win.

Most people live mediocre lives centered on satisfaction of self because that's what they choose.  Those who live phenomenal lives centered on contribution to others have their best life because that's what they choose.  Your best life awaits you.  When you choose to take control of your life, get good with you, and keep after it, you too can live the phenomenal life that is your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Procrastination is one way our biological hardwiring maintains our status quo.  “Yeah,” it says, “that dream sounds great, but we’ll get to that someday.  Right now we’ve got other things we need to do.”  And as long as we keep accepting that excuse for not living our dreams, we’ll never live our dreams because they’ll never come true.

There are only seven days in the week, and someday isn’t one of them.  When we quit tolerating some day and insist on today, we can move our dreams closer to reality.

That has been the kernel of my struggle for so many years.  It’s perhaps the most concise explanation for why I don’t yet have all my dreams fulfilled.  I too often tolerate lack of progress.  But I also struggle as many others do with fitting everything I want to do into my day.

Part of that comes from having so many dreams that making substantial progress on any of them is difficult.  There’s just too many objectives vying for the limited space in my calendar.  And abandoning any them is even more difficult because, as I mentioned earlier, I can’t help but dream big — big not just in the extent of any single dream but also in my quantity of dreams.

I dream of an eternal marriage to a wonderful, faithful LDS woman who sees in me my virtues more than my vices.  I dream of an LDS culture that fully accepts singles as well as marrieds.  I dream of a vibrant LDS singles support network.  I dream of a career in higher education through which I inspire the next generation to make the world a better place.  I dream of building businesses generating overflowing wealth to support whatever my community needs.  I dream of writing books and producing other products that help people live lives filled with more joy and satisfaction.

And my list goes on.  Like I said, I can’t help but dream big.  All the actions required to bring all my dreams into reality can’t possibly fit inside the fixed space of a 24-hour day or even a single week, month, or year.  And so it’s easy to accept that “voice” from my biological hardwiring that says, “You can do that someday.”

Ultimately, this fight — the fight within each of us — revolves around standards.  What standards will we tolerate for the life we’ll live?  The dreams we all have of a wonderful future necessitate change; otherwise we wouldn’t have those dreams.

But all results come only from action.  Tolerating excuses that our dreams will happen someday keeps pushing the realization of our dreams further and further into the future.

That’s because someday never comes.  Choosing to accept the excuse of someday is choosing to accept a standard of living life outside our dreams, and a standard of joy and satisfaction in life far below what they could be.  The joy and satisfaction of living our dreams will come only after we choose not to tolerate anything below the standards of our dreams.

We Latter-day Saints are familiar with standards.  We often link them with blessings.  Those who live the standards get the blessings that come from obedience.  Those who don’t live the standards don’t.

Ultimately, standards serve another purpose.  Standards provide boundaries that distinguish who belongs in the community and who doesn’t.  In like manner, the standards required for our dreams determine whether we’ll live them or not.  When we live by those standards, we move closer to our dreams.  When we don’t, we don’t.

If you want to live your dreams, you need to raise your standards.  Never tolerate someday.  Always tolerate nothing less than progress — even if it’s only a little each day — towards making your dreams reality.  When you stop focusing on what others did or didn’t do and start focusing on what you can do, you’ll start to feel the power that comes from moving towards your dreams.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Part of what enabled him to do this is the Restoration’s fulfillment of the hopes of ancient prophets and saints.  They looked forward to the Restoration as a time when all gospel blessings would be enjoined together.  Indeed, we who live today have the glorious blessing of the fulness of the Lord’s gospel.  And those fruits can enable us to have a perfect brightness of hope for ourselves, our world, and our future.

Elder Holland begins with a list of what he would be looking for in religion were he living in 1820.  He and his wife imagined themselves transported back in time with the same spiritual longings that many of the world’s inhabitants have possessed throughout time.

Elder’s Holland’s list provides a wonderful review of the glorious truths restored to humanity — the true nature and character of God, a clearer understanding of God’s plan for His children and especially the role of the Savior in that plan, an additional scriptural witness that enhances one’s understanding of the Lord’s life and ministry, and true priesthood authority to dispense every ordinance required for salvation and exaltation.

Elder Holland saved the crowning blessing for last.  In his own words, he would have searched

Indeed, the blessings which the temple extends to bind the living and the dead across eternity truly crown the joy which living the restored gospel offers.  As Elder Holland declared,

Elder Holland then directs our attention towards the future.  The fulfillment of the hope of ancient prophets and saints for their future can give us hope for the fulfillment of blessings in our future.

Conquering the COVID-19 crisis is perhaps the most immediate of those hopes for the world.  But once we overcome that challenge — and Elder Holland assures we will — other challenges will remain, such as hunger, poverty, safer schools, and the eradication of prejudice.  And of course, truly conquering those physical challenges will require the adoption of spiritual solutions, what Elder Holland called

Elder Holland then gets deeply personal, and here is where he packs his best punch.

Isn’t that what we all hope for?  Many LDS singles hope for a more perfect life, yet marriage never made anyone’s life suddenly perfect.  You simply exchange one set of challenges for another.

That said, the hope that marriage can improve one’s life is not unrealistic, especially if one (to borrow a phrase from President Oaks) “marries right.”  We LDS singles, no matter our individual circumstances, can and should hope for the achievement of righteous blessings, not only even when that fulfillment seems impossible but especially when that fulfillment seems impossible.

I suppose that’s why this Conference address touched me.  I’m in my mid-40s having never been married.  What hope do I have not just of finding the right type of person who would want to marry me but also of having a family of my own, not just one I inherit from a now severed relationship?

I think Elder Holland would say I have every reason to hope.  And so do you.  The God who has performed miracles in the past can and will perform miracles in our present and our future.  I echo with Elder Holland the message of a returned sister missionary in Johannesburg: “[We] did not come this far only to come this far.”  Great and glorious blessings await each of us as we stand firm in our faith and continually choose hope over despair.

Truly, the Restoration has blessed us all.  The hope of past believers fulfilled gives us hope our present desires for righteous blessings will not be in vain.  Choose that faith over fear.  Choose that hope over despair.  When we walk in the perfect brightness of that hope, we’ll progress towards our best life.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Yet a recent experience caused me much reflection on both my own transformation to optimism and how we can all help those singles wont to wallow in their own mire come Friday.

Last Saturday, the newest member of my ward was baptized.  The service reminded me of my own mission, and I cried as the Spirit brought past sacred experiences to my remembrance.

As I left, I noticed across the parking lot a sister missionary who’d previously been in the ward.  She had obviously returned to attend the baptism.  Just before her transfer, she and her companion gave me a very special gift.  They snuck up to my apartment door and plastered it with paper hearts sharing messages of love, hope, and encouragement.

I never had the chance to thank them, because the very next day transfers came, and elders arrived in place of both sisters.  Seeing that sister now in the parking lot, I called out to her and confided that what she and her companion left for me that night before their transfer meant a great deal to me.  I then thanked her.

What happened next surprised me.  She told me I should be thanked because I’d helped her tremendously.  She didn’t go into details — I’m still insanely curious — but then she said something that later drove deep reflection.  She said, “You’re awesome.”

What surprised me was less that she said it (although yes, I wasn’t expecting to hear that from anyone, let alone a sister missionary) or that she was really sincere in saying it (which she was) and more that I found it hard to hear.

That realization caused me much reflection.  I’m very comfortable with myself and enjoy my own society immensely.  So why wouldn’t I believe I’m awesome?  (And why is there an obnoxious song from The Lego Movie playing in my head right now?)

Seriously, why would that message be so hard for me to hear?  After some deep reflection, I concluded it was hard for me to hear because I’d grown too accustomed to hearing the exact opposite.

That shouldn’t surprise anyone.  Looking back over more than two decades of being a single Latter-day Saint, the vast majority of the messages I received from single LDS ladies were negative.  They didn’t affirm my divine worth nor recognize the goodness of a heart that had sacrificed and suffered much.  That’s not to say there weren’t those few who gave me positive messages (there were) or that I made my own mistakes worthy of negative messaging (I did).  Rather it simply means I heard negative messages so often, especially in the dating arena, I came to believe them.

I don’t believe them any more.  My view today is much more optimistic.  But what would my life have been like had I received more positive messages from other single sisters more regularly?  And what of the other LDS singles who are now what I once was?  What of those who are prone to throw that pity party on Friday because they don’t have a valentine of their own?

If you’re among that crowd, please know you have agency.  That means you choose everything for yourself, including what to believe.  I struggled for a long time with negative messages until I realized my agency means I get to choose everything for myself, including what to believe.  Just because someone else believes something doesn’t mean I must believe it also.  I don’t have to believe what I don’t want.

It’s the same for you.  When others send you a negative message, don’t believe them!  Instead, believe you have great worth (because you do) and God loves you so much He has prepared glorious blessings for you (because He does and He has).  Then share that love with others and skip the pity party.  Let your messaging reaffirm the worth of every individual.  Then you’ll feel your own worth reaffirmed.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Here we find foundational principles local leaders can leverage to help LDS singles find their way.

We all understand others better when we step outside ourselves and view the world through their eyes.  That increased understanding can open your eyes to what many LDS singles need — true friendship.

My last ward was absolutely awful.  Usually no one talked to me or even greeted me.  They didn’t seem at all interested in having me there.  So when the storms of life beat against my door, no one was there to support me.  I felt not just alone and unloved but spiritually stinted, like I was trapped in a sort of prison.  What a nightmare!

If nothing else, that experience makes me very thankful for my current ward.  Ward members greet me, shake my hand, and sincerely ask after my well-being.  They’ve responded when I needed help and support.  I feel the warmth of their simple love and sincere friendship.  What a blessing!

It doesn’t take much to help LDS singles feel loved and supported.  When local leaders — whether married or single — walk beside singles in true friendship, those simple acts can readily meet many needs.

True friends always increase faith in others.  Our Heavenly Father wants LDS singles to marry in the temple and raise righteous families who will promote His work on the earth.  That won’t happen if singles don’t believe it will.  Local leaders can portray faith and confidence in singles’ ability to achieve a righteous marriage.

How are LDS singles supposed to believe those blessings can be theirs when leaders respond quickly with trite expressions like “Well, it’s OK because there’s always the next life.”  That’s true, but have you stopped to consider what living that really means?  You’re saying it’s OK the experience singles have already had being single continue for another 40 or 50 years, and then they die, and then sometime after that they get their blessing.  That’s not a very enticing prospect, even if it is true.

It’s far more enticing to fix one’s sights on examples like Abraham.  His promised covenant child came when Abraham and Sarah were both around a century old.  Or how about Jacob’s wife Rachel, who for the longest time was barren?  I love Genesis 30:22 — “And God remembered Rachel ....”  Local leaders who shore up singles’ faith in themselves and their ability to achieve eternal blessings now and not just in the next life provide greatly needed support.

Of course, securing that next essential ordinance of temple marriage takes more than belief or a motivational pep talk.  The lives of many LDS singles stagnant in a lack of accountability.  Local leaders are well positioned to provide that accountability.

Life has a way of beating us all into routines.  We are, after all, hardwired to have habits.  That can be helpful but also dangerous, especially if we’re lulled away from progressing towards eternal goals.  The longer singles remain single, the more comfortable they can become being single.  And with that comes less likelihood they’ll progress towards their next essential ordinance.

Local leaders can stem that tide of indolence with some gentle accountability.  If they’ve paid the price to be a true friend, local leaders — and in particular ministering brothers and sisters — can guide singles towards their next essential ordinance with effective questions.  “What’s in your way?” is a good example.  As they repeatedly ask questions, simply listen, and then stand ready to help as requested, local leaders extend accountability for progression as singles decide for themselves how they will progress.

When they support singles by being a true friend, local leaders can minister more effectively to LDS singles.  That will increase the love we all have for one another.  That will build bridges of understanding between marrieds and singles.  That will develop a stronger unity of the faith.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

I’ve been thinking recently about what I do here — this program, the blog, and everything connected to it.  I’ve had such hopes and plans for helping LDS singles everywhere live better, more joyful lives.  I still do.

Bit by bit, it’s all coming together.  I’ve come so far since that very first blog post on 12/12/12.  I’ve come so far from that first blog post on this website, the post in which I declared my desire for real in my life.  I’ve come so far from providing audio clip readings of my posts.  And I’ve got farther yet to go before I’m done.

These accomplishments and dreams inspire me.  Yet my mind turns to those who could have such accomplishments and dreams but don’t.  They don’t believe they’re meant for anything extraordinary.  They don’t see how anything approaching greatness could ever involve them.  The future they see holds no promise, no hope, and no joy.

If that describes you, I hope you listen closely to the program today.  I have a special message just for you.  And it’s this: Don’t you dare give up on yourself.

I know the depths of depression, the darkness that can envelope a soul in despair so devoid of hope that one wonders how life could ever be joyful for any but the luckiest among us.  But I also know that vision doesn’t have to represent anyone’s reality.  You can choose your joy.

Once, my sense of “logic” would find such statements repugnant, not to mention incomprehensible.  What I see now that I didn’t see then are the faulty assumptions underneath that thinking.  Just because others believe something doesn’t make it true.  Nor does it mean you have to believe it.  You can believe what you want to believe.

And you can believe that what you believe and how you think will ultimately determine your reality.  That’s how our brains are biologically hardwired.  You can choose to think more effectively, to give yourself messages filled with positive energy, to put controls around your emotions, to choose your joy.  You can choose your reality.

Because you can choose your reality, you can choose to be a victim, or you can choose to be a victor.  You can choose to wallow within your own self-absorption.  Or you can choose to look outside yourself to how you can bless the lives of others.

Think of what that means.  We all posses the awesome potential for bringing goodness into the world, for making a real difference in the lives of others.  That means you have that potential.  You can inspire others to shine their lights bringing goodness into the lives of others when you shine your light bringing goodness into their lives.

But what would happen if you choose not to shine your light, not to make your contribution of goodness into the world?  Would others falter because they never had the light you could shine?  Would someone surrender to negativity because he or she didn’t have quite enough reserves to resist, reserves that would have been sufficient with your contribution?

The Master taught, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).  What distance between God and individual men and women will not be shortened when you choose not to make your contribution?

That’s why you should never dare to give up on yourself.  It’s not about you; it’s about all of us.  So when you give up on yourself, you’re giving up on the people who stand to benefit from the contribution you could make, a contribution only you can make.  When you give up on yourself, you give up on all of the rest of us.

When many of us look our meager offerings, we wonder how so much could ever hang in the balance.  How could our contribution ever be so important?  The Lord’s disciples thought this way when they saw they had only five loaves and two fishes (see Matthew 14:17).  How could so little feed so many?  And yet in the hands of the Master it did.  Likewise, the Master can work miracles in the lives of others as you follow His direction to give your contribution.

Don’t you dare give up on yourself!  When life looks bleak, partner with the Lord.  He will heal you so you believe in yourself and your contribution.  He will lead you to those who need your contribution.  And His hands will transform your contribution into miracles in their lives.  You can bask in their love for you and for the Lord when you make that contribution you can make.  And that will bring more joy in your journey.

Elder Uchtdorf’s remarks are no exception.  He begins by describing King Solomon’s trappings of worldly success — money, power, fame, prestige.  But at the end of his life, King Solomon described his success as vanity.  All his advantages weren’t enough to secure his happiness.

Many LDS singles experience something similar.  Though they’ve many blessings surrounding them every day, because they focus excessively on the one blessing they lack, they too see life as vanity.  They too wonder what really has worth when the blessings they want most continually seem out of reach.

Of course, it need not be that way.  Life is wonderful and beautiful.  And Elder Uchtdorf describes how we can capture that vision everyday when we believe, love, and do.

Everything starts with belief.  That’s why faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel.  If we don’t believe, we’ll never receive.

That’s because true belief always motivates to action.  You wouldn’t flip a light switch in a room if you didn’t believe the lights would come on.  Everything you do is based on a belief that some result connected with your action will occur or could occur.

Elder Uchtdorf agrees.  He declared,

I remember a time in my life when I wanted all the trite sayings about having a happy life to be more than just words but something I felt and lived every day.  I wanted more than just the same old superficiality, pretending the life I wanted was just around the corner.  In short, I wanted real.

I think that point comes into the life of all LDS singles who are single when they thought they wouldn’t be.  Whether through divorce or death or just not marrying, LDS singles hunger for real in their lives.

But do you believe — I mean, really believe — you can get it?  Do you believe the miracle you want to happen can happen?  That it will happen?  Belief is always the first step.  If you don’t believe, you’ll never receive.

The belief God will perform a miracle for you becomes easier when you feel His love for you.  This is why the Prophet Joseph Smith taught one cannot have faith in Christ without a true understanding of God’s character.  It’s through God’s love we best realize all of God’s attributes.

That’s because, when we feel God’s love for us, that love simultaneously communicates every other attribute describing God.  When you feel God’s love for you, you know more than just that He loves you.  You know He’s good because His love is good.  You know He’s kind because His love is kind.  You know He’s compassionate because His love is compassionate.  You know He’s merciful because His love is merciful.  You know He’s just because His love is just.

Elder Uchtdorf declared,

John the Beloved spoke truly when he wrote, “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love” (1 John 4:8).  When you truly believe, you can reach out to Him and taste of His love.

Of course, love like faith prompts us to action.  The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that the man or woman “filled with the love of God is not content with blessing his [or her] family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.”  When we fully give ourselves to that effort, we can transcend any of life’s difficulties, including the challenges of LDS singles life.

That’s why I’ve long encouraged LDS singles to adopt a personal ministry.  When we partner with the Lord, a personal ministry can increase our belief in God and the miraculous blessings He wants to give us as well as provide opportunity for us to love those we serve the way God loves them.  And when we allow the love of God to motivate us in fulfilling our personal ministry, we can feel for them the way God feels for them and see them the way He sees them.

Elder Uchtdorf invites,

I add my testimony to that of Elder Uchtdorft that when we truly believe with all our hearts, love God and others with all our hearts, and do the right things for us with all our hearts, we will not just feel happy but be happy.  And that will bring more joy in our journey.