That’s because if you always get back up and keep pressing forward, sooner or later you’ll achieve your goals and live your dreams. You don’t get that staying down. So if you’ve been knocked down, get back up and let the journey begin again.
Always get back up
It is about the journey, after all. The destination is essential in that it determines the direction; it sets the course for your sails. But no destination ever changed anyone. It’s the journey that does that.
And it does that job well, but only if you embrace it, only if you choose to be changed by it. If you stay down when life knocks you down, you essentially choose to stay separated from the destination embodied in your goals and dreams. You essentially choose to stay unchanged.
But when you get back up after life knocks you down, when you refuse to stay defeated, you choose to be changed by your challenges into something that overcomes those challenges. Is it easy? Of course not. If it were, everyone would be doing it. Most don’t do it because they aren’t willing to pay the price for what they want. They prefer the easy choice of staying down. They prefer the fade out of failure to the surge of success.
Perhaps they console themselves in being normal. Everyone does fail, after all. So failure doesn’t make you defective or deficient. It just says you’re normal.
Even those who succeed start out as failures, and many of them failed over and over ad nauseam. Take Stephen King, for instance, one of the most prolific and popular American authors from the last century. Publishers rejected his first book Carrie 30 times. And when that 30th rejection came, King was so disheartened he promptly placed his draft in the circular file.
Life had knocked King down, and left to his own devices, he would’ve chosen to stay down. But he wasn’t alone. His wife removed the draft from the circular file, handed it back to him, and asked, “Why don’t you try just one more time?” That one more time was all King needed. He published his first novel, and the rest is history.
Every success story I’ve ever encountered goes the same way. Everyone fails initially, and often abysmally. But those who succeed choose not to stay down when life knocks them down. They pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and start all over again. They rise and declare, “Let the journey begin.” And off they go to begin again.
Just start over
All of us can do that, and yes, that includes you. And here’s the best part. You don’t need to wait for the first day of the week, month, or year to begin choosing better. Every day offers the opportunity to begin again. So if you’re normal and find yourself knocked to the ground before January is through, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again.
Did you fall off that exercise train you committed to ride at the start of the year? Hop back on. If you messed up that diet, forgive yourself and get back on it. Trying to gain a new skill and missed a day or two or more? Pick up where you left off. Struggling with adopting some new positive habit? Keep struggling, keep fighting, and every time you fail keep starting over.
Whatever goal you set for yourself this year, don’t let failure settle you back into staying your old you. Let the journey begin again. Embracing the confrontation with challenge lets you grow into something that transcends your challenge. You’ll probably fail countless times, and that’s OK. Just keep punching. Keep getting back up every time you get knocked down, and eventually you will succeed. You’ll achieve your goals, you’ll live your dreams, and however many failures you had won’t matter at all. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
I believe there is. Our enemies aren’t just people determined to act against our beliefs. “For,” wrote the Apostle Paul, “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12). We wrestle against the natural man and woman, our imperfections, and ourselves.
And yet the Lord’s command remains the same: Love your enemies. Though it may seem completely backwards, this path brings the greatest joys LDS singles can experience in their single years. And they can be yours when you love all your enemies.
Love your natural self
You’re thinking that’s totally crazy. How can we possibly love the natural man and woman when King Benjamin famously declared, “For the natural man [and woman] is an enemy to God” (Mosiah 3:19)? And how could that possibly bring more joy to LDS singles?
The natural man and woman are indeed enemies to God, so I’m in no way proposing you love that aspect. I’m proposing you love your natural self, the person you really are inside.
You’re not just the product of evolutionary biology, although we all coexist with that aspect. You’re a beloved child of God with quirks — features of your personality and disposition that you’ve always had. They’re part of what makes you . . . well, you. But we often want to hide our quirks to fit in. We view them as an enemy.
The greatest joy in life comes from embracing all the right things for you. Of course, keeping the commandments and your covenants will always be among those right things. But there’s more that’s right for each of us. And your quirks — the unique expressions of who you naturally always have been, even before mortality — definitely qualify. So love your quirks and that part of your natural eternal self.
Love your imperfections
And while you’re at it, don’t forget to embrace your imperfections. That’s not what you’d normally hear from a booming self-improvement industry fueled by the assumption that tolerating imperfections equals acceptance of a miserable life, or at best a mediocre one.
Yet I’d never be a better man without my imperfections. It’s the struggle to overcome challenge that facilitates growth. My imperfections provide me with that challenge. My imperfections help me become my best self, and thus, they help me live my best life.
Your imperfections can likewise help you. I’m not suggesting you stop trying to eliminate your imperfections. By all means put them on the next bus, train, boat, or plane out of town. What I’m suggesting is your imperfections provide opportunity for the struggle that makes you your best you. And being your best self lets you live your best life.
But having your best life means loving yourself. Too often we don’t live the life we most want because we’re in our own way. The best way to get out of your own way and stay out of it is to love yourself.
Many singles yearn for the companion who’d make them not so single anymore. But they don’t love themselves — and by love I mean care for themselves the way God cares for them. We all broadcast our inner selves to others, who intuitively pick up those broadcasts. Others will sense if you don’t love yourself and want little if anything to do with you if you don’t, because they want to be loved, not used and certainly not despised.
In encouraging you to love yourself, I’m not suggesting you prioritize selfish desires. I’m suggesting you get good with you, that you sincerely love the deepest part of who you are, because that will then broadcast to others. And that can lead to joy you can’t have while you’re single.
So, yes, love all your enemies. Love your quirks that communicate your natural eternal self. Love your imperfections that provide opportunity for growth. And love yourself in the deepest part of who you really are. When you do, you’ll enjoy your single years more because you’ll embrace all the good they have to offer you. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
That's the place where many of us live, or rather the place where many of us exist as the walking dead, wandering zombies in lives on autopilot. We want a better life, we want to change for the better, and many of us sincerely intend both to do better and to become better. Yet the smallest good deed is always better than the grandest intention.
Don't just dream
Why such resistance to embracing positive change? We keep dreaming but never doing. Why is that?
It's not because we're lazy, at least not for most of us. We're biologically hardwired to operate out of habit. That means we're naturally designed to maintain a status quo, and that means resisting change because change by definition doesn't maintain a status quo.
Dreams, on the other hand, don't threaten the status quo, because dreams don't really change anything. Dreaming doesn't require any change in habits, so your natural design can continue business as usual while you dream to your heart's content.
And so, many of us dream and dream. And the life we have in return is the same and the same. Then when we recognize some undesired feature of this same but actual life, the only response many give is to complain and dream of a different life.
But only when you consciously choose to act against your biological design to operate out of habit and step towards your dreams will they ever begin to come true. Results come from one thing and one thing only — action. To get a result you've never had, you've got to do things you've never done. You must act!
Have a little faith
And the best part is it doesn't take a lot to get a lot. Goodness has such inherent power that a little can go a long way. Seemingly small actions can produce powerful results.
Nephi once wrote, "And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things" (1 Nephi 16:29). He was speaking about the Liahona, the small compass that guided him and his company to the promised land. Alma later spoke to his son Helaman about that compass, saying, "because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works" (Alma 37:41). By exercising a little faith, the spindles pointed the way those early sojourners should go.
But because the action needed was small, it was also easy to forget. As Alma explained,
It works both ways. Seemingly small actions can produce powerful results.
With as long as I've been single, I've attended literally thousands of singles activities, but the small handful of treasured memories I have of those that actually made a difference in my life are of the small acts of kindness that others extended towards me. Those seemingly small acts produced a powerful result in me that I still carry with me.
Get to work
Each of us could confess to having similar moments in our lives. Seemingly small acts of goodness someone else extended to us have touched us, lifted us, strengthened us, and encouraged us when we needed it. We all can and should pay that forward.
For me, that's the best aspect of these actions. They're so small anyone can do them. You don't need to be terribly gifted in anything. In fact, you already have all the gifts you need to wield the power within seemingly small actions — the gifts of agency and time. When you choose to fill your time with the seemingly small actions that can make a difference in the lives of others and your own, you can effect real change in your life.
So what are you waiting for? Stop wishing and start working. The smallest good deed is always better than the grandest intention. Only action produces results. When you take the seemingly small actions to share goodness with others or to improve yourself, you move yourself closer to making your dreams reality. And with continued, consistent effort over time, you'll begin to see yourself moving closer to your dreams. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
But life comprises more than just the spiritual. We also have social, intellectual, and physical aspects to our lives, each with its own foundation. Could Elder Stevenson's counsel regarding our spiritual foundation apply just as much to the foundations for the other aspects of our lives?
If I had to choose one, certainly it would be the spiritual. But I don't have to choose between them, nor should I. And nor should you. After all, you best build your best life when you look to your foundation for every aspect of life.
Elder Stevenson recounted some of the 40-year history of the construction of the Salt Lake temple. In particular, he quoted Brigham Young, who wanted that "temple built in a manner that it will endure through the millennium. This is not the only temple we shall build; there will be hundreds of them built and dedicated to the Lord."
Elder Stevenson then emphasized the grandeur of Brigham's vision. He envisioned hundreds of temples while laying the foundation for the one before him. He didn't turn away from dreaming big.
Do you dream on that grand scale? Does your foundation for each area of life say you're preparing for big things? Far too many live without such a vision. They're zombies walking through life dead to all the joy surrounding them every day and which they could capture if they chose to pursue their potential.
Big dreams strengthen the foundation for every aspect of your best life, so dream big. Vision born of dreaming big inspires you to make your life everything it can be. You get a glimpse of your best life that can motivate you to keep moving towards that best life.
Surely many fail to live their best life because they fail to dream big. Just as surely, many others fail because they do nothing more than dream. You can't reap where you don't sow. To get a ticket to the show that's your best life, you must pay the price in full and in advance.
You pay that price largely in your work on and from your foundation. And the pandemic, which many have cursed as an obstacle to the life they want today, presents an opportunity to build the life you can have tomorrow.
We need to see beyond the obstacles towards the opportunities. Elder Stevenson rightly views the renovation of the Salt Lake Temple "more as a time of renewal rather than a time of closure." While presenting many obstacles, the pandemic also provides us with many opportunities to improve our foundations in every aspect of life.
A proper foundation always precedes prosperity. Private victories always precede public ones. Dating is a great example. Many singles fail publicly because they've failed privately; they don't have the proper spiritual, social, intellectual, and physical foundations to excel at dating. Only when you do the work do you get results.
That work is rarely easy. Big dreams always require big work. And working big is something entirely different than dreaming big. Visions can inspire, but it's blood and sweat doing the actual grind in the mill house of life. Results come only from action.
Often working big means working in faith. Elder Stevenson quoted a woman who worked in faith despite debilitating cancer. Focused on opportunities to inspire rather than obstacles to recovery, she wrote, "The future of this life may be unknown, but my faith is not. If I choose [not] to ... have faith then I choose to ... walk [only] in darkness. Because without faith, darkness is all that is left.”
Working big means patience. Big results don't come overnight. Big results come from the accumulation of little results patiently and diligently acquired every day.
If you experience constant failure rather than success, maybe you don't have the foundation for success. Look to your foundation in every aspect of life. When you strengthen your foundation, you clear the path to private victories. When you achieve enough private victories, you'll begin to experience public ones. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Harry has no clue what happened here. But I do; I see very clearly what's happened. Harry, my man! You got played, bro.
Get good with you
In the comments to this post, most men think the woman was disingenuous, and most women think she was completely honest. I think if we understood more how each gender thinks, we all might gain an increased understanding prompting greater patience.
Men think with logic. Reason drives them to seek enticement. Women think with emotion. Emotion drives them to seek experience, by which I mean the experience of desired emotions as they live their life. To understand the choices made in interactions between the sexes, we need to see those choices through each respective perspective.
From the perspective of logic, it's reasonable to expect further interactions based on positive past experience. From that perspective, what the woman did was not honest; she's playing games. However, from the perspective of emotion, it's just as reasonable to choose the feeling of being with someone offering enjoyable company (even if that someone is not the right type) over the feeling of being with no one. From that perspective, what the woman did was honest; she's not playing games.
Who's right? They both are. That's why you have got to get good with you and the biological hardwiring in each gender's brain, because that's not going to change. The sooner you can understand each perspective, the sooner you can accept those perspectives and get busy with what will make you more attractive and your dating journey more enjoyable.
Chart your course
The best way to become more attractive and enjoy your dating journey is to become the best version of you and adopt a personal ministry — your unique contribution of goodness to the world. By improving upon yourself and giving all of yourself to your special way of improving the lives of others, you chart a course that will both best attract the type of companion that's best for you and maximize your joy along the way.
Too many LDS singles struggle with dating because they have ineffective assumptions. It's all too common to find men and women who view singles life as something they must escape. While understandable, that mindset is all backwards. Trying to escape singles life suggests it's a problem, and no one wants more problems. It also makes you look desperate, and no one really wants desperate.
Many LDS singles also don't understand the fundamentals of dating. When they participate in dating (or what they think is dating), they trip all over themselves, ending up hurt and frustrated. But that's to be expected when you don't understand the fundamental principles governing what you're trying to do.
When you do understand, you see your best course is to embrace singles life. No matter how long it may be, make your singles life the best it can be. Get good with you, make you the best you, and throw yourself into a life of contribution, a life that someone special will want to live with you.
Stay your course
Of course, the hardest part is to keep going without knowing how much farther until your journey ends. But you must keep going, because the moment you quit is the moment you lose all attractiveness, the currency you need to secure the agreements required for progress in your dating journey.
You can't avoid the difficulties surrounding not knowing when your dating journey will end, but you can avoid many other difficulties in that journey with more frequent, higher quality communication. We all need to assume less and ask more.
Harry, I'm truly sorry you got played, bro. Yes, it hurts, but you minimize your future pain when you get good with you, chart your course, and then stay your course. Understand how each gender thinks and what drives their choices. Stop trying to escape singles life and start embracing it. When you do, you'll start living your best life. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
The lesson here is clear. You boost your power to achieve your goals — and therein change your life — when you write them down.
Learn the ritual
This wasn't the first time I came across this story. And yet this time something clicked inside me. I came to a realization that had somehow escaped me before. I say somehow because it's staring me in my face, leaving me at a loss to explain why I didn't see it before.
But I'm glad I saw it now, because it led me to a new daily ritual that's improving the quality of my life and giving me more motivation and momentum to dedicate myself more completely to the accomplishment of my goals.
What is this new daily ritual? Before I begin my tasks for the day or even turn on my computer to review my tasks, I open a notebook and write down each of my goals for the year. Everything here is old school. I take a pen in my hand and physically transcribe onto paper each of the goals I made back in January.
Gain your power
I have goals for my personal life and each of my business endeavors — 36 all told. Since I'm writing each word by hand, it takes me about 20-30 minutes to complete this exercise. That's a sizable chunk out of my day, but I'm starting to see some sizeable return on my investment.
Each moment I spend writing each goal, I'm not just copying words. I'm considering the gap between where I am and where I want to go. Starting my work for the day with a realization of what I need to be done is empowering, especially when paired with the motivation stemming from the grandeur of my goals (yes, I can't help but dream big).
Starting my workday with that motivation drives me to do more with my day. The act of physically forming letters in a set arrangement on paper is a metaphor for completing the tasks in real life that together form the set arrangements known as goals. It's a form of spiritual creation that precedes the physical creation. That's how God created all things (D&C 29:31-32). How can you follow the same pattern and not gain some semblance of the power He wields?
Wield your power
I've embraced this new ritual for only a few days now, so I haven't practiced it long enough to become a habit. But I do feel stirrings of power within me, a taste of the great potential this practice will unleash.
That real power isn't just checking items off a to-do list. It goes beyond completing tasks or even accomplishing goals. The real power is having our tasks transform us into something more than we were before. We're human beings, after all, not human doings. We live our best life not because we do more but because we are more.
It's never too late to start a new way of living. You can feel empowered every day to effect change in yourself, accomplish great goals, and attain your best life. To start feeling that power in your life, decide to start living that way and follow through with the simple yet powerful practice of writing down your goals at the start of each day.
So what are you waiting for? Start right now by collecting the tools you'll need to write out your goals. Then tomorrow morning use your tools to practice your first iteration of a new habit. You may not feel much effect after just one session, and you probably won't. But with diligence and persistence in this practice day after day, it won't be long before you start feeling a growing effect within you. Keep on keeping on with that, and you'll empower yourself to accomplish anything. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
These ideas represent important aspects in the journey toward your best life. In fact, we might even say they form a three-step sequential process for navigating the very heart of that journey. It's time to commit to excellence.
Decide what you want
First, you must decide what you want. This seems obvious, but so many simply don't execute here. They simply march ahead in ignorance.
The first of Stephen Covey's seven habits of highly effective people is to begin with the end in mind. Implicit in such a beginning is clearly delineating what your desired outcome is and is not. After all, it's hard to hit a target when you don't know what it is. And if you can't spell it out clearly, then you simply don't know what it is.
Start by writing what you think your best life is, and then step outside yourself and consider whether a stranger would know exactly what you want simply by reading what you wrote. Writing is a perfect tool for this exercise because writing is great for aiding self-reflection.
And the process of writing a clear definition of what you want — what your best life is — allows you to see what you really do and don't know. And it provides an opportunity to clarify when you see you don't know. What does your best life look like, sound like, smell like, taste like, and feel like? Clarity brings power, so get crystal clear on your destination.
Know why you want it
With that clarity, you're ready for the next step. You must understand why you want what you want. And that's perhaps more important than just knowing what you want.
Of course, you have to know what you want before you can address why you want it. But simply knowing what you want is insufficient. For most things worth having (such as your best life), you must pay a price by overcoming obstacles and conquering challenges. Your best life won't come easy, and simply knowing your what won't give you the motivation you need to push through. Knowing your why will.
Again, clarity is power. The more clear you can get on your why, the more power you can obtain to push through when the going gets tough. It also allows for self-reflection. Contemplating the real reason you want something, you might see an easier or more effective means of satisfying that desire or even see it's not worth desiring at all.
Commit yourself to excellence
Once you're clear on your what and your why, the road to your best life should also be clear, at least for the first few steps. All that remains is execution. You must take those next few steps.
But it's not enough simply to go through the motions of doing what needs getting done. To progress towards your best life, you must travel that road well. Otherwise, you'll become disoriented.
It's something like the Liahona. Lehi and his family knew their destination, but when they waned in their commitments, their compass wouldn't point the way, and they quickly became lost. Only when they repented and reoriented themselves to their commitments did their progress resume.
Once you know your what and your why, you too must orient yourself to a commitment to excellence in all you do as you journey to your best life. You can't do anything half baked, because it's your best life, not your half-baked life. It's that commitment to do everything — even the little, seemingly unimportant tasks — with excellence that helps to create your best life.
The road to your best life will never be easy, and it was never meant to be. But when you decide what you want, know clearly why you want it, and then commit yourself to excellence in literally everything you do, you'll not only put yourself on the road to your best life, but you'll make progress towards it as well. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
But an OK life never rises above mediocrity and won't ever be great or phenomenal. Most settle for mediocrity, but you don't have to accept an OK life. You can be phenomenal. You can live your best life.
To realize the reality you want to have outside of you, you must do the work to change what's inside of you. So stop waiting and start working. Your best life awaits you.
Most people have a limited life because they have limited thinking based on limiting assumptions. And because of how we're all biologically hardwired to operate, those assumptions lead to habits producing the same results most mediocre lives have.
Do you believe you're the victim of choices others make? Do you believe you just aren't good enough to live your dreams? Do you believe your best days are behind you? Do you believe your happiness depends on what happens outside yourself? If so, you're likely not in control of life. Rather, life is in control of you.
But just as you can choose thinking that limits you, you can choose thinking that empowers you. You really can turn your life around because you are a child of the Creator of the universe endowed with His unlimited potential and the wondrous gift of agency. You can and do choose for yourself.
So you can choose to accept responsibility for the choices you've made that have brought you the life you have now. When you do, you begin to own your life. And that's when everything can begin to change for you. You can further that change by deciding what you want, knowing clearly why you want it, and then committing yourself to excellence in literally everything you do.
Get good with you
You need that foundation to effect the changes you want to see outside yourself. Too many people (who usually live limited mediocre lives) think their lives will improve when their external circumstances do. They work directly on external changes, but that's all backwards. To change your life on the outside, you must first change your life on the inside.
That means you must get good with you. You must dig deep enough inside of you to uncover the true root of your problem, the seeds of mediocre thinking sprouting into the mediocre habits producing your mediocre life. You must learn how you were biologically designed to function so you can leverage it instead of continually fighting against it.
We all broadcast an energy to others, and what you have inside determines the quality of that energy. To broadcast an attractive energy, what's inside of you must be attractive. Stop trying to escape singles life and start embracing it and making the most of it. Love yourself but also commit to doing whatever it takes to better yourself. Achieving that balance is the essence of obtaining your best life.
Keep after it
Pursuing that balance won't be easy, because challenges will always threaten your desired transformation. That's why you must continually refresh your thinking and your determination to keep after it.
Believe your best is yet to come, that the blessings you want are real and yours. Let go of trying to manage every detail and just enjoy the ride. Live in the moment, live with intention, and live in possibility while you work for probability. It's balancing the fantastic with the practical.
And the best way I've found to do that is practicing a ridiculous, sickening work ethic. The grind is amply named, and you need to do it every day. Use your agency to choose to keep after it. Never quit. Never surrender. Never stop until you win.
Most people live mediocre lives centered on satisfaction of self because that's what they choose. Those who live phenomenal lives centered on contribution to others have their best life because that's what they choose. Your best life awaits you. When you choose to take control of your life, get good with you, and keep after it, you too can live the phenomenal life that is your best life. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Yet far too many of us LDS singles choose bondage. We choose to keep habits of thinking that hold us back. We choose habits of seeing the obstacles instead of the opportunities. We choose habits of living under the oppression of a victim mentality instead of the liberation of a victor mentality. We are in many ways our own worst obstacle. If only we could get out of our own way!
And that’s the irony of it all. We can get out of our own way. We can break free from the bondage of a lesser life because we are free to choose for ourselves. We simply need to make the right choices.
Don’t discount your gift
I know some of you are scoffing at that idea right now. You’re thinking your freedom isn’t like a light switch you just turn on and off at will. Real life, you’re thinking, isn’t like that. There’s so much affecting your life you don’t control.
I used to think that way, back when I didn’t enjoy my life. What I couldn’t see then that I clearly see now is how my choices in how to think brought me the reality I was living. The way of thinking I embraced in those days discounted my gift of agency.
I didn’t see how my habitual choice to focus on the negative created the negative energy I broadcast to others around me. I didn’t see how my habitual choice to look constantly at my obstacles prevented me from seeing my opportunities. I didn’t see how my habitual choice to embrace a victim mentality kept me from living a life of victory.
The truth is your focus determines your reality. When you focus on the negative, you have a negative reality. When you focus on the positive, you have a positive reality. Because you choose your focus, you also choose your reality.
Choose your habits
And here’s more truth: Most of your choices you don’t make consciously. Rather you choose out of habit.
About 97% of everything you do on a day-to-day basis is simply a habit playing itself out. Habits don’t require you to think about what you do when you do it. You can, but you don’t have to. That’s the beauty of habits. They automate sequences of action so you can actually live life.
But your best life is a life lived by intention, one you consciously choose. Because you choose habitually 97% of the time, you choose consciously only 3% of the time. That suggests you can’t live your best life, but you can because you choose your habits.
When you understand how habit works and then make conscious choices to embrace more effective habits — especially in how you think — you really can choose your life because you choose the elements that together create the life you have.
Own your life
The moment I realized that truth was a pivotal turning point in my life when everything changed for me. I had a life I didn’t want because I chose the elements that combined according to natural law to create the reality I had. And it all came back to how I chose to think.
Sure, those choices were by and large habitual. But I chose my habits. In the very least, by choosing not to improve an existing habit, I by default chose not to embrace a better one.
That moment when I consciously chose to own my life turned everything around for me. That’s because I started making choices that were more conducive to the reality I wanted. And that’s a choice you can make as well because you have the same gift of agency.
Don’t depreciate that gift. Choose to own your life. Choose to break yourself free of the habits of thinking producing a reality you don’t want. You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to settle. When you learn how to leverage your gift of agency to your advantage, you can live a phenomenal life, irrespective of the choices others make. You can make your life extraordinary. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Procrastination is one way our biological hardwiring maintains our status quo. “Yeah,” it says, “that dream sounds great, but we’ll get to that someday. Right now we’ve got other things we need to do.” And as long as we keep accepting that excuse for not living our dreams, we’ll never live our dreams because they’ll never come true.
There are only seven days in the week, and someday isn’t one of them. When we quit tolerating some day and insist on today, we can move our dreams closer to reality.
I have a dream
That has been the kernel of my struggle for so many years. It’s perhaps the most concise explanation for why I don’t yet have all my dreams fulfilled. I too often tolerate lack of progress. But I also struggle as many others do with fitting everything I want to do into my day.
Part of that comes from having so many dreams that making substantial progress on any of them is difficult. There’s just too many objectives vying for the limited space in my calendar. And abandoning any them is even more difficult because, as I mentioned earlier, I can’t help but dream big — big not just in the extent of any single dream but also in my quantity of dreams.
I dream of an eternal marriage to a wonderful, faithful LDS woman who sees in me my virtues more than my vices. I dream of an LDS culture that fully accepts singles as well as marrieds. I dream of a vibrant LDS singles support network. I dream of a career in higher education through which I inspire the next generation to make the world a better place. I dream of building businesses generating overflowing wealth to support whatever my community needs. I dream of writing books and producing other products that help people live lives filled with more joy and satisfaction.
And my list goes on. Like I said, I can’t help but dream big. All the actions required to bring all my dreams into reality can’t possibly fit inside the fixed space of a 24-hour day or even a single week, month, or year. And so it’s easy to accept that “voice” from my biological hardwiring that says, “You can do that someday.”
Someday never comes
Ultimately, this fight — the fight within each of us — revolves around standards. What standards will we tolerate for the life we’ll live? The dreams we all have of a wonderful future necessitate change; otherwise we wouldn’t have those dreams.
But all results come only from action. Tolerating excuses that our dreams will happen someday keeps pushing the realization of our dreams further and further into the future.
That’s because someday never comes. Choosing to accept the excuse of someday is choosing to accept a standard of living life outside our dreams, and a standard of joy and satisfaction in life far below what they could be. The joy and satisfaction of living our dreams will come only after we choose not to tolerate anything below the standards of our dreams.
Raise your standards
We Latter-day Saints are familiar with standards. We often link them with blessings. Those who live the standards get the blessings that come from obedience. Those who don’t live the standards don’t.
Ultimately, standards serve another purpose. Standards provide boundaries that distinguish who belongs in the community and who doesn’t. In like manner, the standards required for our dreams determine whether we’ll live them or not. When we live by those standards, we move closer to our dreams. When we don’t, we don’t.
If you want to live your dreams, you need to raise your standards. Never tolerate someday. Always tolerate nothing less than progress — even if it’s only a little each day — towards making your dreams reality. When you stop focusing on what others did or didn’t do and start focusing on what you can do, you’ll start to feel the power that comes from moving towards your dreams. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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