Thanksgiving is tomorrow, which in some respects is hard to believe given how long Thanksgiving decor has garnished many stores. I never liked skipping ahead with holidays nor celebrating them too soon. I never saw that on my mission in Guatemala. Many people there spend their days collecting what they need to survive that day, whether that’s harvesting corn and beans for food, grinding the corn and making tortillas, or collecting firewood for cooking. I’m still touched by memories of impoverished people sharing with me what little they had. They don’t need to share with me. I can go home and enter any number of local grocery stores where I can have whatever I want. Yet they still shared with me. Usually I didn’t really want what they shared. I endured much sickness on my mission, often feeling like something was alive inside of me trying to eat its way out. How was I to know what might make me sick? Still, I was grateful to be around good-hearted people sharing from their scarcity. And they felt grateful to be able to provide. We chose to be grateful. One who choose not Not everyone made that choice, though. I remember meeting a bitter man who always complained that my country didn’t share enough of its wealth. Gratitude was nowhere to be found near this man. He was a pathetic clod of misery. I never said that to him because of his anger management issues. Unfortunately my companion didn’t share my perspective. One day, when he taunted us as we walked past the tienda where he sat drunk, my companion mouthed back to him. In response, he pulled out a pistol and threatened to shoot us. My companion quickly bolted. I was set to follow, but something stopped me. A power I couldn’t see physically held me back, and I felt strongly impressed to walk, not run, away. I complied. The man followed me, waving his pistol and commanding me in drunken slurs to return to my home country. At length, I turned my head and shouted, “Look at me. I am walking away. I’m going home.” He then stopped, turned around, and walked back towards the tienda. I never saw him again. And I’m very grateful for that! The right focus This man never seemed grateful for anything. He chose a constant focus on what he lacked and how unfair and unequal his situation was compared to others. Because your focus becomes your reality, he had a reality of lack, unfairness, and inequity. And that made him miserable. In contrast, many of his countrymen chose to be generous rather than spiteful. They focused on sharing what they had rather than searching for ways to accumulate more for themselves. That focus led to a reality of abundance that inspired gratitude. And that made them happy. Just as you can choose what you focus on, you can choose to be grateful for what you have. Focusing on what you lack leads to a reality of lack, and that reality makes it harder to choose gratitude. Focusing on what you have leads to a reality of abundance, and that reality makes it easier to choose gratitude. You can be grateful and happy, or you can be ungrateful and unhappy. It all depends on the focus you choose. Make sure you choose wisely. The right choice It’s sometimes not enough to focus on what you have. You also need to avoid comparing yourself with others. Including any element of comparison in your focus invites a reality of competition making it harder to be grateful, especially when you don’t win. Typically, we don’t win the comparisons we make with others. Those exercises often provide evidence for not believing in ourselves and our own potential. What’s to make us think we can accomplish anything great if we aren’t as good as somebody else? That line of questioning leads to a focus of lack, which in turn leads to a reality of lack, which in turn makes it harder to be grateful. It all depends on what you choose. You can choose to be grateful when you choose to focus on the positive elements of your life. That will create a reality of positivity that will encourage gratitude. Choosing to be grateful then reinforces that focus on the positive, and the cycle repeats itself, leaving you in a much happier state. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
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I remembered what he said, but I also remembered what I felt. I felt that perhaps President Monson will not be with us much longer since he didn’t look that great. I felt the need to align my priorities more with foundational truths. I felt the need to try a little harder to be a little better. As much as those feelings still apply today, reading President Monson’s words four months later brought to me a new feeling. I feel I’ve missed an important aspect of living one’s best life. It’s part of the plan Recently I’ve been addressing the theme of living your best life. It’s my only goal for 2017. I’ve recognized that living one’s best life is more about the journey than the destination. It’s about the constant struggle to improve, never settling for status quo — especially when that status quo is mediocrity. I’ve even acknowledged the role the Lord plays in living your best life by continuing to embrace a longstanding theme of Joy in the Journey Radio. It makes perfect sense we can’t have our best life if we don’t partner with the Lord. But President Monson’s words helped me realize I must do more than partner with the Lord and constantly seek to improve if I am to live my best life. President Monson began his remarks by sharing an experience while on assignment at the 1964 World’s Fair in New York City. The Mormon Pavilion there at the fair showed the now classic Church film Man’s Search for Happiness. President Monson described his impressions of watching a group of attendees — and in particular a gentleman in his mid-30s — respond to the film. He then continued to speak about our Heavenly Father’s plan.
You can’t live your best life unless you live the truth you have.
How often I’ve begun my prayers by expressing gratitude for blessings (“Hallowed be thy name”) before rushing to detail all the help I needed in my life (“Give us this day our daily bread”). That pattern doesn’t match the Lord’s. It skips over an important element: “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done.” As I recognized the pattern of prayer in the Savior’s teaching, I understood I had never prayed with the intent of putting the Lord first. The Lord had always been important, but I had never begun my prayer with “Thy kingdom come.” I had always jumped to “Give us this day our daily bread.” I determined to align the pattern of my prayers more fully with the Lord’s teachings. As I put the Lord first by discussing my participation in His work before bringing to Him anything about His participation in my life, I began to feel closer to Him. I began to feel more like He really was a partner for my life. Living the truth I had brought me closer to my best life. Christ is the key Partnering with the Lord to live our best life is our Heavenly Father’s plan for us in mortality. Christ was never intended to be with us only in those pivotal moments of our journey home. Rather the plan is for Him to be with us for each and every step of that journey. You can’t have your best life without Christ. That’s because, in order to live your best life, you need to live the truth you have. And it’s by partnering with the Lord for His work as well as for your life that you fully live the truth you have about our Heavenly Father’s plan for all His children. President Monson declared,
Living the truth — not just having it — and partnering with the Lord for His work — not just for your life — is what the Lord wants for all of us. When you live the truth you have, you can better live your best life. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it’s no surprise I’m addressing gratitude. Last Thanksgiving I promoted gratitude as a lifestyle, a way of being that defines who we are. I was all set to dive further into that concept. But today I feel prompted to move in a slightly different direction. Maybe it’s something I need or (more probably) something someone else needs. Gratitude is about appreciating what we have, but far too often we LDS singles, influenced by the family-centered culture of the Church, look to escape the singles life we have. It’s hard to appreciate what you have when you’re always looking to run from it. That means if we LDS singles are going to embrace gratitude as a lifestyle and not just an attitude, we need to be grateful to be single. You can see it I can understand singles balking at that prospect, especially if they view singles life as undesirable. And often they’re justified. Who wants to go through life with loneliness, the pain of relationships that were either broken or never took place, and the constant feeling you don’t quite belong at church? No one in their right mind would want any of that. But gratitude doesn’t mean you stop wanting a better situation for yourself. It means you recognize and cherish the good about your situation. And you can do that regardless of your circumstances. No matter how bad you may have it, you’ll always have something good in every situation you encounter in life. That’s the design behind mortality. We often focus on this mortal life as a test with challenges to conquer and assume those challenges are mostly negative. But when we focus too much on overcoming the negative we can miss seeing the positive right there in front of us. Part of the test in mortality is to distinguish between the bitter and the sweet, the good and the bad. That means we need to be presented with the sweet and the good in order to learn that lesson. In His tender mercy to all of us, the Lord gives us good in every single day. That’s something to be grateful for. You can choose it Because there’s good in every day of every life regardless of one’s circumstances, and we have the glorious gift of agency, we can choose to be grateful for that good. True gratitude doesn’t depend on your circumstances. That’s because it’s a way of being. Your focus determines your reality. If you look for goodness in every situation, the opportunity in every obstacle, and the tender mercies around you everywhere, then goodness, opportunity, and tender mercies will fill your reality. If, on the other hand, you constantly see the bad in every situation, the obstacle before you as only an obstacle, and an absence of God’s love even though it’s right there in front of you every single day, then all the negative elements you choose to see will comprise your reality. We choose our reality when we choose our focus. You can be it When who we are naturally chooses that better reality, we’ve positioned ourselves to feel gratitude in every circumstance simply because that’s who we are. But if you’re not that way yet, you may be asking, “What’s so good about being single that we should be grateful?” Speaking for myself, I can come and go as I please. I don’t need to ask for “permission” or tell someone else what I’m doing. There’s been many a weekend when I just got in my car and left. It’s easier for me to change my life. I just decide what I want and then do it. My married friends need to reach an agreement with their spouse. That’s not always easily won. Changing the course of your ship is easier when that ship is small. It’s also easier for me to build my career. Not having someone waiting for me at home means I can spend whatever extra time I need at work whenever I want. That’ll put me in a better position for supporting that family when they are there in my home. If you’re a single parent with kids, none of that probably applies to you. But then you have something I don’t — the constant reminder of God’s love embodied in each and every one of your children. By no means is my list comprehensive or applicable to all singles, but that’s the point. Gratitude is highly personal, so your combination of elements comprising your gratitude will differ from mine. What elements comprise your gratitude? When you embrace those positive aspects of your singles life, you’ll feel much better about yourself, your world, and your future. And you’ll have more joy in your journey. Everyone’s talking about the new year upon us. There’s all kinds of conversations. Some people have the usual list of resolutions. Others just want to simplify their lives. Yet a sense of hope 2016 will be better than 2015 underlies many conversations. Not every one is hopeful, though. Many LDS singles wonder if they really do have any hope of achieving righteous blessings. Will this year really be any different than last year? That’s why I found an excellent Ensign article about being positive so appropriate. I recommend it to everyone, single or married. What I like best about it is its underlying message. Although not directly stated, the article strongly implies an important truth. If you aren’t positive in your outlook, then you’re just not living the restored gospel. Your focus determines your reality I remember some years ago a Sunday School lesson taught in a former ward on the East Coast. I remember the instructor saying unhappy people are unhappy because they aren’t living the gospel. I remember him saying if only they’d repent, they could be happy. And I remember feeling like he targeted me even though he never said my name. Yes, living a lifestyle of sin won’t bring happiness. We all know Alma 41:10. But just because wickedness never was happiness doesn’t mean the reverse is also true. Sometimes unhappiness isn’t related to sin. Sometimes unhappiness comes from the way we approach life. While I appreciated the interest in me, albeit a tongue-in-cheek one, I knew my standing before the Lord. I thought being single in a family-centered culture made me unhappy. But I was wrong. My unhappiness came from my focus. I had lots for which to be grateful, but instead of constantly expressing gratitude to God for His bounteous blessings towards me, I focused on what I lacked. And so my reality became one of lack. That’s natural law. It’s the way God created the universe. When you constantly focus on the negative, your reality becomes negative. And a negative reality means your focus is negative. But if a negative reality comes from a negative focus, does a positive reality come from a positive focus? The restored gospel of Jesus Christ answers with a resounding “Yes!” Be real There’s always hope because there’s always Christ. We sometimes sing “The Lord is my light.” How can that be true for us if we don’t feel the glory of His light chasing the darkness out of our lives? If you aren’t feeling it, then are you really living the restored gospel? I know some of you have your defenses up. Yes, you go to church and say your prayers and read scriptures every day and otherwise do what identifies you as an active Latter-day Saint. But if you’re just going through the motions, you’re not digging deep enough to feel the real power of the restored gospel. I wanted real on Day 1 in 2014, and I still want it today in 2016. I’m done with just going through the motions. I’m done with living a life of mediocrity. “Men [and women] are that they might have joy,” (2 Nephi 2:25), and so this man wants to embrace life. This man wants to experience all of the joy God wants for all His children and makes available to them every single day. Being real means more than just going through the motions. Happiness comes not from just doing the right things but from bringing your all to the right things. If you don’t feel inside of you the truth of the hope and optimism enshrined in the gospel, then how much of yourself are you bringing to the right things? Give your all Your life doesn’t have to be doom and gloom. If you aren’t feeling the hope that really exists for you because of Christ, you can. Just give your all to the right things. One of those right things is gratitude. I don’t care what has happened to you. God has blessed you abundantly. Begin with that truth, and you’ll begin to see the windows of heaven have always been open for you. When you make gratitude a lifestyle, you’ll have a lifestyle of seeing the blessings all around you. Your focus always determines your reality. There’s much more we can do. I’ve talked about them on my blog, and I’ll continue talking about them now on my radio show. The restored gospel gives us great reason for hope and optimism. You can feel that positive energy every day, no matter how much life may knock you around. It all comes back to how you think and how you approach life. Give your all to those right things, and 2016 and every year thereafter can be gloriously wonderful and joyous.
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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