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Stop, turn, and act

1/12/2022

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. . . my unintentional detour away from my intended purpose actually achieved the intended purpose.
The last episode of Joy in the Journey Radio took a turn I didn’t anticipate.  I thought the theme of letting Christ author your story would focus the program on partnering with the Lord in creating new goals.  And I started with that intention.

But it very quickly morphed into something else entirely — the need to let Christ author the story of your dating journey.  I didn’t intend for it to go that way, but looking back I can see that, like Nephi, “I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do” (1 Nephi 4:6).

And that got me thinking.  What other lessons can I learn from this event?  For starters, I see with added clarity the direction Joy in the Journey Radio needs to take.  I also see how my unintentional detour away from my intended purpose actually achieved the intended purpose.  And it all came about because I was willing to stop, turn, and act.

Stop

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The changes we’re all looking for in our lives are just that — changes.  Nothing in your life will change until you change.  That means you need to stop doing what you’re doing so you can do something different.

Stopping is the first meaningful step in meaningful change.  Even if you do nothing more than stop to question whether or not you’re moving the right direction, you’ll never change if you keep doing the same thing over and over.

Yet that’s what most people do.  They say they want a different life, but then they keep doing the same things over and over.  And because they keep doing the same things over and over, they keep getting the same results over and over.  Their autopilot lives keep them in a state of limbo equilibrium.  And they’ll continue to play out that cycle until they stop.

Turn

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Direction determines destination, so once you’ve stopped taking your life in an undesired direction, you need to turn and adjust your course in a desired direction.  That may sound simplistic, but it isn’t.

And here’s why.  How do you know what direction will lead to the best destination?  More times than not, you won’t.  This is where partnering with the Lord comes in.  It’s also where I learned how deviating from your intended purpose could actually lead you to achieve it.  Sometimes we need to give up what we think is best for us in order to take what really is best for us.

The last episode is a case in point.  I thought the best direction to take the program was seeking direction from the Lord when setting goals.  That’s not bad.  But neither was it best.  The best direction was the one the program took.  We need to accept direction from the Lord in our dating journey, especially when it comes to deciding who we date.  And we need to embrace the Lord’s direction to date those who, left to our own devices, we’d rather not date.

We need to do the same thing in our lives.  Once we stop doing what we’ve been doing, we need to turn to the Lord with a willingness to go in whatever direction He’ll lead us, even if that direction appears to take us away from the destination we want.  I stress the word appears because that’s what it often is — an appearance, an illusion.  If the direction comes from the Lord, how could it not ultimately lead us to the best destination, the one where we’ll be the happiest we could possibly be?

Act

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Once we get that direction from the Lord, all that remains is execution.  We’ll never get to any destination unless we take the steps that lead there.  Results in any endeavor come from one thing and one thing only, and that is action.

The results you get are also commensurate with the action you take.  No results comes from taking no action.  Poor results come from taking poor action.  Good results come from taking good action.  To arrive at the best destination, you need to take the action that will take you there.  That action most likely follows this sequence: Stop what you’re doing, turn to the Lord, and act under His direction.  Partner with Him for your life.

Consider the changes you want in your life, changes you’ve tried to make but continually escape you time and time again.  Then stop, turn, and act.  When you partner with the Lord, you’ll find yourself making more progress towards your best life.  And you’ll find yourself growing as you learn what your best life really is.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio (as well as other full episodes) by going to the show page for this episode!  Alternatively, you can watch a clip from the full episode on the Joy in the Journey Radio channel on YouTube or Rumble.
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One percent better

12/29/2021

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Focusing on being one percent better is not just doable but far more enriching than the alternative.
With the new year almost upon us, it’s time once again for making new goals most of us will abandon within the first two weeks of January.  I’m not that fickle, but I do have a persistent problem of not reaching all my goals.  In fact, I typically achieve no more than a handful of them.

In considering how I can adjust my approach so next year will be different, I’m reminded of the wonderful Conference address by Elder Michael A. Dunn entitled “One Percent Better.”  Elder Dunn promotes a focus on daily small improvements on the order of just one percent.  If you can improve by just one percent every day for a year, in the end you’ll be 37 times better!
Focusing on incremental, one-percent improvements instead of some grand transformation intrigues me.  I’m led to question not just what goals are best for me but the very process by which I determine those goals.  After all, the process of improvement must be doable to mean anything.  Focusing on being one percent better is not just doable but far more enriching than the alternative.

Catch your vision

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Elder Dunn began his remarks by sharing the story of British cycling.  For about a century, British bicycle racing teams won little distinction.  Their performance was so poor some manufacturers refused to sell bicycles to them, for fear the association would irreparably tarnish them.

But that changed in 2003 when a new coach, Sir Dave Brailsford, was hired.  Sir Brailsford rejected using the latest trends and technology, preferring, as he put it, “the aggregation of marginal gains.”  British cyclists began looking at everything they did and how they could improve by just one percent.  The results were amazing.  As Elder Dunn described,


Brailsford’s small gains began with the obvious, such as equipment, kit fabrics, and training patterns. But his team didn’t stop there. They continued to find 1 percent improvements in overlooked and unexpected areas such as nutrition and even maintenance nuances. Over time, these myriads of micro-betterments aggregated into stunning results, which came faster than anyone could have imagined. Truly, they were onto the eternal principle of “line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little.”
He further explained,

As to repentance’s prerequisite of faith, the scriptures are clear. All that’s initially required is a mere “particle of faith.” And if we can muster this “mustard seed” mentality, we too can expect unexpected and exceptional improvements in our lives. But remember, just as we would not attempt to go from being Attila the Hun to Mother Teresa overnight, so too should we reorient our patterns of improvement incrementally. Even if the changes needed in your life are wholesale, begin at a small scale. That’s especially true if you are feeling overwhelmed or discouraged.
After applying this approach over the past two decades, British cycling has amassed an impressive array of awards, including six Tour de France victories and more Olympic medals across all cycling disciplines than any other country.

Clear your path

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This approach and these results together get me thinking.  What if I’ve been going about this New Years resolution business all wrong?  What if a shift in my focus towards small, one-percent improvements is what I’m really missing?

I began by adjusting my goal creation process.  Normally I start by reviewing my mission statement (which details my life purpose) and then my vision statement (which describes the characteristics of my ideal best self) to see if they still resonate with me.  If they don’t, I make changes until they do.  I then ask myself, “What portion of the gap between where I want to be and where I am will I work on this year?” and I make goals to address that portion.

But I see now this approach invariably leads to biting off more than I can chew.  I always justified it thinking it’s better to aim for the stars and miss than aim for a pile of dung and hit target.  But by attempting too big a change, I set myself up for failure and disappointment.

This year I’m trying a new approach.  Keeping the mission statement review, I adjusted the vision statement review to describe what my best self looks like at the end of the year rather than the end of my life.  I then scored myself on how well I meet that end-of-year standard today.

Of course, that comparison finds me wanting, but that’s OK.  Elder Dunn taught that


This process is not always accomplished in a linear fashion. Even among the most determined there may be setbacks. Having experienced the frustration of this in my own life, I know that it can sometimes feel like 1 percent forward and 2 percent back. Yet if we remain undaunted in our determination to consistently eke out those 1 percent gains, He who has “carried our sorrows” will surely carry us.

Obviously, if we are involved in grievous sins, the Lord is clear and unequivocal; we need to stop, get help from our bishop, and turn away from such practices immediately. But as Elder David A. Bednar enjoined: “Small, steady, incremental spiritual improvements are the steps the Lord would have us take. Preparing to walk guiltless before God is one of the primary purposes of mortality and the pursuit of a lifetime; it does not result from sporadic spurts of intense spiritual activity.”

Stephen Covey declared the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.  For achieving goals, the main thing is making sure to get just one percent better every day.

Work your plan

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I tied each goal to a descriptive characteristic from my end-of-year vision statement to maintain alignment with my direction.  Now the question each day is this: What will I do today to get just one percent better in each of my goals?  I plan on evaluating my progress after each week and month to assess progress and adjust where needed.

Focusing on improvements of just one percent each day seems like my missing essential element.  I’ve already felt greatly encouraged applying this new approach for creating my goals, so we’ll see what develops in what I actually achieve.

If making New Year’s resolutions you’re confident you won’t keep discourages you, or if the failures of previous attempts to achieve and become your best self dismay you, I invite you to consider focusing not on some grand transformation but rather on the one percent change you can make today.  When you get one percent better each and every day, it won’t be long before you find yourself making remarkable progress.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio (as well as other full episodes) by going to the show page for this episode!  Alternatively, you can watch the full episode on the Joy in the Journey Radio YouTube channel.
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We do what we want

8/18/2021

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As I think about why I’m where I am, I realize I’m no different than anyone else.
Lately I’ve reflected on my journey thus far in life.  And anyone who knows me well can tell you such moments usually find me waxing philosophical.

As imperfect as we all are, there’s always room for improvement.  I’ve long declared myself a walking construction zone with more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes.  So any evaluation of my life will find me wanting.  There’s so much I’d like to change and so much that needs to change in order for me to have my best life.

In some ways I’ve changed for the better.  I’m not the same man I was 20, 10, or even 5 years ago.  In some respects, the man I am today is much better than any of those men were.
Yet in other respects, I feel like I’m worse, especially when compared with what I’d expect to be at this point in my life.  As I think about why I’m where I am, I realize I’m no different than anyone else.  We do what we want.

Exploring change

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Tony Robbins once said, “Change is never a matter of ability.  It’s always a matter of motivation.”  If you really want to make a change in life, you simply make the change.  It’s never a matter of ability because, if you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to do it.

So despite the volume of our protestations, we all do have the life we really want.  My life is where it is because that’s where I want it to be.  I see a change I think I want in my life, and I think I want it because it appears to give me something desirable.  But in reality I have the life I truly desire most, because results come only from actions, and I chose the actions that have given me the results I have.

Still, I keep returning to the question of making changes in my life because what I have truly desired does not completely satisfy.  Why then do I not make the changes that will give me that different life?  I have ability to change but not sufficient motivation.  I’m just too comfortable where I am now.

Diving deeper

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I think many of us live in this same rut.  We don’t really do what we need to do to achieve positive change because we’re far too comfortable with out present life.  Pursuing positive change opens the door to problems and challenges involving pain and confusion.  I think all of us have enough of those not to want any more.

At the same time, there’s no reward without risk.  You can’t really feel the deep joy of love without opening your heart to betrayal and loss.  You can’t lose weight without exposing yourself to pain and discomfort a new diet might bring or to the exhaustion and injury that exercise can inflict.  You can’t experience the good results from being out in the world without exposing yourself to the bad things that happen to people every single day.

Many of us sense these risks and pull away.  We want safe, sure, guaranteed.  So we stay in our comfort zones, yearning to get out but never wanting to do what will get us out.  We’re just not motivated enough.  We’re doing what we want.

Embracing change

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So how then do you get motivated enough to change?  I think we’ll all have our own answer, but I do see one common thread that could tie all those individual answers together.  You get to a point where you won’t tolerate not having the change any longer.

You just get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  You make a decision — a real decision, one in which you cut yourself off from every possible outcome except the one you pre-determine.  You put your all into producing the actions that will produce that pre-determined result.  And to keep yourself motivated, you surround yourself with like-minded go-getters who’ll support you in going after your best life.

Not everyone will do that, but either way, we do what we want.  We have the results we have because of the action we’ve taken, and we take that action because that’s what we really want to do.  If you really want to do something different that’ll produce different results in your life, then you’ll do that.  Hitting rock bottom could be the greatest blessing ever, because there you can more easily find your motivation to do something different.  As you then decide not to tolerate anything less than your absolute best, you’ll get yourself on the path to your absolute best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio (as well as other full episodes) by going to the show page for this episode!  Alternatively, for this episode only, you can watch the full episode on the Joy in the Journey Radio YouTube channel.
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Live where you are

4/14/2021

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Don't reject a date based on your standards for marriage.  Reject a date based on your standards for dating.
Too often LDS singles have difficulty dating because they don’t focus on the fundamentals.  Frustration is a sign you’re going about something the wrong way.  So if you’re frustrated with dating, you’re probably doing it wrong.  You need to stop and re-evaluate your approach by grounding yourself in fundamentals.

Many LDS singles at the beginning stages of their dating journey pre-judge potential dating partners against standards for marriage.  That makes sense superficially.  Dating leads to marriage, and you don’t want to end up with someone you don’t really want.  Plus spending all that time and money with someone who won’t be with you in the end seems wasteful.  Isn’t it better not to start if you won’t finish?

This logic keeps many LDS singles single longer — in some cases, much, much longer.  Here’s a more effective approach: Live where you are in your dating journey.  Don't reject a date based on your standards for marriage.  Reject a date based on your standards for dating.

Know where you are

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To live where you are, you must first know where you are.  Having a good map can be helpful for that.  As we’ve discussed before, the dating journey map shows these stages:
  1. Friendship — In this stage, the commitment level is low.  People come and go as they please.
  2. Casual Dating — There are two kinds of dating, and the first is casual dating.  The commitment level here is higher because you’ve agreed to go on a date but still low overall.  Once the date ends, so does any commitment of the partners to each other.  Everyone can date whoever they wish.
  3. Exclusive Dating — When you date only one person who in turn dates only you, you’ve accepted a greater commitment level.  Hence the name of this stage where you explore being with one person exclusively.
  4. Engagement — In this stage, you’ve decided to raise the commitment up yet another notch.  Here you prepare to formalize the highest level of commitment.
  5. Marriage — Once you’re married, your dating journey as a single adult ends and your dating journey as a married couple begins.

Know your next step

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No map will tell you where to go.  But once you decide your destination, a good map will tell you how to get there.  Understanding the different stages of the dating journey helps you know where you are on the map.  From there, the dating journey map tells you how to get where you want to go.

You don’t climb a mountain by constantly staring at the peak.  You climb a mountain by looking where your feet you are and taking a step forward.  Your focus, then, should be on the next step in front of you, not the end goal.

Once you know where you are in your dating journey, your next step is to secure the agreement for the next stage.  Without the necessary agreement, you don’t progress.  Period.  You don’t need to look beyond the agreement you need for the next stage.  That’s like staring constantly at the summit without looking where you put your feet.  Good luck climbing the mountain that way.

Be where you are

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Many LDS singles have disagreeable dating experiences because they keep looking at that summit of marriage instead of the earlier dating stage where their feet are.  It’s no wonder they keep tripping over themselves and getting hurt.  If that’s your experience, here’s some free advice: Start living where you are.

If you focus on where your feet are and take the next step directly before you, and then the next one, and so on, eventually you’ll climb the mountain.  So focus on where your feet are: Apply standards of dating to dates.

This of course means you might date someone you wouldn’t marry.  So what?  That’s perfectly normal; everyone dates people they never marry.  Only by dating lots of people will you better know that right type of person who demands more serious consideration.

Because you’ll date people you’ll never marry, your standards will change with each stage of the dating journey.  You’ll casually date people you won’t exclusively date.  And you’ll exclusively  date people you won’t marry.

Recognizing these truths makes it easier to live where you are.  You can better enjoy someone’s company irrespective of whether or not you’ll marry that same person when you focus on that moment rather than on some agenda to achieve a future goal.

Applying standards of dating to dating helps you to live in the place where you are.  This in turn helps you to live more fully in the moment and makes you more attractive to someone who can help you be where you want to be.  And that will bring more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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Let the journey begin again

1/27/2021

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. . . if you’ve been knocked down, get back up and let the journey begin again.
How are those New Year’s resolutions coming along?  If you’re anything like most people, you gave up on your good intentions last week, if not sooner.  Most give up on their New Year’s resolutions within the first two weeks.

I’m of course as human as the next man.  But I’m still in the fight to achieve my goals for this year.  I didn’t start out strong, but I have kept going once I started.

And that’s all success really is in the end — a long succession of choices to get back up and keep going.  Life will always knock you down, but when you’re on the ground, you always have a choice.  You can stay down, or you can get back up.  Success is always choosing to get back up.
That’s because if you always get back up and keep pressing forward, sooner or later you’ll achieve your goals and live your dreams.  You don’t get that staying down.  So if you’ve been knocked down, get back up and let the journey begin again.

Always get back up

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It is about the journey, after all.  The destination is essential in that it determines the direction; it sets the course for your sails.  But no destination ever changed anyone.  It’s the journey that does that.

And it does that job well, but only if you embrace it, only if you choose to be changed by it.  If you stay down when life knocks you down, you essentially choose to stay separated from the destination embodied in your goals and dreams.  You essentially choose to stay unchanged.

But when you get back up after life knocks you down, when you refuse to stay defeated, you choose to be changed by your challenges into something that overcomes those challenges.  Is it easy?  Of course not.  If it were, everyone would be doing it.  Most don’t do it because they aren’t willing to pay the price for what they want.  They prefer the easy choice of staying down.  They prefer the fade out of failure to the surge of success.

Everyone fails

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Perhaps they console themselves in being normal.  Everyone does fail, after all.  So failure doesn’t make you defective or deficient.  It just says you’re normal.

Even those who succeed start out as failures, and many of them failed over and over ad nauseam.  Take Stephen King, for instance, one of the most prolific and popular American authors from the last century.  Publishers rejected his first book Carrie 30 times.  And when that 30th rejection came, King was so disheartened he promptly placed his draft in the circular file.

Life had knocked King down, and left to his own devices, he would’ve chosen to stay down.  But he wasn’t alone.  His wife removed the draft from the circular file, handed it back to him, and asked, “Why don’t you try just one more time?”  That one more time was all King needed.  He published his first novel, and the rest is history.

Every success story I’ve ever encountered goes the same way.  Everyone fails initially, and often abysmally.  But those who succeed choose not to stay down when life knocks them down.  They pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and start all over again.  They rise and declare, “Let the journey begin.”  And off they go to begin again.

Just start over

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All of us can do that, and yes, that includes you.  And here’s the best part.  You don’t need to wait for the first day of the week, month, or year to begin choosing better.  Every day offers the opportunity to begin again.  So if you’re normal and find yourself knocked to the ground before January is through, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again.

Did you fall off that exercise train you committed to ride at the start of the year?  Hop back on.  If you messed up that diet, forgive yourself and get back on it.  Trying to gain a new skill and missed a day or two or more?  Pick up where you left off.  Struggling with adopting some new positive habit?  Keep struggling, keep fighting, and every time you fail keep starting over.

Whatever goal you set for yourself this year, don’t let failure settle you back into staying your old you.  Let the journey begin again.  Embracing the confrontation with challenge lets you grow into something that transcends your challenge.  You’ll probably fail countless times, and that’s OK.  Just keep punching.  Keep getting back up every time you get knocked down, and eventually you will succeed.  You’ll achieve your goals, you’ll live your dreams, and however many failures you had won’t matter at all.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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Go big or go home

1/6/2021

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They understand that life is so short and so marvelous the only real decision is to go big or go home.
It’s the start of another new year and another rash of New Year resolutions that will probably be abandoned two weeks from now.  If you’re anything like me, you’ve started many a goal with the best of good intentions only to flounder as the going got tough.

An old adage says, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”  That sounds like you either have what you need to endure or you don’t.  Either you’re tough enough to take it or you aren’t.

To some extent that’s true.  Without the qualities necessary to achieve your dream — qualities like diligence, perseverance, commitment, and hard work — you simply won’t go the distance and pay the price to have your dream.  You just won’t endure.
That said, the smart tough get going long before the going gets tough.  They don’t just wait for the waves of life to crash against them and hope for the best.  They anticipate their challenges and prepare for them.  They embrace a vision that drives them to do more and to be more.  They don’t just perform; they super-perform.  They understand that life is so short and so marvelous the only real decision is to go big or go home.

Think big

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To start, let’s step back from the whole making-goals-for-the-new-year routine and adjust our approach.  Quite frankly, too many of us have simply played out ineffective habits that don’t produce the results we really want in life.  You need to step outside yourself and see everything anew.

And the first thing you need to see anew is yourself.  Too many people refuse to go big because that vision doesn’t match how they see themselves.  Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar often said, “You cannot consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way you see yourself.”

So are your dreams of your best life small or big?  And how do they compare with how you see yourself?  Do you see yourself as capable of accomplishing great things?  Or do you see yourself as a nobody, a failure, or someone who’ll just never have success?  If you find it hard to dream big, examine your self-image.  If you see yourself as unworthy or incapable, you’ll struggle to believe — and I mean really believe — you can achieve anything great in your life.  So before you start setting goals, you need to get good with you.

Dream big

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Once you’re good with you so the way you see yourself matches big dreams, only then can you truly dream big.  That’s because a poor self-image fetters your dreams within self-imposed restrictions.  When you free yourself from those self-imposed restrictions, you feel liberated to achieve the full measure of your potential.  And it’s an empowering feeling.

However, most never get to that point.  They keep listening to their biological hardwiring say, “Yeah, but ....”  Truly, that voice is designed to keep you safe.  But the longer you listen to that voice, the more your self-imposed restrictions that begin with “Yeah, but” will keep you living far beneath your potential.  “Safe” isn’t really safe.  Risky is the real safe.

Let go of your fears, your disappointments, your inadequacies, your failures, your excuses, and everything else keeping you from the life you want.  No one achieves anything big by accident.  Big results call for intentional choices, and big dreams can drive the choices that produce big results.

Live big

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Notice I haven’t said anything yet about setting goals.  That’s because it’s pointless to go after a target before you’re properly prepared.  If you want to climb Mount Everest, for example, don’t wear shorts and sandals.  Be smart and bundle up.

The same is true about goals.  Before you announce any New Year resolutions — or really any goal at any time — make sure you have the right foundation of being good with you and unchaining yourself from the self-imposed limitations of small dreams.  Only when you think big and dream big can you then live big.

Living big doesn’t mean what it appears on the surface.  It doesn’t mean living outside your means or suddenly achieving greatness in a single bound.  Living big means taking small steps every day and celebrating the daily wins you encounter along the way.  Real success is the daily accumulation of those seemingly insignificant small wins.

So go big or go home.  Life is too short and too marvelous to waste on small potatoes.  Supersize your life by getting good with you, releasing the restrictions on your dreams, and then setting goals to achieve and celebrate the daily wins in your life.  When you do, you’ll grow yourself into living big.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to  listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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How far you've come

9/2/2020

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It just goes to show you don't know how far you've come until you stop and consider.
Recently I've considered how far I've come since starting this adventure.  Many of my reflections related to my first blog post from 2014.

As I read those words written over six years ago, I felt they could've been written today.  I said that post would likely be my longest.  It has been and probably always will be.  I said I didn't care what others thought, that Joy in the Journey Radio wasn't about me but about helping singles overcome the challenges of LDS singles life.  That's still true and probably always will be.

I said I didn't care if my posts never had any comments.  As of today, that first post and almost all of my other posts, one for each Wednesday since January 1, 2014, have zero comments.  Obviously it's not about me, just as I said it wasn't.
And that's quite an accomplishment.  Most of my posts contain just under 800 of my own words each, so by that estimation I've written about 278,400 words.  That's more than a quarter million words!  It just goes to show you don't know how far you've come until you stop and consider.

Look back and ahead

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I had no idea what I'd accomplished with my word count until I stopped to consider it.  I don't think I imagined that result when I published the first few hundred words with that first post in 2014.  The only thing I imagined was never backing down.  And look what that attitude brought.

We all have potential for greatness.  But if you're like most people, that potential is largely untapped.  I haven't completely untapped my greatness, but as just described, I've started.  And I did it by consistent, persistent effort.  I did the work to lay the "bricks" in my "building" one at a time.  Now, years later, I can look back at the wonderful edifice I've built.

I can also look ahead to the "building" I'll yet have, because what I see today is hardly finished.  That's no different from any of us, really.  We're all walking construction zones, filled with more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes.  The encouraging part is that God isn't finished with us yet.

Lay your "brick" for today

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If I trust that Master Architect to accomplish His grand design, all I need to do is what's right before me today.  I have the "building" I have because over time I laid the next "brick" when I needed to lay the next "brick."

And in laying that "brick," I thought hardly anything about future "bricks."  I focused simply on the work to be done now, the work that was right in front of me.  That work was laying a single "brick" in place.

I'm reminded of something Will Smith said about success in an interview with Charlie Rose.


You don't set out to build a wall. You don't say "I'm going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that's ever been built." You don't start there. You say, "I'm going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. There will not be one brick on the face of the earth that's going to be laid better than this brick that I'm going to lay in this next 10 minutes." And you do that every single day, and soon you have a wall.
That's all I've done with the Joy in the Journey Radio blog.  I didn't set out to write over a quarter of a million words.  I just set out to write a few hundred each week.  That was the work that was right in front of me each week.  And now, years later, I can look back at the "wall" I've constructed from the accumulation of "bricks" laid for every week after 2013.

Stay slow and steady

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In reality, anyone can do this.  My accomplishment isn't the only one that can be broken down into individual "bricks."  Any greatness you dream of having can come the same way.  In fact, there's no other way it can come.

So what are the small, seemingly inconsequential tasks you need to perform to achieve your dreams?  What "brick" do you need to lay today (and every day) to build the future you want?  If you don't know how to answer that question, perhaps you should stop and consider that.

While you're at it, consider how far you've come already, and schedule appointments with yourself to consider it again at regular intervals into the future.  Our modern age has us expecting everything instantly, but that's not how real progress works.  You need occasionally to consider how far you've come to remind yourself of what you have done and motivate you towards what you can yet do.

It may not be quick, but slow and steady will win your race.  Consider how far you've come.  Then look to the work you need to do today and throw everything you have into doing that work the best you can.  Do that every single day, and before long you'll begin tapping into your potential and living your dreams.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here and continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Find more information about this episode, including how to listen to the entire episode, by going to the show page for this episode.
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Write them down

8/5/2020

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You boost your power to achieve your goals — and therein change your life — when you write them down.
Part of living your best life is living by design.  That means striving after goals, because goals are the description of that design for the life you're building, the best life you intend to live.

The story has been told of a study of Harvard University graduates who were asked how many had goals.  100% responded affirmatively.  Then they were asked how many of them had written down their goals.  Only something like 5% had.

After 30 or so years, the study returned to those same graduates and found that very few of the students who didn't write their goals down actually achieved any of them.  Of those who did write their goals down, 100% had achieved all of their goals.  Not only that, each of them were far more successful by any measure of success than the others.
The lesson here is clear.  You boost your power to achieve your goals — and therein change your life — when you write them down.

Learn the ritual

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This wasn't the first time I came across this story.  And yet this time something clicked inside me.  I came to a realization that had somehow escaped me before.  I say somehow because it's staring me in my face, leaving me at a loss to explain why I didn't see it before.

But I'm glad I saw it now, because it led me to a new daily ritual that's improving the quality of my life and giving me more motivation and momentum to dedicate myself more completely to the accomplishment of my goals.

What is this new daily ritual?  Before I begin my tasks for the day or even turn on my computer to review my tasks, I open a notebook and write down each of my goals for the year.  Everything here is old school.  I take a pen in my hand and physically transcribe onto paper each of the goals I made back in January.

Gain your power

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I have goals for my personal life and each of my business endeavors — 36 all told.  Since I'm writing each word by hand, it takes me about 20-30 minutes to complete this exercise.  That's a sizable chunk out of my day, but I'm starting to see some sizeable return on my investment.

Each moment I spend writing each goal, I'm not just copying words.  I'm considering the gap between where I am and where I want to go.  Starting my work for the day with a realization of what I need to be done is empowering, especially when paired with the motivation stemming from the grandeur of my goals (yes, I can't help but dream big).

Starting my workday with that motivation drives me to do more with my day.  The act of physically forming letters in a set arrangement on paper is a metaphor for completing the tasks in real life that together form the set arrangements known as goals.  It's a form of spiritual creation that precedes the physical creation.  That's how God created all things (D&C 29:31-32).  How can you follow the same pattern and not gain some semblance of the power He wields?

Wield your power

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I've embraced this new ritual for only a few days now, so I haven't practiced it long enough to become a habit.  But I do feel stirrings of power within me, a taste of the great potential this practice will unleash.

That real power isn't just checking items off a to-do list.  It goes beyond completing tasks or even accomplishing goals.  The real power is having our tasks transform us into something more than we were before.  We're human beings, after all, not human doings.  We live our best life not because we do more but because we are more.

It's never too late to start a new way of living.  You can feel empowered every day to effect change in yourself, accomplish great goals, and attain your best life.  To start feeling that power in your life, decide to start living that way and follow through with the simple yet powerful practice of writing down your goals at the start of each day.

So what are you waiting for?  Start right now by collecting the tools you'll need to write out your goals.  Then tomorrow morning use your tools to practice your first iteration of a new habit.  You may not feel much effect after just one session, and you probably won't.  But with diligence and persistence in this practice day after day, it won't be long before you start feeling a growing effect within you.  Keep on keeping on with that, and you'll empower yourself to accomplish anything.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Never tolerate someday

6/24/2020

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There are only seven days in the week, and someday isn’t one of them.
I can’t help but dream big.  It’s just a part of who I am.  And generally that’s great.  After all, “where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18).  Having a dream to propel you forward on the bumpy road of life isn’t just convenient; it’s absolutely necessary.  Our dreams give us something to live for.

I’m still working on many of my dreams.  Like everyone else, the greatest challenge lies within.  We’re all biologically hardwired to maintain a status quo.  Because dreams often necessitate a radical change, I must fight against myself to realize my dreams.
Procrastination is one way our biological hardwiring maintains our status quo.  “Yeah,” it says, “that dream sounds great, but we’ll get to that someday.  Right now we’ve got other things we need to do.”  And as long as we keep accepting that excuse for not living our dreams, we’ll never live our dreams because they’ll never come true.

There are only seven days in the week, and someday isn’t one of them.  When we quit tolerating some day and insist on today, we can move our dreams closer to reality.

I have a dream

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That has been the kernel of my struggle for so many years.  It’s perhaps the most concise explanation for why I don’t yet have all my dreams fulfilled.  I too often tolerate lack of progress.  But I also struggle as many others do with fitting everything I want to do into my day.

Part of that comes from having so many dreams that making substantial progress on any of them is difficult.  There’s just too many objectives vying for the limited space in my calendar.  And abandoning any them is even more difficult because, as I mentioned earlier, I can’t help but dream big — big not just in the extent of any single dream but also in my quantity of dreams.

I dream of an eternal marriage to a wonderful, faithful LDS woman who sees in me my virtues more than my vices.  I dream of an LDS culture that fully accepts singles as well as marrieds.  I dream of a vibrant LDS singles support network.  I dream of a career in higher education through which I inspire the next generation to make the world a better place.  I dream of building businesses generating overflowing wealth to support whatever my community needs.  I dream of writing books and producing other products that help people live lives filled with more joy and satisfaction.

And my list goes on.  Like I said, I can’t help but dream big.  All the actions required to bring all my dreams into reality can’t possibly fit inside the fixed space of a 24-hour day or even a single week, month, or year.  And so it’s easy to accept that “voice” from my biological hardwiring that says, “You can do that someday.”

Someday never comes

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Ultimately, this fight — the fight within each of us — revolves around standards.  What standards will we tolerate for the life we’ll live?  The dreams we all have of a wonderful future necessitate change; otherwise we wouldn’t have those dreams.

But all results come only from action.  Tolerating excuses that our dreams will happen someday keeps pushing the realization of our dreams further and further into the future.

That’s because someday never comes.  Choosing to accept the excuse of someday is choosing to accept a standard of living life outside our dreams, and a standard of joy and satisfaction in life far below what they could be.  The joy and satisfaction of living our dreams will come only after we choose not to tolerate anything below the standards of our dreams.

Raise your standards

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We Latter-day Saints are familiar with standards.  We often link them with blessings.  Those who live the standards get the blessings that come from obedience.  Those who don’t live the standards don’t.

Ultimately, standards serve another purpose.  Standards provide boundaries that distinguish who belongs in the community and who doesn’t.  In like manner, the standards required for our dreams determine whether we’ll live them or not.  When we live by those standards, we move closer to our dreams.  When we don’t, we don’t.

If you want to live your dreams, you need to raise your standards.  Never tolerate someday.  Always tolerate nothing less than progress — even if it’s only a little each day — towards making your dreams reality.  When you stop focusing on what others did or didn’t do and start focusing on what you can do, you’ll start to feel the power that comes from moving towards your dreams.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Pounce on it

3/11/2020

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. . . who knows what unforseen obstacle I will encounter next? That said, I’m not discouraged.
For the past two weeks, I’ve been promising my audience a book about LDS dating, a work that’s had I don’t know how many drafts in the past nine years.  Even in its current state it doesn’t feel completely done.  But it does feel “good enough” for publication.

Yet what was thought to be a simple, straightforward process — namely self-publishing on Amazon — has in reality been one obstruction after another.  Just last night I finished the Battle of the Book Cover.  I thought I could design the front and back of the cover using third party web-based software.  The reality is I could if I knew what I was doing.  And Amazon had its way of teaching me I don’t know what I’m doing.
Now I’m struggling with page layout problems.  What I thought was settled in my word processor apparently isn’t.  And when that’s done, who knows what unforseen obstacle I will encounter next?

That said, I’m not discouraged.  I know in the end I’ll succeed in publishing my book as well as many more in the future.  I just need to keep looking for the next opportunity and then pounce on it.

Deny distraction

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That’s how anything worthwhile in life works.  The world owes you nothing.  No one will deliver the life you want on a silver platter.  If you want something, you need to go get it.

That’s where most people falter, because going to get it means work, and most aren’t willing to work.  After all, most already work just to pay the bills, so the last thing they want is more work.  Thus, when the next opportunity to move closer to their dreams and goals appears, they opt instead to watch TV or surrender to social media or diverge into some other distraction.

Such distractions come to all of us.  But those who heed their siren call soon find themselves off potential.  They waste time they could have spent helping others and moving closer to their dreams and goals.  And at the end of the day, their dreams are nothing but wishes.

But we can all choose differently.  We can all choose to look for the opportunity to move closer to making our dreams reality.  We can choose to exercise discipline and pursue that opportunity even when we’re tired or don’t feel like doing it.  And at the end of the day, that choice allows us to rest our head on our pillow with satisfaction because we accomplished something.  Even if it’s only something small, we accomplished something.

Embrace opportunity

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That gives me hope.  I know an opportunity to near myself to the life I want will always come my way.  And when it does, I know I can pounce on it and reap the satisfaction that can come only after action.

How do I know opportunity will always come?  The Lord loves me and wants me to succeed.  I can’t succeed without opportunity.  And so the Lord will bless me with opportunity.  And because He loves me, He’ll bless me generously with opportunity after opportunity after opportunity.  But I have to do the work.  So I look for the next opportunity and then pounce on it when I see it.

And I’m OK with doing the work.  I own my life.  I accept I’ll need to work hard and work smart to get my best life.  And I embrace doing what I can to move even a little bit closer to my dreams and goals, because I know the closer I get to my dreams and goals, the sooner I’ll see them become reality.

Achieve success

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That’s just as true for you.  Every movement towards your dreams and goals, no matter how small, carries with it a momentum.  So even small movements count a great deal.

This is, after all, how the Lord works.  Small movements produce small momentum, true.  But working that small momentum allows a slightly bigger movement, which carries its own slightly bigger momentum that allows an even slightly bigger movement and so on.  Before you know it, you’re not just splashing a small street puddle; you’re roaring a tidal wave that totals the coastline!

So what tidal wave will you create?  What dreams and goals will you approach?  What opportunity will you pounce on today?  No matter how large or small, take what steps you can today to move yourself closer to your dreams and goals.  Then get up tomorrow and do it again.  Then get up the next day and do it again.  And keep doing that until you win.  When you do, you’ll know the satisfaction of making your dreams reality.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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    Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have  more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.

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    Joy in the Journey Radio encourages the free discussion of ideas but reserves the right to remove and/or block comments which do not conform to LDS standards.

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