Grateful for trials

"Everyone has trials.  And everyone can learn from those experiences.  When I realize what I've learned from my trials, I can't help but be grateful for trials."

Last week I talked about my mother's suicide attempt.  I also talked about some of the reflections that event inspired.  I've searched for the big-picture view not only of what's happening but also of my life up to this point.

And what I see fills me with awe.  Obviously I see the trial of my mother's suicide attempt and her subsequent hospitalization.  But I also see that trial as the latest episode in a series of trials.  And I remember the experience we gain from trials is one of the reasons why we’re here in mortality.

I could start listing what I've endured, but it wouldn't mean much because we all have trials in life.  As much as we might feel our particular trial makes us special, it doesn’t.  Everyone has trials.  And everyone can learn from those experiences.  When I realize what I've learned from my trials, I can't help but be grateful for trials.

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Essential to happiness

How could I be the man I am today without the trials I've experienced?  It's impossible.  I’d never have the depth of compassion I have for LDS singles were I not single myself for so long.  I’d never have positive energy ruling my life if I hadn’t experienced the self-inflicted negative energy so many LDS singles experience.  And I’d never feel the confidence I feel in my future without overcoming the despair of hopelessness.

I could go on, but the point remains.  Everything positive about us, anything indicating growth in us, and anything proving we’re better today than we were yesterday is possible because of trials.  Without trials, there’s no opposition.  Without opposition, there’s no growth.  Without growth, we can’t be our best.  If we can’t be our best, we can't be happy.  And if we can't be happy, then what else is there?

Of course, I'm not actively looking for trials.  I've lived long enough to know trouble never has trouble finding each of us eventually.  And yes, sometimes trials have negative impacts that overwhelm in the moment.  But every obstacle also comes with opportunity — the opportunity to yield something positive from the experience.  It's that possibility for the positive for which I'm grateful.

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Dependent on the right perspective

As I look back on the trials I've experienced in life, I recognize that the possibility for the positive creates a space necessary for growth and personal enrichment.  Life has a way of beating everyone down.  And the only way getting beat down could ever be positive is if that action shapes us into something better.

But that only happens if we choose a perspective that allows that to happen. The existence of the opportunity to yield something positive will mean nothing unless we take advantage of that opportunity.  We do that by choosing to be positive.

That brings us to gratitude, because gratitude is always the first choice in creating a positive life from whatever trials we each experience.  Gratitude breeds appreciation, and appreciation opens the door to faith, hope, and charity.  Appreciating what we have leads us to believe we can be further blessed.  That gives us hope we will be further blessed and inspires us to bless the lives of others.

But just as gratitude feeds a mentality of abundance, the lack of gratitude feeds a mentality of scarcity.  We don't want to share what we have with others out of fear there won't be enough for ourselves.  We begin to believe there are no further blessings, and therefore there’s no hope tomorrow can be better than today.  In the end, we become very insular and absorbed in self.

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Foundational for a new tradition

That's why I'm grateful for trials. It's the School of Hard Knocks that beats me down enough to learn what I need to learn in order to grow.  Without the challenges that trials provide, I wouldn't be nearly as motivated to seek after the solutions that transform me into a better man.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and if your day will include any traditional performance, you're likely to mention or at least think about what you're grateful for.  That list, no matter how long, usually includes obvious blessings like friends, family, good food, and a warm place to sleep at night, just to name a few.

But this year, can we also be thankful for the trials that have shaped us into something more than we were before?  Can we be grateful for lessons learned the hard way and for growth that would come to us in no other way?  We’re more open to further blessings when we’re grateful for the trials that provide opportunities for positive growth and enrichment.  Being grateful for trials can help us accept that truth.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode!