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Step outside yourself

1/13/2021

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. . . the best way to get that expanded focus is to step outside yourself.
Recently I re-watched The Truman Show.  It’s a classic film favorite.  The cast gives a stellar performance.  There’s the philosophical aspects.  There’s the ethical questions the film raises.  Plus it’s just hands down a good story.  And I love good stories.

One of those philosophical aspects really struck me during this latest viewing.  In the film, Christof, the creator of the titular reality TV show, says, “We accept the reality of the world with which we’re presented.”  That line really hit me in light of current events.  But it also prompted some reflection.
When life seems to go bat nut crazy, you can easily get caught up in the craziness, because it’s easy to accept the reality we’re presented.  With that acceptance comes stress.  You wonder how the future could ever possibly be bright.

But the truth remains: Your focus determines your reality.  When you focus on crazy, you get crazy.  But when you include more of what’s around you in your focus, the craziness occupies a lower proportion of the whole, thereby diminishing your stress from the craziness.  And the best way to get that expanded focus is to step outside yourself.

Feel the wonder of nature

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I’m reminded of an old Native American question: “Who can own the land?”  In their world view, people don’t own land.  Rather, the Creator provides the land for all.

That perspective draws me out of myself to see the world as a place God created so His purposes for me and all my spirit brothers and sisters could be fulfilled.  That view helps me to experience more fully the wonder of the world around me.  And having lived across the United States, I’ve seen many marvelous wonders of natural landscape.

I can’t help but be biased towards mountains.  Mountains breathe strength and determination into me.  They seem like a natural representation for closeness to God.  That said, I’ve felt a certain calm watching the tide roll in the shore of a lake or the edge of the ocean.  I’ve marveled at the way sunlight bends around the curves of rolling prairies.  Even the desert has a beauty all its own.

Only when I step outside myself do I experience the full wonder the natural world offers.  Only when I step outside myself do I feel full gratitude to God for creating such a beautiful world for me to live in.

See more as God sees

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That perspective of God’s creation invites me to see more as He sees.  When I see the world as His creation to fulfill His eternal purposes for me, I naturally recall God did likewise for all His children.  God has a plan, and He is in control.

And that plan hasn’t changed.  It’s the same plan He’s had all along, the one presented in the council in heaven, the one Satan rejected, the one our Savior supported, the one calling for all of us to experience mortality in this world and with it the opportunity to grow in the eternities into something more than we could ever become otherwise.

Likewise, God retains the same control today He’s always had.  He was in control when the same plan He’s always had was presented in heaven.  He was in control when He created this world and the rest of the universe.  He’s been in control throughout human history.  And He retains that same control today.

Live by faith with intention

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None of this is to say the challenges the craziness around us presents aren’t real.  I’m not advocating we fix rose-colored glasses on our faces.  God’s continual control doesn’t mean life won’t ever get difficult.  But His control does mean He’ll guide us through troubled times and strengthen us to persevere through difficult days.  And we best hear His voice and receive His strength on the covenant path.

So the question then is this: What path will you choose?  Will it be the covenant path?  Or will you take a different path?  The path to happiness is found in living by faith with intention to give your all to all the right things for you.  Those right things include making and keeping sacred covenants with God.  They also include embracing a personal ministry to share your light with the world around you.

When you step outside yourself, you can more clearly see beyond the challenges current circumstances present.  You can feel the wonders in the world around you.  You can see your current place in your life more as God sees it.  You can live by faith He’ll guide you away from dangers.  You can feel His strength as you pursue a life of contribution with intention.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Find out how to listen to all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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Let God prevail

11/18/2020

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LDS singles are abundantly blessed when they submit their will to God’s and let God prevail in their life.
I’ve been thinking recently about what the Prophet said in the last General Conference, and especially from his Sunday morning address entitled “Let God Prevail.”  He tackled multiple topics, relating all of them to the gathering of Israel.  And I think his treatment has special interest for LDS singles.

President Nelson declared that the gathering of Israel is “the most important work in the world!”  He went on to talk about missionary and temple and family history work — the typical ways we think of gathering Israel — but he also mentioned that building faith in those around us counts as well.  “Anytime we do anything,” he declared, “that helps anyone —on either side of the veil —to make and keep their covenants with God, we are helping to gather Israel.”
That perspective transforms everything about the Lord’s work into gathering Israel.  It makes sense when you consider President Nelson’s observation that “one of the Hebraic meanings of the word Israel is ‘let God prevail.’ Thus the very name of Israel refers to a person who is willing to let God prevail in his or her life.”  And indeed, LDS singles are abundantly blessed when they submit their will to God’s and let God prevail in their life.

The key portion

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I love the story President Nelson shares about Jill.  Struggling with her father’s approaching death and her own questions regarding testimony, Jill was at first startled to hear President Nelson describe her perspective as “myopic.”  But further reflection on that word led her to embracing God’s will, adopting a more eternal perspective, and finding peace.  These blessings came to her as she let God prevail in her life.

Of course, the key portion of President Nelson’s message applies to all, though I think it has particular application for LDS singles.  After rightfully decrying the prejudice of racism, President Nelson declared,


The question for each of us, regardless of race, is the same. Are you willing to let God prevail in your life? Are you willing to let God be the most important influence in your life? Will you allow His words, His commandments, and His covenants to influence what you do each day? Will you allow His voice to take priority over any other? Are you willing to let whatever He needs you to do take precedence over every other ambition? Are you willing to have your will swallowed up in His?
With all the voices in our crazy modern world, are you willing to open your ears to God’s voice more than any other?  Are you willing to put His work ahead of your own desires, even righteous desires like securing an eternal companion?  Will you walk away from someone you love who wants to marry you if God says no?  Will you submit your will to His even when it seems completely crazy and makes absolutely no sense to do so?  Will you let God prevail in your life?

Guidance for dating

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President Nelson then begins applying those key questions to different situations.  And the first situation he tackles?  Being single.  He said, “If you are unmarried and seeking an eternal companion, your desire to be ‘of Israel’ will help you decide whom to date and how.”

When I first encountered those words, I wondered why President Nelson did not expound upon them.  How exactly does my desire to be “of Israel” help me decide whom to date when choosing between two active Church members?  And then there’s the bigger question: How does my desire to be “of Israel” help me decide how to proceed with dating?

In reflecting upon these questions, I realized President Nelson didn’t expound more upon them because he doesn’t need to.  Do you remember when in 2018 he said this?


. . . in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.
In that same address about revelation, President Nelson taught,

To be sure, there may be times when you feel as though the heavens are closed. But I promise that as you continue to be obedient, expressing gratitude for every blessing the Lord gives you, and as you patiently honor the Lord’s timetable, you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek. Every blessing the Lord has for you —even miracles —will follow. That is what personal revelation will do for you.
When you submit your will to God’s, you position yourself to understand better how you should navigate the seas of your singleness.  That’s why, coming back to the present address, we find President Nelson teaching this:

When your greatest desire is to let God prevail, to be part of Israel, so many decisions become easier. So many issues become non-issues! You know how best to groom yourself. You know what to watch and read, where to spend your time, and with whom to associate. You know what you want to accomplish. You know the kind of person you really want to become.

Focus becomes reality

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Most of the time, it really is a matter of perspective.  Our focus does indeed become our reality.  When we let God prevail in our lives, we focus upon His objectives.  And because His work and glory is our salvation and exaltation (Moses 1:39), that focus brings us the most joyful reality.

Doing the work to let God prevail isn’t easy, of course.  Surrendering one’s will to God never has been and never will be easy.  President Nelson acknowledges this truth:


Now, my dear brothers and sisters, it takes both faith and courage to let God prevail. It takes persistent, rigorous spiritual work to repent and to put off the natural man through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It takes consistent, daily effort to develop personal habits to study the gospel, to learn more about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and to seek and respond to personal revelation.

During these perilous times of which the Apostle Paul prophesied, Satan is no longer even trying to hide his attacks on God’s plan. Emboldened evil abounds. Therefore, the only way to survive spiritually is to be determined to let God prevail in our lives, to learn to hear His voice, and to use our energy to help gather Israel.

There’s so much more I want to get into here,  but limitations force me to defer that discussion to later in the broadcast.  Here’s the bottom line: When you let God prevail in your life, you’ll understand more clearly what really matters in God’s plan.  You’ll see more clearly the path leading to your greatest happiness now and in eternity.  And you’ll feel more of God’s love strengthening you to walk that path.

So let God prevail in your life.  You’ll see the miracle your life can become when you do.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Learn how you can listen to  all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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Your standards keep you single

11/4/2020

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. . . if you insist on believing you’ll be happy only with the most attractive companion, then you’re letting your standards keep you single.
Recently while reading comments in a Facebook singles group, some of the participants in the conversation seemed to have a faulty assumption.  As I sat back and reflected for a moment, I quickly realized this faulty assumption has widespread acceptance among many LDS singles everywhere.

If you’ve read my book on habits, you know how your assumptions lead to your reality.  Faulty assumptions promote less effective thinking, which produces less effective actions, which creates a less-than-desired reality.  Conversely, true assumptions by the same route lead to a more desired reality.  So it’s important to examine your assumptions.

And what’s the faulty assumption I see accepted widely among LDS singles?  It’s the idea that only the very best in a romantic partner can produce happiness.  Under this belief, settling for anything less than the most attractive will lead to an unhappy and unfulfilled life.
Many singles hold to that assumption under the guise of having standards.  They seem to see themselves acting nobly in a chaotic dating world by adhering to their standard that insists on only the best.  But such standards actually impede progress in one’s dating journey.  So if you insist on believing you’ll be happy only with the most attractive companion, then you’re letting your standards keep you single.

The falsity

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How does one progress in dating?  As I discuss in my upcoming book about dating, to progress to each next stage of the journey, you must make an agreement.  No agreement means no progress.  Period.

In the first stage of the dating journey, you meet new people and build friendships.  In the next stage, you casually date candidates you’ve befriended.  These activities require openness to social interactions.  Otherwise, you’ll likely never get the agreement you need to progress from friendship to casual dating and on to exclusive dating.

But assuming you can be happy in life only if your partner is the “best” or most attractive type limits those interactions.  That faulty assumption will encourage you to engage only with those who meet your standards, because what’s the point, after all, in “wasting your time” with people who simply won’t do romantically because they aren’t the “best”?

God’s plan

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Mathematically, it just isn’t possible for everyone to have the “best.”  Yet many singles cling tenaciously to the hope they’ll be one of the few to score just such a life partner.  After all, no one wants to accept an unhappy and unfulfilled life.

But happiness in marriage doesn’t come from what each partner has.  Happiness in marriage comes from what each partner gives to each other.  And what you give is a choice.

If your partner has to be the “best” or most attractive sort for you to be happy, then God must have really messed up His plan.  Check out these words from then Elder Gordon B Hinckley.


   The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .
   Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.

How can God’s plan provide happiness for all His children if 90% of people aren’t the “best” but just ordinary?  Mathematically, 90% of singles can’t each have monogamous marriage with someone from the top 10%.  At least 80% of singles will be left unhappy if only the “best” makes a happy life.  Because God wants all his children to be happy, clearly happiness must be available without having the most attractive partner.

The truth

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And happiness is available to those couples who place honoring sacred covenants above personal desires by giving themselves fully to each other.  Your companion doesn’t need to be the “best” or most attractive for you to give all of yourself to that person.  Granted, it’s more easy to do the more attractive your companion is, but it’s not essential for happiness.

The resistance many feel when confronted with such a choice is the natural man or natural woman in each of us.  The natural man and woman value self-gratification more than making and keeping sacred covenants.  Covenant men and women obviously reverse that value system.

I’m not saying we’re interchangeable parts.  You shouldn’t marry just anybody, and having standards does help with decision making.  Far too many LDS singles, however, insist on standards around what really isn’t essential for lasting happiness.  Elder Gerrit W Gong has taught,


Happy marriages are not the result of two perfect people saying vows. Rather, devotion and love grow as two imperfect people build, bless, help, encourage, and forgive along the way. The wife of a modern prophet was once asked what it was like being married to a prophet. She wisely replied that she had not married a prophet; she had simply married a man who was completely dedicated to the Church no matter what calling he received. In other words, in process of time, husbands and wives grow together —individually and as a couple.

The wait for a perfect spouse, perfect education, perfect job, or perfect house will be long and lonely. We are wise to follow the Spirit in life’s important decisions and not let doubts spawned by perfectionist demands hinder our progress.

Regardless of how you justify it, when you insist on having only the most attractive type of companion, your standards keep you single.  Lowering those standards to accept more candidates into your dating pool doesn’t mean sacrificing happiness.  Rather, it increases your chances of obtaining it.  So reject the natural man and woman, open yourself to possibility, and you may find the blessings you’ve been seeking have been right in front of you all along.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Learn how you can listen to  all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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Even if you sing poorly

10/21/2020

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In their eyes, I'm a dainty bird that can’t sing well.  Why then even bother trying to sing?
With another birthday approaching, I've been reflecting more than usual on my singleness.  And my failings and shortcomings have become all the more apparent.  I don’t often look too long upon them, because I’ve preached for so long that your focus determines your reality.  I want to focus on what I can do so that my reality becomes one of possibility and potential.

But what I can do and what I want to do aren’t necessarily one and the same.  That gap combined with my highlighted weaknesses really hit me hard.  The ease with which I have dismissed depression in the past suddenly wasn’t there.  In such a state, I found myself battling with hopelessness in enduring a seemingly never-ending trial of singleness.
In that context, the future doesn’t look bright at all.  I don’t have what most single LDS women seem to want, and my effort at acquiring those traits have been far from successful.  In their eyes, I'm a dainty bird that can’t sing well.  Why then even bother trying to sing?

Well, you're guaranteed to fail if you don't sing at all.  And who knows what goodness your song, though poorly sung, will promote?  So even if you sing poorly, still sing.

Choose your advantage

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Emotions like hopelessness are real and legitimate.  Yet following those emotions to their logical conclusion would lead me to where I cannot go.

In my heart, I know God loves me.  I know He wants to bless me with every righteous blessing I desire and more.  In fact, looking back on my life, I see He's worked tirelessly to bring me those desired blessings of companionship.  He hasn't abandoned me.  He has a plan for me and all of His children to progress in this life and in the eternities to come.

So why then, one may well ask, have those desired blessings of companionship not come?  Well, in a word, it’s agency.  People make choices.  And because people aren't perfect, the choices they make aren’t often perfect either.  Sometimes you'll make poor choices, and sometimes others will.

Yet the same agency allowing others to choose against you is the same agency allowing you to choose to your advantage.  You can choose to improve.  You can choose to learn and to practice honing your skills so that you sing better.  But that won’t happen if you don’t sing.  Even if you sing poorly, still sing.

Rely on Him

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But, you may well ask, what good will that do me today?  If I don't sing well enough right now, I won't be noticed.  And then how will I have my desired blessings?

That's a legitimate question.  Many suitors ignore pathways to their success because they're focused on fulfillment in the present rather than on potential in the future.  But you get the same result if you never sing at all.

Moroni experienced a similar conundrum.  With the abundance of time he had on his hands, he entertained hypothetical what-if scenarios.  What if the Gentiles fail to have charity because my weakness in writing kept the scales of their agency from tipping towards charity?  Wouldn't it be they didn’t have charity because of my weakness?

That argument mirrors the one we’re considering here.  The Gentiles might not have charity whether Moroni writes in his weakness or chooses not to write.  So why then write anything at all?  Of course, the Lord had a very clear answer:*1

The Lord has worked wonders that make any weaknesses Moroni had moot.  What's to say He won't work similar wonders for you and me?  Whatever our weakness, God can turn the songs we sing into powerful performances.  Even if you sing poorly, still sing.

Never stop singing

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And even if you sing poorly, the more you sing, the better you’ll get at it.  I remember once as a child being told by one of the other Primary children I didn’t sing very well.  I should just shut up and spare everyone.

But I didn’t stop singing.  Mostly I would sing to myself when alone — that childhood experience affected me — but I kept with it.  Many years later in college, I tried out for a musical, hoping to join the choir.  To my great surprise, I got the main part!

Even if you sing poorly, still sing.  As they say, “The show isn’t over until the fat lady sings,” and for many of us singles, that moment is still far away.  Though you may feel bereft of hope, strive on still.  Focus on doing what you can do, keep doing what you can do, and one day you’ll surprise yourself as you exceed your wildest expectations.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue for this episode of Joy In The Journey Radio for free by using the player here.  Feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment. Learn how you can listen to  all of this episode of Joy in the Journey Radio by going to the show page for this episode!
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Follow your bliss

4/22/2020

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That’s . . . the answer for emptiness in every other part of life, which is too short for you not to follow your bliss.
This past Sunday started with home-centered church.  I experimented for brunch — breakfast enchiladas, which were fantastic.  I followed a prompting to post my future home-centered church programs online so others could benefit.  My Sabbath felt nourishing and uplifting as I joined a ward fireside over Zoom featuring a recently returned missionary who shared some experiences as well as her testimony.

But it was not to last.  Someone dropped a Zoom bomb.  One moment, my ward basked in the Spirit and the sociality of seeing everyone after a month of sequestering.  Then the next, the Spirit flew out faster than a dove as images of kiddie porn flashed across everyone’s screens.
The meeting promptly ended.  With that connection suddenly cut, I felt the loneliness of spiritual vacuum.  “What a great ending to my Sabbath,” I sarcastically remarked to myself.

That episode got me pondering, as my life events frequently do.  The answer for spiritual emptiness is to keep reaching after the light, even when confronted with the blackest of darkness.  That’s also the answer for emptiness in every other part of life, which is too short for you not to follow your bliss.

Remain rejoicing

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In reaching after light to combat the Zoom bomb darkness, I opened The Book of Mormon.  There I found this great verse: “And it came to pass that the high priest said unto him: Why do ye go about perverting the ways of the Lord? Why do ye teach this people that there shall be no Christ, to interrupt their rejoicings?” (Alma 30:22, emphasis added).

This is an interrogation of anti-Christ Korihor, who later appeared before Alma, the high priest of the Church.  Note the repeated use of that word rejoicing in Alma’s rebuke: “And now, if we do not receive anything for our labors in the church, what doth it profit us to labor in the church save it were to declare the truth, that we may have rejoicings in the joy of our brethren?” (Alma 30:34, emphasis added).

Alma knew what brought rejoicing to his spirit.  He rejoiced in maintaining himself within and helping others along the covenant path.  And he refused to alter his course.  He was determined in his spirit to follow his bliss.

Always do something

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We too can follow our bliss, and not just for our spirits but also for our hearts, minds, and bodies.  For example, depending on who you’re hearing, 60-80% of all Americans are dissatisfied with their jobs.  Clearly many are not following their bliss.

It’s no wonder when you consider the role of habit.  We’re biologically hardwired to have a habit.  And for many, that habit is to list wherever the waves of life carry them, often away from their bliss.  So many are mindlessly marching in a routine routing them to and through a life of mediocrity.

If that describes you, you can break free.  You can live your best life, a life of contribution, fulfillment, and meaning.  Life is short.  Don’t waste it working some job just to pay the bills.  Make your move towards making your mark in a job you love!  Start moving towards your best life!

“But with massive unemployment from the pandemic,” some of you complain, “it’s harder than ever to find new work.”  I’m not advocating stupidity.  Keep your job paying the bills until you can upgrade.  Just don’t stagnate.  Do something every day to move closer to your dreams and goals.  Life is short.  Follow your bliss.

Keep the faith

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That goes for every area of life.  If you don’t like your lack of education or a certain skill, change it.  If you don’t like your romantic situation, change it.  If you don’t like your friends, change that.  Quit running through life on autopilot.  Life is short.  Start using your agency and make the changes you need to follow your bliss.

Of course, when you correctly understand them, your covenants will never obstruct you from following your bliss.  If you think they do, then what you think is your bliss really isn’t.  The sacred covenants we make at baptism and in the temple will never keep you from your bliss but instead sharpen your focus in following your true bliss.

So keep on keeping your covenants, and within that framework, make the changes you need to follow your bliss.  Life is short.  Don’t let anything, whether it be little lies excusing you from moving closer to your dreams and goals or big life events like COVID-19, stop you from living your best life.  Follow your bliss.  When you do, you’ll exercise the power of agency you’ve always had within you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Don't tax yourself

4/15/2020

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By focusing our attention on what we can do, we empower ourselves not only to conquer the challenges before us but to do so with a smile-laden gusto.  We really can have joy in life regardless of our circumstances.
After large-scale sequestering for about a month now, writers have begun describing the onset of cabin fever.  They are largely pessimistic, sharing extra helpings of fear and uncertainty.

Some of the uncertainty is understandable.  Much about COVID-19 remains unknown, increasing the challenge of defending the population from danger.  But that doesn’t justify the rampant fear many in the media seem intent on perpetuating.  As we discussed earlier, we need not fear.  We can have faith the Lord’s plan will unfold.  And that faith can anchor us against the tides of doubt and fear rising in the world.

While faith can help us look towards the future with optimism, we all still experience the effects of stress during the crisis.  Looking for the positive amidst the negative can provide some help.  For example, the IRS has given Americans a three-month extension on filing and paying their income taxes.  So if you haven’t filed your taxes yet, that’s definitely good news.
That said, many of us are still taxing ourselves.  We are by nature social creatures, so it’s natural to respond to a crisis by nearing ourselves to others.  Yet the current crisis keeps many of us physically apart.  And without some plan to provide for needs, that separation is taxing many beyond their capacity.

Focus on ability

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We’ve discussed before the basic areas of life, what I call the spirit, the heart, the mind, and the body.  Regardless of the names you employ, these areas each have their own needs, which will tax anyone’s reserves when left unmet.  And the faith that optimistically inspires us to see beyond the current crisis can guide us to solutions amidst the current crisis.

We achieve that result in large measure by answering this question: “What can I do?”  Too many of us, yearning for a return to normal, seek after what we’d like to do had the pandemic not turned the world upside down.  But that thinking won’t help us thrive in our new world.  We must adapt or die.  To thrive in a new reality, we must change our thinking to match the landscape.

For example, before the pandemic hit, I was investigating exercise options.  Then the pandemic eliminated the gym as an option.  But instead of wallowing in my inability, which would just lead me to inaction and its attendant reality lacking results, I focused on answering “What can I do?”  That question led me to using my own body weight for strength training and walking in my neighborhood for cardio.  That combined with changes in diet have led to my first real weight loss success in a long time.

Get your plan

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In like manner, we can ask “What can I do?” to address any need in life.  By focusing our attention on what we can do, we empower ourselves not only to conquer the challenges before us but to do so with a smile-laden gusto.  We really can have joy in life regardless of our circumstances.

That power to transcend our troubles resides in agency, God’s gift made meaningful by Jesus Christ.  His Atonement makes it possible to triumph over sin and death, obstacles that separate us from God.  Without that Atonement, our overcoming any obstacle in this world would have no meaning.  We would all unavoidably perish (Alma 34:9).

Of course, such a key component in our eternity did not come about by chance.  It was part of a plan provided before this world was.  What we see now created temporally God first created spiritually (Moses 3:5).  Following that example as we answer the question “What can I do?” will lead us to the plans we need to meet our needs during the coming months.

Rise above the challenge

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With so much unknown at present about coronavirus, we can expect the current situation of sequestering and social distancing to last at least through summer.  Do you have the plans and the means in place to meet your own needs during that time?

When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  But you don’t have to fail.  You have a choice.  You have power within that choice to change your attitude and how you think.  And when you change how you think, you change your life.  You can feel real joy regardless of what negative or pessimistic circumstances surround you.

Don’t tax yourself by failing to plan appropriately for your changed landscape.  Ask yourself, “What can I do?” and then partner with the Lord as you answer that question.  Those answers can structure a plan for meeting your needs for as long as the crisis lasts.  The storm of pandemic may rage on the outside, but you can live with faith, optimism, and confidence on the inside.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Always up for fun

4/1/2020

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If we don’t change our habits of thinking to match the new landscape, we’re going to miss the joy we could be having now despite our current circumstances.
The coronavirus pandemic has settled in everywhere.  In an effort to stop the contagion, emergency measures now keep many at home.  And some don’t need to spend much time at home before cabin fever sets in.

Then there are the drolls — those who insist on trolling through the dreary wastelands of depression.  Drolls don’t keep their dismay to themselves; after all, misery loves company.  Their negative energy saps positive energy from everyone around them.  And you need about five positive messages to balance out the effect of just one negative message.

Regardless of your level of resiliency, you’ll eventually succumb to whatever messages you hear often enough.  That’s why I’ve long spoken about the need to mind your self-talk, because many of us habitually give negative messages to ourselves.  We are in many ways our own worst enemy.
But you can still own your life.  You can still take responsibility for yourself and the results you have in your life.  And today is the perfect opportunity to do just that because today is April Fool’s Day.  Now, I’ll admit social distancing and sequestering have radically changed the landscape.  But a change in landscape should never signal us to surrender positive energy.  Now more than ever we should be always up for fun.

Change your habits of thinking

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Many people don’t associate staying at home with fun.  They think about going out to restaurants, stores, malls, parks, concert venues, and the like.  Many of us approach April Fool’s Day the same way, conjuring images of practical jokes played on people and often in front of other people.

But that was yesterday.  Today the landscape is different.  We need to practice social distancing and sequester ourselves in our homes as much as possible.  And those who refuse to change their thinking to match this new landscape will experience untold and unnecessary hardship.

Long time listeners to this program are familiar with these principles in relation to helping LDS singles find joy regardless of their circumstances.  For example, many singles who leave YSA land without getting married experience a difficult transition into SA world.  Some don’t even transition; they go inactive or leave the Church altogether.

That’s because their YSA thinking doesn’t match the new SA landscape, and they simply respond to their biological hardwiring which encourages them to maintain the status quo.  They keep thinking the same way, and that just leads them to leave.  But if these singes would change their thinking to match their new landscape, they could experience a greater amount of joy despite their circumstances.

Look for opportunity

Because the pandemic hasn’t changed our biological hardwiring, we all have the same effect playing itself out.  People habitually thought they could go out and do whatever.  Now the landscape has changed.  But just because the landscape changes doesn’t mean our habits change also.

In fact, we usually keep our habits despite changes in our external world.  So if we don’t change our habits of thinking to match the new landscape, we’re going to miss the joy we could be having now despite our current circumstances.
We can begin to capture much of the joy we’ve been missing by owning our lives and looking for the opportunity amidst the obstacle.  I demonstrated that attitude this morning in my Daily Dose video.  Is it cheesy and silly?  Absolutely.  And that’s OK, because I refused to let my current situation keep me from having a spot of fun.

You too can refuse to allow your current situation to keep you from experiencing joy amidst adversity.  You can still celebrate April Fools Day.  Will it be the same?  Of course not.  But joy is still joy, no matter how it comes.

Own your life

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Presented with this knowledge, each of us now confronts this question: Will you own your life?  Or put another way, will you take responsibility for the results you experience in your life?  Will you refuse to allow your circumstances to dictate your attitude and perspective?

I choose to own my life.  My circumstances will be what they will be, but they will never dictate my choices.  I choose to live with intention, not on autopilot.  I choose to produce more than I consume, not just consume.  I choose phenomenal, not mediocre.  I choose life, not death.  I choose faith, not fear.  I choose hope, not despair.  I choose love, not hate.  I choose joy, not sorrow.

And so can you.  Decide today you will own your life.  Decide that no matter your circumstances you will be always up for fun.  Then follow through with that decision by taking advantage however you can of the moments for fun that come your way.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Just one more

2/19/2020

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We can’t ignore the law as written and think we’ll get the blessings.  Yet so many of us do.
Embracing different ways we LDS singles can improve upon ourselves improves our probability of securing the agreement we need to progress in our dating journey.  Improving yourself also helps you get more joy from your life now.

That’s why two weeks ago I talked about the Word of Wisdom.  We can’t ignore the law as written and think we’ll get the blessings.  Yet so many of us do.

This week I’m calling attention to another area where many of us need to change but don’t really tackle the challenge head on.  I’m talking here about exercise.

Although many of you just tuned out, exercise is essential for caring for your physical body.  You just can’t ignore it and have your best life.
That said, I’m not going to approach exercise in the usual way.  Instead, I’ll share how you can improve an exercise habit whether you exercise not at all or everyday.  All you need to do is just one more.

Determine your motivation

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First, let me start where everyone else starts — a recognition of our highly litigious society.  Please consult with a competent physician before starting any exercise program.

That said, before you see a doctor, you need to establish some motivation.  Without the proper motivation, you simply won’t follow any program long enough to integrate it permanently into your life.  So get crystal clear on why you’re going to do this.  Your reason must be compelling enough to push past the resistance to change you’ll surely encounter.

And there’s no one-size-fits-all reason.  Perhaps you hate having your weight limit you.  It’s harder to bend over and stand up when you’re fat.  Or perhaps you need to keep up with some younger folks in your life. That would currently help me as an Aaronic Priesthood advisor.

Or maybe you need to shed those pounds so you can become more agreeable and progress in your dating journey.  Argue with it all you want, but no rightness in any argument will diminish the truth that many singles have, do, and will continue to assess potential dating partners by physical appearance.

Start simple

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Yes, I know how it sounds, but it’s no less true.  And if you don’t become more agreeable by losing the extra weight, the only way to progress in your dating journey is to find someone who’s satisfied with less.  Those people are very few and far between, so relying on that proportion seriously decreases your probability of success.

As I point out in my new book, you increase your probability of success by opening yourself to more possibilities for the successful outcome to occur.  The best way to do that is to raise what you offer to a whole new level so that enough people find you agreeable.  The more people that find you agreeable, the more possibilities you create for your successful outcome to occur, and thus the more probable your success will be.

Now, before you despair at having to exercise to progress in your dating journey, there’s a simple way to get started.  And it’ll improve your performance wherever you are on the fitness spectrum.  It’s called the One More Principle.

All you need to do is just one more than you did before.  So if you’re just starting out, what you did “before” is zero.  All you need to do today is one — one sit-up, one push-up, one whatever.  When it’s time to do that exercise again, do just one more, which is two.  And so on.

Adopt the lifestyle

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It’s amazingly simple, and yet, if you stay with it, you’ll be amazed at how easily you can ease yourself into an exercise habit you previously didn’t have.  And here’s the real beauty: If you practice an exercise habit long enough, you’ll actually start wanting to exercise.

Crazy, yes, but it’s true.  I’ve personally experienced it.  What before made me cower away in terror (What? I have to run how far?) became something that filled me with great anticipation (Oh yeah!  I get to run that far!).

And anyone can do one more.  If you haven’t exercised in a while (or ever), you can do one push-up.  If last time you did ten push-ups, now you can do eleven.  If last time you did 100, this time you can do 101.  By doing just one more, anyone can progress.

And you can adopt the One More Principle in not just exercise but everything.  Last time you wrote 2573 words, so this time you write 2574 words.  Last week you went meatless for two meals, so this week you eat three meatless meals.  When you do just one more as a lifestyle, you’ll find yourself and your life substantially improved.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Design your best life

5/1/2019

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The most joyful living is not an accident or a result of random chance....  It happens intentionally, by design.
Last week I declared I would settle for nothing less than phenomenal in my life.  That doesn’t mean everything will always be perfect.  Nor does it mean I won’t slip on occasion.  But it does mean I’ll do my best to live above my standard.

That determination opens the joy available in every moment of living.  The most joyful living is not an accident or a result of random chance but happens intentionally.  You must constantly choose to make choices with an awareness of what you’re choosing.

In that regard, a plan to guide your choices can help you consciously move yourself towards that joyful existence I call your best life.  Again, the most joyful living doesn’t happen by accident.  It happens intentionally, by design.  That means you can design your best life.

Take a lesson from a farmer

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Many don’t believe that.  They assume life is the collection of circumstances outside their control.  But that’s why many people aren’t all that happy.

Your focus determines your reality.  Because you can choose what you focus on, you can choose your reality.  True, most don’t choose their circumstances, but that never stopped anyone who lived joyfully from living joyfully.  These people lived their best life because they made different choices with the same circumstances.

Some of us should take a lesson from a farmer.  Farmers don’t choose their circumstances.  They have the soil and the water that’s available.  Their seeds for planting are whatever they are.  The weather will be whatever it will be.  So much of what’s needful for the harvest is outside their control.  Yet with hard work in what they can control, they produce bountiful harvests year after year.

In like manner, we haven’t chosen many of the circumstances of our lives.  What we have is what we have, and it’s often all we have.  But if we work hard in what we can control, we can produce harvests of truly joyful living year after year.  This is what I call your best life.

Embrace what you control

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I can hear many of you now.  What exactly can we control?  Here’s my answer: Standards, attitude, approach.

It starts with standards.  You’ll never design your best life without knowing what’s acceptable and what’s not.  The best delineations between what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t are made after partnering with the Lord to get good with you.  Once you know and accept who you really are and what your personal ministry should be, you can best draw that line between what you’ll accept in your life and what you won’t.  The more clear you make that definition, the more able you’ll be to live the life you intend.

Once you know exactly what you want, you need resolve to do whatever it takes to get it (within the realm of covenant living, of course).  You need the attitude of the victor and not the victim.  That attitude will fire your imagination to design a life you’ll truly enjoy and pull you through to that fulfilling end when the road there gets tough.

Of course, attitude without action will never bring you achievement.  To live a life you design, you must take action.  Working smart as well as working hard requires attention to one’s approach.  Too often we think what we seek must come in one specific way.  But much of life is not path-dependent; there’s often more than one road leading to the top of the mountain.  And sometimes the road that’s best for us to travel is not the one we expect.

Get clear and get going

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With these three elements in place — standards, attitude, and approach — you can decide what you want your life to be and feel the joy that comes from working to make it happen.  Usually that means taking small steps every single day to inch yourself closer to the life you dream.

That’s where many of us fall short.  We don’t do the little things everyday that can near us to our best life.  Then, after a larger block of time has passed, we can’t help but notice we’re left standing on the pier because our ship has long since sailed.

That’s where being clear about your standards, attitude, and approach holds its best value.  Once you’re crystal clear on those elements, what you need to do everyday will be obvious.  Performing those seemingly small and insignificant actions everyday will collect to create the very significant life you design for yourself.

So what are you waiting for?  Get clear, and then get going. None of this happens overnight.  But as you move closer to the life you design for yourself, you’ll feel the joy that comes from making progress.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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Phenomenal

4/24/2019

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When you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.  But when you fight for your dreams, you get to achieve them.
I’ve never claimed to be anything other than a walking construction zone.  I’ve got more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes.  So I don’t really consider myself anyone’s perfect example.  But that never stopped me from wanting real in my life.

I wanted real back in 2014.  I got tired of the typical LDS singles life often leaving me like a hamster in a wheel — always running but never getting anywhere.  I wanted more.

Today my life is so much more phenomenal than it once was, even though I’m still as single as ever.  When you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.  But when you fight for your dreams, you get to achieve them.  Having a phenomenal life starts with having a phenomenal attitude.

Put your pieces together

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As I reflect back on my life, I can’t accurately pinpoint any one trigger that brought me a phenomenal attitude.  The change seems more a process than an event.  That said, I can identify some key elements in my transformation.

Without question, developing a more solid relationship with God has been pivotal.  You can’t have true joy in your life if you’re not good with you, which means you must know who you are.  And that requires knowing who your Heavenly Father is.

When you come to understand who you really are as His child, you’ll realize your power to choose your reality.  We do that when we select our thoughts, our self-talk, and our focus, because these produce our reality.  When I realized how these elements worked in me, I felt empowered to take control.  I could stop settling for mediocrity and start insisting on phenomenal.

Get some attitude

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That’s when a new attitude emerged within me.  I’ll no longer settle for anything less than a phenomenal life.  I won’t settle for giving anything less than my absolute best.  No longer will I accept failure or unhappiness or anything less than my best as my normal, and I’ll never give up on myself ever again.

I want phenomenal success.  I want phenomenal fulfillment, phenomenal results, and phenomenal relationships.  I want phenomenal for myself!

I can’t settle for anything less, because that’s giving up, and giving up is just plain flat out wrong.  God gave me my gifts and talents not only to better myself but to better the world.  When I refuse to let my light shine, others won’t have the improvement they might have had in their lives.

That’s why I insist on phenomenal in my life.  It’s not about me.  Giving up on myself and failing to achieve my potential means giving up on those who stand to benefit from that achievement.  But when I strive to move closer towards my greatness, I automatically provide positive influence to everyone around me.

And so I can’t accept mediocrity.  I’ll never be perfect, I’ll always fall flat on my face, but to quit trying to live my purpose, to fulfill my personal ministry, and to achieve greatness in my life is unacceptable.  There are just too many people who would suffer, most of whom I’ve never met and likely never will.  But it’s because of them I can’t accept anything less than my absolute best as my normal.  I will never settle for anything other than phenomenal.

Make it happen

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I have only one life to live.  This is it for me.  I’ll never get another opportunity to live this life.  God gave my unique combination of gifts, opportunities, and personality to me and me only.  So this is it.  It’s do or die, greatness or bust, phenomenal or nothing.  I must make it happen.

And that’s another key element in my transformation.  The day I realized my life wouldn’t improve until I owned it was life changing.  All the energy I’d wasted wishing my circumstances were better I should have spent wishing I were better.  Instead of wishing for less problems, I should have wished for more skills.  Instead of wishing the result I wanted would just come to me, I should have been working to make it happen.

Of course, I struggle where everyone else struggles — with the natural man.  We’re all our own worst enemy.  But working hard is the cost of entry to anything worthwhile.  And so I put my shoulder to this wheel because I know people’s lives will suffer if I stop.

The best part is I’m not the only one.  What’s possible for me is possible for you.  If you want this transformation for you, you can have it.  Embrace true foundational principles, do the work you need to do, and you’ll improve your life.  And when you truly surrender yourself to that process, you too will have phenomenal.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.
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    Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show to help LDS singles have  more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.

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