Start with the spiritual

"Instead of pursuing marriage directly, we should live our lives such that others will want to share them with us.  We get that kind of life by making ourselves more attractive — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually."

Lately I’ve been talking about the fundamentals of dating because so many don’t understand them.  Today I’m addressing one fundamental in particular.

But first we need to consider what we’re trying to accomplish.  Because dating involves the agency of another person, success in that journey is correlative, not causal.  That means we get better results by making ourselves more attractive rather than campaigning directly for it.

I’ve tried the direct route before.  After years of effort, I can say it just doesn’t work.  

So now I’m where every LDS single should be — on the correlative train.  Instead of pursuing marriage directly, we should live our lives such that others will want to share them with us.  We get that kind of life by making ourselves more attractive — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Each of these aspects is intertwined with the other three.  Take losing weight, for instance.  Losing weight of course has physical aspects, but it also has emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects as well.  Those who ignore those other three aspects are essentially taking a proverbial knife to a gun fight.

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Include the physical

I believe the best solutions are holistic; they consider the whole as well as the individual parts.  Losing weight is no different, though I confess it’s been really hard.  Losing weight is the Holy Grail of modern life — forever beckoning, and forever elusive.  But that just means I don’t understand the fundamentals!

For years I tried increasing my understanding of biology.  Much of my knowledge here is hard won through research in books and testing in the laboratory of trial and error.

That’s how I know if I don’t keep myself fully hydrated, I won’t lose weight.  I now drink mostly water whenever I drink anything, starting with a full glass of water when I get out of bed in the morning.

Good nutrition is also important.  I’ve seen better results with a daily regimen of vitamins and supplements.  Yes, it’s better when they come from food, but I haven’t the time to track how much of each vitamin every food I consume contains.  It’s much easier to pop a pill and be done with it.  You need to find what works for you.

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Don’t neglect the emotional and mental

Because weight loss is interconnected in its aspects, we can’t focus on just biology.  The emotional aspect is of especial concern for LDS singles.

Acceptance in LDS subculture depends greatly on whether or not we get married.  Thus, failure in our dating journey can easily leave us feeling unaccepted.

That’s what makes eating extra food — and especially the foods we shouldn’t eat all the time — so very tempting.  They never say no.  They never turn us away.  And they always make us feel good.

At least they do in the moment.  Emotional eating always comes back to bite you (pun intended).  We’re not likely to lose weight without addressing the underlying emotional issues driving unhealthy eating habits.

And let’s not forget the mental aspect of losing weight.  If we believe we’re “big-boned” or genetically disposed to carry fat, we’re setting ourselves up for failure.  We’ll never put forth the effort as intensely and for as long as we need if we believe any of that.  We have to believe before we receive.

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Emphasize the spiritual

Of all the aspects to consider, the spiritual is the most important.  We need to articulate clearly and precisely why we want to lose weight.  And that why needs to be powerful enough to carry us through the hard times.

The most powerful spiritual drivers are faith-based.  We activate that faith when we understand the doctrines and principles behind our objectives.

So what’s the gospel doctrine behind losing weight?  Certainly the Word of Wisdom comes to mind.  And how about the doctrine that our body is a temple?  If you considered just that one idea every time you put something in your mouth, what changes would you make to your eating habits?

What’s the biggest reason why I’ve struggled with losing weight for so many years?  I’ve been approaching it backwards.  Even with the holistic nature of my approach, I wasn’t starting with the spiritual aspect.  I started with the application — give me the fix I need to make my fat melt away — rather than with the doctrines and principles behind the application.

Recently, I’ve picked the torch back up.  I’m trying again.  So can you.  But this time, let’s start our holistic approach with the spiritual.  That will bring us better results.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

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