Our relationship with God

. . . it’s our relationship with God that pulls us through those challenges with joy.

It’s time once again to return to Conference, and as I considered the different options for the broadcast today, one address stood out.  That one was “Our Relationship With God” by Elder D. Todd Christofferson.

When selecting a Conference address for the program, sometimes I don’t know why a particular address stands out.  That’s not true here.  Elder Christofferson addressed a core challenge in LDS singles life.  That might not be apparent, since Elder Christofferson never announced he was addressing singles or even suggested any connection with singles life.

But I see a very clear connection.  Elder Christofferson approached dealing with suffering when anticipated blessings don’t come.  That has everything to do with LDS singles life.  And it’s our relationship with God that pulls us through those challenges with joy.

Check your thinking

Elder Christofferson starts with Job, recounting how Job’s sufferings tried him so deeply he began to condemn God for “wronging” him.  God then reminded Job of His omnipotence and omniscience.  Job, realizing he couldn’t hold a candle to his Maker, humbly let God prevail.  In the end, “the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning” (Job 42:12).

Often the suffering of LDS singles leads them down the road of Job.  They can feel wronged when they do their best to keep the standards of righteousness and yet desired righteous blessings don’t materialize.  Worse yet, those blessings don’t show any sign of ever materializing.

But the problem here is in how we think.  We need to correct the faulty assumption that keeping the standards means we’ll have our desired blessings and certainly not in our way and on our schedule.  Elder Christofferson taught,

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It truly is folly for us with our mortal myopia to presume to judge God, to think, for example, “I’m not happy, so God must be doing something wrong.” To us, His mortal children in a fallen world, who know so little of past, present, and future, He declares, “All things are present with me, for I know them all.” Jacob wisely cautions: “Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works.”

Some misunderstand the promises of God to mean that obedience to Him yields specific outcomes on a fixed schedule. They might think, “If I diligently serve a full-time mission, God will bless me with a happy marriage and children” or “If I refrain from doing schoolwork on the Sabbath, God will bless me with good grades” or “If I pay tithing, God will bless me with that job I’ve been wanting.” If life doesn’t fall out precisely this way or according to an expected timetable, they may feel betrayed by God. But things are not so mechanical in the divine economy. We ought not to think of God’s plan as a cosmic vending machine where we (1) select a desired blessing, (2) insert the required sum of good works, and (3) the order is promptly delivered.

The idea that “I’m not happy so God must be doing something wrong” assumes God’s main job is to make our lives blissfully care free.  But God’s work is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39).  As we discussed last week, growth is often uncomfortable.  Sometimes that discomfort comes from living without desired righteous blessings.

Correct your assumptions

How then do the blessings we want come?  Many LDS singles simply shrug their shoulders as they give the most common response: “I don’t know.”  But other responses abound.

In recent years, as the proportion of singles in the Church has grown, leaders have increasingly suggested the receipt of righteous blessings is largely out of our hands.  They say God has an individualized and personalized plan for each of His children, and righteous blessings are dispensed as God executes that plan.

Elder Christofferson appears to be in that camp when he taught,

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God will indeed honor His covenants and promises to each of us. We need not worry about that. The atoning power of Jesus Christ—who descended below all things and then ascended on high and who possesses all power in heaven and in earth—ensures that God can and will fulfill His promises. It is essential that we honor and obey His laws, but not every blessing predicated on obedience to law is shaped, designed, and timed according to our expectations. We do our best but must leave to Him the management of blessings, both temporal and spiritual.

I agree blessings which don’t conform to God’s will won’t materialize.  However, I don’t think that means the lack of a particular blessing means it’s God’s will that blessing isn’t there.  D&C 130:21 teaches every blessing is predicted upon obedience to the law connected with that blessing.  If you don’t keep the particular law, you don’t get the particular blessing.

Thus, any lack of companionship and marriage lies not in failing to keep the standards good enough but rather in the assumption that keeping the standards should yield the blessing of companionship and marriage.  Those desired righteous blessings are predicated on a different law.

Partner with Him

You may well ask, “What is that different law?”  The blessings of companionship and marriage come as singles progress through the stages of the dating journey.  When singles follow the fundamental principles of that journey, they make progress in that journey.  When they don’t follow fundamentals, they don’t progress.  Period.

Following fundamentals means becoming more agreeable, and that means changing you.  Partnering with the Lord is the best way to know what changes you need to make now to become more agreeable.  Partnering with the Lord also provides guidance, courage, and strength in making those changes.  So a failure to see desired blessings in our lives should motivate us to increase our relationship with God, not diminish it.  Elder Christofferson taught,

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We are God’s children, set apart for immortality and eternal life. Our destiny is to be His heirs, “joint-heirs with Christ.” Our Father is willing to guide each of us along His covenant path with steps designed to our individual need and tailored to His plan for our ultimate happiness with Him. We can anticipate a growing trust and faith in the Father and the Son, an increasing sense of Their love, and the consistent comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Even so, this path cannot be easy for any of us. There is too much refining needed for it to be easy. Jesus said:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
“Every branch in me that beareth not fruit [the Father] taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.”

The process of God-directed purging and purifying will, of necessity, be wrenching and painful at times. Recalling Paul’s expression, we are “joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.”

So, in the midst of this refiner’s fire, rather than get angry with God, get close to God. Call upon the Father in the name of the Son. Walk with Them in the Spirit, day by day. Allow Them over time to manifest Their fidelity to you. Come truly to know Them and truly to know yourself. Let God prevail.

God hasn’t abandoned us simply because desired blessings haven’t come how or when we want.  But we abandon Him when we lose faith in Him and allow that loss of faith to tolerate a lack of devotion to our covenants and our place in His work. That work is not about making life easy and comfortable but about helping others progress along a path that stretches into eternity.

When life doesn’t go as planned, we need to increase our relationship with God.  Hard times are a call to deepen discipleship.  By heeding that call, we’ll find the guidance we need to know the next step as well as the faith and courage to take it.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

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