Put the Lord first
Understandably, the weight of life presses on us all. For many LDS singles who’ve lived years without the righteous blessings they desire, that weight can be heavy indeed. A pessimistic outlook on the future that often attends that weight doesn’t help.
But there is always hope because there is always Christ. He can help us go forward when we feel there is no way forward because He is the Way. When we give our heartfelt all to Him, He gives us access to His power. And with His power, we can do all things.
That includes maximizing our joy in LDS singles life. We can find balance amongst all the tensions of life when we put the Savior and our discipleship to Him first and give our all to Him and His work. As Elder Uchtdorf explained,
This is how LDS singles can move their lives forward.
Find a new approach
This doesn’t mean your solution to the challenges of LDS singles life is more church. The solution is more you. When you give more of yourself to what you do, you create the space in which you can have more joy in your life.
It’s that giving more of yourself that actually creates that space for more joy. That’s why time and time again I’ve defined happiness as giving your all to all the right things for you. That’s why for years I’ve encouraged LDS singles to embrace a personal ministry. Like the widow’s mite which Elder Uchtdorf referenced to begin his remarks, your contribution to making the world a better place is worthwhile when it represents your all because it’s only in giving your all that you become a better you.
I can understand why so many LDS singles want to give up on their lives. Dating often results in frustration and other negative emotions. Then there’s loneliness. And those singles who are also parents have double duty in raising their children. I get it.
But I also get that frustration is a sign you’re going about something the wrong way. So when you feel life isn’t working right, it’s really you that isn’t working right. You need a new approach! Elder Uchtdorf explained how putting the Lord first helps us each find the new approach we need.
Just keep moving forward
When you partner with the Lord by putting Him and His work first and then taking counsel from Him, He Who is the Way will show you the way. This principle works in every aspect of life, not just discipleship. When you give more of you to all you do, you can get more out of what you do.
So if you aren’t getting what you want out of dating, give more of you to it. Start by learning the fundamentals. If you aren’t getting more of what you want from your occupation, give more of you to it. And so it goes for every aspect of life.
You can find the balance and lift you need when you give your all and keep moving forward. So don’t stop. Don’t stagnate. Don’t wallow in the mire of despair. Don’t wrap yourself in pity. Focus on where you want to go and keep moving forward. As Elder Uchtdorf taught,
Give your heartfelt all to all you do. You’ll create the space for more joy in your life. You’ll see life turning around for you. And you’ll find more balance and lift in your life as you come closer to the Lord. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Sister Newbold acknowledges a common singles attitude: Identifying yourself by what you don’t have. When you do that, you’ll live in a space where you’re deficient. Sister Newbold’s response is an effective one: Live in a space where you see yourself as you’ll be, because that’s how God sees you. By living “as though” God’s promises are fulfilled, you can be joyful now.
Understand the challenge
Sister Newbold recognizes the difficulty of reconciling as yet unfulfilled promises with the reality of LDS singles life. Her answer is to live “as though” those promises have been fulfilled, though she admits that’s challenging. She writes, “Given that God is a God of promises, it becomes hard at times for me to reconcile why certain promises have not yet been fulfilled in my life.”
I’m sure many singles can relate. I myself felt that challenge a few months ago. In the midst of my most challenging semester of school ever, questions about my patriarchal blessing began to feel more demanding. And given my age, I began to wonder how my promised blessings will ever come to me.
Sure, it’s easy to say, “Well, sometimes patriarchal blessings get fulfilled in eternity.” But that doesn’t apply to the married life the Lord promised me. Very clear and unambiguous language speaks of my temple marriage in this life and actions my children and posterity will take in this life. These and other blessings are promised to me in this life, not the next.
Given I’m in my late 40s and not getting any younger, questions of how those promises would be fulfilled troubled me. At the time, I really struggled with those questions. Now I simply feel a quiet confidence somehow it’ll all happen.
Consider three solutions
Sister Newbold’s answer to that challenge, as mentioned earlier, is to live “as though” promised blessings have arrived. How do we do that? Sister Newbold shares three suggestions.
First, she suggests considering a variety of promises. LDS singles tend to fixate on the marriage they by definition don’t have right now. That focus blinds them from seeing other promised blessings they already have, many of which they take for granted. Recognizing these less appreciated but bountiful blessings invites gratitude and trust God will keep all His promises.
Second, she suggests recognizing God’s hand in our lives. Many in today’s world focus on what they lack, and as long-time audience members will tell you, your focus becomes your reality. Focusing on lack creates a reality of scarcity, which inhibits the ability to feel joy. But focusing on what you have creates a reality of abundance. I really like how Sister Newbold extends that idea to the sacrament.
Third, Sister Newbold suggests helping the Lord keep His promises to others through Spirit-directed service. When you follow the Spirit’s promptings to help others, you can help answer their prayers. You can find joy in being the Lord’s hands.
Trust in Him
Honestly, I appreciate a perspective centered on our focus rather than the traditional and highly unhelpful ”Just hold faithful, and everything will be right in the next life.” Additionally, Sister Newbold readily admits that “trusting in His promises is not always an easy choice.”
She also says “living ‘as though’ will look different for everyone.” I suspect that’s only true in the particulars. I could summarize what that looks like for her as making and keeping as many covenants as she can, in essence living all of the gospel she can. I think that would describe living “as though” for any LDS single.
God will keep every promise made to every one of us. He has thousands of years of experience doing just that for the generations that came before us. And the Spirit can remind us of moments when He’s kept promises in our own lives. So we can trust He’ll keep every as yet unfulfilled promise. When we live“as though” by walking with faith He’ll do just that, we can be instruments in fulfilling His purposes, all the while experiencing the quiet confidence that somehow it’ll all happen for us. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
See the situation
The story begins with Phil Connors, the weatherman for Channel 9 News in Pittsburgh. The man is clearly full of himself, so it’s no surprise no one really likes him, not even himself. He’s a rather disgruntled man who thinks covering the Groundhog Day Festival is beneath him.
So imagine his shock when he wakes up thinking it’s February 3rd only to find out it’s February 2nd again. The bewilderment continues as each morning he wakes up to find that somehow in his sleep he went back in time by one day. He keeps living the same day over and over again.
His first reaction is denial. This can’t be happening to me! Denial drives resistance, but no matter how he fights against his situation, the next morning is always February 2nd again. His denial then turns into despair. This report he gives at the festival summarizes his condition rather well.
That day ended in suicide, but it doesn’t end him. In despair, Phil keeps trying to kill himself in different ways trying unsuccessfully to escape his never-ending cycle.
Note the pivot
And then one of those February 2nd days becomes a pivot day when everything changes. Phil doesn’t escape the never-ending cycle, but he does find a new perspective on his situation. And what changed everything was Rita.
Rita is Phil’s producer. She’s also the apple of his eye. Previously he spent God knows how many successive February 2nd days trying to get into her pants. But on his pivot day, Phil approaches Rita with a different agenda. Instead of trying to satiate his lust, he sincerely cries for help. (Why do I have a Rick Astley song in my head right now?) Rita helps him and in the process begins to fall for him.
Of course, that disappears when everything resets the next morning. But Phil remains changed, and he starts spending his February 2nd days improving upon himself, working to become a better, more quality person. He takes up reading all kinds of books. He learns to play the piano. He takes up ice sculpting! Not only do his efforts make him a better person, they make his life more interesting.
And the proof is in this report. It’s the same day, same festival, but a completely different Phil.
Once he stopped trying to escape his situation and embraced it, Phil was able to tap into the joy life has to offer every single day. In the end, he escapes the cycle and gets the girl.
Take a lesson
The allegory here to LDS singles is so clear I wonder why I didn’t see it earlier. How many of us singles are in denial? No, I can’t be single. This can’t be happening to me! And no matter what we do to fight it, we seem caught in a never-ending cycle of singleness from which we cannot escape.
But if we’d stop trying to escape from it and start embracing it, we could turn everything around. We could start looking inside ourselves and working to become better, more quality people. We can do things to make our lives more interesting. We could tap into the joy God wants us to have every single day.
And we could help other singles to have their pivot day. Just as Rita helped turn things around for Phil, we can reach out to one another. Instead of looking only to satiate our own agendas when we interact with each other, we could help each other live better lives.
When we take a lesson from Groundhog Day, we can make the most of what seems to be a never-ending cycle of singleness. By embracing our situation instead of trying to escape from it, we can live our best life and help others to do the same. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
That vote of no confidence really punched me in the gut. Initially I was in a daze, uncertain of my path forward. But as time lifted that fog, I began to gain some clarity and regain some perspective. If you feel that way, know that all is not lost. There’s always hope because there’s always Christ. That hope says you can change for the better. And you can keep that optimism when you treat every day like it’s your birthday.
Live like a kid
At my age, birthdays just don’t seem as special to me as they did when I was a kid. I’ve been there, done that, got the shirt and the hat, plus I chair the membership committee. (Would you like to join? We have jackets!)
And that’s part of the problem. Something about becoming an adult sacrifices that childhood perspective of optimism and possibility on the altar of pessimistic reality. We’re more prone to point out barriers to justify why we won’t or can’t achieve than to believe that achievement is possible and look for a way to overcome the obstacle.
We also lose the joy of childhood. The adult perspective is so often serious. Kids naturally approach their day looking for fun. They don’t worry much beyond the present; they live in the moment. Certainly there are times when we need to buckle down and do some serious work. But we could all benefit from introducing an element of fun into what we do and living in the moment.
That’s what birthdays are all about for kids. They get absorbed in enjoying the moment. If we lived life like a kid, maybe some of our obstacles would disappear because our overly serious perspective that created them would be gone.
Treat each day special
Treating every day like it’s your birthday also recognizes the special gift each day really is. Too often we go through our days playing out habits that carry us from one moment to the next. And that lull of life lacks the joy each day can and does bring.
That’s why a life on autopilot will never lead you to your best life. There’s nothing to savor in simply going through the motions. Very often, we go through those motions without any awareness of what we’re doing. That’s how we’re biologically hardwired to operate.
Treating every day like it’s your birthday breaks you out of that mold. Because it’s not something you normally do, it doesn’t conform to routine or habit, which takes what you do out of the shadows and into the light of awareness. Being fully aware of what you’re doing does two things: (1) It opens you to the joy to be found in each moment of living, and (2) it increases your sensitivity to possibilities, allowing for creativity in finding solutions to overcome obstacles.
Overcome your current challenges
Applying these ideas to my current challenge, I can see a path ahead. I need to find someone knowledgeable I can trust to give me objective counsel and help me construct a plan going forward. And strangely I feel excited about that.
Treating today like it’s my birthday brought me there. I’m looking for the joy instead of wallowing in the mire of misery. I’m embracing optimism in a brighter future that I can forge. I’m opening myself to the hope that always is because Christ always is. I’m tempering the responsibilities of adulthood with the perspectives of childhood.
So treat every day like it’s your birthday. You’ll invite yourself to open more to possibility. You’ll do more to take care of yourself. You’ll experience more creativity as you embrace more optimism. And you’ll live your life more hopeful of the future that has you living your best life. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
The changes we’re all looking for in our lives are just that — changes. Nothing in your life will change until you change. That means you need to stop doing what you’re doing so you can do something different.
Stopping is the first meaningful step in meaningful change. Even if you do nothing more than stop to question whether or not you’re moving the right direction, you’ll never change if you keep doing the same thing over and over.
Yet that’s what most people do. They say they want a different life, but then they keep doing the same things over and over. And because they keep doing the same things over and over, they keep getting the same results over and over. Their autopilot lives keep them in a state of limbo equilibrium. And they’ll continue to play out that cycle until they stop.
Direction determines destination, so once you’ve stopped taking your life in an undesired direction, you need to turn and adjust your course in a desired direction. That may sound simplistic, but it isn’t.
And here’s why. How do you know what direction will lead to the best destination? More times than not, you won’t. This is where partnering with the Lord comes in. It’s also where I learned how deviating from your intended purpose could actually lead you to achieve it. Sometimes we need to give up what we think is best for us in order to take what really is best for us.
The last episode is a case in point. I thought the best direction to take the program was seeking direction from the Lord when setting goals. That’s not bad. But neither was it best. The best direction was the one the program took. We need to accept direction from the Lord in our dating journey, especially when it comes to deciding who we date. And we need to embrace the Lord’s direction to date those who, left to our own devices, we’d rather not date.
We need to do the same thing in our lives. Once we stop doing what we’ve been doing, we need to turn to the Lord with a willingness to go in whatever direction He’ll lead us, even if that direction appears to take us away from the destination we want. I stress the word appears because that’s what it often is — an appearance, an illusion. If the direction comes from the Lord, how could it not ultimately lead us to the best destination, the one where we’ll be the happiest we could possibly be?
Once we get that direction from the Lord, all that remains is execution. We’ll never get to any destination unless we take the steps that lead there. Results in any endeavor come from one thing and one thing only, and that is action.
The results you get are also commensurate with the action you take. No results comes from taking no action. Poor results come from taking poor action. Good results come from taking good action. To arrive at the best destination, you need to take the action that will take you there. That action most likely follows this sequence: Stop what you’re doing, turn to the Lord, and act under His direction. Partner with Him for your life.
Consider the changes you want in your life, changes you’ve tried to make but continually escape you time and time again. Then stop, turn, and act. When you partner with the Lord, you’ll find yourself making more progress towards your best life. And you’ll find yourself growing as you learn what your best life really is. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Everything works that way. We all dream of having our best life, but to have that life, you must pay a price in faith, diligence, patience, and longsuffering in daily doing the small acts that over time will aggregate into a harvest of success. Most people don’t do that because it’s hard. But that’s precisely why it’s worth doing. With great diligence, you can have the positive changes you want in your life.
Diligent in faith
Success isn’t complicated. Do the right things day after day, and eventually you get what you want. But like the seed in Alma’s parable, you don’t reap a harvest overnight. And that’s probably the hardest part of achieving success.
We all have changes we want in our lives. But taking action day after day and not seeing the results you want can wear you down. Many quit the fight too soon. Because only action produces results, quitting the fight means taking no action, which means getting no results. So what can keep you in the fight when it gets hard?
Alma provides an answer. He mentions diligence, but first he mentions faith. And that’s what can pull you through. With a vision of your life after you pay your price for what you want, you can keep on keeping on.
I’ve used that in my PhD program. As I’ve felt the challenge increase, I remember teaching as an adjunct and relive how good it felt to work my dream job. My faith that overcoming my present difficulty will get me closer to the result I seek drives me through the difficulty. So it is with anything in life. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is really the other side of the mountain and not an oncoming train can help you push forward no matter how bleak your present position.
Diligent in patience
As you push on in the darkness of the moment, the difficulty separating you from your desired best life isn’t just in doing what’s needed everyday but also in having to wait for results to materialize. We all want results on our schedule, and our schedule often screams now.
So it’s not surprising Alma, to faith and diligence, adds patience. It takes patience to nourish a seed into maturity. Part of the price you’ll pay for what you want is in patience. You must take the small steps required day after day, continually putting forth effort with faith those results will come, especially when they don’t come instantly.
Faith helps me have patience, but so does celebrating small wins. Recognizing a victory, no matter how small, helps me feel I’m making progress and moving closer to my best life.
Having patience in the overall journey and not just the task before me also helps. When one approach fails, I don’t lose hope. I have faith the approach I need exists, and I keep searching with the determination to do so until I find the approach that will work for me.
Diligent in longsuffering
That attitude necessitates a lot of trial and error, which requires longsuffering. Often you must pay your price over a long time without seeing desired results. Little wonder Alma includes longsuffering in his parable of the seed.
Suffering must be endured; it makes your harvest much more precious. But suffering doesn’t mean you must be miserable. You can have sincere joy while suffering if you strengthen your faith and focus on the blessings and opportunities along your way.
Whatever positive changes you want can be yours if you pay in full and in advance the price you must pay. That requires diligence in doing the small daily actions that over time will accumulate into your success. But you also need faith to see the glory awaiting you, patience to allow the natural workings of the universe to operate, and longsuffering to endure well the time before results come. With those three attributes married to diligence, you can make whatever positive change you want. You can have your best life. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Realize the difference
To understand the real roots of ghosting, we need to understand the difference between the natural and covenant mindsets and how they manifest in dating decisions. Although encouraged to be not of the world, LDS singles still live in the world. As such, without sufficient awareness, LDS singles more easily succumb to being of the world in their dating decisions.
The natural and covenant mindsets differ mainly in what they value most. Natural men and women most value self-gratification. What satiates the desires of evolutionary biology to pass good genetic material to the next generation dominates decision making. In contrast, covenant men and women most value making and keeping sacred covenants. They’ll give up some things of this world to have the things of the world to come.
That difference cannot be overemphasized. Placing higher value on the desires of evolutionary biology essentially turns the heart towards this fallen imperfect world and our mortal life in it. That priority says temple marriage and the world of eternity are acceptable only if natural desires are fully satisfied in this world of mortality. Exactly opposite, the covenant mindset places higher value on the desires of discipleship and turning the heart towards the eternal world to come.
Understand the values
Ghosting plays right into the natural mindset. But women ghost more than men because the natural woman doesn’t have the same values as the natural man. Both most value self-gratification, but what gratifies the natural man often doesn’t gratify the natural woman.
Natural men value youth and beauty because these women are more likely to bear healthier children. But natural women don’t value youth; men can play their part well into old age. Instead, natural women value looks, muscles, money, and status because these things make it more likely the woman will bear healthier children or the woman and child will receive support after the birth. It’s all about perpetuating this life in this world.
Ghosting plays right into that mindset. Because of what she values most, the natural woman is always looking for a better option that’ll make it more likely she’ll bear healthier children and/or have support after the birth. That’s what ghosting essentially is. It’s exchanging someone less desirable for someone more desirable based on perceived ability to perpetuate life in this world.
Choose the covenant
Conversely, the covenant mindset seeks to perpetuate eternal life in the world to come. Because it’s not natural to think that way, the covenant mindset requires conscious choice and discipline along the road of covenant discipleship.
King Benjamin taught as much in his classic discourse to his people. Mosiah 3:19 teaches how to overcome the natural man. The same prescription works for the natural woman. Just replace all the masculine words with their feminine complements. Either way, putting off the natural mindset requires conscious choice. And we do it through the Atonement.
But you can’t choose the covenant if you aren’t aware. Without awareness, we’ll all simply do what comes naturally. The world, either in ignorance or rejection of the covenant, fully embraces the natural mindset. This is the world where LDS singles live. Being not of the world means recognizing that influence and consciously choosing against it.
We can start by chasing away ghosting. That’ll take time and patience. After all, no one’s perfectly in the covenant mindset. We’re all both the natural and the covenant according to we’re at on the path of eternal progression. But when we start by recognizing that truth and then increasing our awareness of which decisions the natural mindset dominates and which the covenant, we can let Christ and His Atonement into every aspect of our lives. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
But I really wasn’t capturing the full depth of those words. Maybe I needed some time and distance as well as some more experience with the world to appreciate what he gave all of us. Indeed, you could say that’s one thing I’m learning. And after the program today, perhaps we all can say it’s one among many of what we are learning.
Addressing the global pandemic, President Nelson shared four lessons he hoped we’ve all learned and won’t forget. I sense a greater sense of optimism in his words now than I did six months ago. That optimism increases my appreciation for his first lesson: The home is the center of faith and worship.
I think most of us recognized the prophetic nature of the 2018 announcement regarding home-centered church. But I’m not sure that was true before COVID hit. I certainly didn’t recognize the significance of some of my pre-COVID promptings. For instance, shortly before the first lockdown I felt impressed to purchase white tablecloths. What do I need white table cloths for? I thought to myself. When am I ever going to use a white tablecloth?
I found out soon enough. What a blessed privilege was mine to partake of bread and water in memory of my Lord and in my own home! I truly felt closer to my Heavenly Father in those moments than I had in any worship service in a chapel.
In response to such an experience, President Nelson asked,
Considering what we need to do to increase the security and serenity of our own homes would be time well spent.
Needing each other
President Nelson’s second and third lessons, that we need each other and your priesthood quorum is more than just a meeting, seem especially intertwined. We really do have a unique opportunity to leverage the present pandemic to unify God’s children like the world has never before seen.
But that will become reality only if, as President Nelson asked, our shared trial has drawn us closer to one another. These days it seems the pandemic is driving us farther apart. But if that’s true, it’s because we’ve forgotten the two commandments President Nelson declared could guide us — first, to love God, and second, to love our neighbor.
I especially love President Nelson’s teaching that
Flip that around, and see the profundity of the Prophet’s teaching. Why has God sent us to earth in families and wards and stakes? He wants us to work together and help each other. Why has He asked us to serve and minister to each other? He wants us to work together and help each other. Why has He asked us to live in but not be of the world? He wants us to work together and help each other. One could apply that answer to this question: Why has God organized priesthood holders into quorums? Priesthood is indeed more than a church meeting.
Hearing the Savior
President Nelson’s final lesson from the pandemic ties the others together. The home is the center of faith and worship. We need each other. Your priesthood quorum is more than just a meeting. And we hear Jesus Christ better when we are still.
As I just mentioned, the pandemic seems to be driving us further apart. We seem more agitated and contentious than ever. President Nelson confirmed we’re living in prophesied days of commotion and fear. He didn’t declare that commotion would be temporary. Rather, it’ll increase.
But we need not be in commotion. If we can be still, we can hear the Savior’s voice speaking peace and confidence to us. As President Nelson taught,
Making time for quiet reflection will become more and more essential as the world becomes more and more contentious. If we will do as the Prophet instructs, we will see the fulfillment of his promise that “the future is bright for God’s covenant-keeping people.” And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
The answer my stake president gave included a twist. He extended the ideas of agency and God’s respect for agency in a way that promotes faith in our use of agency. And the conclusion, if you honestly desire to do right, is to let faith guide you through whatever challenges you face in life.
We all have the choice of how we’ll act when confronted with challenges; that’s agency. And agency means not everyone will choose unicorns and rainbows. Some will choose to inflict hardship and even pain on others.
But agency is independent, meaning the choices others make don’t determine our own. We might choose in response to what others choose, but we don’t have to. We can make a completely irrational choice, because the agency we each have is independent.
That independence is vitally important because it transforms this life into a test to “prove [us] herewith, to see if [we] will do all things whatsoever the Lord [our] God shall command [us]” (Abraham 3:25). That independence allows every choice we make in life to be one of faith. Will we choose to exercise faith in God? Or will we choose a different path?
The question we ultimately face in the midst of any challenge is one of faith. In many cases, not knowing the end from the beginning contributes to the challenge confronting us. If we choose the path of faith, will we have a happy ending? That question speaks to the essential part of walking by faith; how could faith be faith if you always knew how your choice would result before you made it? In this way, every choice we make in life is one of faith.
When we view our choices through this lens, choosing faith becomes easier regardless of the challenge confronting us. For example, the older I get as an LDS single, the more I face the question of whether the blessings of marriage and family will ever be mine. My patriarchal blessing describes those promises, worded such that the fulfillment is in this life, not the next. But the older I get, the more single I seem to be and the less likely those promises seem to be true.
So what do I do? Do I continue in the path of faith believing in promises that seem less and less likely to come true with each passing day? Or do I surrender to doubt, discouragement, and despair in the belief those promises are not true? Ultimately my question of what to choose in the face of my challenge is a question of faith. Will I choose faith in God? Or will I choose another path?
You could extend that application to any challenge. Ultimately there comes a moment in any challenge when you must decide what you believe. Will you choose to believe God? Or will you choose to believe a different voice?
I’ve faced that point multiple times in my life. I haven’t been perfect, but ultimately I’ve always chosen to believe God, even when that choice meant great sacrifice or hardship. And God has always supported me. Moreover, God hasn’t just seen me through; the man I am on the other side has always been better than the one I was before.
Ultimately every choice you make is one of faith. Will you choose faith in God? Or will you choose a different path? Thinking on your life and remembering times when God supported you after you chose Him makes it easier to choose Him again. So let faith guide you through whatever challenge you face in your life. Walking in faith will open you to feel God’s love for you, see God’s hand move to support you, and allow God to make more out of your life than you can yourself. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Then I thought I might have the wrong focus. Maybe what I need to focus on, I thought, is focus. After all, Mother’s Day is hard for many single sisters because of where they place their focus. Your focus determines your reality, so when you focus on what’s missing, your reality feels like it’s missing something. When you focus on what’s wrong, your reality can’t help but feel wrong.
But when you focus on what’s right, your reality feels right. And that focus works not just for Mother’s Day but for every day. So instead of letting a holiday focus you on what’s wrong or missing, use that holiday to focus on what’s right. When you focus on the best parts of your life, it’s easier to celebrate the best in you.
Admittedly that’s a hard row to hoe when you’ve got an ideal you’re not even close to reaching pressed in your face at church. Many wards are stepping up and exercising more sensitivity to their single members, but many wards still have a lot of work to do. And that begs the question: What can LDS singles do when they find themselves in such a ward?
The worst that can happen is you have a horrible experience at church and then you go home and brood about it. If church wasn’t what it should have been, why would you torture yourself further by brooding about it? Your focus determines your reality, so wallowing in the muck of negative experience just brings you the muck of a negative reality.
Choose instead to focus on what’s right. If church wasn’t what it should’ve been, remember babes in sacrament meeting, go home, and move on. Have your own celebration that highlights what’s best in you. Refuse to focus on the negative, and your reality will refuse to be negative.
That may be hard, especially if you have a habit of immersing yourself in negativity. But like all new habits, actions become easier and more entrenched the more you practice them. Holidays that traditionally present challenge to singles also provide opportunities to rise above those challenges.
The key is to remember that practice does not make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect. You can practice how to approach something the wrong way, and you can practice it so much it becomes a habit. But in the end, all your habit will deliver you are less effective results. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.
So if your habits produce less effective results, here’s some free advice: Change them! You have the power of agency. Use that power to play the victor, not the victim. Change what you need on the inside so you can more readily see the changes you want to see on the outside.
Whatever holiday comes to your door, others don’t have the final say in how you feel. You have the final say with the focus you choose for yourself. Control your focus, and you control your reality.
It’ll be hard if you haven’t practiced perfect, but that’s OK. That just means you need to keep trying. Keep reaching for the light and the positive choice. No matter what others decide, determine you will decide your focus. Determine you’ll celebrate the best in you.
Your focus will determine your reality regardless of what you choose. The universe obeys its laws irrespective of any of us. Time is continually moving forward. You can choose to use that time to embrace the negative or the positive.
The choice is yours, so make the positive choice. Choose to celebrate the best in you each and every day. By insisting on making your focus more and more positive, you’ll make your reality more and more positive. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
Joy in the Journey Radio encourages the free discussion of ideas but reserves the right to remove and/or block comments which do not conform to LDS standards.
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