Conference provides a great opportunity to reflect and recommit ourselves to a better path.  But truth be told, every single day holds the same opportunity.  Each day provides a new opportunity to consider your ways and act to change your life.

We all have the same 24 hours each day, but we all choose to spend it differently.  And how you spend your time reveals what you value most in life.

Me?  I’ve always been a big fan of sleep.  There’s no way it’s overrated.  It’s fantastic!  But you can pursue many things to excess, and sleep is no exception.  I’m sure we’re all familiar with the admonition in D&C 88:124 to “arise early.”  I’m actually still working on that.

But I’ve found, when I can do it, an early start radically changes the entire day.  I’m way more productive, producing more value more easily.  I feel more focused and energized throughout the day.  And at the end of the day, I’m just more satisfied with myself.

I don’t get those benefits if I prioritize personal playtime and consuming content, and neither will you.  If you want your best life, you need to answer these questions: Do you devote more time to worthy causes or frivolous pursuits?  Are you the captain of your life’s ship, or do you just float wherever the waves of life take you?

Speaking of sleep, what does “retire to thy bed early” mean?  I think we each must find our own way.  For myself, the sooner I get to sleep, the easier it is to beat the sun up.  My body simply takes what sleep it needs, so staying up late doesn’t help me “arise early.”  And if I don’t get up early, I won’t get the resultant benefits.

In fact, getting up late usually means getting the exact opposite.  I get tons more desire to play and waste the day.  If I do manage to drag myself into some productive pursuit, I’m anything but focused.  My mind goes all over the map.  At the end of the day, I’m left with nothing but the shame of having wasted the day.

On my mission, I heard an African story.  Every morning a gazelle awakens.  He knows his best chance of escaping the tiger hunting him is to get as much of a head start as he can.  But every morning that tiger also awakens.  He knows his best chance of eating that day depends on catching the gazelle before he starts running.  Thus, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a gazelle or a tiger.  When the sun comes up, you had better be running.

Your sleep schedule is just one of many ways you should consider.  We should all reflect on what we need to get where we each want to go and then consider getting what we don’t have but need.  Sometimes that means gaining new knowledge.  Sometimes that means acquiring a new tool.  Sometimes that means having the right people in your life.  Your Heavenly Father, the Lord, and the Spirit are indispensable members of that support team.  Don’t forget to include them in your plans for success.

In the end, you won’t get the most out of life unless you live intentionally.  Only by choosing your activities with intention can you get the most juice for your squeeze.  And the best intention for your time includes your own personal ministry by which you contribute to making the world a better place.

So consider your ways.  Are you making the most of every day?  Are you living with intention?  I can’t say I always have.  But I can say I’ve experienced real joy in living when I’ve consciously chosen how to spend my time to achieve worthy goals.  And I’m grateful to be reminded of the opportunity each day brings to consider my ways and make changes where necessary.

If you haven’t considered your ways recently, do so now.  You’ll open the door to feeling more satisfied with yourself each and every day.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

When the options before you seem untenable, it’s time to get some new ones.  Most people simply accept what they’re given, but the truly successful open new doors when the old ones close, even if that means making the new doors themselves.  If you feel your dating options are limited or even non-existent, it’s time to expand your horizons, dare to step out, and strike new ground.

The key to increasing your success is thinking probabilistically.  Target actions that increase your probability of success.  Often that means increasing the likelihood of crossing paths with acceptable prospects.  When you know what activities those types of people have in their life, it’s easier to find new opportunities to meet them.

For example, if you want a worthy companion you can take to the temple, you need to cross paths more with temple worthy people.  What activities do temple worthy people have in their life?  Service is a big one.  How do you cross paths more with people who have service in their life? By serving more yourself.

So expand the scope of your service.  Really delve into your ministering assignment.  Get more active with family history in family history centers.  Pray for and be attentive to service opportunities in your ward.  Spend more time in the temple.  My grandfather met his second wife while serving in the temple.

You get more opportunity to meet quality people when you cross paths more often with quality people.  The probability you’ll do that increases substantially when you position yourself for that crossing to happen.  And the best way to do that is to identify what the people you want to meet do in their lives and then do the same things in yours.

The advent of social media offers an amazing opportunity to do just that.  The business model social media platforms use lets you leverage them for free.  And when you understand the fundamentals of the dating journey, leveraging social media for dating becomes quite natural.

Too many LDS singles frustrate their own progress by thinking huge commitment when considering dating.  They aren’t being in the place where they are.  The dating journey has various stages, each with more commitment than the one before.  The first stage, Friendship, has zero commitment.  Guess what stage you’re in when you first meet someone?  Yep, Friendship.  So focus on building friendship when you meet people since that’s the stage you’re in.

Join groups that attract the type of people you want to meet, get active in group discussions, and you’ll increase your probability of crossing paths with quality prospects.  Then be in the place where you are — whatever stage of the dating journey you’re in — as you get to know people.  Your journey will go better when you’re in the place where you are.

My final suggestion I’ve mentioned before.  Long-time audience members will recognize my encouragement to adopt a personal ministry.  Find some contribution of goodness you can make, and then devote yourself to making that contribution.

Adopting a personal ministry makes you a more interesting person, which in turn makes you more attractive in dating.  And the people who’ll cross your path as you perform your personal ministry are more likely to be quality prospects interested in devoting themselves to causes similar to the one you embrace with your personal ministry.  What a wonderful foundation for a friendship that could grow into a wonderful foundation for marriage!

If you’re frustrated with the dating options LDS singles typically pursue, expand your horizons by imagining new options that approach dating in different ways while still based in the fundamentals of what you’re trying to do.  We all have opportunities all around us, and when we embrace new and different ways of thinking, we can see more of those opportunities and then take advantage of them.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Christ is of course the ultimate source of hope for anything good in this life or the next.  No matter your background or situation, there is always hope because there is always Christ.  That doesn’t mean you won’t have challenges, but it does mean every problem has some solution in Him.  With hope in Christ, you can joyfully rise above any challenge.

I especially like President Ballard’s reliance upon eternal principles of truth.  He doesn’t really talk about singles until halfway through his address.  He spends the first half laying out the foundational principles that support his remarks on singles.  That’s significant.

Equally significant is his repetition of what Elder Gong shared earlier.  The majority of LDS adults are single.  The public recognition of this demographic change precedes a new thrust by the Church to change LDS culture.  Leaders might not describe it that way, but the Church is certainly publicly reaching more after those who by definition don’t have the traditional marker of belonging in LDS culture, namely being married with kids.

And it’s more than just Conference talks.  Have you seen the Church website lately?  The website has been promoting an upcoming broadcast for singles over 30, the first ever Church-wide broadcast tailored entirely and specifically for this demographic.  There’s also an excellent article in the latest Liahona providing practical advice on helping singles feel more included at church.

This is the power of hope in Christ.  How long have I discussed in blog posts and this radio program the need to embrace a Christ-centered culture in which the mark of belonging is discipleship?  For the past seven years I’ve expressed my faith such a change would come, even amidst the challenges of feeling included in a culture that didn’t always welcome me.  And now I rejoice to see the Lord rewarding the faith I and many others have held all this time.

President Ballard extolled singles everywhere to have such faith.  Said he, “I speak of hope in Christ not as wishful thinking. Instead, I speak of hope as an expectation that will be realized. Such hope is essential to overcoming adversity, fostering spiritual resilience and strength, and coming to know that we are loved by our Eternal Father and that we are His children, who belong to His family.”

How does one achieve such hope?  It comes by faith in Christ who grants that hope to those who wait patiently upon Him.  Because faith is a principle of action, so is waiting upon the Lord.

President Ballard said as much.  He declared,

I love his declaration of increased hope through needed contribution, a concept we’ve long discussed here — the need for singles to have a personal ministry.  When you devote yourself to sharing your unique goodness and light with others, you focus on what you can do.  That focus in turn creates a reality of possibility and potential, which naturally leads to hope.

President Ballard shared other principles that engender hope — the truth no blessing will be denied those who keep covenants, the assurance blessings will be ours though we don’t know all the details, the inclusion of exaltation in God’s plan for all the willing, and faith the Lord will eventually right every wrong experienced in mortality.  Each of these principles encourage us to hold to the promise of better days ahead.

And that promise is true.  It’s not just wishful thinking.  Better days are ahead!  Whether those days come tomorrow, two years from tomorrow, or two centuries from tomorrow, better days will come.  Faith helps us to see those better days, and hope helps us hold true until those days arrive.

There is always hope because there is always Christ.  Let your hope in Christ kindle a fire of faith that promised blessings will be yours.  Let your hope in Christ inspire you to share the light of your goodness with others.  As you embrace your own personal ministry, you’ll see that light grow ever brighter and brighter.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

But in reflecting upon my situation, I’ve come to realize my faulty assumption.  I’ve been assuming I can find peace only outside myself.  I want to get away from the fighting that fills our communities.  I want to escape the turbulence of these troubled times.  I want to resolve the circumstances outside myself that I’ve erroneously connected with how I feel inside myself.

But peace doesn’t come from outside ourselves.  Peace comes from within.  As a popular song teaches, let there be peace, and let it begin with me.  When we take proper action, we can have peace within even though the world around us has anything but.

Your focus determines your reality.  So when you change your focus, you change your realty.  When you change the way you think, you change your life.

All of us can create a reality of peace in our lives when we focus on what brings peace.  And the ultimate source of peace is the Prince of Peace.  He suffered our pains and troubles so that He would know how to be compassionate in our hour of need.  He died so that we could live.

That life Christ gives isn’t just eternal life in the realm beyond the veil.  He gives life here and now in mortality.  He can lighten our load and light the way before us.  He can lift us when we are low.  He can give hope amidst despair.  But in order to make His lift, His light, and His love our reality, we must focus upon Him.

The Christmas spirit of peace lives in us when we increase our discipleship to the Prince of Peace.  It’s when we ignore His teachings or turn our focus away from the weightier matters of covenant living that we bring ourselves the opposite of peace.  Aligning our will with His brings a harmony with truth that makes our hearts a natural home for peace.

And only when we have peace within ourselves can we effectively promote peace outside ourselves.  Only a continued walk after the Prince of Peace can inspire others to follow His enlightened example and find peace within themselves.

But deep, lasting peace never comes from just going through the motions.  Just as true happiness comes from giving yourself to all the right things for you, deep, lasting peace comes only when you align yourself with all the right things for you.

Of course you should strive to keep the commandments and your covenants.  Those things are right for everyone.  But beyond the standards reside what’s right for each of us individually — goodness related to your personal ministry and the contribution only you can make in the lives of others.

When you give yourself to those right things that only you can do, you promote peace.  You become a city shining on a hill giving goodness, light, and love to an increasingly darkened world desperately in need.  And that peace you bring to others can bring greater peace to you as well.

You can’t really share with others what you yourself don’t have.  It all starts where the song says it starts.  Let there be peace.  And let it begin with me.

Peace comes from within, so let each of us align ourselves with God.  Let each of us be true to our covenants.  Let each of us give what only we can give.  Let each of us focus on Christ and feel the peace that comes from following after the Prince of Peace.

Then let us all go forward and share that peace with others.  Let us light their lives.  Let us give them hope.  Let us lighten their load.  Let there be peace.  And let it begin with me and you.  We will find a peace we have never before known when we cultivate peace within our own hearts like we have never before done.  And doing that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Without question, the words that impressed me most were these: We can spend our lives doing many good things, but in the end all those good things won't count for much if they don't help people come unto Christ.  Those words have prompted moments of reflection as I've considered my own ways.  How much of what I do leads others to Christ?

In that moment of pure revelation, I understood intuitively the Spirit's impressions applied to every area of my life.  And there's one part of my life to which the application seemed most clear.  That part is Joy in the Journey Radio.

I've sacrificed and labored endlessly for the past eight years in what is now Joy in the Journey Radio.  Some of my contributions have been more well received than others.  Most of those others haven't been received at all.  They are blog posts without comments, videos without views, podcasts without listens.

One might say all my effort has been for naught.  What good is all I've done if no one knows about it?  What good is an unreceived gift?  Here's my answer: The show isn't over until the fat lady sings, and it's not even close to the time the fat lady takes the stage.  By placing it out in the world, my contribution is available to make a difference in someone's life.  Just because it hasn't done so to date doesn't mean it never will.  God can still use my contribution for His purposes.

Consider what would be had I not made my contribution.  I couldn't ever make any difference because nothing would be there to make a difference.  The real question at hand is not what difference my contribution does make.  The real question is what difference my contribution can make.

With all we say and do, the most difference to be made is advancing God's eternal purposes.  His "work and . . . glory [is] to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39).  In that light, what difference could be more significant than helping our brothers and sisters progress along the covenant path?

That's why the real question resulting from my reflections is really this: How effective is the way I use my time?  In the end, all we really have in life are our will, our relationships, and our time.  President Oaks once observed that

How wise is that timely counsel!

The contributions I've made thus far through Joy in the Journey Radio can help LDS singles find more joy in their lives.  But is that the better or best contribution I can make?

I haven't completely ignored helping others come to Christ.  I've dedicated one monologue blog post and its attendant program each month to returning the most recent General Conference.  And I always view issues through the lens of the restored gospel.  I always support the Brethren and prioritize walking the covenant path.  And I always encourage others to do the same.

But I should be more overt about it.  Joy in the Journey Radio should be more forward about bringing souls to Christ.  The difference I can make through the purposes already expressed through Joy in the Journey Radio are all good.  But are they better or best?  They can be when they highlight bringing souls to Christ.

And so can be your purposes in your life.  What difference will you make with your contribution?  Will it be good, or will it be better or best?  The Lord has been hastening His work in preparation for His Second Coming.  When you surrender your will and your time to advance His purposes, He will advance yours.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Harry has no clue what happened here.  But I do; I see very clearly what's happened.  Harry, my man!  You got played, bro.

In the comments to this post, most men think the woman was disingenuous, and most women think she was completely honest.  I think if we understood more how each gender thinks, we all might gain an increased understanding prompting greater patience.

Men think with logic.  Reason drives them to seek enticement.  Women think with emotion.  Emotion drives them to seek experience, by which I mean the experience of desired emotions as they live their life.  To understand the choices made in interactions between the sexes, we need to see those choices through each respective perspective.

From the perspective of logic, it's reasonable to expect further interactions based on positive past experience.  From that perspective, what the woman did was not honest; she's playing games.  However, from the perspective of emotion, it's just as reasonable to choose the feeling of being with someone offering enjoyable company (even if that someone is not the right type) over the feeling of being with no one.  From that perspective, what the woman did was honest; she's not playing games.

Who's right?  They both are.  That's why you have got to get good with you and the biological hardwiring in each gender's brain, because that's not going to change.  The sooner you can understand each perspective, the sooner you can accept those perspectives and get busy with what will make you more attractive and your dating journey more enjoyable.

The best way to become more attractive and enjoy your dating journey is to become the best version of you and adopt a personal ministry — your unique contribution of goodness to the world.  By improving upon yourself and giving all of yourself to your special way of improving the lives of others, you chart a course that will both best attract the type of companion that's best for you and maximize your joy along the way.

Too many LDS singles struggle with dating because they have ineffective assumptions.  It's all too common to find men and women who view singles life as something they must escape.  While understandable, that mindset is all backwards.  Trying to escape singles life suggests it's a problem, and no one wants more problems.  It also makes you look desperate, and no one really wants desperate.

Many LDS singles also don't understand the fundamentals of dating.  When they participate in dating (or what they think is dating), they trip all over themselves, ending up hurt and frustrated.  But that's to be expected when you don't understand the fundamental principles governing what you're trying to do.

When you do understand, you see your best course is to embrace singles life.  No matter how long it may be, make your singles life the best it can be.  Get good with you, make you the best you, and throw yourself into a life of contribution, a life that someone special will want to live with you.

Of course, the hardest part is to keep going without knowing how much farther until your journey ends.  But you must keep going, because the moment you quit is the moment you lose all attractiveness, the currency you need to secure the agreements required for progress in your dating journey.

You can't avoid the difficulties surrounding not knowing when your dating journey will end, but you can avoid many other difficulties in that journey with more frequent, higher quality communication.  We all need to assume less and ask more.

Harry, I'm truly sorry you got played, bro.  Yes, it hurts, but you minimize your future pain when you get good with you, chart your course, and then stay your course.  Understand how each gender thinks and what drives their choices.  Stop trying to escape singles life and start embracing it.  When you do, you'll start living your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey. 

I’m not sure what it was exactly.  It’s not like the situation this sister describes is abnormal, extraordinary, or unusual.  Confronting loneliness is part of the reality of singleness.  I just felt I should address the question posed in this post.

Don’t ask me to compare the loneliness of the never-married versus the divorced versus the widowed.  I don’t even know where to begin there, nor am I entirely certain that comparison would provide any real value.

What I do know is that I’ve had my own confrontation with loneliness and overcome it.  I know the depths of despair that can enter the heart from prolonged singleness.  I’ve been single for over two decades.  I also know the pure joy and hope that fill the heart and soul when you change the way you think and adopt a personal ministry.  And I know this is true because I’ve lived that joy and am living it now.

Most of the comments offered in response to this single mother’s question revolved around two approaches: hobbies and renewal activities.  They represent two ways of what I see as fundamentally the same approach.  And that approach doesn’t address the real issue at hand.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not against hobbies.  And I’m certainly not against participating in regular activities that renew the spirit, heart, mind, and body.  In fact, having regular renewal rituals is a great way to live life.  We all need to recharge from time to time.

Yet neither of these methods proposed to combat the loneliness we LDS singles encounter solve the problem.  They’re simply bandages covering the problem with a seemingly healthy and often pleasurable distraction.  Avoiding problems will never solve them.  Real solutions always require us to act.

That action starts when we change the way we think.  We need to discard the notion that we have to be married or have some significant other in our lives in order to be happy.  We need to stop conditioning our happiness on the choices of others.  And we need to throw off any vestige of any victim mentality we have and replace it with a victor mentality.  We need to own our lives, taking full responsibility for whatever results we do have and recognizing the power of our own choices in delivering to us the life we want.

Attitude without action will never bring you achievement. Some people get fired up with positive thinking, but then their lives don’t change because they didn’t really change, especially in the way they think.  Changed thinking always leads to changed action, which in turn always leads to a changed reality.

One of the best actions more effective ways of thinking always lead one to take is to adopt a personal ministry.  Your personal ministry is that unique contribution of goodness you make to the world, the cause through which you uplift and bless the lives of others.  We’ve discussed before on the program how adopting a personal ministry can help LDS singles overcome their challenges.  Here are just three of those reasons:

1. A personal ministry provides a sense of progression when other aspects of life (dating especially) can seem stagnant.
2. A personal ministry creates space for you to joy in the joy you bring to others through your personal ministry.
3. A personal ministry makes you more attractive to a potential spouse.

When you think about it, it’s not hard to understand why a personal ministry offers so much benefit for LDS singles seeking to overcome loneliness and other challenges we LDS singles face.  It aligns us with the path the Savior trod by turning ourselves outward towards others.

That’s in stark contrast to the bandage solutions mentioned earlier.  Again, I’m not against hobbies and renewal rituals.  But focusing exclusively here will turn ourselves inward towards ourselves.  That’s why they will never really solve the problem of loneliness.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with others in ways that remind us we aren’t ever really alone.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with the Savior Who fills us with His love that helps us to know we aren’t ever really alone.

If you feel consumed by loneliness, consider your focus.  Your focus will always determines your reality.  Change your thinking, adopt a personal ministry, and turn yourself outward.  You’ll shift your focus towards others and shift your reality away from your problems and into your possibilities.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Many don’t believe that.  They assume life is the collection of circumstances outside their control.  But that’s why many people aren’t all that happy.

Your focus determines your reality.  Because you can choose what you focus on, you can choose your reality.  True, most don’t choose their circumstances, but that never stopped anyone who lived joyfully from living joyfully.  These people lived their best life because they made different choices with the same circumstances.

Some of us should take a lesson from a farmer.  Farmers don’t choose their circumstances.  They have the soil and the water that’s available.  Their seeds for planting are whatever they are.  The weather will be whatever it will be.  So much of what’s needful for the harvest is outside their control.  Yet with hard work in what they can control, they produce bountiful harvests year after year.

In like manner, we haven’t chosen many of the circumstances of our lives.  What we have is what we have, and it’s often all we have.  But if we work hard in what we can control, we can produce harvests of truly joyful living year after year.  This is what I call your best life.

I can hear many of you now.  What exactly can we control?  Here’s my answer: Standards, attitude, approach.

It starts with standards.  You’ll never design your best life without knowing what’s acceptable and what’s not.  The best delineations between what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t are made after partnering with the Lord to get good with you.  Once you know and accept who you really are and what your personal ministry should be, you can best draw that line between what you’ll accept in your life and what you won’t.  The more clear you make that definition, the more able you’ll be to live the life you intend.

Once you know exactly what you want, you need resolve to do whatever it takes to get it (within the realm of covenant living, of course).  You need the attitude of the victor and not the victim.  That attitude will fire your imagination to design a life you’ll truly enjoy and pull you through to that fulfilling end when the road there gets tough.

Of course, attitude without action will never bring you achievement.  To live a life you design, you must take action.  Working smart as well as working hard requires attention to one’s approach.  Too often we think what we seek must come in one specific way.  But much of life is not path-dependent; there’s often more than one road leading to the top of the mountain.  And sometimes the road that’s best for us to travel is not the one we expect.

With these three elements in place — standards, attitude, and approach — you can decide what you want your life to be and feel the joy that comes from working to make it happen.  Usually that means taking small steps every single day to inch yourself closer to the life you dream.

That’s where many of us fall short.  We don’t do the little things everyday that can near us to our best life.  Then, after a larger block of time has passed, we can’t help but notice we’re left standing on the pier because our ship has long since sailed.

That’s where being clear about your standards, attitude, and approach holds its best value.  Once you’re crystal clear on those elements, what you need to do everyday will be obvious.  Performing those seemingly small and insignificant actions everyday will collect to create the very significant life you design for yourself.

So what are you waiting for?  Get clear, and then get going. None of this happens overnight.  But as you move closer to the life you design for yourself, you’ll feel the joy that comes from making progress.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Our LDS culture hands each of us a life plan describing how life is supposed to go.  We go on a mission, do college, start the career, and somewhere in that mix get married.  Then we live happily ever after with our eternal companion.

But the lives of many LDS singles differ greatly from that story.  Some haven’t married, others divorce, and still others lose a spouse to death.  Whatever the reason, those who find themselves single when they don’t want to be consider that happily-ever-after story nothing more than a fairy tale.

And LDS singles deal with the shock of that unexpected life chapter in multiple ways.  Some enter paralysis, unable to move outside of their newly found rut.  Some despair, thinking all hope is lost for them.  Others question themselves, wondering what sin they committed to deserve losing the blessings they were promised.  Other responses run the spectrum of possibilities.

Yet no matter the reason or the response, one truth continues to shine brightly.  Just because your life hasn’t turned out the way you anticipated doesn’t mean all is lost.  There is always hope because there is always Christ.   And we take the first step to grasping that hope when we ditch the plan our culture has been feeding us.

Whatever your destination, you need an accurate map.  A map that doesn’t match your current landscape will do nothing more than obstruct and frustrate you.  It’ll never help you find your way.  And that won’t change until you get a better map.

That’s why most LDS singles need to ditch the life plan our culture feeds us.  It doesn’t represent their current landscape.  Perhaps it was fine for where they were, but it’s not a good map for where they are right now.  Want to move forward with your life?  Get a better map!

That better map will one you create after you partner with the Lord.  President Ezra Taft Benson taught that Christ can make more out of our lives than we can on our own.   He has the better map we need.  When we turn to Him, He’ll guide the next steps of our journey.

Still, some among us insist on keeping that defunct life plan despite its mismatch with their current landscape.  Accordingly, they feel stuck, unable to move, because they can never live that plan.  Try as they might, they can’t travel back in time to make different choices.  We all must play the hand we’re dealt.

While in college, I had the possibility of conforming to the life plan.  But that ship has long since sailed.  So any insistence on my part to hold on to this life plan is insanity.  I’d be grasping at lost opportunities that’ll never be anywhere but in the past.  And no one can move forward until they let go of the past.

Why would any of us fight against reason and keep ourselves immobile by holding on to the past?  Reasons will vary with the individual, but many singles associate belonging with conforming to that cultural life plan.  The need to belong is a basic human need, and so they don’t want to accept the possibility that need won’t ever be met.

And that’s the lie from our culture that we shouldn’t believe.  When the mark of belonging is being married with kids, you’ll never feel like you belong while you’re single.  Singles by definition aren’t married, which means by definition they don’t belong.

But you don’t have to believe that.  You don’t have to believe what’s handed to you.  You can adopt your own mark of belonging, one centered on Christ and your desire to be true to the covenants you’ve made with Him.  And adopting a personal ministry can help you do just that.

When you partner with the Lord and surrender yourself completely to the personal ministry He shows you, you’ll look forward to the goodness you can contribute into the lives of others.  The better map you need for your journey involves a personal ministry.  And the Lord can use your focus on others through the vehicle of a personal ministry to help you let go of the past, embrace the joy to be found in facing forward, and make more out of your life than you can alone.

So ditch the plan our LDS culture feeds us about life and partner with the Lord.  He’ll heal you and help you to move forward.  He’ll show you the next steps you need to take.  And He’ll guide you in your personal ministry as you focus on contributing goodness into the lives of others.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I’ve been thinking recently about what I do here — this program, the blog, and everything connected to it.  I’ve had such hopes and plans for helping LDS singles everywhere live better, more joyful lives.  I still do.

Bit by bit, it’s all coming together.  I’ve come so far since that very first blog post on 12/12/12.  I’ve come so far from that first blog post on this website, the post in which I declared my desire for real in my life.  I’ve come so far from providing audio clip readings of my posts.  And I’ve got farther yet to go before I’m done.

These accomplishments and dreams inspire me.  Yet my mind turns to those who could have such accomplishments and dreams but don’t.  They don’t believe they’re meant for anything extraordinary.  They don’t see how anything approaching greatness could ever involve them.  The future they see holds no promise, no hope, and no joy.

If that describes you, I hope you listen closely to the program today.  I have a special message just for you.  And it’s this: Don’t you dare give up on yourself.

I know the depths of depression, the darkness that can envelope a soul in despair so devoid of hope that one wonders how life could ever be joyful for any but the luckiest among us.  But I also know that vision doesn’t have to represent anyone’s reality.  You can choose your joy.

Once, my sense of “logic” would find such statements repugnant, not to mention incomprehensible.  What I see now that I didn’t see then are the faulty assumptions underneath that thinking.  Just because others believe something doesn’t make it true.  Nor does it mean you have to believe it.  You can believe what you want to believe.

And you can believe that what you believe and how you think will ultimately determine your reality.  That’s how our brains are biologically hardwired.  You can choose to think more effectively, to give yourself messages filled with positive energy, to put controls around your emotions, to choose your joy.  You can choose your reality.

Because you can choose your reality, you can choose to be a victim, or you can choose to be a victor.  You can choose to wallow within your own self-absorption.  Or you can choose to look outside yourself to how you can bless the lives of others.

Think of what that means.  We all posses the awesome potential for bringing goodness into the world, for making a real difference in the lives of others.  That means you have that potential.  You can inspire others to shine their lights bringing goodness into the lives of others when you shine your light bringing goodness into their lives.

But what would happen if you choose not to shine your light, not to make your contribution of goodness into the world?  Would others falter because they never had the light you could shine?  Would someone surrender to negativity because he or she didn’t have quite enough reserves to resist, reserves that would have been sufficient with your contribution?

The Master taught, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).  What distance between God and individual men and women will not be shortened when you choose not to make your contribution?

That’s why you should never dare to give up on yourself.  It’s not about you; it’s about all of us.  So when you give up on yourself, you’re giving up on the people who stand to benefit from the contribution you could make, a contribution only you can make.  When you give up on yourself, you give up on all of the rest of us.

When many of us look our meager offerings, we wonder how so much could ever hang in the balance.  How could our contribution ever be so important?  The Lord’s disciples thought this way when they saw they had only five loaves and two fishes (see Matthew 14:17).  How could so little feed so many?  And yet in the hands of the Master it did.  Likewise, the Master can work miracles in the lives of others as you follow His direction to give your contribution.

Don’t you dare give up on yourself!  When life looks bleak, partner with the Lord.  He will heal you so you believe in yourself and your contribution.  He will lead you to those who need your contribution.  And His hands will transform your contribution into miracles in their lives.  You can bask in their love for you and for the Lord when you make that contribution you can make.  And that will bring more joy in your journey.