Forgiveness is my next iteration of gift giving, though I give it more to myself.  To that gift, I wish to add another — the gift of partnering.  No, I’m not talking about an eternal companion (although I don’t object to such “gift giving”).  I’m talking about partnering with the Lord.  Is there any better time than Christmas to partner with Him?  Is there a better way to celebrate Christ than to commit or recommit oneself to the road of discipleship?  With Christmas just around the corner, ‘tis the season to partner.

Partnering with the Lord has been a longstanding theme of Joy in the Journey Radio.  Christ is the source of all true joy, so how can we maximize the joy in our journey without Him?  And the best way to include Him is to partner with Him.

That partnering includes everything in life, not just the spiritual aspect.  Christ’s work is “to bring to pass the eternal life and immortality of man” (Moses 1:39), which clearly has a spiritual component but cannot be complete without also including the emotional, mental, and physical aspects as well.  Partnering with the Lord takes life to a whole other level when approached holistically.

And why shouldn’t it be so?  Christ is interested in every aspect of our lives and blessing us in any way He can.  If we partner with Him, He’ll want to help us thrive and succeed emotionally, mentally, and physically as well as spiritually.  Thus, partnering with Him means involving the Lord as a full partner in the emotional, mental, and physical aspects of our lives as well as the spiritual.

Unfortunately, far too many think of partnering with the Lord strictly or primarily in spiritual terms; involving the Lord in the other aspects of their lives means primarily asking for help.  They struggle with employment prospects, for example, and so ask for help in finding a job.

Asking for help is of course good.  But partnering means more than just asking for help.  It means counseling and involving in decision making.  So instead of asking for help finding work, for example, partnering with the Lord means discussing how to approach your job search, sharing your successes and your challenges, and seeking His input as you decide what actions to take next.

Alma the Younger counseled his son Helaman, “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good” (Alma 37:37, emphasis added).  Involving the Lord in the spiritual aspect of our lives and heeding His direction will of course bring us closer to Him.  Heeding His instructions regarding the emotional, mental, and physical matters of our lives as well as the spiritual will bring us all the more closer to Him.  But He’s less likely to provide that direction when we don’t involve Him in those matters.

And what better time to involve Him than the Christmas season?  In the holy trinity of holidays, we start with gratitude at Thanksgiving, then celebrate the hope for new life we have because of the birth of that new life in the manger, and conclude by resolving to act better in the new year.  Partnering with the Lord in every aspect of your life is a wonderful way to celebrate the reason for the season.

That celebration will be most meaningful if it leads to actions that produce positive results.  Many holiday traditions are simply rote performances; you do them because it’s that time of the year.  But rote performance doesn’t change you.  The richer celebration is one that leaves you changed, and truly partnering with the Lord will do just that.

If you are not now partnering with the Lord in every aspect of your life, now is a great time to start, for ‘tis the season to partner.  Make partnering with the Lord your new Christmas tradition.  When you do, He “will direct you for good.”  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

But there’s another perspective of propriety.  LDS singles can hold bitterness in their hearts towards someone they fault for their singleness.  Never married singles can begrudge dating relationships that never worked out or simply never happened.  Divorced singles can blame a former spouse.  Widowed singles can embitter themselves towards whatever caused their spouse to die.  Yet regardless of the cause, embittered singles can have beauty for ashes when they embrace the Savior and forgive.

Perhaps Sister Yee’s address spoke to me because I have my own need to forgive.  My stake does absolutely nothing for singles.  My leaders have responded to my pleadings by calling a stake rep who does absolutely nothing.  They seem tolerant of a status quo in which sorely needed blessings are not received.

Naturally, what results inside me is a roller coaster ride, and I’m not talking about my pancreatitis (although I could be)!  I know I shouldn’t hold a grudge, and so I want to resist the conclusion that my leaders simply don’t care.  At the same time, I struggle to see any evidence that they do care.  I’m left resisting a bitterness launching itself at my door, eager to enter, and I’m tiring.

In that context, Sister Yee’s recounting of the Old Testament story of Abigail seems apropos.

I like that phrase — “the weight of a warring heart.”  It’s so poetic and yet so profound.

If awareness is the first step towards forgiveness, the second must surely be belief.  You must believe it’s possible for you to forgive before you’ll ever attempt it.  If you truly believed it would never happen, you wouldn’t even try.

This is where many who need to forgive stop.  They somehow link forgiveness with the other person, the object of their bitterness and hurt, rationalizing that since said person will never comply with whatever their judgment demands, forgiveness simply isn’t possible.  That link becomes especially strong when that other person offended egregiously.

But forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s about you.  It’s about stopping the canker of bitterness from blinding your vision and consuming your heart.  It’s about healing the cancer that would steal your soul.  Holding a grudge never punishes the other person; it punishes only you.

That’s why I found Sister Yee’s personal testimony about forgiveness so moving.  Her experiences encourage belief that forgiveness is possible, even when the hurt cuts very deep.

Her confession that she “still has work to do” makes relating to her experience much easier for me.  And her hope for herself give me hope for myself.

Yet the part of Sister Yee’s address I appreciate the most appears towards the end, where she reminds us of the importance of timing and adapting that timing to the individual.  Not everyone heals at the same rate, and so we should be tolerant as others pursue their path of coming to Christ in their own way.

That admonition to avoid judgments of timing is best applied within yourself.  Extend kindness to yourself and allow your heart to take the time it needs to open to the Savior and experience the miracle of forgiveness.  That kindness you extend to yourself by not insisting on a particular timetable promotes the healing you need.  As Sister Yee testifies,

That last part is, I think, the key part of the journey of transformation the Savior promises.  Unless you give to others what you have been denied, you’ll never be fully healed.  Many LDS singles have been given ashes in their lives, but to receive beauty for your ashes, you must give beauty to others, for you always get what you give.

So release the weight of your warring heart, believe forgiveness is possible, be kind with yourself, and give to others what you’ve been denied.  When you do, you will find beauty from the ashes of your life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I also like how each year the Light the World campaign just gets better and better.  Just when I think there’s no way next year can be better, next year comes along and proves me wrong.  The Church always finds a way to take it to the next level, and this year is no exception.  This year, the tradition gets a whole lot simpler.  And the simple truth is the world needs your light.

I just love that emphasis for the tradition this year.  Typically there is a calendar with a suggested activity for each day.  This year, it’s all about sharing the light of Christ that all of us have within us.  You share the light within you because the world needs your light.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I thought the calendars from previous years were great.  I loved them.  But I find myself loving this shift to emphasize individual initiative even more.  Part of that is from the highlight of “25 Days of Kindness.”  There is a beauty in the simplicity of not having everyone be part of some program but rather recognizing and sharing the seemingly small acts of kindness all around each one of us.

I say seemingly small intentionally.  What may seem small to us can make all the world of difference to others.  Too often we discount our own power to influence for good because in our own eyes we don’t measure up to whatever (often impossible) standard we adopt for ourselves.  But you don’t have your light just because it can dispel the darkness for someone.  You have your light because it will dispel the darkness for someone.  The world needs your light.

I also love how this year the Church combines a simpler emphasis with a notched-up professional production.  The video they made to introduce the campaign this year is really top class.  That’s not to say videos from previous years weren’t great.  There just seems to be a professional grade quality that’s next level up from last year.

And the upgrade in quality isn’t just in the professional look and feel of the video.  It’s also in the emphasis on seemingly small yet simple ways of letting your light shine.  We don’t see anyone in the video doing anything grandiose.  They’re doing what anyone can do.  And the difference that light makes to those who receive it is evident.  Again, the world needs your light.

We spend far too much time focused on reasons not to give and not to influence for good.  We convince ourselves we can’t make a difference.  We doubt ourselves and the ability we all really do have to dispel the darkness in the lives of others.

Yet if we reflect on the real reason for the season, we can realize that He never concerned Himself with how His actions would or wouldn’t be received.  His approach was simple.  He just gave.  When it came to kindness, He just was.  When we follow that example and simply give, we can lift our light higher and let it shine in a world growing ever more dark.

Yes, the world needs your light.  You were given gifts and talents so that you could offer others the light they need.  You don’t need a lot to make a lot of difference.  You just need to give and let your light shine.  In so doing, you’ll help others remember the real reason for the season.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I soon saw why.  President Ballard’s references to the pioneers really resonated with me in the midst of my own difficult journey.  In a way, I’m something of a pioneer.  I’ve had my first visit to the emergency room, my first hospital stay, and my first surgery.  The road I’m walking now is unexpectedly new to me.  But that new road just heightens my need to take footsteps of faith.

Despite the newness of my current road, I’m not entirely in unfamiliar territory.  I covered ground much like this on my mission.  Being sick all the time with symptoms that came and went so much I couldn’t tell you what the next day would be like, let alone when exactly it would end.  That sounds a lot like the road I’m on right now.

President Ballard mentioned his own missionary service in his address, and it caused me to reflect on my own service, particularly how it prepared me for my life.  It’s provided me a foundation for each new segment of my life journey.

That’s why I really appreciated President Ballard’s initial words.  Right out of the gate, he starts with bold testimony:

I need that hope now as I face my current challenges.  It’s one thing to say it’ll all be over because I go home at the end of two years.  It’s another when you don’t have such a marker in sight.

It’s not altogether surprising President Ballard centered his remarks around pioneers.  He’s spoken in past Conferences about his pioneer ancestors and the lessons they offered him — and through him to all of us.

Such references often get me thinking about my own pioneer ancestors.  I don’t know much about them because the principle one never kept a journal.  Perhaps my knowledge of my ancestors’ lives will change one day.

In the meantime, I can lean on others like President Ballard to fill that gap.  I was particularly impressed when he shared,

How many of us have really thought about that?  It’s easy to get wrapped up in the difficulties of our own lives, so much so we can easily forget that the story of how we confronted our challenges could help those who come after us confront theirs.  Knowing my response can help others gives me strength to make a better choice.

President Ballard spoke of other pioneers.  In particular, he mentioned President Nelson:

I so very much appreciated that quote from President Nelson, for if I ever needed a miracle, I need one now.  What a tender mercy!

Of course, President Ballard saved the best example for last — our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  That’s altogether fitting since Christ is the ultimate anything good.  Plus President Ballard’s remarks are entitled “Follow Jesus Christ with Footsteps of Faith.”  It’s not just walking in faith.  It’s walking the path of Christ in faith.

Moreover, it’s not walking behind Him so much as it is beside Him.  That concept I find especially comforting in my current difficulties.  Don’t get me wrong.  This road has been very rough, and I’m just getting started with it.  But even in my most painful moments, the Lord has never abandoned me.  He has stood beside me through it all.  His walk beside me in my moments of difficulty invites me to walk beside Him in my moments of ease (which will come one day, for eventually this all will pass).

President Ballard’s testimony of the Savior especially moved me.

Whatever road in life, may we each seek to follow Jesus Christ with footsteps of faith.  He’ll strengthen us to become shining examples for those who follow us.  He’ll encourage us through the voice of His Spirit and His living Prophet.  And He will stand ready to lift us to higher ground as our trials bring our glean to a brilliant glorious sheen.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

When you pray, what do you intend the result to be?  Surely we can all think of prayers we offered simply because it was time to pray.  We had a habit of praying upon getting out of bed, for instance, and we were simply going through the motions when the time came.

And what resulted?  We could cross morning prayers off our to-do list.  When you think about it, that was the result intended by just going through the motions.  If all you wanted was to go through the motion, then in the end that’s what you got — a completed motion.

That approach with prayer — or anything else in life — will never result in a growing relationship with anyone, let alone the Lord.  To have the result of an improved relationship, your approach must invite that result.  You must approach with the intention of securing your desired outcome.  That doesn’t mean merely wanting your desired outcome as you approach the moment.  That means your approach leverages the moment to turn your intention into your desired result.

How would your prayers be different if you approached them with the intention of building a relationship with the Lord?  Would you use the same tired phrases over and over?  Would you deliver a laundry list of desires?  Or would you open your heart, share your hopes and fears, present more of a conversation than a monologue, and spend more time listening for the Lord’s voice after you concluded your prayer?

Scripture study goes the same way.  Your time with the scriptures will build a closer relationship with the Lord when you approach it with intention.  Don’t just read.  Actively look for the Lord in the scriptures.  Seek Him out by trying to understand His character, His qualities, His perspective, and His perfection through the written words.

Thus it goes for anything in life.  Don’t just collide with the waves in the waters of the moment.  Approach the moment before you with intention. Planning the moment in advance can help you do that.

Modern life tends to have so many currents pulling you in so many different directions that, unless you’re intentional about your day, opportunities for improvement will pass you by and you’ll find yourself no closer to your goals and dreams.  It’s hard to approach the moment with intention when that moment doesn’t happen.  Schedule it so it will.

That’s not to say every moment you plan will go as planned.  Life is about change and learning how to adapt to change.  But if you don’t schedule time for producing the results you want, you’re not likely to take the actions that will give you the results you desire.

Thus, to develop a relationship with the Lord, schedule the time you will spend building that relationship.  But if you really want to get serious, schedule not just time for activity but time to become more like Him.  What will you need to do to become more holy?  Pray with real intent?  Schedule that time.  Search Him out in the scriptures?  Make that time.  Devote yourself more in His holy house, a.k.a. the temple?  Schedule that time.  Spend more time serving others?  Schedule that time.

Take time to be holy.  As you schedule your moments and then approach those moments with intention, you’ll bit by bit strengthen your relationship with the Lord.  You’ll feel more of His love, which will strengthen you as you confront your challenges in life.  You can then approach with intention every other area of your life — your career, your social life, your dating, whatever — and start having more of the results you intend.  That’s not just going through the motions of life.  That’s living your life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Yet when I applied this common cure, I found it didn’t really cure anything.  All it did was make me forget myself for a time.  When my service was done, I still lacked a companion, and the associated feelings with that lack returned all the more poignantly.  Eventually, I learned why I felt the way I did and why service isn’t the difference.

Service is bandied about as the bandage for lonely souls, and sure, I’ve felt better for a while as I forgot my problems for a time.  But after serving I was always returned to my reality.  The “problem” of being single and lonely was still there.

So if it doesn’t really work, why is service dispensed so often to singles as the answer for their challenges?  I’ve learned most people don’t want to get too involved because that means taking on their burdens and most have enough of their own to bear.  It’s easier to give some glib advice so they feel like they’re helping without getting too involved.

But there’s a complication: The advice is partially true.  It’s not like service doesn’t have any effect.  My problems did seem to go away while I served, even if it was only temporarily.  That benefit evidences some effect from service.

What dissatisfied me was the incompleteness of that influence.  When the service was done, I was always left with myself and my life and the feelings associated with lacking a companion.  My underlying condition was unchanged.

Eventually something did change for me, resulting in a realization of what makes the real difference.  What changed?  It was my thinking, of course!

I began to see a new perspective on my situation.  Service didn’t solve my problem because my problem wasn’t a lack of service.  My problem was a lack of giving my all to what I did.

As we’ve discussed countless times on the broadcast, happiness is giving your all to all the right things for you.  Service is right for everyone, but I wasn’t happy from my service because I wasn’t giving my all to it.  Thus, service became little more than a distraction from my real life, a way to fill time and momentarily escape my challenges.

Changing the way I thought about service made all the difference.  By giving my all to what I did while serving, I found a sense of fulfillment previously unknown.  And that fulfillment yielded satisfaction long after the service moment had ended.  The loneliness of being single had been replaced with a sense of connection to something much larger than myself.  And it was all because I gave my all to what I did.

In the end, fulfillment comes from what you give of yourself while you do it.  The Savior extolled the example of the widow who cast her last two mites into the treasury because, unlike the rich who gave some smaller portion of their greater wealth, she had given her all.  And it was giving her all that made the difference.

Likewise, LDS singles can make a difference in their lives when they give their all to what they do.  Service isn’t the difference, but what we give of ourselves while we serve is.  So instead of advising others to combat loneliness with service, we should advise them to give their all in contributions to others.  That’s something we at Joy in the Journey Radio call a personal ministry.

Ultimately, giving our all can bring us closer to the Savior Who gave His all for all of us.  The meaning of His sacrifice comes not from His life but His willingly giving that life.  When we give our all to what is right for us, we follow in those footsteps.

Service isn’t the difference, but giving your all to what you do is.  So don’t hold back.  Give your all to all that is right for you.  Not only will you find greater happiness, but you’ll fortify yourself against the challenges of life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I freely admit my ignorance.  I’ve never been married or a parent, so I don’t fully understand the challenges of single parenting.  But I do understand singleness and recognize several principles Brother Romney shared that apply to all LDS singles, regardless of age or circumstance.

First, and perhaps most importantly, the restored gospel holds the solutions to life’s problems.  You’ll see many of those solutions only after adopting the perspectives the restored gospel encourages.  Far too many LDS singles think a solution will eliminate their problem so they can live more comfortably.  Often real solutions instead allow you to leverage your problems so you can grow and become more than you were before.

Brother Romney brought out that perspective beautifully.  The hope, joy, and strength which he found as a single father came from “small, simple things” like family prayer, expressions of encouragement, magnifying callings, and seeking direction from inspired leaders.  Our Heavenly Father has a plan of happiness for you.  That plan might not resemble the one you’d make, but His plan will best help you attain maximum happiness.

In his article, Brother Romney raised an excellent question: “I was a father trying to raise daughters on my own. . . . How could I help them prepare to become women?”  This variation on the more common theme of “How can I meet the challenge when I don’t seem fit for it?” has troubled many LDS singles.

Yet the answer again lies in perspective.  No matter your situation, you’re in this alone only if you want to be.  Brother Romney found many resources of support for his situation, including family members, neighbors, and ministering brothers and Church leaders.  We all have more resources than we think we do.  We just need to apply the Savior’s teaching: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7).

Brother Romney rightly mentions that “not everyone will experience this same level of support.”  Wards are people, and people are all at different points of progression along the eternal path.  Some just haven’t yet progressed that far.

Notwithstanding, the Lord won’t leave you comfortless.  He’s provided people around you, sometimes in and sometimes out of the Church, who’ll help in some way.  You just need ask, seek, and knock.  As Brother Romney acknowledges, “until we let others know the gaps we see . . . those individuals may not understand how they can help.”  The squeaky wheel does indeed get the grease.

Ultimately, the Lord won’t abandon you.  He loves you too much to do that.  Not only will He walk by your side, the Lord will provide a strength to persevere only He can provide.

The same Lord Who’s assembled a plan for your maximum happiness, restored His gospel offering needed perspective, and provided resources to support you is also intimately aware of you.  He knows what you need in the moment you need it.

He knows how overwhelming your specific combination of challenges and circumstances can feel.  He submitted Himself to all things “that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12).  Through the enabling power of His Atonement, Christ can help you do what you otherwise could not.

No matter the challenge, whether it be raising daughters as a single dad, raising sons as a single mother, or simply finding joy in LDS singles life, you can partner with the Lord and leverage your challenges to grow and become something more than you were before.  When you do, you’ll grow so much you’ll transcend your challenges.  What once seemed overwhelming will be no more than an afterthought.  And all along the way, you’ll feel the strength of the Lord abiding with you. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I then took that thinking a step further.  What quality does my life really have if I’m too busy to enjoy it?  That’s why I want to circle back today.  I want to try to recapture part of what I missed when Cinco de Mayo passed me by uncelebrated, because to enjoy life truly, you need to party your life.

We’d all agree anything taken to excess is bad and occasional recreation is good.  But what is recreation?  I mean, what is it really?

If we examine the word, we find the prefix re-, meaning again, followed by creation.  So literally recreation means creating again.  And what are we creating again if not ourselves?  Yes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a dull girl, but true recreation is not simply play.  True recreation leaves us renewed, rejuvenated, and ready to tackle anew the challenges before us.

That doesn’t happen with just an occasional respite from our labors.  The Sabbath provides that every week, and although I’ve certainly experienced a greater quality of life as I’ve honored the Sabbath, something’s missing.  Yes, hard times come to everyone, but shouldn’t there be a general feeling of enjoyment in life?  If I’m doing it right, shouldn’t I feel every day is worth celebrating?

That’s where the idea to party your life takes center stage.  That’s doesn’t mean all play and no work.  Work is essential to self-esteem, but, as I just said, all work and no play makes us dull.  There’s a sweet spot in the middle where we have a sense of balance.

That equilibrium point is, I believe, the party pad, the place where we enjoy the highest quality of life because that point is where we most feel to celebrate our life every day.  The key, then, to party your life is balance.  And I think that balance comes not only from what we do but how we approach what we do.

For example, if you’re being pulled in too many directions, your life won’t feel balanced.  How can it when you’ve got so much competing for your limited time?  But you get the same result from approaching life with too much emphasis on any one element.  By concerning yourself so much with one element, you can’t effectively work on anything else.

The simple answer is to simplify.  If you’re too busy to smell the roses along your journey, drop what you can so you can.  Likewise, if you’re so focused excessively on one element, drop the excess baggage and lighten your load.

For many, that’s easier said than done.  You can have so much of importance it feels like you can’t drop anything.  And it’s not like you quit worrying about some concern just by flipping a switch, especially if holding onto that concern has become habitual.

If the key is balance, then the key to getting and staying there is your relationship with the Lord.  He can help you see the way to balance because He is the way.  Through His Spirit, He can teach you what you need to do.  By coming to Him, He can carry your burdens and lighten your load.  He can help you find and stay at that equilibrium point where you can most feel to celebrate your life, because it will be the life He has given you.

So party your life.  Let God prevail and recreate you into more than what you could become without Him.  When you do, you’ll better find the balance you need to party your life.  In that space, you’ll not just feel better but be better.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

The natural man and woman (and yes, they are worth distinguishing) drive the dating decisions of far too many LDS singles to prize the worldly over the eternal.  The natural mindset informs our assumptions about what’s acceptable, which in turn drives our dating thinking and dating behavior.  When you view the bigger picture, it’s not hard to see we need to reject the natural mindset.

This may shock many, but it needs to be said because awareness is the first step towards positive change.  The vast majority of LDS singles make decisions about dating with the natural mindset.  They prioritize self and attributes that don’t really matter in the hereafter (or even very long in this life, for that matter) over what will truly matter in the eternities to come.  Their thinking is all about this life and more specifically, their life.

In contrast, the covenant mindset prioritizes making and keeping sacred covenants.  Covenant men and women value consistently living the restored gospel.  Having a covenant-minded partner is more important to them than physical attraction, money, fame, or status.  Covenant men and women will choose to date someone who may lack in those attributes but who has that commitment to the covenant lifestyle.

Now, I want to make clear I’m not suggesting any two active LDS singles should come together on that basis alone.  We’re not interchangeable parts.  We’re all unique, nuanced individuals, and our dating decisions should acknowledge that individuality. But that individuality finds best expression within a covenant relationship with someone who prioritizes covenant living.

Yet many LDS singles prioritize finding someone who today excels in desired attributes.  They want perfection up front when the perfection they insist on having really comes only after a lifetime of work.  It’s an impossible standard leaving many singles unnecessarily single.

And there’s a dangerous assumption lurking behind that standard.  It’s the assumption your marriage is all about you — your happiness, your life, your eternity.  But correctly understood, your marriage is not about you.

Yes, it has to do with you, but it’s not entirely about you nor even principally about you.  Your marriage is about your companion and your children — the family you’ll create together.  That often means giving up something you want for yourself in order to prioritize something for them.

That’s why the natural mindset is so dangerous.  Thinking your marriage is all about you engenders a selfish approach to dating and marriage, one that prioritizes what you want over making and keeping sacred covenants.  What do you expect results from that approach?  It’s exactly what we increasingly see — more and more singles remaining single and more and more singles who do get married struggling to make their marriage last.  You don’t get maximum happiness outside covenant living, and the covenant lifestyle doesn’t work when you prioritize self over covenant living.

And that’s why the natural man and the natural woman are enemies of God.  When you prioritize self over covenants, you prevent families, which play a key role in our Heavenly Father’s plan, from being created and nourished.

The real obstruction is the insistence on having nothing but the best in a companion.  It’s the associated idea that “settling for second best” can’t lead to happiness that prevents us from having our maximum happiness.  Only inside sacred covenants can we find maximum happiness.  Happiness is about giving, not having.  So few of us are genuinely top shelf by worldly standards anyway that allowing the natural mindset to drive our dating decisions under the false belief that “settling for second best” leads only to misery is what’s really making us miserable.

If you want your dating journey to lead to maximum happiness, reject the natural mindset.  Start by learning what you need to reject.  Consciously choose to act with a priority of covenant living rather than selfish desire.  And embrace Christ’s wondrous Atonement.  When you do, He’ll purify your desires so that what you sincerely want is what you should want.  Then making the right choices becomes easier.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Understandably, the weight of life presses on us all.  For many LDS singles who’ve lived years without the righteous blessings they desire, that weight can be heavy indeed.  A pessimistic outlook on the future that often attends that weight doesn’t help.

But there is always hope because there is always Christ.  He can help us go forward when we feel there is no way forward because He is the Way.  When we give our heartfelt all to Him, He gives us access to His power.  And with His power, we can do all things.

That includes maximizing our joy in LDS singles life.  We can find balance amongst all the tensions of life when we put the Savior and our discipleship to Him first and give our all to Him and His work.  As Elder Uchtdorf explained,

This is how LDS singles can move their lives forward.

This doesn’t mean your solution to the challenges of LDS singles life is more church.  The solution is more you.  When you give more of yourself to what you do, you create the space in which you can have more joy in your life.

It’s that giving more of yourself that actually creates that space for more joy.  That’s why time and time again I’ve defined happiness as giving your all to all the right things for you.  That’s why for years I’ve encouraged LDS singles to embrace a personal ministry.  Like the widow’s mite which Elder Uchtdorf referenced to begin his remarks, your contribution to making the world a better place is worthwhile when it represents your all because it’s only in giving your all that you become a better you.

I can understand why so many LDS singles want to give up on their lives.  Dating often results in frustration and other negative emotions.  Then there’s loneliness.  And those singles who are also parents have double duty in raising their children.  I get it.

But I also get that frustration is a sign you’re going about something the wrong way.  So when you feel life isn’t working right, it’s really you that isn’t working right.  You need a new approach!  Elder Uchtdorf explained how putting the Lord first helps us each find the new approach we need.

When you partner with the Lord by putting Him and His work first and then taking counsel from Him, He Who is the Way will show you the way.  This principle works in every aspect of life, not just discipleship.  When you give more of you to all you do, you can get more out of what you do.

So if you aren’t getting what you want out of dating, give more of you to it.  Start by learning the fundamentals.  If you aren’t getting more of what you want from your occupation, give more of you to it.  And so it goes for every aspect of life.

You can find the balance and lift you need when you give your all and keep moving forward.  So don’t stop.  Don’t stagnate.  Don’t wallow in the mire of despair.  Don’t wrap yourself in pity.  Focus on where you want to go and keep moving forward.  As Elder Uchtdorf taught,

Give your heartfelt all to all you do.  You’ll create the space for more joy in your life.  You’ll see life turning around for you.  And you’ll find more balance and lift in your life as you come closer to the Lord.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.