My release augments my discouragement with the attitude my stake has for singles.  The older couple serving in place of our non-existing reps were organizing an occasional activity before their release.  Now there’s nothing.  How can I believe my leaders really care about singles when I don’t see any action on the singles front?

Now enter my philosophical moment.  Reflecting on much of what I share here on Joy in the Journey Radio, I’ve seen the need to take my own medicine.  It’s time to own my life, and the first step is acknowledging the truth: I don’t have the results I want because of choices I made.  In the end, what you think, what you give, and what you are determine what you get in life.

We often highlight on this program the connection between how you think and the results you get.  As my recent experience shows, it’s one that is all too easy to forget.  Having that idea infused into your nature isn’t the factory default setting.

That natural default is to blame the outside — blame people outside of yourself, blame outside circumstances, blame whatever lies outside your control.  But by placing responsibility for your life outside yourself, you also place outside yourself the power to change that life.  That’s why you’ll never have your best life if you don’t own your life.  Until you take responsibility for all the results you have in your life, you’ll never wield the power you need to change your life into your best life.

And you have that power within you, for the Lord has declared it (D&C 58:28).  Once you own your life, you’ll not only see that power you have within you more clearly but also wield it more effectively.  Thinking in those terms always leads to better results in life, no matter your circumstances.

Once you start acting on more effective thinking, you’ll see your life begin to change, starting with the way you feel inside.  The more you act on more effective thinking, the more effective your actions become at producing the results you want to see in life and the more you find yourself giving.

That shouldn’t surprise any long time members of our audience.  We’ve often discussed our definition of happiness — giving your all to all the right things for you.  The key part of that definition is that first word: giving.  So many chase after having whatever they think will make them happy, and all of them sooner or later face the truth of their unhappiness.  Happiness is not about having.  It’s about giving.

And true to the Law of Restoration, life always returns to you what you give to it.  What you send out always comes back.  So if you want to get more out of your life, give more to it.  And the definition of happiness we’ve discussed so often here is the key to what you give — your all to all the right things for you.

When you consistently take more effective actions bolstered by more effective thinking long enough, it becomes a habit.  That habit played out long enough becomes your character.  You become what you consistently do.

We all have the potential to be great, but whether or not you reach that potential depends entirely on the choices you make.  You have the power within you to make those choices.  It’s called agency, and you begin to wield that power by owning your life.  The first step is acknowledging you don’t have the results you want because of choices you made in what you’ve thought, given, and been.

What you think, what you give, and what you are determine what you get in life.  You get to choose all three, and it’s never too late to make a better choice.  So don’t wait.  Make the better choice now!  When you own your life and choose to be more effective in what you think, what you give, and what you are, you’ll be on the road to your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

As I carefully re-read Elder Ochoa’s address in preparation for the broadcast, I see I had assumptions that led me to a different conclusion than what Elder Ochoa likely intended.  When you approach your life with the right assumptions, you can ask “Is the plan working?” and know that it is.

My assumptions began to influence my thinking from the start.  When Elder Ochoa mentioned a young returned missionary whose life wasn’t working out the way he expected, I instantly assumed that young man was single.

It seemed right to think that.  Increasingly LDS singles aren’t marrying at all, and those who do marry do so later.  Thus, many LDS singles wonder how the plan of happiness can be working for them when they seem shut out from the blessings of happiness they desire.  In that light, Elder Ochoa’s address could’ve been addressing LDS singles when he said,

But Elder Ochoa never identified that discontent young man as single.  He may have been single, but he also could have been married.  We simply don’t know because Elder Ochoa never said.  That’s important, because my assumption the man was single led me to an erroneous conclusion about Elder Ochoa’s address.

Here’s the real problem: There’s two plans we’re talking about here.  The first is God’s plan for His children that spans eternity.  The second is our plan for our lives here in mortality.  With both plans intended to result in our happiness, it’s easy to get them confused.

Many LDS singles do in fact confuse them because of faulty assumptions behind their thinking.  The largest of these is the idea that righteous blessings result from righteous behavior.  The faulty connection assumed here provides particular challenge when the blessing sought is marriage, a blessing not predicated entirely or even largely on righteous behavior.  Notwithstanding, those singles who chose to assume that faulty connection in their thinking are more likely to turn tone deaf when they hear messages like this:

Many LDS singles who falsely assume righteousness leads to marriage hear that and respond, “What are you talking about?  I’m trying to honor my covenants, so of course I’m following Jesus.  But I still don’t have my desired blessings, so how can you say the plan works?”  Again, we’re talking about two different plans here.  Just because our plan for mortality isn’t working doesn’t mean God’s plan for eternity isn’t also.

Elder Ochoa doesn’t address that distinction.  His solution for people who feel the plan of happiness isn’t working for them is to act in faith, turn to Jesus, and humble themselves.  That’s a great approach when you’re talking about God’s plan that spans eternity.  But it offers little to those largely concerned with receiving a blessing in this life.

That’s why my faulty assumption at the start of his remarks led me to conclude falsely.  Every time Elder Ochoa speaks of “the plan of happiness,” he’s talking about God’s plan that spans eternity.  But my faulty assumption at the start got me focused on receiving a blessing in mortality.  And with that focus, I couldn’t connect with Elder Ochoa’s real message.

Is the plan working?  That depends on which plan you’re talking about.  If you’re talking about the plan you make for yourself for happiness in mortality, then it may or may not be working, depending on your assumptions.  But if you’re talking about the plan God made for His children to be happy in eternity, then yes, that plan is working great so long as we make and keep every sacred covenant we can.

When you question your assumptions and get clear about distinguishing between God’s plan for life in eternity and your plan for life in this world, you can better feel the power of perspective helping you to let go of everything holding you back from enjoying each moment irrespective of your circumstances.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

It’s not uncommon to find singles who have extended such expectations to every part of their lives.  They include how many kids they will have, where they will live, what kind of career they have, and more.  The list of rules their life is supposed to follow is quite long if not endless.  Well, I’ve got just one thing to say to that.  Your rules are dumb.

Setting rules for how life is supposed to proceed establishes expectations.  And that’s a problem, especially where other people are involved.  Everyone is so imperfect that you’re almost certain to be disappointed.

I know that sounds cynical.  I’m not trying to be.  Successful people take the world as they find it, not as they wish it would be. That means seeing things as they really are and calling them out.  Expecting people to act a certain way so your life can unfold according to your fantasy is just dumb.

Instead of establishing rules for how others should act, make rules for how you should.  Others will almost certainly disappoint you, but you can choose not to disappoint yourself.  You can work towards your best life by becoming your best self, and you do that by exercising the discipline to conform to rules that your best self would follow.  That process of struggle as you seek to change not just your behavior but your identity fuels the growth for the transformation into your best self.

Your rules for how your life should proceed are dumb for another reason.  By staking out an expectation of what will or even should happen, you cut off all other possibilities from being acceptable.  And that removes much of the beauty your life could have.

Life is wonderful not because it conforms with some plan of perfection but because of possibility.  Variety and spontaneity are the spices of life because they highlight possibilities.  It’s the possibility of surprise that helps make it interesting.

Of course, some of those surprises would be more interesting if they didn’t invade your life.  For example, my place recently flooded for the third time in the last two months.  A surprise to be sure, but I don’t wallow in playing the victim.  I choose to leverage the event to fuel my drive to improve my situation.  Those improvements require me to think creatively about possible solutions and to work hard to realize them.

If I insisted that my place wasn’t supposed to flood because that’s not how my life is supposed to be, I’d cut off the creativity I need to find solutions.  I’d spend far too much time focusing on the problem, which creates a reality filled with problems.  I’d miss out on how beautiful my life could be by truly living it — taking it by the reins and making it the best it can be.

What would happen if you suspended your rules and opened yourself to possibility?  Instead of insisting that your life proceed according to some pre-determined expectation, what if you had the humility to embrace an alternative?

I recall in a previous ward receiving an invitation to dinner.  The family had invited another family to join us.  As we waited for the women to finish preparations, the children were playing outside, and we men were conversing.

Speaking of his wife, one of the men said, “I never thought I’d be happy with a red head, but I am.”  When single, he expected he needed to marry a blonde to be happy.  What he found by releasing that expectation and embracing possibility was true happiness found not in what he had but in what he gave.  And the life he described living was truly beautiful.

Your rules are dumb.  Let go of the expectations that life must unfold a certain way in order for it to work for you.  Your life will work for you when you do the work your best life requires.  And that will bring your more joy in your journey.

Yet when I applied this common cure, I found it didn’t really cure anything.  All it did was make me forget myself for a time.  When my service was done, I still lacked a companion, and the associated feelings with that lack returned all the more poignantly.  Eventually, I learned why I felt the way I did and why service isn’t the difference.

Service is bandied about as the bandage for lonely souls, and sure, I’ve felt better for a while as I forgot my problems for a time.  But after serving I was always returned to my reality.  The “problem” of being single and lonely was still there.

So if it doesn’t really work, why is service dispensed so often to singles as the answer for their challenges?  I’ve learned most people don’t want to get too involved because that means taking on their burdens and most have enough of their own to bear.  It’s easier to give some glib advice so they feel like they’re helping without getting too involved.

But there’s a complication: The advice is partially true.  It’s not like service doesn’t have any effect.  My problems did seem to go away while I served, even if it was only temporarily.  That benefit evidences some effect from service.

What dissatisfied me was the incompleteness of that influence.  When the service was done, I was always left with myself and my life and the feelings associated with lacking a companion.  My underlying condition was unchanged.

Eventually something did change for me, resulting in a realization of what makes the real difference.  What changed?  It was my thinking, of course!

I began to see a new perspective on my situation.  Service didn’t solve my problem because my problem wasn’t a lack of service.  My problem was a lack of giving my all to what I did.

As we’ve discussed countless times on the broadcast, happiness is giving your all to all the right things for you.  Service is right for everyone, but I wasn’t happy from my service because I wasn’t giving my all to it.  Thus, service became little more than a distraction from my real life, a way to fill time and momentarily escape my challenges.

Changing the way I thought about service made all the difference.  By giving my all to what I did while serving, I found a sense of fulfillment previously unknown.  And that fulfillment yielded satisfaction long after the service moment had ended.  The loneliness of being single had been replaced with a sense of connection to something much larger than myself.  And it was all because I gave my all to what I did.

In the end, fulfillment comes from what you give of yourself while you do it.  The Savior extolled the example of the widow who cast her last two mites into the treasury because, unlike the rich who gave some smaller portion of their greater wealth, she had given her all.  And it was giving her all that made the difference.

Likewise, LDS singles can make a difference in their lives when they give their all to what they do.  Service isn’t the difference, but what we give of ourselves while we serve is.  So instead of advising others to combat loneliness with service, we should advise them to give their all in contributions to others.  That’s something we at Joy in the Journey Radio call a personal ministry.

Ultimately, giving our all can bring us closer to the Savior Who gave His all for all of us.  The meaning of His sacrifice comes not from His life but His willingly giving that life.  When we give our all to what is right for us, we follow in those footsteps.

Service isn’t the difference, but giving your all to what you do is.  So don’t hold back.  Give your all to all that is right for you.  Not only will you find greater happiness, but you’ll fortify yourself against the challenges of life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I freely admit my ignorance.  I’ve never been married or a parent, so I don’t fully understand the challenges of single parenting.  But I do understand singleness and recognize several principles Brother Romney shared that apply to all LDS singles, regardless of age or circumstance.

First, and perhaps most importantly, the restored gospel holds the solutions to life’s problems.  You’ll see many of those solutions only after adopting the perspectives the restored gospel encourages.  Far too many LDS singles think a solution will eliminate their problem so they can live more comfortably.  Often real solutions instead allow you to leverage your problems so you can grow and become more than you were before.

Brother Romney brought out that perspective beautifully.  The hope, joy, and strength which he found as a single father came from “small, simple things” like family prayer, expressions of encouragement, magnifying callings, and seeking direction from inspired leaders.  Our Heavenly Father has a plan of happiness for you.  That plan might not resemble the one you’d make, but His plan will best help you attain maximum happiness.

In his article, Brother Romney raised an excellent question: “I was a father trying to raise daughters on my own. . . . How could I help them prepare to become women?”  This variation on the more common theme of “How can I meet the challenge when I don’t seem fit for it?” has troubled many LDS singles.

Yet the answer again lies in perspective.  No matter your situation, you’re in this alone only if you want to be.  Brother Romney found many resources of support for his situation, including family members, neighbors, and ministering brothers and Church leaders.  We all have more resources than we think we do.  We just need to apply the Savior’s teaching: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7).

Brother Romney rightly mentions that “not everyone will experience this same level of support.”  Wards are people, and people are all at different points of progression along the eternal path.  Some just haven’t yet progressed that far.

Notwithstanding, the Lord won’t leave you comfortless.  He’s provided people around you, sometimes in and sometimes out of the Church, who’ll help in some way.  You just need ask, seek, and knock.  As Brother Romney acknowledges, “until we let others know the gaps we see . . . those individuals may not understand how they can help.”  The squeaky wheel does indeed get the grease.

Ultimately, the Lord won’t abandon you.  He loves you too much to do that.  Not only will He walk by your side, the Lord will provide a strength to persevere only He can provide.

The same Lord Who’s assembled a plan for your maximum happiness, restored His gospel offering needed perspective, and provided resources to support you is also intimately aware of you.  He knows what you need in the moment you need it.

He knows how overwhelming your specific combination of challenges and circumstances can feel.  He submitted Himself to all things “that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12).  Through the enabling power of His Atonement, Christ can help you do what you otherwise could not.

No matter the challenge, whether it be raising daughters as a single dad, raising sons as a single mother, or simply finding joy in LDS singles life, you can partner with the Lord and leverage your challenges to grow and become something more than you were before.  When you do, you’ll grow so much you’ll transcend your challenges.  What once seemed overwhelming will be no more than an afterthought.  And all along the way, you’ll feel the strength of the Lord abiding with you. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

The natural man and woman (and yes, they are worth distinguishing) drive the dating decisions of far too many LDS singles to prize the worldly over the eternal.  The natural mindset informs our assumptions about what’s acceptable, which in turn drives our dating thinking and dating behavior.  When you view the bigger picture, it’s not hard to see we need to reject the natural mindset.

This may shock many, but it needs to be said because awareness is the first step towards positive change.  The vast majority of LDS singles make decisions about dating with the natural mindset.  They prioritize self and attributes that don’t really matter in the hereafter (or even very long in this life, for that matter) over what will truly matter in the eternities to come.  Their thinking is all about this life and more specifically, their life.

In contrast, the covenant mindset prioritizes making and keeping sacred covenants.  Covenant men and women value consistently living the restored gospel.  Having a covenant-minded partner is more important to them than physical attraction, money, fame, or status.  Covenant men and women will choose to date someone who may lack in those attributes but who has that commitment to the covenant lifestyle.

Now, I want to make clear I’m not suggesting any two active LDS singles should come together on that basis alone.  We’re not interchangeable parts.  We’re all unique, nuanced individuals, and our dating decisions should acknowledge that individuality. But that individuality finds best expression within a covenant relationship with someone who prioritizes covenant living.

Yet many LDS singles prioritize finding someone who today excels in desired attributes.  They want perfection up front when the perfection they insist on having really comes only after a lifetime of work.  It’s an impossible standard leaving many singles unnecessarily single.

And there’s a dangerous assumption lurking behind that standard.  It’s the assumption your marriage is all about you — your happiness, your life, your eternity.  But correctly understood, your marriage is not about you.

Yes, it has to do with you, but it’s not entirely about you nor even principally about you.  Your marriage is about your companion and your children — the family you’ll create together.  That often means giving up something you want for yourself in order to prioritize something for them.

That’s why the natural mindset is so dangerous.  Thinking your marriage is all about you engenders a selfish approach to dating and marriage, one that prioritizes what you want over making and keeping sacred covenants.  What do you expect results from that approach?  It’s exactly what we increasingly see — more and more singles remaining single and more and more singles who do get married struggling to make their marriage last.  You don’t get maximum happiness outside covenant living, and the covenant lifestyle doesn’t work when you prioritize self over covenant living.

And that’s why the natural man and the natural woman are enemies of God.  When you prioritize self over covenants, you prevent families, which play a key role in our Heavenly Father’s plan, from being created and nourished.

The real obstruction is the insistence on having nothing but the best in a companion.  It’s the associated idea that “settling for second best” can’t lead to happiness that prevents us from having our maximum happiness.  Only inside sacred covenants can we find maximum happiness.  Happiness is about giving, not having.  So few of us are genuinely top shelf by worldly standards anyway that allowing the natural mindset to drive our dating decisions under the false belief that “settling for second best” leads only to misery is what’s really making us miserable.

If you want your dating journey to lead to maximum happiness, reject the natural mindset.  Start by learning what you need to reject.  Consciously choose to act with a priority of covenant living rather than selfish desire.  And embrace Christ’s wondrous Atonement.  When you do, He’ll purify your desires so that what you sincerely want is what you should want.  Then making the right choices becomes easier.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

The problem LDS singles have comes when they give too much prominence to what they want.  Then dating becomes all about satisfying their demands to the exclusion of what they have to offer.  As we discussed last week, taking your dating focus off of what you bring takes you out of alignment with the fundamentals of the dating journey.  That’s why you need balance to find the right place for what you want in dating.

As we’ve discussed more times than I can count, your focus determines your reality.  So you won’t truly enjoy your dating journey with the wrong focus.  Enjoying your dating journey requires a focus leading to that reality.

What’s that focus?  There’s a huge clue in the definition of happiness we’ve discussed so many times on this program.  Happiness is giving your all to all the right things for you.  That definition applies just as much to dating as it does to any other part of life.

Being the best complement to your eternal companion, whether or not that person is now in your life, is one of those right things for you.  And happiness comes when you give your all to that and every other right thing for you.  That’s why truly enjoyable dating is about what you bring.

Yet too often LDS singles focus solely on themselves.  They think of their dating journey as the search for what they want, so much so they think little if at all about what they bring to a potential relationship.  As we discussed last week, it’s not about what you want.  When you align yourself with the fundamentals of what you’re trying to do, you find your path to success easier.

Notice I said easier, not easy.  The propensity to approach dating with the focus of what you want is rooted mainly in the natural mindset, which will dominate you if you don’t dominate it.  And that fight for domination isn’t always easy.

That’s because the natural mindset always prioritizes self-gratification over all else.  The natural mindset also always leads to misery.  What else do you expect from a constant focus on taking in order to satiate one’s own desires?  We’ve all been around people who constantly take and give little if anything in return.  No one wants to be around those people.

We all want to be around those who constantly give and take little if anything in return.  So your dating focus should be on being that person.  Be the complement your companion needs, and you’ll more easily find the complement you need in a companion.

This isn’t to say that what you want plays no role in dating.  You’ll of course make choices in who you decide to date, both casually and exclusively.  In these two stages of the dating journey, you have many opportunities to express what you want and the individual uniqueness underlying those inclinations.

But ultimately what you want from your dating journey is a thriving, enriching relationship.  What you want is a complement.  Yet too many chase complication by focusing their efforts too much on what they want to receive and too little on what they have to give.  When you adjust your focus to align with the fundamentals of the dating journey, you’ll stop embracing complication in your dating life because you’ll quit chasing after it.

Balancing what you want in a companion and what you should be in a companion isn’t easy.  But LDS singles who strive to strike that balance center their efforts around complementation.  They focus on being a better complement for the person they want in their life.  This is the right place for what you want in dating.  When you embrace it, dating really will become more about what you bring.  You’ll find it easier to make you a better you and make your life more interesting, thereby making you more agreeable to a potential partner.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I’ve felt free like I haven’t felt in quite some time.  I still have lots to do, and I still don’t know how I’m going to accomplish it all.  But I feel as though I have more than enough time to do everything needful, even though I did the math and know the numbers don’t fit.  It’s a great blessing from the Lord, and I realize my choice to chase purpose, not proof, paved the way for my blessings.

Part of the difficulty I wrestled last week was feeling I needed to do more than time would allow.  Meeting with my advisor helped resolve that by providing some clarity around exactly what effort was needed.  And I felt the Lord’s guiding and supporting hand.

But the floodgates of feeling truly free and empowered opened only after I committed to my purpose.  Don’t get me wrong.  I committed to my PhD program back when I gave up my employment, got rid of two thirds of my belongings, moved the remaining third clear across the country, and accepted a lower standard of living — all to pursue a step towards my dream job.

But I hadn’t committed myself completely.  I was busy with so many different things, all of them valuable but not all of them conducive to my commitment.  Complete commitment is always reflected in completely prioritized time pursuing it.

Once I made that complete commitment in how I would spend my time, that’s when freedom swept over me.  That’s when I felt I had the time I needed to do what was needed.  That’s when I felt I could truly achieve my potential.

Too many never do that. Even if they have a purpose they say they pursue, they aren’t really chasing after it.  Instead, they chase after proof.

By proof, I mean evidence they’re accepted.  They devote more time and energy to acquiring validation and belonging than to any life purpose.  And by going off the path of their purpose, they go off the path of their potential.

We all have a deep-seated need for acceptance.  We all want to belong, and we all want to be loved.  There’s nothing wrong with those desires.  But there is something wrong with not prioritizing your potential.

And here’s what’s wrong with it.  You’re leaving happiness on the table.  You think you’re chasing happiness, but you’ll never capture it by seeking to have something.  Happiness isn’t about having; it’s about giving.  Happiness is giving your all to all the right things for you.  And one of those right things is achieving your potential.

Let’s look at an example.  What do typical LDS singles do with their time, especially the time they aren’t compelled to do anything?  Many spend their so-called “free time” consuming content or soaking in social media, looking for love and belonging, pursuing proof not purpose.

Happiness doesn’t come from having that special someone or having social media likes or indeed having anything.  Happiness isn’t about having; it’s about giving.  That’s why pursuing your potential is linked to happiness.  The more of your potential you achieve, the more you have to give and the more happy you can be.

And you maximize your happiness by committing completely to your purpose, a commitment you demonstrate with the time you devote to that commitment.  So take a look at how you spend your time and make adjustments where needed.  Chase purpose, not proof.  You’ll find yourself feeling more free and more connected with the Lord.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I remember years ago hearing a speaker at a singles conference talk about living in the moment.  She encouraged intentional living, saying living with intention can lead you to own your life.  I’m a big fan of owning your life, so I was with her that far.

Then the speaker defined intentional to mean having a plan.  The joy of living in the moment, she declared, comes from following a plan.  And that’s where she lost me, because I couldn’t disagree more.

To act with intention requires a conscious choice.  Living with intention therefore means living in the moment.  When you consciously choose in the moment what you do, you refuse to let your habits simply play themselves out.  That act allows you to embrace life and all the true joy of living.

You don’t need a plan for any of that to unfold for you.  All you need is to use the one gift from God we all have — agency.  You simply make a conscious choice.

Happiness comes not from just doing the right things but from giving your all to all the right things for you.  Giving your all is a conscious choice.  When you choose that path with full awareness and intention, the true joy of being alive can be yours.

Most don’t live like that.  They live on autopilot, a life filled with comfort and a sense of stability.  But true joy isn’t found in comfort and stability alone.  True joy comes from consciously embracing the right things.

I use that word embracing intentionally.  You can’t just execute a routine of righteous activity and expect happiness to find you.  The happy life doesn’t just come to you because it’s somehow your right or because you’re somehow deserving of it just because of who you are.  To get the happy life, you have to make it.  That requires consciously choosing the right things.  That means getting out of autopilot and its routine living.  And that means embracing all the right things for you.

In the end, your focus always determines your reality.  Focusing on what you don’t have and can’t do always brings a reality of scarcity and helplessness.  And a life that feels lacking and helpless is never enjoyable.

But the same principle works in the other direction.  Focusing on what you do have and can do brings a reality of abundance and empowerment.  As you begin to see how richly the Lord has blessed you, you feel gratitude come to you.  And life starts feeling joyful.

That focus on what you have now and can do now is key to living in the moment and making the happy life you want.  Focusing on the present and not the future is a conscious choice that helps you live with intention.  And the gift of agency from a loving Heavenly Father brings that choice within reach of us all.

The happy life doesn’t find you.  You find it by making it.  And that starts when you start living with intention.  Righteous intentional choices lift what you do to a new level because in so doing you give your all to the right things.  And when you give your all to the right things, life in return gives back to you all the joy and satisfaction of a life well lived.

You’ll always get what you give, so give your all to the right things for you and get the life that’s right in all ways for you.  You can breathe with confidence, walk with boldness, and bring your focus away from the future and more to the present moment.  You’ll then open yourself to a life you can savor regardless of your circumstances.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Something’s missing here.  It’s this truth: Results come only from action.  If you don’t have the results you want, you’re not taking the right action.  So instead of rationalizing your way out of doing what you need to do, learn what action you should take, and then take it.  Your time is now.

Life won’t always go as desired.  When it doesn’t, don’t just say, “Well, it must not be the Lord’s timing.”  Concluding so prematurely will keep you from the real solutions you need.

Too many LDS singles use the concept of the Lord’s timing as a crutch to excuse themselves from further involvement in their own eternal progression.  We all want to believe we can get what we want without making any changes in ourselves, that we just need to keep the standards and then the Lord will just deliver our desired companion when the time is right.  It’s an enticing  yet deceptive argument.

The universe doesn’t work that way.  To reap the harvest, you must sow the seed for that harvest.  To get a different harvest, you must sow different seed.  And you choose what seed to sow.  You can make you more attractive to your hoped for eternal companion.  Giving your all to the right things always produces the right results.

Ultimately, happiness is not about doing the right things but rather giving your all to the right things.  Without question the standards are some of those right things.  So is holding to the iron rod.

And so is eliminating habits that encourage potential companions to decide against you.  So is changing the way you think so your approach to life broadcasts an attractive rather than repulsive energy.  So is conquering your fears holding you back from achieving your potential.  So is partnering with the Lord so you can know what steps you need to take today to turn your life around and capture all the joy He wants you to have right now.

Rushing to conclude the Lord’s timing isn’t right just because you’re still single blinds you from seeing all you can do that’s right for you.  You’ll never get right results without right action.  No matter how much you’ve done, there’s always more you can do.

Results come from action and only from action.  Stop using the Lord’s timing as a crutch to justify inaction.  You don’t get results from anything but action.  Someone must act for you to get results.  That someone is you, and your time is now.

That undoubtedly irritates some of you, especially if you’ve sincerely given your all to secure your companion.  And I’m not discounting the Lord’s timetable for each of our lives.  He knows not only what’s right but when it’s right.

That’s why you need to partner with Him. When you do, you’ll know what you should do with the time you have now.  For most LDS singles, now is the time to take action to move towards eternal blessings.  It’s not just about keeping the standards.  It’s changing the way you think so you embrace a new way of being that makes you more attractive.

That’s the real secret.  Marriage is best pursued indirectly, not directly.  When you choose to make the right changes in you, you drastically increase the likelihood someone you want will want you.  Partnering with the Lord will help you know what changes are best for you to make today that will attract a brighter tomorrow.

The Lord does have a right time for each of us to receive eternal blessings.  But unless you’ve got revelation your time isn’t now, you’re choosing to be single when you use the concept of the Lord’s timing to justify your own inaction.  For most LDS singles, your time is now.  So get busy giving your all to all the right things for you.  When you do, you’ll move yourself closer to the blessings you desire.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.