My philosophy

Welcome to the new home for my blog.

It all started back in 2012 — 12/12/12 to be exact.  I couldn’t let the opportunity to start something on a date like that pass me by.  Little did I know that my first year would be training for what you see today.  And I’ve changed along the way.  Now that my blog has a new home and we’re starting a new year, I thought it only fitting that I establish a few expectations.  This first post may turn out to be the longest post I make, so if you aren’t comfy, now is a good time to get there.

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First, it's not about me.

When I started my blog, I had some ideas that needed expression.  Many of those ideas were in a book about LDS singles that I've been working on since January 2011.  In researching how best to publicize the book, I found the ubiquitous advice to start a blog and use it to promote the book.

But that doesn’t work for me.

See, I started with that idea.  And I found along the way that it led me to make everything about me.  I felt the tendency to make outrageous comments to drive more traffic or to write for search engine robots to increase page ranking.  But things like that don’t matter.  It’s people that matter, and it's relationships with people that matter most.

That’s why I started writing my book in the first place.

It’s a longer story that I can share later if you’re interested.  Bottom line = I wanted to create something that would help the growing LDS singles population confront and conquer the challenges of LDS singles life.

So I’m turning conventional wisdom on its head.

Writers use blogs as marketing tools to promote books.  To me, that’s all backwards.  I intend my book to support the blog.  And I see the blog as a platform for changing the culture within the Church.  We need to get more serious about building Zion.  A big part of that means changing how we think about what it means to be single in the Church.  Too many LDS singles feel like second class citizens in the Church of Mormon Families Who Sometimes Talk about Christ when they should feel like equal members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

But the culture will never change if we don’t do anything.

We need to start having a conversation about LDS singles life, one that encourages all of us to change the way we think about what it means to be single in the Church.  There are changes that marrieds need to make and many more changes that singles need to make.  We need to support one another in these changes.

That means we have to cut the crap and speak the truth.

I’ve been single now for almost 20 years.  That’s two decades.  So I’m tired of all the high school games and other associated crap that I’ve dealt with in that time period.  I want real.  I want to connect with other people on a real level and not have everything revolve around my marital status and my desires for eternal companionship.

So when I see crap from anyone, I’m calling them out on it.

That means some of you will discount me or try to ignore me because what I have to say will contradict whatever agenda you have.  Others I will simply annoy.  Still others will outright hate me.  I’m okay with all of that.  You see, I want real.

I understand that not everyone is prepared for the truth.  That is part of what my book is all about.  We all develop habits in which we continue to believe lies about the way the world and our lives are constructed, because those lies make us feel more comfortable.  But I’m done with all of that.  I want real.  That means embracing the truth, no matter what it may seem to do to me in the here and now.  And I got three words for those of you who aren’t prepared to hear the truth.

I don't care.

That’s right.  Again, it’s not about me.  It’s about changing the culture so that we LDS singles can more easily confront our challenges and we can all — married and single — get about the business of building Zion for real.  That is, after all, what all of us covenanted to do at baptism and in the temple.

Oh, and I don’t care applies to just about everything.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to trample intentionally on the feelings of others.  It doesn’t mean I won’t attempt to regard the views of others with respect and courtesy.  I probably won't always succeed, as imperfect as I am, but I will strive to be a gentleman.

What I don't care does mean is when you read one of my posts, you’re getting real — the real me, what I really think and feel, and all presented in a real way.  I don’t care about search engine robots because I write for people.  I don’t care about page rank or other Internet statistics which in eternity will be meaningless.  I don’t care if I continue writing posts week after week which generate no comments.  I don’t care what anyone thinks about me or my opinions.  I want real, and I can’t get real if I put on rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything is just peachy when in reality it’s putrid.  If a cow crapped it out, I’m going to call it what it really is — cow crap!

That means that a lot of conventional wisdom and me just won’t mix.

I’m done trying to be someone I'm not just to impress someone into having a relationship with me — and that’s any type of relationship, not just the romantic kind.  I’m done living the lie of a life on autopilot.  I’m done going through the motions of being an “active” Latter-day Saint.  I want to do what I do because I truly feel it deep inside.  I want what I do to mean something.  I want real.

Real also means I don’t look on people reading my blog as customers to be marketed to constantly.  I don’t like receiving constant emails telling me how I can’t live without purchasing XYZ, so I’ll never send anyone anything like that.  It’s not about me or my book.  It’s about building a community through which we can change the culture by changing the way we think about LDS singles life.

I refuse to believe it cannot be done.  I refuse to follow the herd just because everyone else is doing it.  I refuse to believe what I say and do makes no difference.  I refuse to believe I'm second-rate or that God must want me to be single because I haven’t yet experienced the subcultural rite of passage that is temple marriage.  And I refuse to back down.

Sure, I’m imperfect, very much so.  I've got more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes.  I understand that my endeavors may result in total and complete failure.  But that just brings me back to the three words I shared earlier.

I don't care.

You see, I’ve failed so many times in my life at just about everything in life that I am not certain whether failure has any real meaning anymore.  But I am certain that just going through the motions is meaningless.  I want real.  And real is what you will get from me.

I envision a glorious future in which LDS marrieds and singles come together and build Zion – a place where everyone cares for everyone and everyone looks out for everyone.  That is the place where I want to be, whether or not I ever find my eternal companion.  Of course, such a place is more made than found, which brings me back to my first point.

It’s not about me.  It’s about lifting a light so that others can see amidst the darkness.  It’s about bringing hope to those in despair.  It’s about changing the way that we all think so that we can unite and build Zion.  And it’s about becoming more like our Savior so that we can live there and feel like we belong.