Joy In The Journey Radio
  • Home
  • Radio 4 LDS Singles
    • Live Broadcast
    • Recent Shows >
      • 14 Dec 22
      • 7 Dec 22
    • Archive 2022
    • Archive 2021
    • Archive 2020
    • Archive 2019
    • Archive 2018
  • LDS Singles Blog
  • Books
  • FAQ
  • Volunteer
  • Donate
  • Contact

continue the conversation

Dating is easy

7/5/2017

0 Comments

 
"When we understand the fundamentals of what we’re trying to do, we can execute with ease.  It’s when we don’t have the fundamentals mastered that we encounter challenge and struggle."
You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  The full text appears below, and you can continue the conversation by leaving a comment.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the Radio page!
Picture
Why does dating have to be so hard?  Thus has been the cry of many single Latter-day Saints.  Everything’s complicated.  Saying the right words could be significant.  But so could saying the wrong words.  Or nothing at all.

And, goodness me, you better not sit next to someone unless you’re a couple.  And watch those knees.  Touching signals scandal.  And in like manner, a date signals marriage intentions.  After all, what’s the point of dating someone who you know won’t do?  Asking someone out on a date must mean something.

Of course, lest we forget, we eventually always encounter that pesky DTR.  (For those living under a rock, that’s Define The Relationship.)  Anything could mean anything, so we have to clarify what every little thing means.  No one likes these awkward discussions which almost always end with someone disappointed.  I mean, who really wants another friend?

Many LDS singles think this way.  I used to be right there with them.  For these folks dating is hard.  But it doesn’t have to be if we understand the fundamentals.

The importance of fundamentals

Picture
Walking illustrates well the importance of fundamentals.  Most of us can walk without any problem.  We don’t lose sleep worried whether we’ll ever walk well enough or fear the future because of our lack of walking.

Why is this?  We’ve mastered the fundamentals of walking.  In fact, we’ve mastered walking so well we have no concerns about our ability to walk whenever needed.  Walking is easy for us because we’ve mastered the fundamentals.

Conversely, seeing toddlers fall down doesn’t really surprise anyone.  They’re still learning how to walk.  They haven’t yet mastered the fundamentals of walking.  For them, walking is challenging.

Everything in life — including dating — works the same way.  When we understand the fundamentals of what we’re trying to do, we can execute with ease.  It’s when we don’t have the fundamentals mastered that we encounter challenge and struggle.

The fundamentals of dating

Picture
This discussion now begs the question: What are the fundamentals of dating?  LDS dating has conventions we all at least intuitively understand.  But if we can’t speak them well enough to teach them to others, we don’t really understand like we think we do.

The ultimate purpose of dating is marriage, but that doesn’t mean marriage considerations should guide every decision in our dating journey.  After all, dating starts with friendship, but what friendship offered only to those who hold the potential of offering something in return is considered true?

Yes, the dating journey has stages.  To understand the fundamentals of dating, we must understand the fundamentals of each stage and how we move between stages.

Dating starts with Friendship and then can move in turn to Casual Dating, Committed Dating, Engagement, and Marriage.  Agreements connect these stages together.  If you don’t agree with someone to progress to a certain stage, you don’t progress to that stage.

Each stage has its own agreement.  To progress to Casual Dating, you must agree with someone to go out on a date, which is simply a commitment to spend a set time with a specific someone doing a specific activity.  Once the date is over, there’s no more commitment; that’s why it’s called Casual Dating.

For Committed Dating, you must commit to date only one person who in turn commits to date only you.  For Engagement, you must agree to marry someone who in turn agrees to marry you.  For Marriage, you must demonstrate your agreement by accepting the ceremony together.

The freedom of the fundamentals

Picture
This very brief description of the stages of the dating journey is just the tip of the iceberg in understanding the fundamentals of dating.  You really need a whole book to get all the details.

Fortunately, I’m working on just such a book and will release it as soon as it’s ready, together with a book about habits and their role in LDS singles life.  Progressing in our dating journey becomes even easier when we add together an understanding of how we’re biologically hardwired to function and an understanding of dating fundamentals.

For me, the greatest benefit from understanding the fundamentals of dating is the freedom.  I’m not concerned what the other person is thinking.  I don’t need DTR.  I know exactly where I am in my dating journey because I know what agreements I have and haven’t made.  And because I know what the next agreement I need to make is, I know what my next step in my journey is.

Dating is hard when we don’t understand the fundamentals.  But when we do, dating becomes easy.  And that will bring more journey in our journey.

Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have  more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.

    Comment

    Joy in the Journey Radio encourages the free discussion of ideas but reserves the right to remove and/or block comments which do not conform to LDS standards.

    Donate

    Joy in the Journey Radio offers many free resources to help LDS singles everywhere, but it certainly isn't free!  Help Joy in the Journey Radio in its mission to improve the lives of LDS singles by donating today.

    Posts by Month

    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014

    Categories

    All
    Adrian Ochoa
    Agency
    Assumptions
    Atonement
    Attitude
    Attraction
    Autopilot
    Balance
    Becky Craven
    Believe
    Best Life
    Bradley R Wilcox
    Camille N Johnson
    Change The Culture
    Changing LDS Singles Culture
    Christ
    Christmas
    Clark G Gilbert
    Confidence
    Conscious Choices
    Covenant Mindset
    Dale G Renlund
    Dallin H Oaks
    Dating
    David A Bednar
    Depression
    Dieter F Uchtdorf
    Discipleship
    Donald L Hallstrom
    D Todd Christofferson
    Face To Face
    Faith
    Family
    Family History
    Fear
    Filters
    Finances
    Focus Determines Reality
    Forgiveness
    Full Life: Body
    Full Life: Heart
    Full Life: Mind
    Full Life: Spirit
    Future
    Gary E Stevenson
    General Conference
    Gerrit W Gong
    Goals
    Gordon B Hinckley
    Gratitude
    Habits
    Happiness
    Hope
    Jack Gerard
    Jean Bingham
    Jeffrey R Holland
    John A McCune
    John C Pingree Jr
    Journey
    Joy
    Kristin M Lee
    Leaders
    Legacy
    Life Of Meaning
    Live In The Moment
    Marriage
    Marrieds
    Michael A Dunn
    Michelle Craig
    Miracles
    M Russell Ballard
    Natural Mindset
    Neil Andersen
    Opportunity
    Own Your Life
    Partner With The Lord
    Peace
    Personal Ministry
    Perspective
    Philosophy
    Proclamation On The Family
    Quentin L Cook
    Real
    Reformat And Reboot
    Relationships
    Ronald Rasband
    Russell M Nelson
    Sacrament
    Self Talk
    Self-talk
    Service
    Sharon Eubank
    Stories
    Support
    Surrender To Love
    Susan H Porter
    Taylor G Godoy
    Temple
    Thinking
    Thomas S Monson
    Trials
    Unity
    Valentine's Day
    Vision
    Walk By Faith
    Yoon Hwan Choi
    Zion

    RSS Feed

Offerings

Home
Radio 4 LDS Singles
LDS Singles Blog
Books
Speaking
Recipes
Home-centered Church

Production

About
Staff

Support

FAQ
Volunteer
Donate
Careers
Contact
Joy in the Journey Radio is a production
of Aspire Mountain Media LLC.
© 2014-2024 Aspire Mountain Media LLC.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

  • Home
  • Radio 4 LDS Singles
    • Live Broadcast
    • Recent Shows >
      • 14 Dec 22
      • 7 Dec 22
    • Archive 2022
    • Archive 2021
    • Archive 2020
    • Archive 2019
    • Archive 2018
  • LDS Singles Blog
  • Books
  • FAQ
  • Volunteer
  • Donate
  • Contact