We do what we want

As I think about why I’m where I am, I realize I’m no different than anyone else.

Lately I’ve reflected on my journey thus far in life.  And anyone who knows me well can tell you such moments usually find me waxing philosophical.

As imperfect as we all are, there’s always room for improvement.  I’ve long declared myself a walking construction zone with more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes.  So any evaluation of my life will find me wanting.  There’s so much I’d like to change and so much that needs to change in order for me to have my best life.

In some ways I’ve changed for the better.  I’m not the same man I was 20, 10, or even 5 years ago.  In some respects, the man I am today is much better than any of those men were.

Yet in other respects, I feel like I’m worse, especially when compared with what I’d expect to be at this point in my life.  As I think about why I’m where I am, I realize I’m no different than anyone else.  We do what we want.

Exploring change

Tony Robbins once said, “Change is never a matter of ability.  It’s always a matter of motivation.”  If you really want to make a change in life, you simply make the change.  It’s never a matter of ability because, if you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to do it.

So despite the volume of our protestations, we all do have the life we really want.  My life is where it is because that’s where I want it to be.  I see a change I think I want in my life, and I think I want it because it appears to give me something desirable.  But in reality I have the life I truly desire most, because results come only from actions, and I chose the actions that have given me the results I have.

Still, I keep returning to the question of making changes in my life because what I have truly desired does not completely satisfy.  Why then do I not make the changes that will give me that different life?  I have ability to change but not sufficient motivation.  I’m just too comfortable where I am now.

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Diving deeper

I think many of us live in this same rut.  We don’t really do what we need to do to achieve positive change because we’re far too comfortable with out present life.  Pursuing positive change opens the door to problems and challenges involving pain and confusion.  I think all of us have enough of those not to want any more.

At the same time, there’s no reward without risk.  You can’t really feel the deep joy of love without opening your heart to betrayal and loss.  You can’t lose weight without exposing yourself to pain and discomfort a new diet might bring or to the exhaustion and injury that exercise can inflict.  You can’t experience the good results from being out in the world without exposing yourself to the bad things that happen to people every single day.

Many of us sense these risks and pull away.  We want safe, sure, guaranteed.  So we stay in our comfort zones, yearning to get out but never wanting to do what will get us out.  We’re just not motivated enough.  We’re doing what we want.

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Embracing change

So how then do you get motivated enough to change?  I think we’ll all have our own answer, but I do see one common thread that could tie all those individual answers together.  You get to a point where you won’t tolerate not having the change any longer.

You just get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  You make a decision — a real decision, one in which you cut yourself off from every possible outcome except the one you pre-determine.  You put your all into producing the actions that will produce that pre-determined result.  And to keep yourself motivated, you surround yourself with like-minded go-getters who’ll support you in going after your best life.

Not everyone will do that, but either way, we do what we want.  We have the results we have because of the action we’ve taken, and we take that action because that’s what we really want to do.  If you really want to do something different that’ll produce different results in your life, then you’ll do that.  Hitting rock bottom could be the greatest blessing ever, because there you can more easily find your motivation to do something different.  As you then decide not to tolerate anything less than your absolute best, you’ll get yourself on the path to your absolute best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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