No growth in comfort

There’s no comfort in growth but also no growth in comfort.

The world is full of essential opposites — elements not only opposing each other but also supplying something essential in their opposition.  Sweet and bitter provide a good example.  Not only do sweet and bitter signify opposing taste experiences, they also provide something essential in their opposition.  We wouldn’t know to prize the sweet without also tasting the bitter, but we know the bitter is bitter because of how it contrasts with the sweet.

The Book of Mormon prophet Lehi spoke of essential opposites when he taught, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If

not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility” (2 Nephi 2:11).

To Father Lehi’s list of essential opposites we can add this pair: comfort and growth.  We all want growth, but growth by its very nature is often uncomfortable.  And if we avoid the discomfort, we’ll never grow.  There’s no comfort in growth but also no growth in comfort.

Understand the nature

We’d all do well to remember these essential opposites as we encounter challenges in our lives.  Many LDS singles naturally retract from the discomfort their challenges bring.  That has nothing to do with being single and everything to do with being human.  But the growth they want can’t come without discomfort.

Many of the challenges of LDS singles life come from the nature of singleness. You’re made to connect with another half, but you have only the half you are.  Everything in your life has to come from you.  All your financial support has to come from you.  Maintaining everything in your life has to come from you.  If something doesn’t work, the fix has to come from you.  If you have children to raise, then that too has to come from you.

We’ve all been there in Singleland.  Some of us have been there longer than others, and others more are still there.  In fact, that’s where the majority of the adult Church membership is.  And the majority of that majority is stuck right there in Singleland because they keep looking for the comfortable exit in the futile hope they can grow without discomfort.

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Embrace the discomfort

That hope is futile because growth and comfort are essential opposites.  You can’t grow if you stay comfortable.  To have growth, you must be willing to embrace discomfort.

Notice I said embrace.  A mere acceptance will not do.  You must put your arms around the pain and take it in.  You must channel it into the molding of your character.  You must leverage it to your advantage.  You must take what appears to hold you back and turn it into the very impetus that propels you forward.

Most people don’t think this way, which is why most people when presented with challenge will whimper and wallow in self-pity.  Those who successfully transcend — not just overcome but transcend — their challenges are those who embrace the discomfort.  And that embrace is what allows them to experience the most growth from their challenges.

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Experience maximum growth

We’ve all had the experience not just of trials but also of realization after the trial that the uncomfortable experience made us stronger.  We learned something we didn’t know before.  We have a perspective that’s more complete because of the experience the trial provided.  We grew because of the discomfort.

But most of us leave it there, taking just what life has forced upon us.  We’re leaving some growth on the table when we do that.  There’s so much more growth we could experience if only we embraced the discomfort.

And that discomfort is something LDS singles especially should want to embrace.  We’ve talked often about the fundamentals of the dating journey and how you must become more agreeable by changing you.  That change you most need is almost always uncomfortable.  But embracing that growth by being all in with both your circumstances and what you do in those circumstances will bring that change to you more quickly and more completely.  And maximum growth leads to maximum joy.

There’s no comfort in growth but also no growth in comfort.  May we each remember that truth as we each consider our response to the challenges in our own lives.  And may we each embrace the discomfort in those challenges.  Doing so will maximize the growth we’ll experience.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

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