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The doctrine of belonging

10/5/2022

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It’s easier to feel belonging when we truly understand the doctrine of belonging.
As usual, Conference was wonderful, leaving me a difficult choice for which address would be the focus today for Joy in the Journey Radio.  It’s great Conference just gets better and better every six months, but it means selecting one address for the first post-Conference broadcast gets more and more difficult.

At length, I settled on Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s address “The Doctrine of Belonging.”  While not aimed exclusively at LDS singles, his remarks really resonated with me.  How many LDS singles have felt like they don’t belong in the Church?  How many LDS singles over the years have left the spiritual safety of the Church because they lacked that sense of belonging?
Elder Christofferson approached belonging from a doctrinal perspective with practical application to belonging.  That approach confirmed what we’ve been discussing here for years on Joy in the Journey Radio.  But it also enlightened my understanding of what it means to belong.  It’s easier to feel belonging when we truly understand the doctrine of belonging.

See the commonalities

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Elder Christofferson begins by listing the three parts of the doctrine of belonging: “the role of belonging in gathering the Lord's covenant people, the importance of service and sacrifice in belonging, and the centrality of Jesus Christ to belonging.”  Let’s talk about how each of these parts relates to LDS singles.

As the Lord gathers His covenant people across the world, we’d expect, as Elder Christofferson rightly notes, Church membership to become more diverse.  We see that diversity today in every conceivable way, including life situation.  This diversity offers great strength and richness but also great challenge as our biological hardwiring influences us to compare ourselves with others in order to assess how “normal” we are.

Without context, such comparisons can demoralize and depress us.  Elder Christofferson illustrated this effect in the story of Jody King, a married woman confronting infertility.  As I listened to the heartrending emotions expressed in Sister King’s experience, I recognized a great parallel.  You could change the details of her story from would-be-mother to would-be spouse, and the emotions would stay the same.  We need to see less of the details differentiating us and more of our commonality as children of God.

Elder Christofferson recognized that need when he taught,


A sense of belonging is important to our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Yet it is quite possible that at times each of us might feel that we don’t fit in. In discouraging moments, we may feel that we will never measure up to the Lord’s high standards or the expectations of others. We may unwittingly impose expectations on others—or even ourselves—that are not the Lord’s expectations. We may communicate in subtle ways that the worth of a soul is based on certain achievements or callings, but these are not the measure of our standing in the Lord’s eyes. “The Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7) He cares about our desires and longings and what we are becoming.
We too should care about what others around us are becoming more than what they are today.

Serve one another

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In addition, we gain a sense of belonging within the Church as we serve and contribute to the larger Church community.  This makes obvious sense and yet the realization of its truth escapes many of us precisely because it is so simple.

We feel like we belong to a larger group when we do what those in the group do.  Singles don’t do everything marrieds do (or at least they shouldn’t), and that distinction highlights the earlier distinction of identity (“I’m single and you’re married”) that destroys any feeling of belonging.

But serving one another is something everyone can do.  Being true to as many covenants as one’s made is something everyone can do.  When everyone serves everyone else and turns their focus there, we see ourselves more doing what the group does and foster the sense of belonging we crave.

Elder Christofferson recognized this truth as he shared,


Although we rarely think about it, much of our belonging comes from our service and the sacrifices we make for others and for the Lord. Excessive focus on our personal needs or our own comfort can frustrate that sense of belonging.
How often have we singles focused excessively on our own unmet needs?  Think back to such a moment in your life and consider whether you felt like you belonged to the larger Church community in that moment.  However legitimate your unmet needs, focusing there always leads to feelings of isolation and abandonment, not belonging.

Come unto Christ

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Of course, the highest and most important sense of belonging comes through Christ.  We best promote that sense of belonging by nourishing a personal relationship with Him.  We must spend time with Him daily.

As I think back upon my many years of LDS singles life, I can remember many struggles with finding acceptance within my peer group.  What helped me the most in those times was remembering He Who “came unto his own, and his own received him not” (John 1:11).  Leveraging my struggle to feel closer to the Lord has helped me feel more belonging to Him, the only sense of belonging that really matters in the end.

Elder Christofferson displayed that perspective as he declared,


The Church is the custodian of the covenants of salvation and exaltation that God offers us through the ordinances of the holy priesthood. It is by keeping these covenants that we obtain the highest and deepest sense of belonging. President Russell M. Nelson recently wrote:

“Once you and I have made a covenant with God, our relationship with Him becomes much closer than before our covenant. Now we are bound together. Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us. Each of us has a special place in God’s heart. …

“… Jesus Christ is the guarantor of those covenants (see Hebrews 7:22; 8:6).”

If we will remember this, the Lord’s high hopes for us will inspire, not discourage, us.

We can feel joy as we pursue, individually and communally, “the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13). Despite disappointments and setbacks along the way, it is a grand quest. We lift and encourage each other in pursuing the upward path, knowing that no matter tribulation and no matter delays in promised blessings, we can “be of good cheer; [for Christ has] overcome the world” (John 16:33), and we are with Him. Being one with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is without doubt the ultimate in belonging.

LDS singles must live the doctrine of belonging in order to thrive and experience maximum joy despite their circumstances.  As we identify as members of the covenant, strive to keep those covenants while serving one another, and spend time daily nourishing our relationship with the Lord, we can gain a sense of belonging to Him and His Church.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio (as well as other full episodes) by going to the show page for this episode!  Alternatively, you can watch a clip from the full episode on the Joy in the Journey Radio channel on YouTube or Rumble.
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Our relationship with God

7/27/2022

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. . . it’s our relationship with God that pulls us through those challenges with joy.
It’s time once again to return to Conference, and as I considered the different options for the broadcast today, one address stood out.  That one was “Our Relationship With God” by Elder D. Todd Christofferson.

When selecting a Conference address for the program, sometimes I don’t know why a particular address stands out.  That’s not true here.  Elder Christofferson addressed a core challenge in LDS singles life.  That might not be apparent, since Elder Christofferson never announced he was addressing singles or even suggested any connection with singles life.

But I see a very clear connection.  Elder Christofferson approached dealing with suffering when anticipated blessings don’t come.  That has everything to do with LDS singles life.  And it’s our relationship with God that pulls us through those challenges with joy.

Check your thinking

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Elder Christofferson starts with Job, recounting how Job’s sufferings tried him so deeply he began to condemn God for “wronging” him.  God then reminded Job of His omnipotence and omniscience.  Job, realizing he couldn’t hold a candle to his Maker, humbly let God prevail.  In the end, “the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning” (Job 42:12).

Often the suffering of LDS singles leads them down the road of Job.  They can feel wronged when they do their best to keep the standards of righteousness and yet desired righteous blessings don’t materialize.  Worse yet, those blessings don’t show any sign of ever materializing.

But the problem here is in how we think.  We need to correct the faulty assumption that keeping the standards means we’ll have our desired blessings and certainly not in our way and on our schedule.  Elder Christofferson taught,


It truly is folly for us with our mortal myopia to presume to judge God, to think, for example, “I’m not happy, so God must be doing something wrong.” To us, His mortal children in a fallen world, who know so little of past, present, and future, He declares, “All things are present with me, for I know them all.” Jacob wisely cautions: “Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works.”

Some misunderstand the promises of God to mean that obedience to Him yields specific outcomes on a fixed schedule. They might think, “If I diligently serve a full-time mission, God will bless me with a happy marriage and children” or “If I refrain from doing schoolwork on the Sabbath, God will bless me with good grades” or “If I pay tithing, God will bless me with that job I’ve been wanting.” If life doesn’t fall out precisely this way or according to an expected timetable, they may feel betrayed by God. But things are not so mechanical in the divine economy. We ought not to think of God’s plan as a cosmic vending machine where we (1) select a desired blessing, (2) insert the required sum of good works, and (3) the order is promptly delivered.
The idea that “I’m not happy so God must be doing something wrong” assumes God’s main job is to make our lives blissfully care free.  But God’s work is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39).  As we discussed last week, growth is often uncomfortable.  Sometimes that discomfort comes from living without desired righteous blessings.

Correct your assumptions

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How then do the blessings we want come?  Many LDS singles simply shrug their shoulders as they give the most common response: “I don’t know.”  But other responses abound.

In recent years, as the proportion of singles in the Church has grown, leaders have increasingly suggested the receipt of righteous blessings is largely out of our hands.  They say God has an individualized and personalized plan for each of His children, and righteous blessings are dispensed as God executes that plan.

Elder Christofferson appears to be in that camp when he taught,


God will indeed honor His covenants and promises to each of us. We need not worry about that. The atoning power of Jesus Christ—who descended below all things and then ascended on high and who possesses all power in heaven and in earth—ensures that God can and will fulfill His promises. It is essential that we honor and obey His laws, but not every blessing predicated on obedience to law is shaped, designed, and timed according to our expectations. We do our best but must leave to Him the management of blessings, both temporal and spiritual.
I agree blessings which don’t conform to God’s will won’t materialize.  However, I don’t think that means the lack of a particular blessing means it’s God’s will that blessing isn’t there.  D&C 130:21 teaches every blessing is predicted upon obedience to the law connected with that blessing.  If you don’t keep the particular law, you don’t get the particular blessing.

Thus, any lack of companionship and marriage lies not in failing to keep the standards good enough but rather in the assumption that keeping the standards should yield the blessing of companionship and marriage.  Those desired righteous blessings are predicated on a different law.

Partner with Him

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You may well ask, “What is that different law?”  The blessings of companionship and marriage come as singles progress through the stages of the dating journey.  When singles follow the fundamental principles of that journey, they make progress in that journey.  When they don’t follow fundamentals, they don’t progress.  Period.

Following fundamentals means becoming more agreeable, and that means changing you.  Partnering with the Lord is the best way to know what changes you need to make now to become more agreeable.  Partnering with the Lord also provides guidance, courage, and strength in making those changes.  So a failure to see desired blessings in our lives should motivate us to increase our relationship with God, not diminish it.  Elder Christofferson taught,


We are God’s children, set apart for immortality and eternal life. Our destiny is to be His heirs, “joint-heirs with Christ.” Our Father is willing to guide each of us along His covenant path with steps designed to our individual need and tailored to His plan for our ultimate happiness with Him. We can anticipate a growing trust and faith in the Father and the Son, an increasing sense of Their love, and the consistent comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Even so, this path cannot be easy for any of us. There is too much refining needed for it to be easy. Jesus said:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
“Every branch in me that beareth not fruit [the Father] taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.”

The process of God-directed purging and purifying will, of necessity, be wrenching and painful at times. Recalling Paul’s expression, we are “joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.”

So, in the midst of this refiner’s fire, rather than get angry with God, get close to God. Call upon the Father in the name of the Son. Walk with Them in the Spirit, day by day. Allow Them over time to manifest Their fidelity to you. Come truly to know Them and truly to know yourself. Let God prevail.

God hasn’t abandoned us simply because desired blessings haven’t come how or when we want.  But we abandon Him when we lose faith in Him and allow that loss of faith to tolerate a lack of devotion to our covenants and our place in His work. That work is not about making life easy and comfortable but about helping others progress along a path that stretches into eternity.

When life doesn’t go as planned, we need to increase our relationship with God.  Hard times are a call to deepen discipleship.  By heeding that call, we’ll find the guidance we need to know the next step as well as the faith and courage to take it.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio (as well as other full episodes) by going to the show page for this episode!  Alternatively, you can watch a clip from the full episode on the Joy in the Journey Radio channel on YouTube or Rumble.
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    Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have  more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.

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  • Home
  • Radio 4 LDS Singles
    • Recent Shows >
      • 30 Nov 22
      • 23 Nov 22
    • Archive 2022
    • Archive 2021
    • Archive 2020
    • Archive 2019
    • Archive 2018
  • LDS Singles Blog
  • Members
    • Members-only
  • World of TED
  • Firesides
  • Books
  • FAQ
  • Volunteer
  • Home-centered Church
  • Donate
  • Contact