You’d think that situation would turn me away from gratitude, but I had an experience the other day that turned me around.  I realized that anyone can adapt to undesired change.  You just need to find your new joy.

We’re all creatures of habit, and I certainly have habits when it comes to the holidays.  As I just mentioned, many of those habits involve food.

My condition won’t last forever.  One day my recovery will end.  I don’t expect I’ll go back to how I was before my first ER visit, and I’m not sure I’ll want to go back.  But I am sure I’ll want to partake of my favorite foods occasionally — and indulge a bit when the annual holidays come around.

That’s all cold comfort for me right now.  Or at least it was.  Sure, the thought of being around people gorging themselves on delicacies I can’t now enjoy doesn’t exactly fill me with delight.  I already cancelled my birthday food plan.  Now I’ll need to cancel my food plans for Thanksgiving and probably also Christmas and New Years.  You’d think I wouldn’t have gratitude from this — and you’d be right before I had this wonderful experience the other day.

I was shopping for some new diet items and of course conscious of the items in others’ carts — items I wanted in mine but dared not on penalty of pain.  So I tried distracting myself by focusing on accomplishing the task before me.  I would get what I needed and go.

That’s when the thought came to me.  I’m not that bad off.  First, I’ve been moving towards my present diet for some time in increments.  I just didn’t want to surrender my favorite foods completely.  My current condition won’t tolerate the increments; I have to be there now.  That sudden shift gives new perspective on how much moving in small increments was really worth, and that’s something to be grateful for.

Second, removing those foods from my diet left a lot of space, so I’ve been searching out recipes online that meet my restrictions.  One by one, I’m finding them.  Not only that, I’m finding new worlds of flavor as I avoid usual fillers like sugar and embrace spices and seasonings.  I’m not sure I’d have all these wonderful new taste experiences without my health challenges driving me, and that’s something to be grateful for.

Third, many of these recipes are so easy to make and way cheaper than the pre-packaged versions that I’m finding a new perspective on convenience.  The short term convenience of time I get a can or a box doesn’t outweigh other conveniences like more flavor in my mouth, more health in my body, and more money in my bank account.  All that’s something to be grateful for.

When I put it all together, I have an experience I wouldn’t otherwise have.  And that gives me a new perspective on not just my health but also living my life and finding more joy in it.

Yes, I’ve had some undesired changes in my life, but I still have access to joy.  It’s not the same joy I had previously; my circumstances won’t permit that.  But new doors open for every old one that closes, and behind those new doors are new experiences, perspectives, and joys that all give reason for gratitude.  So even though I won’t be partaking of the usual Thanksgiving Day feast tomorrow, I will be reflecting on how grateful I am for the new joys I’ve found and continue to find in my new life.

So when your situation changes in a way you really don’t want, please take a moment to consider what you do have and find your new joy.  You’ll gain new perspectives and new experiences you’ll wish you would have found earlier, and you’ll find yourself grateful you did find them.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Starting with gratitude simply promotes an extra portion of power.  That’s especially true of giving.  Indeed, true giving begins with gratitude.  As we discussed recently, the more grateful you are, the more you will have, and the more you have, the more you can give.  You can truly light the world when with gratitude you share your gifts from God with others.

We often think of gifts being highly prized and desirable attributes or skills.  So it’s not that surprising when some of us who don’t have those highly prized and desirable attributes or skills feel we don’t have any gifts.

That’s of course not true.  I don’t care who you are or where you’re from.  Everyone has gifts from God.  We all have talent for something.  When we exercise our talents, executing the necessary action just seems to flow more easily, even if we lack specific training.  God gave talents to everyone so we all can contribute positively to others’ lives.

I’m convinced we each have multiple talents from God.  Often, they aren’t what we’d think of as talents.  I once knew a sister missionary whose smile was so infectious you couldn’t help but feel a little better when her smile shone upon you.  Another friend was a really good listener.  We don’t normally think of smiling and listening as talents, and yet I would submit they qualify.

What talents do you have from God?  What gifts has He given you that make your contribution to the lives of others unique?  Reflect on those gifts for a moment and simmer in gratitude for them.

Of course, we share some gifts from God in common.  Again, I don’t care who you are or where you are from.  God has blessed each of us not only with gifts unique to each one of us but also with gifts we share in common.

The first such gift is the greatest gift of God — the gift of His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ.  He is the reason for the season precisely because He is the greatest gift.  Through Him, we all have the opportunity to repent and to live forever with God and those we most love.  Through Him we all have the power to acquire the fulness of not just our spiritual potential but every other potential as well, be that emotional, intellectual, or physical.

Unfortunately, that gift too often goes unappreciated, as does the second greatest gift from God — agency.  Every moment, we get to choose for ourselves what we’ll think, say, and do — and with that what we’ll become.  Between our Advocate with the Father and our agency, we have the essentials to become our best selves, live our best life, and achieve the fulness of our potential.  Yet too often we don’t even consider these gifts as the gateways to greatness they are.

Don’t let that be you.  Take a moment to reflect and meditate on these wonderful gifts and the opportunities they make possible in your life.  Marinade your soul in gratitude for your gifts from God.

But it’s not just enough to feel gratitude.  You must share it as well!  Otherwise, the circle won’t be complete.

What does that mean?  Gratitude is an emotion for what has come into your life.  You then decide what you will send out to others.  What you send out will come back to you again, even when that something is nothing; if you send nothing out, you won’t get anything back again.  But when you send out something — say, gratitude, for instance — you will find it later returned to you.

Whatever your gifts from God, take time to reflect on them, feel gratitude for them, and then share that gratitude with others.  You’ll find more reason to celebrate the season while moving yourself closer to becoming your best self and living your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

But the converse is also true, and symbiotically so.  Gratitude for our blessings encourages us to share those blessings with others.  And sharing those blessings in turn encourages gratitude for them.  Want to feel more gratitude?  Share your blessings.  Want more blessings to share?  Feel more gratitude.  The best way to grow your gratitude is to share what you’re grateful for with others.

Is that where the popular Thanksgiving tradition came from?  You know, where everyone takes turns around the table sharing something they’re grateful for?  There’s something about sharing our blessings with others and hearing them share their blessings with us that inspires increased gratitude for our own blessings.

I don’t quite remember whether my family had that tradition.  The tradition I do remember is feasting on our typical family spread.  My mother would cook a turkey roast in the slow cooker and then serve it with mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, green beans, corn, sweet potatoes baked with brown sugar and marshmallows, and of course my mother’s absolutely wonderful homemade yeast rolls.  There was always pie for dessert.

Then after stuffing ourselves with the late lunch, we’d embrace our second great Thanksgiving tradition: a good game of Fat Dog.  If you’ve never played Fat Dog, it’s really easy.  You find a comfortable seat, raise your feet, put your hands on your belly, and pretend you’re holding jelly.  (Actually, that last part I added just for the rhyme!)  Seriously, there’s nothing like a good game of Fat Dog to help you feel grateful for good food.

As I think back upon those times, I feel grateful that I lived them.  If you’ve ever had one of my mother’s rolls, you know all other rolls are inferior.  I’m grateful I could have that experience.  What a fond memory is now mine!

That’s not my only fond memory.  I’m grateful my mother taught me how to cook.  I’ve never been as good as she was, but that skill has proven very useful on multiple occasions.  I’m also grateful for the values my parents taught me.  They helped make me the man I am today.

I’m grateful for my education.  My teachers taught me how to think rather than what to think.  I’ve also had special opportunities to pursue higher education, starting in high school and continuing on through college.  How many people can say they graduated with a bachelor’s degree completely free of debt?  These days not many, but I’m grateful to be one of them.

And this may sound surprising, but I’m grateful for my romantic relationships that didn’t work out.  Ostensibly that would be all of them since I’m still single, but I learned valuable lessons about myself and about life that I couldn’t have learned in any other way.  Those lessons will serve me well when the Lord’s promises to me of an eternal companion are at long last fulfilled.

Expressing my gratitude for my blessings turns my focus towards how abundantly I’ve been blessed.  And immersing myself in that gratitude inspires me to share those blessings with others.

Perhaps the mere mention of one blessing will instill gratitude in someone else who reflects and remarks, “Hey, I have that blessing too.”  Or perhaps hearing of my blessings will inspire someone else to help others to be as blessed as I am.  Or perhaps — and this may be the most important outcome of all — just perhaps immersing myself in my gratitude for my blessings will inspire me to share my blessings with others by working to help them enjoy what I enjoy.

That’s the power of gratitude, and like a testimony you grow your gratitude when you share.  So this Thanksgiving, be sure to share your gratitude.  Whether by social media or by phone or in person or even in a journal that no one may read until years after your pen has touched paper, take a moment to share your gratitude for your blessings.  You’ll feel the power of gratitude more fully in your life, and you’ll be inspired to work to share your blessings with others.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Of course, the answer is of course.  Life has meaning when we fill it with what’s meaningful.  These are the best things in life — the people we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way.  And it’s because of Christ we can have these joys now and always.  Recognizing the true reason for the season helps us enjoy the best things in life all year round.

When we celebrate Christ’s birth, we really celebrate our Heavenly Father’s plan.  The birth of Christ into this world demonstrates God’s love as He fulfilled His purposes.  He provided the Savior Who made it possible for all of us to return to our eternal home.

Christ also made possible eternal families, both the family we have known and the family we have yet to know.  Not only can we spend eternity with God in His home, but all our loved ones can too, never more to be parted.

These promises become all the more precious to me when I think of my sweet mother.  After a lifetime of numerous medical challenges, dementia now drives her decline towards her mortal end.  With my father approaching the point at which he can no longer care for her, my mother could move next week into a special care facility.  I remain thankful to God that she was my mother, that I have many sweet memories of her, and that He sent His Son to make it all possible.

The Lord’s hand has also attended me in my travels.  He protected me both before and during my mission.  He guided me after I returned home.  And His hand has sustained me traveling across the country.

I remember the first cross-country trek I made alone by car.  When my car broke down in the middle of the Wyoming desert, to whom could I turn?  I had only God to rely upon.  And He helped me.

Two years ago, I made a similar trek going back the other way.  Long time audience members will remember the story I shared.  When my car again experienced trouble, it felt as though angels were lifting the car on all sides and propelling it forward.  The Lord’s hand was upon me.

The Lord also blessed me in less desperate moments.  I recall one Christmas in which I lived near my folks.  I left for home a little after sunrise with a back seat full of Christmas presents.  I drove a little slower because of the snow and potential ice.  No one else was about at that hour, and I recall thinking as I drove amidst the peaceful wintery scene how blessed I was to have that moment and make the memories I was about to make.

I’ve made plenty of other memories through the years.  Most of them have been good ones.  And I thank the Lord He’s blessed me with them.

I remember several years ago planning a special Christmas breakfast for my mother.  She loves blueberries, and so I made a blueberry french toast casserole.  She’d never made anything like that before, and frankly neither had I.  But it hit the spot with her so much that a second helping wasn’t enough.  She went to the kitchen and began eating what was left in the pan.  It didn’t bother me; I was just happy helping her to be happy.  Today I thank the Lord for that and many other precious memories.

We should all thank the Lord for the people we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made.  These are the best things in life, and the Lord Jesus Christ makes all of it possible.  This year, as you celebrate the birth of the Master, may you thank Him for the people you love, the places you’ve been, and the memories you’ve made.  You’ll feel more of His love and peace that characterizes the Christmas season.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

In his message to the world, President Nelson taught “Counting our blessings is far better than recounting our problems.”  To help us integrate that teaching into our lives, President Nelson suggested two specific actions:

1. Turn social media into your own gratitude journal for 7 days.
   
2. Say a prayer of gratitude.
   

These suggestions may appear to have little efficacy, but when you follow the Prophet, God’s blessings will always follow you.  So follow the Prophet, and let gratitude heal you.

Social media has never resonated much with me.  I recognize its benefits, like keeping up with family and friends as well as increased communication that otherwise would be difficult if not downright impossible.  I’ve just never felt the need to integrate everything about my life with social media.  I resonate much more with connections in the real world.

Yet I don’t feel that way about President Nelson’s invitation to use social media as a gratitude journal.  Contrary to my usual response, President Nelson’s invitation resonates greatly with me.  From the moment I first heard his 7-day challenge, I felt a desire to embrace it.  And that desire felt completely natural.

I of course have no idea what will result from my participation in that challenge.  Maybe something big will happen.  Or maybe not much of anything will appear to happen at all.  But that doesn’t matter.  What matters is that good men and women stand up and push goodness into the world to fight back against the emboldened evil that President Nelson declared in the last General Conference abounds.  That goodness begins with gratitude.

From my own experience, the best way to begin to embrace gratitude is through prayer.  I’ve spoken before about my habit of devoting my morning prayers to gratitude, and that one simple change in my daily routine has greatly transformed my life for the better.

About two years ago I adopted a habit of including in my morning prayers only expressions of thanks.  I intentionally do not ask for anything; I simply give thanks for what I’ve received.  Over time, those prayers have grown to include thanks for blessings not yet received.  At first, it was difficult; my mind wasn’t trained to think in strict terms of thanksgiving.  But repeated attempts brought that training, and the effect has been life-changing.

Hearing others express gratitude in prayer can open us to a new level of gratitude.  I was greatly touched by hearing the Prophet pray and express gratitude for the many blessings we all enjoy everywhere every day.  The wonders of nature, the glorious workings of the human body, and the beauty of art, literature, and music all bring joy in life.  Focusing on expressions of gratitude invites us to open ourselves more to that joy.

The Prophet has spoken, and now the next step for all of us is to follow the Prophet.  Take his challenge to express gratitude in social media every day for seven days, and then see whether you feel happier.  And begin to express more gratitude in your prayers to God.

When we were Primary children, many of us sang, “Follow the Prophet. He knows the way!”  I know that President Nelson is the Prophet for us today, and in his recent message to the world, he has shown us the way.  That way is gratitude.

Let us each claim the blessings of peace and healing that God wants to bestow upon us.  When you let gratitude heal you, you can feel peace in a chaotic world.  You can salve the wounds of hate.  You can find victory in defeat and abundance in loss.  Best of all, you can feel more of the love God has for you as His child.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

That one part is completely true.  They are torturing themselves.  Your focus always determines your reality, so when you focus on what you don’t have, your reality becomes one of lack and emptiness.  Because each one of us has agency, we choose our focus.  And that means we choose our reality.  Indeed, these sisters are torturing themselves.  Their wanting serves only to amplify the effect.

Of course, that truth doesn’t excuse married Church members from lacking sensitivity.  In recent years, I’ve noticed more married Church members displaying more sensitivity.  Nevertheless, not every ward is like that.  We still have work to do.

In the meantime, it’s productive for all of us to shift our focus towards what Mother’s Day was intended to celebrate.  All of us have a mother who bore us and a mother who raised us.  For some those two women are one and the same.  But either way, we can each answer this question: “How’s your mother?”

Just as focusing on your lack produces a reality of scarcity, focusing on what you have produces the opposite reality — one filled with abundance and plenty.  Your life shifts substantially in the improvement direction when you exchange your expectation for appreciation.  It’s all starts with an attitude of gratitude.

So many create disappointment by expecting too much.  We want, want, want. And very often what we want, however righteous that desire, centers around something we don’t have.  Because our focus always determines our reality, focusing on what we don’t have produces a reality of lack.  And the more deeply we want, the more deeply felt that lack becomes.

But exchanging your expectation for appreciation creates something amazing.  By constantly expressing gratitude, we can shift our focus towards what we do have.  And focusing on what we do have creates a reality of abundance.  The more deeply we appreciate, the more deeply felt gratitude becomes.  We can bathe in the joy of feeling richly blessed.

That feeling is completely legitimate because it results from how we’re constructed.  Your focus determines your reality.  That principle applies to everything, including Mother’s Day.  Focus on what you don’t have, and you’ll take no joy in the celebration because your reality will be so full of emptiness you won’t want to celebrate.  On the other hand, if you can focus on the good about the day, then you can have a joyful reality you’ll want to celebrate.

I know that can be challenging.  As I said before, not every ward displays sensitivity to singles.  It’s hard to stay positive when the dream you don’t have but most desire gets highlighted every week at church.  I know what it’s like to get constant reminders of what you lack rubbed in your face every week.  I know it’s hard.

I also know what hard means.  It doesn’t mean impossible.  It just means difficult.  And difficult can become easy when you partner with the Lord.

The Lord can guide your focus towards the blessings you have today because your mother sacrificed.  When you trade your expectation for appreciation, you open yourself to receive more of the joy life has to offer.

And if your relationship with your mother needs work, you can focus on what you can do to improve that relationship.  Even good relationships can be improved, so focusing on doing something in that arena is good advice for all of us.  Even if your mother has passed on to the other side, you can still find ways to express appreciation and improve your relationship on your end.

So I ask once more, “How’s your mother?” which is really just another way of asking “How’s your focus this Mother’s Day?”  Your focus will always determine your reality.  So make the positive choice.  When you embrace a positive focus, you’ll receive a positive reality.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Here we find foundational principles local leaders can leverage to help LDS singles find their way.

We all understand others better when we step outside ourselves and view the world through their eyes.  That increased understanding can open your eyes to what many LDS singles need — true friendship.

My last ward was absolutely awful.  Usually no one talked to me or even greeted me.  They didn’t seem at all interested in having me there.  So when the storms of life beat against my door, no one was there to support me.  I felt not just alone and unloved but spiritually stinted, like I was trapped in a sort of prison.  What a nightmare!

If nothing else, that experience makes me very thankful for my current ward.  Ward members greet me, shake my hand, and sincerely ask after my well-being.  They’ve responded when I needed help and support.  I feel the warmth of their simple love and sincere friendship.  What a blessing!

It doesn’t take much to help LDS singles feel loved and supported.  When local leaders — whether married or single — walk beside singles in true friendship, those simple acts can readily meet many needs.

True friends always increase faith in others.  Our Heavenly Father wants LDS singles to marry in the temple and raise righteous families who will promote His work on the earth.  That won’t happen if singles don’t believe it will.  Local leaders can portray faith and confidence in singles’ ability to achieve a righteous marriage.

How are LDS singles supposed to believe those blessings can be theirs when leaders respond quickly with trite expressions like “Well, it’s OK because there’s always the next life.”  That’s true, but have you stopped to consider what living that really means?  You’re saying it’s OK the experience singles have already had being single continue for another 40 or 50 years, and then they die, and then sometime after that they get their blessing.  That’s not a very enticing prospect, even if it is true.

It’s far more enticing to fix one’s sights on examples like Abraham.  His promised covenant child came when Abraham and Sarah were both around a century old.  Or how about Jacob’s wife Rachel, who for the longest time was barren?  I love Genesis 30:22 — “And God remembered Rachel ....”  Local leaders who shore up singles’ faith in themselves and their ability to achieve eternal blessings now and not just in the next life provide greatly needed support.

Of course, securing that next essential ordinance of temple marriage takes more than belief or a motivational pep talk.  The lives of many LDS singles stagnant in a lack of accountability.  Local leaders are well positioned to provide that accountability.

Life has a way of beating us all into routines.  We are, after all, hardwired to have habits.  That can be helpful but also dangerous, especially if we’re lulled away from progressing towards eternal goals.  The longer singles remain single, the more comfortable they can become being single.  And with that comes less likelihood they’ll progress towards their next essential ordinance.

Local leaders can stem that tide of indolence with some gentle accountability.  If they’ve paid the price to be a true friend, local leaders — and in particular ministering brothers and sisters — can guide singles towards their next essential ordinance with effective questions.  “What’s in your way?” is a good example.  As they repeatedly ask questions, simply listen, and then stand ready to help as requested, local leaders extend accountability for progression as singles decide for themselves how they will progress.

When they support singles by being a true friend, local leaders can minister more effectively to LDS singles.  That will increase the love we all have for one another.  That will build bridges of understanding between marrieds and singles.  That will develop a stronger unity of the faith.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Some things never change as we get older.  There will always be death and taxes.  The coolest toys always come out after you grow up.  And the grass is always greener on the other side.

At least that how it appears.  So many of us look at others and think their lives are much better than our own because they don’t appear to have our problems.  If only we could be like them, we think, our own lives would be so much better.

But that’s a lie we should never heed.  The truth is everyone has challenges.  When you solve one problem, you’ll find a completely new problem just around the corner.  Or you’ll merely swap your old problem for a new one.  Life wasn’t meant to be problem-free for anyone.

And that’s good.  We’ll never grow as we need to grow and learn what we need to learn without opposition.  To become what we’re meant to become, we must overcome our challenges.  So you shouldn’t want what the other half of the world has.  Just keep your half because it’s what you need.

The longing after what appears to be greener grass on the other side of the fence is often just a desire to escape from our current challenges rather than overcome them.  If we simply ran away from those challenges, we’d certainly not progress towards becoming what we’re meant to become.

I know I wouldn’t be the man I am today if I’d decided to run away.  For example, on my mission in Guatemala, I constantly battled illness.  Had I agreed to come home early, I wouldn’t have had the blessing of teaching the gospel in my own language and to people from different parts of the world in the neighboring country of Belize.  I wouldn’t have had the companions I had, each one of whom taught me something.  My mission experiences continue to bless me and benefit my life decades after my service.

Facing our trials and working to overcome them have changed us all for the better.  We’re better people because we decided not to run away from those experiences but rather to embrace them and allow them to change us into something more than what we were before.

In addition, those challenges themselves can be blessings in their own right.  But we’re not likely to see that as long as we keep wanting to cross to where the grass appears greener.  We’ve got to learn to want what we’ve already got.  And that means changing the way we think in order to see the blessings our challenges are.

Sometimes that blessing comes as opportunity to bless the lives of others.  For instance, my experience being single for more than two decades has, to say the least, increased my compassion for those who struggle with the challenges of LDS singles life.  And that compassion is a large portion of the fuel that drives me in producing Joy in the Journey Radio.  How many lives have been and will be blessed because of my personal ministry?

If you feel the siren call of grass that appears to be greener, ask yourself who could be blessed because you stayed on your side of the fence.  Someone there may need your contribution, a contribution only you can make because only you have your unique personality paired with your challenges.

In the end, we are our choices.  The grass may indeed seem greener on the other side, but there’s much value in the greenness of the grass we already have.  We can all choose to lift where we stand, thereby blessing others while growing from the confrontation with our challenges.

Besides, nothing good comes from wishing we could exchange places with that other half of the world that seems to have a better life.  The results we want will never come from wishing because they can come from one and only one thing — action.  Better to spend our time confronting our challenges and learning how to overcome them than to waste away wishing for what will never come with the wish alone.

When you choose to keep your half instead of longing after the half someone else appears to have, when you choose to embrace challenges rather than seek ways to escape them, when you choose to see them for the blessings they are in and of themselves, then you’ll see that the grass on the other side of the fence isn’t that much greener after all.  That will increase your gratitude to God for His bounteous blessings you already have.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Last week I talked about my mother's suicide attempt.  I also talked about some of the reflections that event inspired.  I've searched for the big-picture view not only of what's happening but also of my life up to this point.

And what I see fills me with awe.  Obviously I see the trial of my mother's suicide attempt and her subsequent hospitalization.  But I also see that trial as the latest episode in a series of trials.  And I remember the experience we gain from trials is one of the reasons why we’re here in mortality.

I could start listing what I've endured, but it wouldn't mean much because we all have trials in life.  As much as we might feel our particular trial makes us special, it doesn’t.  Everyone has trials.  And everyone can learn from those experiences.  When I realize what I've learned from my trials, I can't help but be grateful for trials.

How could I be the man I am today without the trials I've experienced?  It's impossible.  I’d never have the depth of compassion I have for LDS singles were I not single myself for so long.  I’d never have positive energy ruling my life if I hadn’t experienced the self-inflicted negative energy so many LDS singles experience.  And I’d never feel the confidence I feel in my future without overcoming the despair of hopelessness.

I could go on, but the point remains.  Everything positive about us, anything indicating growth in us, and anything proving we’re better today than we were yesterday is possible because of trials.  Without trials, there’s no opposition.  Without opposition, there’s no growth.  Without growth, we can’t be our best.  If we can’t be our best, we can't be happy.  And if we can't be happy, then what else is there?

Of course, I'm not actively looking for trials.  I've lived long enough to know trouble never has trouble finding each of us eventually.  And yes, sometimes trials have negative impacts that overwhelm in the moment.  But every obstacle also comes with opportunity — the opportunity to yield something positive from the experience.  It's that possibility for the positive for which I'm grateful.

As I look back on the trials I've experienced in life, I recognize that the possibility for the positive creates a space necessary for growth and personal enrichment.  Life has a way of beating everyone down.  And the only way getting beat down could ever be positive is if that action shapes us into something better.

But that only happens if we choose a perspective that allows that to happen. The existence of the opportunity to yield something positive will mean nothing unless we take advantage of that opportunity.  We do that by choosing to be positive.

That brings us to gratitude, because gratitude is always the first choice in creating a positive life from whatever trials we each experience.  Gratitude breeds appreciation, and appreciation opens the door to faith, hope, and charity.  Appreciating what we have leads us to believe we can be further blessed.  That gives us hope we will be further blessed and inspires us to bless the lives of others.

But just as gratitude feeds a mentality of abundance, the lack of gratitude feeds a mentality of scarcity.  We don't want to share what we have with others out of fear there won't be enough for ourselves.  We begin to believe there are no further blessings, and therefore there’s no hope tomorrow can be better than today.  In the end, we become very insular and absorbed in self.

That's why I'm grateful for trials. It's the School of Hard Knocks that beats me down enough to learn what I need to learn in order to grow.  Without the challenges that trials provide, I wouldn't be nearly as motivated to seek after the solutions that transform me into a better man.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and if your day will include any traditional performance, you're likely to mention or at least think about what you're grateful for.  That list, no matter how long, usually includes obvious blessings like friends, family, good food, and a warm place to sleep at night, just to name a few.

But this year, can we also be thankful for the trials that have shaped us into something more than we were before?  Can we be grateful for lessons learned the hard way and for growth that would come to us in no other way?  We’re more open to further blessings when we’re grateful for the trials that provide opportunities for positive growth and enrichment.  Being grateful for trials can help us accept that truth.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Today is Valentine’s Day — the day when every man with a significant other must make an expected love offering to his significant other.  That could take the form of flowers or chocolate or something else — or even some combination of the above.  If you’re in this category, then you know what I’m talking about.

Then there are the myriads of LDS singles who don’t have that special someone in their life.  Many of these will be pining away in their lack, yearning to have what they don’t have, and frustrated that the life plan our LDS subculture gives us all hasn’t worked out for them.  They focus on what they lack and the belief that they are so much less because of that lack.  Because your focus always determines your reality, their reality is one of lack.

Yet not all singles associate Singles Awareness Day with negativity.  These hardy souls reject defunct, old ways of thinking and adopt better ways of thinking that produce a better focus leading to a better reality.  These singles focus on what they can do, what they can give, and how they can serve.  They partner with the Lord in fulfilling a personal ministry.  In essence, they ditch the pity party.

Some years ago I wrote what I’ve come to regard as a classic blog post on the pity party.  If you have any doubt pity parties are dungeons of doom to be avoided, please read that post.  You’ll find your time well spent.

More than one Singles Awareness Day has passed since I wrote that post.  I can honestly say that I was emotionally stable for each of them.  I never felt like crying or surrendering to a pit of despair or even The Pit of Despair of The Princess Bride fame.

In fairness I should acknowledge I had a significant other for at least one of them, and in that event I made sure to satisfy that special someone.  But during the other Singles Awareness Days in which I had no significant other (like today), I felt as though the day was no different from any other.

What I’m describing is not apathy or disconnectedness.  It’s a reality created by a different focus and a different way of thinking.  And I’m not the only LDS single who has them.

Do we know something pity party advocates don’t?  Assuming we’re all LDS, not really.  We all know the same basic truths of the restored gospel.  The difference is in what we believe.

We truly believe the Lord loves us so much He can’t wait to bless us.  The Lord will play His part in realizing our desired blessings.  We understand we also have a part to play, but we believe that, in addition to playing His part, the Lord will help us to play ours.

That faith allows us to let go of the frustration associated with wanting what we don’t now have.  We believe Him so much that we’re willing to wait on Him.

Instead of focusing on what we lack, we focus on what we have.  That focus allows us to see the tender mercies of the Lord surrounding us every day.  And it allows us to feel the love of the Lord for us in every one of those tender mercies.

Truly believing the truths of the restored gospel is just the first difference in our beliefs.  The second difference lies in what we believe about happiness.

Long-time audience members will recognize my definition of happiness: Happiness isn’t just doing the right things but giving your all to the right things for you.  We truly believe that definition of happiness.  And we demonstrate that belief by living it.

I devoted the entire radio program last week to this new way of thinking about happiness.  We know happiness is a choice.  And because we always have a choice regardless of our circumstances, we can always find happiness no matter what life may bring us.  We don’t need to wait to be happy, and we aren’t.

No desire to host a pity party can touch us.  We’ve effectively ditched the pity party.

You too can ditch the pity party, if you haven’t done so already.  You can change your focus from what you lack to what you have.  You can change your thinking about happiness.  You can choose to trust the Lord and walk by faith.

When you do, you’ll free yourself from all the negative emotions that often attend pity parties.  You’ll see that you don’t have to wait to be happy.  You’ll rise towards your best self.  And that will bring more joy in your journey.