What impressed me about Sister Porter’s approach was her use of singles to exemplify her ultimate message of the valuable contribution LDS singles can make in their world.  It’s a message we’ve been promulgating here at Joy in the Journey Radio by encouraging LDS singles to adopt a personal ministry.  We all can powerfully influence those around us for good, and we’ll make that difference in others’ lives when we heed the lessons at the well.

I love the introduction Sister Porter gives to her remarks.  She was happily married and serving with her husband in the Church in Eastern Europe.  Then her husband’s health took a turn for the worse, and in short order she found herself single.

I don’t know if she actually thought of herself as single.  She didn’t mention that in her address, and I know many who’ve lost a spouse to death still consider themselves married by virtue of their temple covenants.  If your spouse is not in this life living with you, you may be married for the purposes of eternity, but for the purposes of this life, you’re single.

You also have a wonderful opportunity to effect much good.  It starts when you realize your past and present circumstances don’t determine your future.  In referencing her unexpected return to singlehood, Sister Porter shared,

The woman at Jacob’s well exemplified this attitude, which applies just as much to men as it does to women.  She did not allow her past or present condition to determine her future.  She chose to testify of the Savior, and her choice blessed many others.

Likewise, LDS singles can chose to embrace a new future by making the higher choice.  Too often LDS singles play the victim, thinking that their past is prologue and nothing they do will make any difference.

But that’s true for you only if you decide it is.  You’ve been blessed with agency, the second most underappreciated gift of God.  And it’s the second most underappreciated gift of God because so many simply don’t realize the power that’s in them because of this gift.

Sister Porter recognized it.  After quoting D&C 58:26-28 and emphasizing that last phrase in the verses — “for the power is in them” — she declared,

You’re not in this alone!  No matter your past or present circumstances, you can choose to let your light shine, share your goodness with others, and put a dent in the universe.  With the creator of heaven and earth at your side, why choose anything else?

This is how great ends come out of small beginnings.  The Lord is the Master Gardener, the one best suited to help you grow into the fullness of your potential.  He can transform the seemingly meager contributions you make into extraordinary differences.

Sister Porter shared three examples from the Master’s teachings that demonstrate this effect, one involving salt, one involving leaven, and one involving light.  Each of these items in even seemingly small amounts makes a tremendous difference in their separate contexts.

Likewise, though your efforts may seem small and inconsequential, you can make a tremendous difference in your world.  Your salt can flavor the lives of others, your leaven can lighten their loads, and your light can disperse the darkness surrounding them.  As Sister Porter taught,

Heed the lessons at the well and make the higher choice.  When you do, the Savior can turn your seemingly small service into the difference others need in their lives.  In easing the burdens of others, you’ll find your own burdens eased.  In helping others grow, you’ll find your own growth.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

And that’s the rub.  Bettering our position to receive a miracle requires work, and most of us don’t want to work for our miracles.  We just want them to appear.  Yet miracles still follow universal law.  Appropriate work on our part aligns us with the universal law governing the miracles we seek.  That often involves delivering value, because at the end of the day, it’s all about value.

So many of our desired miracles involve other people using their agency to advantage us.  The miracle of companionship is one such example.  Yet this miracle like all others follows universal law, which begs the question:  What laws govern the occurrence of this miracle?

The answer resides in the fundamentals of the dating journey.  Those who align themselves with the fundamentals position themselves to receive that miracle more easily.  Those who don’t stumble and trip up over and over again.

Stepping back and looking at the fundamentals, it’s easy to see they’re all about value.  Arriving at any stage of the dating journey requires an agreement, and you secure any agreement by being agreeable enough.  That means providing sufficient value.  At the end of the day, it really is all about value.

And that’s where work comes in.  We can change ourselves and our environment to become more agreeable by offering more value and thereby position ourselves to receive more easily the miracle we seek.  And we’re not in this alone.  When we partner with the Lord, He’ll help us (1) to know what work we need to do and (2) to do that work.

We start by understanding what value we offer today.  Those who already offer great value have less to do, whereas those offering less value have more work to do.  Either way, we should seek input from others when assessing the value we offer.  We’re all inherently biased to overestimate the value we offer.  That bias blinds us from many of the imperfections diminishing our value.  Input from others combined with counseling with the Lord can help us overcome our inherent bias and blindness.

So when that 400-pound single adult partners with the Lord and considers input received from others, the realization comes that losing weight and taking better care of one’s body will ease the arrival of the companionship miracle.  Partnering with the Lord, that single adult seeks and follows guidance to assemble a plan and then involves the Lord in executing that plan.  Losing weight then becomes not just a physical change but a spiritual adventure experienced step by step at the Lord’s side with the intention of easing a miracle into one’s life.  Can we not feel the increased power behind this approach to securing miracles?  It all starts with a focus on value.

As we work to improve the value we offer, we need to remember value has different meanings in different contexts.  We also shouldn’t forget everything’s interconnected.

For instance, value in the dating context isn’t value in the eternal context.  We all already have immense value in eternity as children of God, but we all have different value when it comes to dating.  The value of an attribute differs with context, but low value in one particular context often means a lack of attributes valued in that context.

When we see ourselves lacking the valued attributes in the context of a desired miracle, we shouldn’t surrender to despair.  Instead, we should partner with the Lord and get to work.  We should look for invigoration in meeting the challenge and work with faith that, with the all-powerful Lord at our side, we can make any miracle happen.  Making gains in one area of our lives can strengthen us in other areas, giving us a further boost towards making our miracle happen.

At the end of the day, it’s all about value.  Looking through that lens can provide a clarity of vision regarding needed changes.  As we make those changes in partnership with the Lord, we can feel more confidence as we ease the miracles we seek into our lives and more gratitude when those miracles finally appear.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Focusing on incremental, one-percent improvements instead of some grand transformation intrigues me.  I’m led to question not just what goals are best for me but the very process by which I determine those goals.  After all, the process of improvement must be doable to mean anything.  Focusing on being one percent better is not just doable but far more enriching than the alternative.

Elder Dunn began his remarks by sharing the story of British cycling.  For about a century, British bicycle racing teams won little distinction.  Their performance was so poor some manufacturers refused to sell bicycles to them, for fear the association would irreparably tarnish them.

But that changed in 2003 when a new coach, Sir Dave Brailsford, was hired.  Sir Brailsford rejected using the latest trends and technology, preferring, as he put it, “the aggregation of marginal gains.”  British cyclists began looking at everything they did and how they could improve by just one percent.  The results were amazing.  As Elder Dunn described,

He further explained,

After applying this approach over the past two decades, British cycling has amassed an impressive array of awards, including six Tour de France victories and more Olympic medals across all cycling disciplines than any other country.

This approach and these results together get me thinking.  What if I’ve been going about this New Years resolution business all wrong?  What if a shift in my focus towards small, one-percent improvements is what I’m really missing?

I began by adjusting my goal creation process.  Normally I start by reviewing my mission statement (which details my life purpose) and then my vision statement (which describes the characteristics of my ideal best self) to see if they still resonate with me.  If they don’t, I make changes until they do.  I then ask myself, “What portion of the gap between where I want to be and where I am will I work on this year?” and I make goals to address that portion.

But I see now this approach invariably leads to biting off more than I can chew.  I always justified it thinking it’s better to aim for the stars and miss than aim for a pile of dung and hit target.  But by attempting too big a change, I set myself up for failure and disappointment.

This year I’m trying a new approach.  Keeping the mission statement review, I adjusted the vision statement review to describe what my best self looks like at the end of the year rather than the end of my life.  I then scored myself on how well I meet that end-of-year standard today.

Of course, that comparison finds me wanting, but that’s OK.  Elder Dunn taught that

Stephen Covey declared the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.  For achieving goals, the main thing is making sure to get just one percent better every day.

I tied each goal to a descriptive characteristic from my end-of-year vision statement to maintain alignment with my direction.  Now the question each day is this: What will I do today to get just one percent better in each of my goals?  I plan on evaluating my progress after each week and month to assess progress and adjust where needed.

Focusing on improvements of just one percent each day seems like my missing essential element.  I’ve already felt greatly encouraged applying this new approach for creating my goals, so we’ll see what develops in what I actually achieve.

If making New Year’s resolutions you’re confident you won’t keep discourages you, or if the failures of previous attempts to achieve and become your best self dismay you, I invite you to consider focusing not on some grand transformation but rather on the one percent change you can make today.  When you get one percent better each and every day, it won’t be long before you find yourself making remarkable progress.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Everything works that way.  We all dream of having our best life, but to have that life, you must pay a price in faith, diligence, patience, and longsuffering in daily doing the small acts that over time will aggregate into a harvest of success.  Most people don’t do that because it’s hard.  But that’s precisely why it’s worth doing.  With great diligence, you can have the positive changes you want in your life.

Success isn’t complicated.  Do the right things day after day, and eventually you get what you want.  But like the seed in Alma’s parable, you don’t reap a harvest overnight.  And that’s probably the hardest part of achieving success.

We all have changes we want in our lives.  But taking action day after day and not seeing the results you want can wear you down.  Many quit the fight too soon.  Because only action produces results, quitting the fight means taking no action, which means getting no results.  So what can keep you in the fight when it gets hard?

Alma provides an answer.  He mentions diligence, but first he mentions faith.  And that’s what can pull you through.  With a vision of your life after you pay your price for what you want, you can keep on keeping on.

I’ve used that in my PhD program.  As I’ve felt the challenge increase, I remember teaching as an adjunct and relive how good it felt to work my dream job.  My faith that overcoming my present difficulty will get me closer to the result I seek drives me through the difficulty.  So it is with anything in life.  Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is really the other side of the mountain and not an oncoming train can help you push forward no matter how bleak your present position.

As you push on in the darkness of the moment, the difficulty separating you from your desired best life isn’t just in doing what’s needed everyday but also in having to wait for results to materialize.  We all want results on our schedule, and our schedule often screams now.

So it’s not surprising Alma, to faith and diligence, adds patience.  It takes patience to nourish a seed into maturity.  Part of the price you’ll pay for what you want is in patience.  You must take the small steps required day after day, continually putting forth effort with faith those results will come, especially when they don’t come instantly.

Faith helps me have patience, but so does celebrating small wins.  Recognizing a victory, no matter how small, helps me feel I’m making progress and moving closer to my best life.

Having patience in the overall journey and not just the task before me also helps.  When one approach fails, I don’t lose hope.  I have faith the approach I need exists, and I keep searching with the determination to do so until I find the approach that will work for me.

That attitude necessitates a lot of trial and error, which requires longsuffering.  Often you must pay your price over a long time without seeing desired results.  Little wonder Alma includes longsuffering in his parable of the seed.

Suffering must be endured; it makes your harvest much more precious.  But suffering doesn’t mean you must be miserable.  You can have sincere joy while suffering if you strengthen your faith and focus on the blessings and opportunities along your way.

Whatever positive changes you want can be yours if you pay in full and in advance the price you must pay.  That requires diligence in doing the small daily actions that over time will accumulate into your success.  But you also need faith to see the glory awaiting you, patience to allow the natural workings of the universe to operate, and longsuffering to endure well the time before results come.  With those three attributes married to diligence, you can make whatever positive change you want.  You can have your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

When the options before you seem untenable, it’s time to get some new ones.  Most people simply accept what they’re given, but the truly successful open new doors when the old ones close, even if that means making the new doors themselves.  If you feel your dating options are limited or even non-existent, it’s time to expand your horizons, dare to step out, and strike new ground.

The key to increasing your success is thinking probabilistically.  Target actions that increase your probability of success.  Often that means increasing the likelihood of crossing paths with acceptable prospects.  When you know what activities those types of people have in their life, it’s easier to find new opportunities to meet them.

For example, if you want a worthy companion you can take to the temple, you need to cross paths more with temple worthy people.  What activities do temple worthy people have in their life?  Service is a big one.  How do you cross paths more with people who have service in their life? By serving more yourself.

So expand the scope of your service.  Really delve into your ministering assignment.  Get more active with family history in family history centers.  Pray for and be attentive to service opportunities in your ward.  Spend more time in the temple.  My grandfather met his second wife while serving in the temple.

You get more opportunity to meet quality people when you cross paths more often with quality people.  The probability you’ll do that increases substantially when you position yourself for that crossing to happen.  And the best way to do that is to identify what the people you want to meet do in their lives and then do the same things in yours.

The advent of social media offers an amazing opportunity to do just that.  The business model social media platforms use lets you leverage them for free.  And when you understand the fundamentals of the dating journey, leveraging social media for dating becomes quite natural.

Too many LDS singles frustrate their own progress by thinking huge commitment when considering dating.  They aren’t being in the place where they are.  The dating journey has various stages, each with more commitment than the one before.  The first stage, Friendship, has zero commitment.  Guess what stage you’re in when you first meet someone?  Yep, Friendship.  So focus on building friendship when you meet people since that’s the stage you’re in.

Join groups that attract the type of people you want to meet, get active in group discussions, and you’ll increase your probability of crossing paths with quality prospects.  Then be in the place where you are — whatever stage of the dating journey you’re in — as you get to know people.  Your journey will go better when you’re in the place where you are.

My final suggestion I’ve mentioned before.  Long-time audience members will recognize my encouragement to adopt a personal ministry.  Find some contribution of goodness you can make, and then devote yourself to making that contribution.

Adopting a personal ministry makes you a more interesting person, which in turn makes you more attractive in dating.  And the people who’ll cross your path as you perform your personal ministry are more likely to be quality prospects interested in devoting themselves to causes similar to the one you embrace with your personal ministry.  What a wonderful foundation for a friendship that could grow into a wonderful foundation for marriage!

If you’re frustrated with the dating options LDS singles typically pursue, expand your horizons by imagining new options that approach dating in different ways while still based in the fundamentals of what you’re trying to do.  We all have opportunities all around us, and when we embrace new and different ways of thinking, we can see more of those opportunities and then take advantage of them.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

As I watched the film again recently, I couldn’t help but think about dating.  Johnny Lingo saw in Mahana something no one else saw.  Where everyone else saw an ugly woman worthy of mockery, Johnny Lingo saw a woman so beautiful everyone would remember her as such forever.  The obvious parallels to dating invite us to see others as they could be and not just as they are.  And indeed, we can make more progress in our dating journey when we see with Johnny Lingo eyes.

Perhaps the most important dating lesson here is the influence we have over our own dating journey.  What we think of ourselves truly makes the biggest difference.

Many LDS singles think other people determine their progress in dating.  I used to be one of those, but not any more.  Now that I understand my influence over the choices others make, I no longer have the victim mentality that once drove me to blame others for why I’m single.

Johnny Lingo certainly didn’t have a victim mentality.  He could have easily chosen to court another woman.  All the single women in the island village had their eyes on him.  And Mahana thought so poorly of herself she preferred hiding in a tree over facing her suitor.

But Mahana changed her tune after Johnny Lingo exercised his influence.  He didn’t make her change how she thought of herself.  Rather, he invited her to do so by thinking better himself of her and acting in accordance with that perspective.  He exercised his agency to influence others to choose in his favor.  That’s a powerful lesson we can apply in our own dating journey.

Johnny Lingo saw in Mahana the beautiful woman she really was.  And he helped her to see that for herself so she could release that beauty for all to see.  He truly walked with her.

So often in dating, we look at potential prospects solely as what they are today.  We then assume they’ll always be that way and judge accordingly.  And we certainly don’t do anything to help others become what they could be.  It’s much easier to reject them then walk with them towards their potential.

That wasn’t Johnny Lingo’s attitude.  If he’d taken that approach and viewed Mahana as the ugly woman everyone else saw, he’d have chased after some other woman in the village.  But Johnny Lingo saw Mahana as she could be.  And he walked by her side to help her get there.  In the end, that approach resulted in his wife being the most desirable woman on the island.

What if we took that approach to dating?  What if we started seeing each other with Johnny Lingo eyes?  How different would dating be for us?

Instead of seeing people as they are now, try seeing people as they could become and asking, “If this person were to achieve his or her potential, how attractive of a prospect would he or she be then?”  Johnny Lingo didn’t judge Mahana based on what she presented before he married her.  He judged her based on what he knew she could become, and he helped he get there.  That’s what he married, not the ugly girl hiding in a tree, but the beautiful woman who would elicit the admiration of all who saw her.

We LDS singles need to adopt this approach in dating.  We need to see with Johnny Lingo eyes.  When we do, we’ll see more opportunity all around us.  We’ll make more progress in our dating efforts.  And we’ll enjoy both our single and our married lives more.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

How many of us are doing that?  How many of us are taking the action needed to improve our lives?  Again, only action produces results.  And it doesn’t matter how undesired your reality is today.  You can flip any reality into something better when you flip your focus.

Some may find that a bold claim.  If you’re engulfed in your own negative experience, you’ll rightly wonder how simply looking at something different can change anything.  But we’re talking here about focusing, not just looking.

Just because you look at something doesn’t mean you’re focused on it.  When you drive a car, for example, you’ll look ahead for the most part because that’s the direction you’re going.  But occasionally, you look in your mirrors to get a sense of what’s around you.  That’s part of safe driving.  But how safe would you be looking mostly in your rear view mirror?  You’d find driving your vehicle safely difficult if you did that.

That’s the difference between focusing and seeing.  Everyone has undesired experiences in life.  Simply looking at them won’t create a negative reality.  Only when you constantly choose to keep your vision fixed on the negative are you focused on the negative.  And a focus on the negative means a reality filled with negativity.

Changing a negative reality is as simple as choosing a positive focus.  If a negative reality results from a negative focus, then a positive reality will result from a positive focus.  But how exactly does that work?

Many think reality is the collection of what happens to you, but this perspective drives a focus on what others do or don’t do, and the resulting reality is one in which you’re disempowered to change your own life for the better.

What happens to you does play a role in shaping reality, but you play a much larger role with the meaning you assign.  You’ll get a certain result depending on your actions.  And, yes, other people play a role in determining that result.  But whatever the result, you choose what that result means.  And that meaning plays a larger role in creating your reality than what others do.

The same undesired experience can come to two different people, and you can find one in complete turmoil and the other in complete peace.  The same thing happened to both, so why don’t both have the same reality?  It’s because reality is more than just what you experience; it’s also what meaning you choose to give your experience.  And the way you assign meaning is through your focus.  You choose your focus, and thereby you choose the meaning you assign to your experiences, and thereby you choose your reality.

When you understand how it all works, the ramifications can overwhelm.  If you choose your reality, then the one ultimately responsible if you don’t like your reality is you!  That realization usually precedes one of two responses: You’ll either cower back and hide, or you’ll stand up and embrace it.

Cowering can be comfortable, but that choice disempowers you, surrendering you to a victim mentality that keeps you in the prison of always blaming others for why your life isn’t what it should be.  But your best life has you empowered with a victor mentality that liberates you.  And that’s where the harder choice to stand up and embrace the truth comes in.  To have your best life, you must stand and own it.

If you don’t like your current reality, you can flip it when you flip your focus.  Stand up, own your life, and start making intentional choices to seize your power of agency and move yourself towards your best life.  You’ll feel the empowerment that comes from taking control of your life.  You’ll feel the satisfaction that comes from making progress towards your goals.  And you’ll learn how to stay positive no matter what negative experiences come your way.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I particularly like how President Nelson tied his message of preparation to the principles of preparation Captain Moroni followed.  And the first principle President Nelson examines is creating places of security.

President Nelson defines a place of security as “anywhere you can feel the presence of the Holy Ghost and be guided by Him.”  Of the different places of security he describes — home, stakes, and temple — your home is the most important.  Stakes and temples offer great spiritual security.  But your home is a place of both temporal and spiritual security.  It’s the place of security to which you repair most often and over which you have the most control.

So what control are you exercising over your home?  Is it a place to which you can resort physically, financially, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually?  If you find like me that you have more work to do, then get busy.  Make your home a true place of security.

We’ve long talked on this program about how your focus determines your reality.  How you think creates the life you live.  So to prepare places of security in your life, you need to prepare your mind with the right thinking.

President Nelson extolled faith as the wellspring of the most effective thinking.  He referenced the recent earthquake in Salt Lake to exemplify the need for a solid foundation that can withstand the spiritual shaking that comes to everyone.  Faith in Jesus Christ is the ultimate spiritual foundation.  As President Nelson declares, “we can stand ‘steadfast and immovable’ because of our faith.”

Staying on the covenant path always increases faith.  Resisting the sway of enticements to step off the covenant path requires us to exercise faith.  And exercising faith always increases faith.  Additionally, President Nelson proclaims “regular immersion in the Book of Mormon” as “our latter-day survival guide.”

But President Nelson cited God as the ultimate source of security.  Said he,

So how are you preparing your mind to create places of security?  How are you exercising your faith?  How often are you immersing yourself in the Book of Mormon?  Are you seeking and receiving the personal revelation you need in your life?

These activities require constant and consistent dedication.  We can’t, for example, have a single spiritual experience and expect a lifetime of spiritual security.  Having places of security means always preparing them.

And as President Nelson points out, Satan is nothing if not persistent, and so we can never stop preparing.  “The more self-reliant we are—temporally, emotionally, and spiritually—the more prepared we are to thwart Satan’s relentless assaults.”  President Nelson never said it would be easy, but he did promise “the future will be glorious for those who are prepared and who continue to prepare to be instruments in the Lord’s hands.”

He then offered these words of encouragement:

Embrace the future with faith!  Partner with the Lord as you prepare your own places of security in your life.  Exercising more and more that faith will surround you with ever increasing levels of peace amid the turmoil to come.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

That’s why it didn’t take me long to identify “Eyes to See” by Michelle D. Craig as the Conference address to use for the program today.  In her remarks, Sister Craig spoke of the need we all have both to see others deeply and to be seen deeply by others.  And that’s possible for you when you acquire eyes to see.

I’ve long spoken about self-talk.  We all give messages to ourselves every day out of habit.  For most of us, at least 80% of those messages are negative.  A constant barrage of negative messaging can hold anyone back from fully living the joy to be had in life.

The cure for that, of course, is embracing habits of positive self-talk.  But you’ll find that next to impossible without first deeply seeing yourself the way God sees you.  If you see yourself in any lesser light, it’ll be harder to accept your divine nature and heritage as a child of God.  And you’ll feel awkward acting on what you don’t really believe.

That’s why I love how Sister Craig began her remarks with the story of Elisha’s servant seeing a threatening army surround him and his master.  But the servant set aside his fears when the Lord opened his eyes to see the truth of his master’s words: “They that be with us are more than they that be with them.”  Sister Craig then declared,

If what you’re doing keeps you from living the joy surrounding you every single day, then the obvious first step to experiencing that joy is to remove the obstacle.  Get out of your own way.  Stop doing what you shouldn’t, and stop thinking in ways that lead you to do what you shouldn’t.

Of course, you can’t just stop the bad you think and do.  We’re all biologically hardwired to operate out of habit.  Our self-talk and most other thoughts and actions we play out of habit.  Our habits feed us the instructions we follow to navigate everyday life.

But habits don’t change just because you stop executing bad instructions.  Again, you’re biologically hardwired to have a habit, so when you encounter the trigger connected with that habit you stopped, your brain looks for a habit.  Not finding one, it kicks in the default response, which is always to go back to the last habit you had.

That’s why you don’t just quit bad habits.  You must replace them with better ones.  So once you stop doing what you shouldn’t, start doing what you should.  And you can begin by partnering with the Lord and allowing Him to show the way.

Sister Craig shared some beautiful stories of how people were blessed and uplifted when others stopped their normal routines, looked around them, and acted on promptings to go and do.  She declared,

When you replace less effective habits of thinking and doing with more effective ones, you position yourself to see and to receive the deep joy that really does surround you every single day.  That joy comes when you give your all to your true identity and purpose.  But you can’t do that if you don’t first see your true identity and purpose.

So start today to develop eyes to see.  Stop thinking and doing what prevents you from seeing yourself and others as the children of God we all are.  Start thinking and doing what opens your view to the marvelous truths of the restored gospel and the reality of the Savior’s marvelous Atonement.

With a clearer vision of your true reality, you can press forward with joy amidst any challenge.  You can feel better about yourself because you’ll see yourself in the splendid potential for glory bequeathed to every child of God.  You can feel better about life because you’ll see the beauty that really is all around you.  You’ll see more clearly the Lord’s hand working in your life and the lives of others.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

That’s because if you always get back up and keep pressing forward, sooner or later you’ll achieve your goals and live your dreams.  You don’t get that staying down.  So if you’ve been knocked down, get back up and let the journey begin again.

It is about the journey, after all.  The destination is essential in that it determines the direction; it sets the course for your sails.  But no destination ever changed anyone.  It’s the journey that does that.

And it does that job well, but only if you embrace it, only if you choose to be changed by it.  If you stay down when life knocks you down, you essentially choose to stay separated from the destination embodied in your goals and dreams.  You essentially choose to stay unchanged.

But when you get back up after life knocks you down, when you refuse to stay defeated, you choose to be changed by your challenges into something that overcomes those challenges.  Is it easy?  Of course not.  If it were, everyone would be doing it.  Most don’t do it because they aren’t willing to pay the price for what they want.  They prefer the easy choice of staying down.  They prefer the fade out of failure to the surge of success.

Perhaps they console themselves in being normal.  Everyone does fail, after all.  So failure doesn’t make you defective or deficient.  It just says you’re normal.

Even those who succeed start out as failures, and many of them failed over and over ad nauseam.  Take Stephen King, for instance, one of the most prolific and popular American authors from the last century.  Publishers rejected his first book Carrie 30 times.  And when that 30th rejection came, King was so disheartened he promptly placed his draft in the circular file.

Life had knocked King down, and left to his own devices, he would’ve chosen to stay down.  But he wasn’t alone.  His wife removed the draft from the circular file, handed it back to him, and asked, “Why don’t you try just one more time?”  That one more time was all King needed.  He published his first novel, and the rest is history.

Every success story I’ve ever encountered goes the same way.  Everyone fails initially, and often abysmally.  But those who succeed choose not to stay down when life knocks them down.  They pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and start all over again.  They rise and declare, “Let the journey begin.”  And off they go to begin again.

All of us can do that, and yes, that includes you.  And here’s the best part.  You don’t need to wait for the first day of the week, month, or year to begin choosing better.  Every day offers the opportunity to begin again.  So if you’re normal and find yourself knocked to the ground before January is through, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again.

Did you fall off that exercise train you committed to ride at the start of the year?  Hop back on.  If you messed up that diet, forgive yourself and get back on it.  Trying to gain a new skill and missed a day or two or more?  Pick up where you left off.  Struggling with adopting some new positive habit?  Keep struggling, keep fighting, and every time you fail keep starting over.

Whatever goal you set for yourself this year, don’t let failure settle you back into staying your old you.  Let the journey begin again.  Embracing the confrontation with challenge lets you grow into something that transcends your challenge.  You’ll probably fail countless times, and that’s OK.  Just keep punching.  Keep getting back up every time you get knocked down, and eventually you will succeed.  You’ll achieve your goals, you’ll live your dreams, and however many failures you had won’t matter at all.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.