Early in the broadcast I got the feeling there was an elephant in the room no one was talking about.  As time progressed, it seemed participants danced around the edge of that elephant while never wanting to go so much as near it with a 50-foot pole.  And here’s all the answers they gave in just two words: more church.  For LDS singles in pain, more church is not the answer.

Don’t misunderstand.  I’m not against church.  I’m just recognizing for anything in life there’s less effective thinking and more effective thinking.  Often broadcast participants approached the more effective perspectives LDS singles need but then refused to go all in, opting instead to dance around the edges.

Here I am watching them approach a more effective perspective, cheering them on, shouting, “Yes! Yes! Now dive on in!” only to watch them sit on the dock, smile, and say, “Just stay on the covenant path.  It’ll all work out!”  It left me with the amplified mixed feelings cited earlier.

Take service, for example.  Service is great, but service alone is not the answer.  Yes, it’s true far too many singles are far too self absorbed.  Your focus determines your reality, so if you’re super focused on your problem, you’re reality will be super problematic.  When you focus on the obstacle, you create a reality of obstruction, limitation, and frustration.

Service can and should be part of the solution.  But just going through the motions doesn’t flip your focus, and that’s what’s needed to flip your reality.  The way many push service in counseling singles turns it into a bandage, and singles feeling pain want healing, not a bandage.  It’s more effective to show how service can help solve the problem.  But how do you do that when you won’t even go near the elephant in the room with a 50-foot pole?

The idea of community is another example of broadcast participants approaching a great idea and then just dancing on the edges.  I love Sister Eubank in this broadcast because she speaks from a place of experience; she’s actually living LDS singles life.  But even she seemed to stop short.

I was all giddy when early in the event Sister Eubank started talking about how she loves belonging to a community.  “Yes!” I screamed.  “Now dive in!  Talk about how we need to create and grow that sense of community!  Talk about personal ministries!”

But she didn’t dive in.  She backed off, leaving me to wonder what if any sense of community I and many other LDS singles can expect with the other LDS singles who live where we do.  Very often, that answer is none, further feeding my mixed feelings about the broadcast.

I’m not trying to tear down.  I extremely appreciate and celebrate the Church, which hasn’t done much for this specific demographic, for finally doing something more.  I just wish they’d do something more effective and not just something more.

Certainly the broadcast touched multiples times on how singles can find more joy in their journey.  But many singles won’t be helped by platitudes that simply dance around the edges of more effective thinking.  By itself, more church is not the answer.  We’ll dive deeper in the program today into all that.

The solutions we seek won’t come at the same level of thinking that produced our problems.  We need higher, more effective thinking.  Service and staying on the covenant path are certainly parts of that, but they won’t get singles far who don’t live with intention and take actions designed to encourage the results they want.

Happiness is giving your all to all the right things for you.  When you partner with the Lord, He can show you all that’s right for you and support you in giving your all to that all.  Doing that will bless your life and the lives of those you touch.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

In addition to the scriptures-Spirit-assimilation model we discussed last week, the Prince of Peace provides additional aids and comforts.  Elder Neil L. Andersen spoke of such aids in his address from the last General Conference entitled “Spiritually Defining Memories.”  These memories recall moments in our lives when the Spirit provides strong confirmation that God knows and loves us individually.  They provide courage in times of concern and faith in times of fear.  They help us to know that God knows that we know He will not forsake us.

Elder Andersen began his remarks by recounting the experience of Joseph Smith with his spiritually defining memories of the First Vision.  The Prophet Joseph faced persecution and hardship because of both his experience and his witness of that experience.

But God never forsook him.  Even when he rode towards his assassination, he remarked, “I am going like a lamb to the slaughter, but I am calm as a summer’s morning; I have a conscience void of offense towards God, and towards all men” (D&C 135:4).   He knew that God knew that he knew God would not forsake him.

Elder Andersen then jumps to an experience from our current Prophet, President Russell M. Nelson.  Some years ago while President Nelson was a practicing heart surgeon, an elderly stake patriarch pleaded with him to perform a surgery he desperately needed.  The then-Dr. Nelson describes vivid pictures of how to perform the needed operation which came clearly into his mind during the surgery.  As Elder Andersen relates, “he knew that God knew that he knew he had been directed.”

Elder Andersen provided more examples from both his own life and others he knew.  What strikes me about each of these experiences, including the ones from modern-day prophets, is that God always individually tailors whatever offering He provides.

As I accept Elder Andersen’s invitation to reflect on my own spiritually defining memories, I can see the same holds true for me.  Throughout my life, and especially as a single Latter-day Saint, God has always individually tailored His offerings to me.  I know that God knows that I know He loves me and is aware of me and my circumstances.

I remember one moment in which I felt particularly discouraged.  As is sometimes my habit, I was listening to Internet radio as I worked.  But in this moment, discouragement clouded my concentration, preventing me from focusing as well as I could on my task.

Then the Internet radio station began playing a song I had never before heard.  It spoke powerfully to the deepest parts of my soul, reaffirming my eternal worth and potential.  In that moment, I knew that God knew that I knew He treasured me and has always wanted so very much to bless me.

Elder Andersen provides this description:

God supports us in our eternal journey with spiritually defining memories.

Ultimately, our ability to have those experiences that provide spiritually defining memories in our lives depends first on the will of God — because if He wants something to happen, it will, and if He doesn’t, it won’t — and secondly on our willingness to hear Him.   President Nelson has recently invited us “to think deeply and often about this key question: How do you hear Him?” as well as “to take steps to hear Him better and more often.”

The row we LDS singles have can be hard to hoe, but with the Lord at our side there is nothing we cannot accomplish.  The better we hear Him, the more we’ll feel His love and support.  He’ll bring spiritually defining memories to our remembrance, and He’ll graciously grant us more experiences that make more spiritually defining memories.  As Elder Andersen counseled,

What spiritually defining memories are yours?  As you reflect on those sacred transmissions of love from your Heavenly Father, you will feel more of His love for you.  You’ll position yourself to hear Him better.  You’ll know that He knows that you know He loves you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.