Another two years later, I need those words.  I find myself challenged even more with a hospital stay.  It’s a new experience for me, as is needing any surgery, let alone two.  All this has been unexpectedly thrust upon me.  Yet even in these challenging circumstances, I can still choose my response. And so can you.  No matter what life gives, when you choose to act, you can fight your fears with faith.

My most recent trouble began with abdominal pain, coming hard, fast, and sharp one afternoon.  It seemed to wane as the night came, so I thought I might sleep it off.

But the pain returned very soon after awakening.  Having recently been diagnosed with an ulcer, I thought the pain might be excess stomach acid.  I took a couple of antacid tablets and waited, but the pain continued on.  And it was so massive, I couldn’t ignore it.  But I didn’t know what to do.

So I prayed for help.  A voice I felt more than I heard whispered, “Go to the emergency room.”  I looked at the time and wondered if I shouldn’t try to tough it out for three or four more hours, because then the clinic, which costs less than the emergency room, would be open.  Again the voice whispered, “Go to the emergency room.”  So I got dressed, put my shoes on, and went.

There was certainly no sense of emergency in the people working there.  Eventually I learned my previous diagnosis of an ulcer was not correct.  My real problem is pancreatitis, a severe inflammation of the pancreas caused, in my case, by gallstones.  But here’s where it gets tricky.  Some of those gallstones have traveled into the bile duct connecting the liver with the pancreas.  Those must be removed before the gallbladder.  Due to differences in how surgeons enter the body for each of these tasks, two surgeries are necessary.

The universe isn’t without a sense of irony.  I was thinking just the other day very little in my life is actually going my way.  Everything seems a challenge, and I’m continually fighting from the edge of a cliff hoping not to fall over the edge into despair.  Then I get this.

As if that isn’t bad enough, the first surgery’s scheduled for Monday.  Yeah, that’s right.  I’m going to be under the knife on Halloween.  I think I’ve had my fill of irony!

Still, the choice we all have remains for me.  Where will I place my focus?  And what action will I choose?  Sure, I have fears.  In addition to ones stemming from current events, some of the same fears that plagued me four years ago continue to haunt me today.  That’s because I haven’t taken sufficient action to build the faith needed to conquer those fears.

And so it goes for us all.  When we focus on what we lack, we encourage inaction, and faith being a principle of action cannot thrive, leaving fear to reign.  But when we focus on what we can do and take action, always taking the next step we can take, we build the faith we need to fight fear.

It’s so easy to step back and surrender to fear.  So often we all choose habits of maintaining the status quo rather than consciously maintaining our momentum towards our best life.  But the easy choice rarely leads to great reward.

Faith is built only through action.  To have the faith the face your fears, you must act.  Initially, any action will do, just to get some momentum.  Once you start building enough momentum through any action, then you can shift your direction so you move towards your best life.

When you choose to act, you can fight your fears with faith.  The Lord hasn’t given up on you, so why should you?  Take His strength, act in that strength, and no matter what comes your way, you can truly believe great things are in store for you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

And with the world becoming more and more chaotic, life will become more challenging for everyone.  Singles will feel those challenges more poignantly.  It’s one thing to have a companion to share your burdens and support you.  It’s quite another when you don’t.  To all my single LDS friends, here’s all the more reason why you need to shore up your spiritual foundation by including the temple more in your life.

President Nelson began his remarks by sharing some progress made in strengthening the foundation of the Salt Lake Temple.  I love how he draws a ready metaphor for establishing a foundation for our own spiritual lives.  To that I would add the need for each of us to establish a solid foundation in every part of our lives: the emotional/social, the mental/intellectual, and the physical.

But clearly the spiritual foundation is the most important.  The spiritual aspect of life contains the beliefs, values, and ethics that drive behavior in every other life aspect.  We need to ensure the spiritual area of life is firmly founded.

President Nelson understood as much when, speaking of the Salt Lake Temple, he shared

President Nelson then shared the perfect place to build that solid spiritual foundation we all need — inside the temple.  In reality, it’s living inside temple covenants that lays the actual bricks of our spiritual foundation.  But all of that comes together in the temple.  President Nelson taught

All the blessings LDS singles look to receive are connected with the temple.  Indeed, many of these blessings are the same blessings Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob sought and obtained — blessings available to all who make and keep the sacred covenants available only in the House of the Lord.

Those blessings came to those early fathers not all at once but incrementally.  Likewise, the blessings LDS singles seek to obtain in their lives will not come all at once but “here a little, and there a little” (Isaiah 28:10).  President Nelson extended that idea to the great blessing of the Restoration:

If something as important to our Heavenly Father’s plan as the Restoration is still ongoing, His plan for each of us is surely ongoing as well.  That thought prompts patience in LDS singles who yearn to have desired blessings now.

Including the temple at the center of our spiritual foundation can provide the faith needed to choose not only patience but also perseverance.  Within the temple we learn of Christ and His Atonement, our Heavenly Father’s plan, and the connections He intends to forge across generations of the human family.

The temple also helps us navigate the road of life to as yet unrealized blessings.  As chaos in the world grows, we can have the peace that surpasses all understanding, a quiet confidence God will support us when we feel all is lost.  The temple and living inside the covenants made there can fill us with that faith.

That faith can help us resist fear.  President Nelson counseled,

How many LDS singles live in fear the blessings they desire will not come to them?  The temple and temple covenants provide the solid spiritual foundation from which we can each take needed action in the other aspects of our lives.  We can trust Christ and His power to change us so we can more easily receive the blessings we seek.

So include the temple more in your spiritual foundation.  The unprecedented times President Nelson foresees will call for unprecedented measures in the attention we give to our foundation and the renewal we provide daily to it.  In so doing, we can live with greater confidence and optimism as our fears become memories of a distant past.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Masks conceal one’s true identity, allowing that person to act differently without incurring the consequences of having those different actions connected with one’s reputation.  That’s why Batman wears a mask — to protect those he cares about from his enemies who would harm them to get to him.

That’s not necessarily nefarious.  That allows a freedom that couldn’t be found with concern over the consequences of one’s actions.  And that’s the key: concern over consequences.  You need the mask so others won’t connect what you do with your reputation.  But if you were willing to accept whatever consequences came from your actions, you wouldn’t need the mask.  You could simply live as you would while others have full view of who you really are.

We naturally shy away from such circumstances.  We all have a deep-seated need to belong, and it’s easier to belong when you do what everyone around you does — or what everyone around you expects you to do.  Wearing a mask allows you have one identity you present to others so you conform to their expectations while in reality holding a different identity that would incur consequences from others if only they knew about that different identity.

I’m not suggesting all masks are bad.  Who doesn’t like Batman?  I’m just saying we need to concern ourselves with how we use masks.  We need to understand what we’re really doing with the masks we choose to wear.  We need to live with intention.

As I apply that principle to myself, I see the need to put away a mask I’ve been wearing for myself.  I’ve thought of myself as a solid performer in my work, someone who always delivers.  But recent experience suggests otherwise.  I may have never failed to deliver in a previous time, but times have changed.

What happened?  I’m not entirely certain.  I think part of it is my singleness.  Without needing to perform at a higher level needed to support a family, it’s been easier to accept performing at a lower level while maintaining within my psyche an identity that differs from reality.  I’ve been wearing a mask so I can feel better about myself.

This is one mask I don’t need to wear, because wearing it means living a lie.  It’s better to live in truth and embrace who I really am, an imperfect man who experiences setbacks but who also has the potential to rise above those setbacks and conquer whatever challenge lies before him.  Embracing that truth means true freedom, because that embrace allows me to live without concern for the consequences of others seeing me as I truly am.

What masks do you wear?  Have you established for yourself a space of false security so that others will think about you in a certain way or so that you can feel good about yourself?  How about having others think about you in that way because you really are that way?  How about feeling good about yourself by embracing who you really are?

Many of us wear a mask we shouldn’t be wearing.  Let’s embrace changes in ourselves so we can really see ourselves as we should be, or let’s embrace our actual self as our ideal.  Acquiring and maintaining that match produces self-esteem.  Combine that with living with intention, and you’re on your way to your best life.

Leave the mask alone.  Embrace the freedom that comes from embracing truth.  You’ll feel better about yourself, better your life, and better about your future.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

It helps me to remember I am not on my journey through life alone.  But it helps even more to vocalize that to someone.

A couple of weeks ago I had an extended conversation with my stake president.  Given my calling as his executive secretary, my recent struggles with singleness especially concerned him.  But I found that vocalizing my faith to someone who shares it filled me with an extra measure of strength that I previously did not know.

And how I needed that strength!  It’s one thing to believe the promises of the Lord when you seem to have all the time in the world.  But as you age and that window of youthful opportunity gets smaller and smaller, it gets harder and harder to believe.

But whatever difficulty or ease we each may have in believing does not change the essential truth of His promises.  That thought gives me courage, and so it can to you as well.  The Lord will fulfill every single one of His promises to you [pun intended].  So great will be your blessing that, when that glorious day finally comes, you’ll wonder how it ever was that you doubted Him.

How do you believe that?  How do you generate such faith in the Lord and in His promises that you continue to believe fervently even when everything around you seems to say the exact opposite?

You must first approach the Lord.  We must walk in the ways of the Master Who still has power to calm the waves and the storms around us.  Then you must take action.  You can’t just wish and wait, expecting your blessings to come.  To increase your faith, you must increase your action.  To believe Him more, you must walk more in the covenant path.

As I reflect upon my own performance, I quickly see my shortcomings.  That’s not surprising given my lifelong status as a walking construction zone.  But perfection is not about performance; it’s about persisting towards proximity to Christ.  As we keep trying to follow Him and come closer to Him, He gives us strength to endure well the time before our blessings come, whether that time be short or long.

In the post from two years ago, I said, “If all of us were to step back and observe the situation, we’d see that all fear does is prevent us from taking the next step in our journey.  But whatever your fears are, you still control what response you will provide.  Will you allow your fear to control you and cower from your next step?  Or will you control you and take that next step?”

The moments I experience now try me more than the moments I encountered two years ago.  But reading those words from two years ago now gives me added strength to endure well my more trying moments in the present and added hope my moments in the future will still be brighter and more glorious than I could ever imagine.

The Lord will grant you the tender mercies you need to face your fears just as He has for me.  He will help you to trust Him.  And when you truly trust Him, you can walk by faith even if your path is upon the very water that waves against you in the storm.  When you trust Him, He will show you your diligence and patience will not go unrewarded.  When you trust Him, He will make you more and more equal to whatever challenge confronts you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Part of what enabled him to do this is the Restoration’s fulfillment of the hopes of ancient prophets and saints.  They looked forward to the Restoration as a time when all gospel blessings would be enjoined together.  Indeed, we who live today have the glorious blessing of the fulness of the Lord’s gospel.  And those fruits can enable us to have a perfect brightness of hope for ourselves, our world, and our future.

Elder Holland begins with a list of what he would be looking for in religion were he living in 1820.  He and his wife imagined themselves transported back in time with the same spiritual longings that many of the world’s inhabitants have possessed throughout time.

Elder’s Holland’s list provides a wonderful review of the glorious truths restored to humanity — the true nature and character of God, a clearer understanding of God’s plan for His children and especially the role of the Savior in that plan, an additional scriptural witness that enhances one’s understanding of the Lord’s life and ministry, and true priesthood authority to dispense every ordinance required for salvation and exaltation.

Elder Holland saved the crowning blessing for last.  In his own words, he would have searched

Indeed, the blessings which the temple extends to bind the living and the dead across eternity truly crown the joy which living the restored gospel offers.  As Elder Holland declared,

Elder Holland then directs our attention towards the future.  The fulfillment of the hope of ancient prophets and saints for their future can give us hope for the fulfillment of blessings in our future.

Conquering the COVID-19 crisis is perhaps the most immediate of those hopes for the world.  But once we overcome that challenge — and Elder Holland assures we will — other challenges will remain, such as hunger, poverty, safer schools, and the eradication of prejudice.  And of course, truly conquering those physical challenges will require the adoption of spiritual solutions, what Elder Holland called

Elder Holland then gets deeply personal, and here is where he packs his best punch.

Isn’t that what we all hope for?  Many LDS singles hope for a more perfect life, yet marriage never made anyone’s life suddenly perfect.  You simply exchange one set of challenges for another.

That said, the hope that marriage can improve one’s life is not unrealistic, especially if one (to borrow a phrase from President Oaks) “marries right.”  We LDS singles, no matter our individual circumstances, can and should hope for the achievement of righteous blessings, not only even when that fulfillment seems impossible but especially when that fulfillment seems impossible.

I suppose that’s why this Conference address touched me.  I’m in my mid-40s having never been married.  What hope do I have not just of finding the right type of person who would want to marry me but also of having a family of my own, not just one I inherit from a now severed relationship?

I think Elder Holland would say I have every reason to hope.  And so do you.  The God who has performed miracles in the past can and will perform miracles in our present and our future.  I echo with Elder Holland the message of a returned sister missionary in Johannesburg: “[We] did not come this far only to come this far.”  Great and glorious blessings await each of us as we stand firm in our faith and continually choose hope over despair.

Truly, the Restoration has blessed us all.  The hope of past believers fulfilled gives us hope our present desires for righteous blessings will not be in vain.  Choose that faith over fear.  Choose that hope over despair.  When we walk in the perfect brightness of that hope, we’ll progress towards our best life.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

But you can still own your life.  You can still take responsibility for yourself and the results you have in your life.  And today is the perfect opportunity to do just that because today is April Fool’s Day.  Now, I’ll admit social distancing and sequestering have radically changed the landscape.  But a change in landscape should never signal us to surrender positive energy.  Now more than ever we should be always up for fun.

Many people don’t associate staying at home with fun.  They think about going out to restaurants, stores, malls, parks, concert venues, and the like.  Many of us approach April Fool’s Day the same way, conjuring images of practical jokes played on people and often in front of other people.

But that was yesterday.  Today the landscape is different.  We need to practice social distancing and sequester ourselves in our homes as much as possible.  And those who refuse to change their thinking to match this new landscape will experience untold and unnecessary hardship.

Long time listeners to this program are familiar with these principles in relation to helping LDS singles find joy regardless of their circumstances.  For example, many singles who leave YSA land without getting married experience a difficult transition into SA world.  Some don’t even transition; they go inactive or leave the Church altogether.

That’s because their YSA thinking doesn’t match the new SA landscape, and they simply respond to their biological hardwiring which encourages them to maintain the status quo.  They keep thinking the same way, and that just leads them to leave.  But if these singes would change their thinking to match their new landscape, they could experience a greater amount of joy despite their circumstances.

We can begin to capture much of the joy we’ve been missing by owning our lives and looking for the opportunity amidst the obstacle.  I demonstrated that attitude this morning in my Daily Dose video.  Is it cheesy and silly?  Absolutely.  And that’s OK, because I refused to let my current situation keep me from having a spot of fun.

You too can refuse to allow your current situation to keep you from experiencing joy amidst adversity.  You can still celebrate April Fools Day.  Will it be the same?  Of course not.  But joy is still joy, no matter how it comes.

Presented with this knowledge, each of us now confronts this question: Will you own your life?  Or put another way, will you take responsibility for the results you experience in your life?  Will you refuse to allow your circumstances to dictate your attitude and perspective?

I choose to own my life.  My circumstances will be what they will be, but they will never dictate my choices.  I choose to live with intention, not on autopilot.  I choose to produce more than I consume, not just consume.  I choose phenomenal, not mediocre.  I choose life, not death.  I choose faith, not fear.  I choose hope, not despair.  I choose love, not hate.  I choose joy, not sorrow.

And so can you.  Decide today you will own your life.  Decide that no matter your circumstances you will be always up for fun.  Then follow through with that decision by taking advantage however you can of the moments for fun that come your way.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

counterfeits, Sister Michelle Craig spoke of counterfeits in the women’s meeting of the last General Conference.  Though I'm not a woman, I read the talks from that session after Conference, just like the sisters have been doing with the priesthood session for years.  And I found Sister Craig’s address entitled “Divine Discount” quite applicable for LDS singles everywhere.

Everyone at one time or another feels they exist beneath their own capacity.  Depending on our chosen perspective, recognizing that gap can motivate us to action or paralyze us into inaction.  Action feeds divine discontent, a yearning that propels us to reach higher and become something more than we were before.  Inaction feeds disillusioned discouragement, Satan’s counterfeit for divine discontent.

As Sister Craig shared,

How many of us have heard that message before, that we aren’t good enough?  Of course, the Atonement of Jesus Christ says we are good enough.  But if we still have habits of negative self talk, it can be all too easy to believe Satan’s lying counterfeits.

Sister Craig teaches the importance of action.  When the Prophet Joseph felt concerned as a boy about his shortcomings, he asked, “What is to be done?” (JS-H 1:10) and then acted in faith.  He went to the scriptures, responded to the invitation in James 1:5 to “ask of God” and ushered in the Restoration.

Likewise, when we feel the gap between what we are and what we would like to become, we should take action.  In my own life, I’ve found that staying inactive just breeds more disillusionment and discouragement.  It’s easier to talk yourself into deeper negative emotions like doubt, despair, and hopelessness when you aren’t doing anything.  But when we do something — anything — that action can open the door of possibility, which can help us to believe our tomorrow can be brighter than our today, that our lives really can improve.  That belief is the first step to hope, encouragement, and happiness.

We embrace another source of inaction when we entertain endless debates over whether the promptings we receive to do good come from the Spirit or our own thoughts.  Again, action is the key.  When we receive an idea to bring goodness into the world, we should focus less on the source of the idea and more on executing it.  Sister Craig tells a wonderful story about a seamstress named Susan who followed a prompting to make a tie for President Spencer W. Kimball but then backed off while en route to deliver it.  President Kimball’s wife Camille saw Susan at that critical moment and invited her forward, telling her “never [to] suppress a generous thought.”  Sister Craig loves that, and so do I.  “Never suppress a generous thought.”

Sister Craig continues,

I love that perspective on time management.  How often in our focus on getting things done do we miss the opportunity to make people’s lives better?  Becoming something more is about the quality of what we are and not just the quantity of what we can accomplish.

Of course, becoming more is meaningless if it doesn’t near us to the Lord.  Sister Craig taught that divine discontent will lead us to humility and a recognition that with Christ we can be and do anything.  Such a recognition opposes Satan’s counterfeit message that we’re not enough, that we’ll never achieve our righteous desires or accomplish anything worthwhile in this life.

I love Sister Craig’s perspective on the miracles the Savior performed.  They “often begin with a recognition of want, need, failure, or inadequacy,” but when individuals gave the Lord their all anyway, He provided the miracle.

Sister Craig expounds,

We can achieve our righteous desires if we approach the Lord in humility, give our all to whatever instructions He reveals to us through the Spirit, and then rely upon Him to make the miracle happen.  Whenever we feel we are far beneath our potential, divine discontent can bring us closer to the Lord as we act in faith, follow promptings to do good, and trust in the Lord.  And doing that will bring us more joy in our journey.

Halloween!  That frightful time of year we embrace with a spirit of good fun means dressing up in costumes and of course eating lots of holiday-themed food.  And let's not forget the trick-or-treating.

But while we all spend one day a year approaching fearful sights with a gleeful sort of playfulness, many spend the other 364 days of the year cowering to fear.  Can we bring to every day of the year the same sort of playfulness that we bring to Halloween?

We all have our fears.  One of the biggest fears many LDS singles have is the fear of never marrying.  Whether that fear or another haunts you most, you’ll never conquer your fear by cowering to it.  To conquer your fear, you must take and use the power you already have within yourself.  You must face your fears.

To start, you have great reason for courage. You’re not on your journey alone.  Your Heavenly Father has provided a Savior Who loves you so much that He never could abandon you, let alone would.  And that Savior Who created the universe is a powerful ally.

If you truly trust in that all-powerful Creator, if you truly have faith in Him, if you truly believe Him, you’ll never feel fear.  And that’s simply because you won't be able to.  Faith and fear cannot exist in the same space at the same time.

So when the Lord promises He’ll bless you, you can rest assured He’ll fulfill His promises.  And He won't just fulfill them in part; He'll fulfill them down to the dot of the last I and the cross of the last T.  So great will be your blessing that, when that glorious day finally comes, you’ll wonder how it ever was that you doubted Him.

And many of those promises are not just for the next life but for this life.  Yes, a few may have to wait for eternity, but I firmly believe that 99% of us can have their promised blessings here and now in mortality.  You may doubt and even laugh as did Abraham's wife Sarah, but the Lord will fulfill every syllable of every word of every promise that He makes to you. Period.

How do you believe that?  How do you generate such faith in the Lord and in His promises that you continue to believe fervently even when everything around you seems to say the exact opposite?

First, approach the Lord as did the father with the mentally disturbed son who exclaimed, "Lord, . . . help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:24).  You’re never alone in your journey, so don’t try to go it alone. Walk with Him who gave His all so you could succeed in your ultimate journey.

Second, take action.  The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that faith is a principle of action.  That means you cannot have faith if you just wish and wait.  To increase your faith, you must increase your action.

This is why you approach the Lord first.  When you partner with Him, He’ll help you understand the next step you need to take in your journey.  When you then act on that revelation and take that next step, you walk by faith toward a bright and glorious future, one with the blessings He wants to give you.

Walking by faith doesn't mean never feeling fear, but it can bring courage.  And courage means doing what you need to do even though you may feel afraid.  When you walk by faith, you can face your fears with the confidence He will never abandon you.

If all of us were to step back and observe the situation, we’d see that all fear does is prevent us from taking the next step in our journey.  But whatever your fears are, you still control what response you will provide.  Will you allow your fear to control you and cower from your next step?  Or will you control you and take that next step?

When you take that next step, your courage grows, your faith grows, and you can walk and take more next steps with more confidence.  The more you act, the more your faith grows, the more your confidence grows, and the more you can live with the surety that the Lord will fulfill all of His promises to you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

In Western culture we adore people supposedly born with unique talent.  Of course, we should congratulate those who have talent.  The problem comes when we think those at the top have been born with “it.”  That type of thinking leads to so much failure.

We think like this more often than we might realize.  Ever heard someone say “I’m just not good at math”?  People learn math all the time, and yet some persist in thinking they're “just not math people,” whatever that means.  This thinking reflects the fixed mindset, the idea that you either have “it” — the something wonderful you need to succeed — or you don’t.

The fixed mindset has everyone climbing all over each other trying to prove how great they are.  They seek to validate their own sense of self-worth in a game of comparisons.  Unless you can prove you're better than someone else — that you have “it” — the world teaches you aren’t validated.

The fixed mindset also encourages you to do everything on your own.  If you need help, you obviously don’t have “it”.  If you’ve ever wondered why some find it hard to accept service from others, it may be because they don’t want to appear like they don’t have “it”.

This one cultural influence frustrates many LDS singles as they try to create families.  For example, suppose you have some bad experiences with dating.  (OK, so maybe you don’t have to suppose.)  Is your normal response to give up because you think you don’t have “it”?

It’s very easy to think, if we weren’t born with whatever wonderful something it is we believe we need to have to succeed, then why even try?  After all, it’s obvious you don’t have “it” if you aren’t as wonderful as someone else.  So why torture yourself by proving what you fear, that you're unable to have your righteous desires?  After all, you just don’t have “it”.

But you don’t need to think that way.  Replace the idea of “it” with the idea that talent can be learned.  You can then see service from others as an opportunity to learn something new and to improve upon yourself.  That makes it easier to embrace.

No talent of any kind is innate.  Learning line upon line is part of the experience we came to mortality to have.  Even people who think they aren't “math people” can learn math.  I see it every semester with the math classes I teach.  Talent can be learned.

And because it is learned, you need to see failure as a chance to improve yourself.  Remember that your focus determines your reality.  For example, it’s easy to think you're somehow defective because you can’t get a date.  And as long as you focus on how “defective” you are, your reality will feel to confirm just that.

But when you focus instead on your efforts, your failure to get a date doesn’t mean something is wrong with you but rather with your effort.  Ask yourself, “Why was it exactly that my effort to get a date failed?” and then keep following that trail until you find real answers.

Ultimately the Savior has already accepted you.  He would not have suffered all He did if you were not worth redeeming.  That means you don’t have to prove or validate yourself or even compare yourself with anyone else.  You’re already accepted.

And His acceptance is the only one that matters.  When you accept that truth, you free yourself from feeling you must have a significant other in order to be accepted.  You can more easily be real in your interactions with other people.  You don’t have to pretend you're something you really aren’t.  That freedom makes life so much more enjoyable.

If you don’t feel that freedom now, then pray for it.  The Lord will guide you to embrace your true worth.  After all, He knows you're worth it.  He’ll help you to feel His love for you if you but ask.  When that happens, you’ll realize more fully your own worth.  You’ll know more fully that you’re already accepted.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

We all know the LDS single who’s so eager to be married that he or she instantly gravitates towards anyone who appears to promise a blessed end to single status.  Maybe you’ve even been that single yourself.

I was once all about finding that eternal companion but never actually finding her.  I felt like that hamster down at the pet store, always just spinning my wheels and never getting anywhere.  And I felt miserable.

I thought I was doing the right thing.  After all, our leaders have talked endlessly about the importance of marriage and family.  Our LDS culture is centered around family.  It made sense to go after it directly.

But that’s exactly the problem.  It doesn’t come when you pursue it directly.  It comes when you let it come to you.

We’re all hard wired to operate out of habit.  And what we do determines what we get.  So if we entertain less effective habits, we’ll keep getting less effective results.  And it won’t end until we replace the less effective habit with a more effective one.

Many LDS singles have the less effective habit of making a beeline for anyone appearing to promise hope for marriage.  But when you understand how everything works, you’ll realize you need to ditch the beeline.

Here’s how it works.  Marriage means the agency of another person is involved.  You can’t choose for others.  Someone else has to choose you.  That means the most you can do is influence that choice.

That’s why you keep hearing platitudes like “Just be yourself” or “Keep working on yourself.”  They’re all true up to a point.  Doing these things will influence the right person to choose you.

But beyond that point lies the reality where we all live.  This most important choice has many influences in addition to the one you exert.  And these other considerations outside your control can drown any hope of acquiring desired blessings.  Your challenge, then, is to exert your best influence, trusting the Lord to cross your path with someone who will choose you.  Are you up to it?

You can best rise to the challenge by letting go of pursuing marriage directly and adopting a personal ministry.  This really is your best approach for exerting your best influence.

Here’s why.  When you pursue marriage directly, you broadcast to everyone around you you’re all about marriage.  No one really wants to marry someone who’s more interested in some personal agenda.  So you come off appearing desperate.

When you drop the beeline and adopt a personal ministry, you’re about something bigger than yourself.  You let your best self shine while serving others.  Devoting yourself to your own personal ministry shakes off the scales of desperation so that others see you as someone interesting, someone worth getting to know better, maybe even share a life with.

Guess what? Now you’re influencing others to decide in your favor.

Other powerful influences exist, yes, but that’s where walking by faith comes in.  When you partner with the Lord, He’ll lead you to those with whom your best influence will be more than good enough.  That’s because they’ll hearken to the voice of the Spirit when He says, “Give this one a chance.”

Many LDS singles live in fear that their desired blessings won’t come.  But that’s no way to live.  It’s much more joyful to let go of directly pursuing marriage and instead pursue what will influence others to choose in your favor.

Devoting yourself to your own personal ministry can make the waiting more joyful, however long that waiting lasts.  Do you want just to endure to the end?  Or do you want to thrive?

Of course, you should keep looking for and pursuing opportunities that arise.  But your universe won’t be rotating around them.  So let go of directly pursuing marriage.  Let it come to you.  When you devote yourself to your personal ministry, you can embrace your best self.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.