How's your mother?

Your focus will always determine your reality.  So make the positive choice.

Mother’s Day is once more around the corner, but this year is different.  In our pandemic world,  many won’t be traveling to spend time with that special someone whose day we celebrate in May every year.  And there certainly won’t be any Mother’s Day program at church.

I imagine some single women are happy about that.  This time every year, social media echoes the complaints of those who’ve had painful reminders of what they want but don’t have.  Many of those single sisters skip church on Mother’s Day.  They know what to expect, and they’re not masochists.  They stay home rather than torture themselves further.

That one part is completely true.  They are torturing themselves.  Your focus always determines your reality, so when you focus on what you don’t have, your reality becomes one of lack and emptiness.  Because each one of us has agency, we choose our focus.  And that means we choose our reality.  Indeed, these sisters are torturing themselves.  Their wanting serves only to amplify the effect.

Of course, that truth doesn’t excuse married Church members from lacking sensitivity.  In recent years, I’ve noticed more married Church members displaying more sensitivity.  Nevertheless, not every ward is like that.  We still have work to do.

In the meantime, it’s productive for all of us to shift our focus towards what Mother’s Day was intended to celebrate.  All of us have a mother who bore us and a mother who raised us.  For some those two women are one and the same.  But either way, we can each answer this question: “How’s your mother?”

Start appreciating

Just as focusing on your lack produces a reality of scarcity, focusing on what you have produces the opposite reality — one filled with abundance and plenty.  Your life shifts substantially in the improvement direction when you exchange your expectation for appreciation.  It’s all starts with an attitude of gratitude.

So many create disappointment by expecting too much.  We want, want, want. And very often what we want, however righteous that desire, centers around something we don’t have.  Because our focus always determines our reality, focusing on what we don’t have produces a reality of lack.  And the more deeply we want, the more deeply felt that lack becomes.

But exchanging your expectation for appreciation creates something amazing.  By constantly expressing gratitude, we can shift our focus towards what we do have.  And focusing on what we do have creates a reality of abundance.  The more deeply we appreciate, the more deeply felt gratitude becomes.  We can bathe in the joy of feeling richly blessed.

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Shift your focus

That feeling is completely legitimate because it results from how we’re constructed.  Your focus determines your reality.  That principle applies to everything, including Mother’s Day.  Focus on what you don’t have, and you’ll take no joy in the celebration because your reality will be so full of emptiness you won’t want to celebrate.  On the other hand, if you can focus on the good about the day, then you can have a joyful reality you’ll want to celebrate.

I know that can be challenging.  As I said before, not every ward displays sensitivity to singles.  It’s hard to stay positive when the dream you don’t have but most desire gets highlighted every week at church.  I know what it’s like to get constant reminders of what you lack rubbed in your face every week.  I know it’s hard.

I also know what hard means.  It doesn’t mean impossible.  It just means difficult.  And difficult can become easy when you partner with the Lord.

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Move forward

The Lord can guide your focus towards the blessings you have today because your mother sacrificed.  When you trade your expectation for appreciation, you open yourself to receive more of the joy life has to offer.

And if your relationship with your mother needs work, you can focus on what you can do to improve that relationship.  Even good relationships can be improved, so focusing on doing something in that arena is good advice for all of us.  Even if your mother has passed on to the other side, you can still find ways to express appreciation and improve your relationship on your end.

So I ask once more, “How’s your mother?” which is really just another way of asking “How’s your focus this Mother’s Day?”  Your focus will always determine your reality.  So make the positive choice.  When you embrace a positive focus, you’ll receive a positive reality.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.