It's Christmas time once more! Now that we've had Thanksgiving, the anticipation increases for my favorite holiday of the year – Christmas! What can I say? There's the family and friends, the food, the general holiday cheer, and the lights that go up everywhere turning our communities into a real work of art at night. What's not to love? Speaking of lighting things up, this Saturday the Church will begin the third year of its Light the World campaign. The Church intrigued me when it started this program two years ago. Then last year they took the sharing theme up a notch. This time around, I’m quite impressed with what they've done. They've really taken things up a notch, or two, or three! And that's pretty incredible because it has even started yet! Perhaps the best part is how easy the Church is making it for everyone to participate. They really made it easy for people to find channels through which they can share their goodness and light the world. As the Master said,
We now have before us the glorious opportunity to light the world yet again Light your world and community I love how the Church has broken down the four weeks of December into different focus areas for sharing goodness with others. The Church has made short but powerful videos to introduce each week — perfect for sharing through whatever medium. And the Church has once again provided a calendar offering great ideas for each week. The first week is dedicated to lighting your world. We can each help someone else in another part of the world by sharing stories on social media, making donations to help a global cause, collecting supplies to help war refugees, or seeking those from other cultures to learn their story. I love the ideas on the calendar related to refugees and increasing our awareness of what’s happening outside our First-World lives. The second week is dedicated to lighting your community. Suggestions here include performing anonymous service for a neighbor, volunteering at a homeless shelter, donating blood, and cleaning a church building. The calendar lists some additional suggestions. I love how the Church offers some great suggestions but then also leaves space for individuals to follow promptings to pursue a different direction Light your family and faith The third week is dedicated to lighting your family. Suggestions here include calling your parents, writing a handwritten note to a family member, learning about a family member and sharing his or her story, and gifting the Savior's picture to a child. I love the additional suggestion in the calendar to tell a family member at the dinner table why he or she is loved. That just seems really creative and insightful at the same time. And then, continuing with the pattern of increasingly tightening circles of influence, the last week of December (which contains Christmas Day), is dedicated to lighting your faith. Suggestions here include attending a religious service, turning off the smartphone to provide time to reflect, adopting some of the Light the World ideas as New Year's resolutions, and taking time to memorize verses of scripture. Again, the calendar has the idea I like best — offer a kneeling prayer every morning during the week. There's something about kneeling that transforms prayer. And when you combine that with offering only thanks (which I talked about last week during the program), the humility from the kneeling magnifies the gratitude. It's a great way to start the day. Share your light The Church has really outdone itself once more with their Light the World campaign for this year. We all have so much goodness to give that can bring light into the lives of others. We don't have that goodness so we can keep it to ourselves. Like light, goodness isn’t meant to be hidden or hoarded but shared and savored. In fact, the only way truly to savor goodness is to share it. And the Church is making it very easy for us to do just that. And everyone can do that. We should never discount the goodness we have because it lacks some character we see in someone else's goodness. We have the goodness we have because someone needs to receive it from us. Light is always welcome, no matter how dim it may be. Shining the light we have within us embodies the true spirit of the Christmas season. It embraces the essence of following the Savior Jesus Christ. Whether or not you decide to participate in the Church’s Light the World effort, don't hide the light you have. Let the goodness God has placed within you shine forth. When you do, you'll have more joy in your journey.
0 Comments
Birthdays are a particular time of year for everyone. But for many LDS singles, birthdays remind them they’re another year older and no less single. That particular aspect gives me pause as I see another birthday approaching me. I get reflective around birthdays. I think about my experiences over the past year. I think about the relationships I have as well as the ones for which I am still searching. Most of all, I think about how I've changed. Am I a better person than I was a year ago? I'd like to think I am. But in truth I’m never quite sure. There is one thing, however, about which I am sure. Whatever comes my way, I know the Lord has prepared me for it. I know that the hardship, whatever it may be, will only leave me stronger so long as I choose not to be defeated by it. I know I’ve been prepared for such a time as this. Experiencing tragedy My mother’s condition drives part of my reflections. I've spoken before about my mother in this forum. But now things have taken a severe turn for the worse. A few days ago, my mother tried to kill herself. Although it failed to end her life, her attempt has rocked the world of all who know and love her. It's not the dying part that's disturbing. Everyone dies eventually. It's her choosing to leave all of us that's disturbing. I don't think anyone can really know exactly what's going on in anyone else's head. But I do feel the pain my mother has experienced over the past few years – pain the doctors can't diagnose and have never treated effectively – drove my mother to her disturbing choice. Whether or not that drove her, I don’t blame her. That said, I can't begin to describe all the emotions that have run through me. But I can begin to have faith that the Lord is still in control and ultimately won't allow anything to veer too far outside His plan. Feeling after faith Of course, along with the emotional roller coaster come reflective moments. The reflection I would engage normally with a birthday around the corner is now deepened. And that's not altogether a bad deal. My first impression is to follow Nephi's example and say I don't know the meaning of all things but I do know the Lord loves me (see 1 Nephi 11:17). And I feel fine with that. My experiences as an LDS single that lead me not to need to know the end from the beginning with regards to my eternal companion translate very well here. Trust in the Lord in any context is still trust in the Lord. I also know my experiences in learning how to respond positively to the challenges of LDS singles life have made me a better man. And those improvements have prepared me for this moment in which I need to be strong not only for myself but also for others I love. For instance, I’ve supported my father as he struggles with these events. More than anything, I’ve provided a listening ear. But I’ve also translated what I've learned from being single so long — the knowledge gained from experience that has made me a better man — into the lives of others as well as my own. The result is a new perspective that provides strength, hope, and courage for everyone. Shining a light To say things could be better is the understatement of the year. Yet overall I don't feel discouraged or depressed. I have the quiet confidence within me everything will somehow result in good for everyone. Many of us tend to get so caught up in our own lives we don’t see the great tapestry God is weaving with us. He is preparing each of us not only for the challenges we’ll face ahead. He is preparing each of us to be a light that can shine brightly for those whose hope is dimming. He’s preparing us for times such as these. People do not light candles to hide light but rather to let light shine so that all may see (Matthew 5:15). We all have goodness to share, gifts the Lord has endowed within each of us not only to help ourselves grow but also to help others along in their journey. When we share those gifts with others, we give the light of hope to others and the light of courage to ourselves. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
We all know the LDS single who’s so eager to be married that he or she instantly gravitates towards anyone who appears to promise a blessed end to single status. Maybe you’ve even been that single yourself. I was once all about finding that eternal companion but never actually finding her. I felt like that hamster down at the pet store, always just spinning my wheels and never getting anywhere. And I felt miserable. I thought I was doing the right thing. After all, our leaders have talked endlessly about the importance of marriage and family. Our LDS culture is centered around family. It made sense to go after it directly. But that’s exactly the problem. It doesn’t come when you pursue it directly. It comes when you let it come to you. Understand how it works We’re all hard wired to operate out of habit. And what we do determines what we get. So if we entertain less effective habits, we’ll keep getting less effective results. And it won’t end until we replace the less effective habit with a more effective one. Many LDS singles have the less effective habit of making a beeline for anyone appearing to promise hope for marriage. But when you understand how everything works, you’ll realize you need to ditch the beeline. Here’s how it works. Marriage means the agency of another person is involved. You can’t choose for others. Someone else has to choose you. That means the most you can do is influence that choice. That’s why you keep hearing platitudes like “Just be yourself” or “Keep working on yourself.” They’re all true up to a point. Doing these things will influence the right person to choose you. But beyond that point lies the reality where we all live. This most important choice has many influences in addition to the one you exert. And these other considerations outside your control can drown any hope of acquiring desired blessings. Your challenge, then, is to exert your best influence, trusting the Lord to cross your path with someone who will choose you. Are you up to it? Rise to the challenge You can best rise to the challenge by letting go of pursuing marriage directly and adopting a personal ministry. This really is your best approach for exerting your best influence. Here’s why. When you pursue marriage directly, you broadcast to everyone around you you’re all about marriage. No one really wants to marry someone who’s more interested in some personal agenda. So you come off appearing desperate. When you drop the beeline and adopt a personal ministry, you’re about something bigger than yourself. You let your best self shine while serving others. Devoting yourself to your own personal ministry shakes off the scales of desperation so that others see you as someone interesting, someone worth getting to know better, maybe even share a life with. Guess what? Now you’re influencing others to decide in your favor. Other powerful influences exist, yes, but that’s where walking by faith comes in. When you partner with the Lord, He’ll lead you to those with whom your best influence will be more than good enough. That’s because they’ll hearken to the voice of the Spirit when He says, “Give this one a chance.” Embrace your best self Many LDS singles live in fear that their desired blessings won’t come. But that’s no way to live. It’s much more joyful to let go of directly pursuing marriage and instead pursue what will influence others to choose in your favor. Devoting yourself to your own personal ministry can make the waiting more joyful, however long that waiting lasts. Do you want just to endure to the end? Or do you want to thrive? Of course, you should keep looking for and pursuing opportunities that arise. But your universe won’t be rotating around them. So let go of directly pursuing marriage. Let it come to you. When you devote yourself to your personal ministry, you can embrace your best self. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
I’m sure we’ve all encountered time management in one form or another. But time management is really a misnomer; no one really manages time. As much as some of us yearn to do it, you can’t create another hour in your day. Everyone gets the same 24 hours. What you manage, then, is yourself. How will you choose to spend those 24 hours each day? Sooner or later, as Elder Godoy points out, we’ll all have a "one more day" realization that we must use wisely the time we have. Yet what impresses me most about Elder Godoy’s remarks about time management is his inclusion of sacrifice in the choices we make regarding our time. Plan your sacrifice Very often we plan the tasks we need to fulfill our responsibilities and achieve our goals. Yet how often do we plan our sacrifice? If we know what we’d do if we had only one more day to live, why not plan our day like that? Why not eliminate what would not fill our final day and include what would? Elder Godoy declared, “We all have a ‘today’ to live, and the key to making our day successful is to be willing to sacrifice.” I never thought before about purposefully including sacrifice in my daily or weekly plans. Yet it makes more and more sense the more I consider it. I also appreciate Elder Godoy’s review of the etymology behind sacrifice:
What things do you need to make sacred in your life? To what things do you need to bring honor? Planning to fulfill your responsibilities and achieve your goals is great. But deliberately planning to include sacrifice is greater; these can enrich your life and provide personal strength. Spend the time Much of what we know we should do — daily prayer, daily studying the scriptures, attending church, etc. — is a sacrifice. The time we spend in these worthwhile activities is always amply rewarded. But these aren’t the only sacrifices we can embrace. Temple attendance has always been a sacrifice for me. I’ve lived where the nearest house of the Lord required me to drive two or more hours. Certainly attending the temple under those conditions represented a great sacrifice for me. Yet I now live within a half hour of two temples, and I find regularly attending either one of them difficult. So many other needful activities press upon me that attending the house of the Lord is a real sacrifice. Performing the family history research that supports temple work is another sacrifice we can intentionally choose, as is also holding weekly family home evening. Many LDS singles forego FHE, viewing it as something for those with families. But I’ve found using Family History Evening to spell FHE is a sacrifice that brings many blessings, including a strengthened faith that comes from living all of the restored gospel I can live. Elder Godoy declared, “The sacrifices our loved ones make for us refresh us like cool water in the middle of the desert. Such sacrifice brings hope and motivation.” I believe that applies to sacrifices made on both sides of the veil. See one more day to be faithful As wonderful as those sacrifices are, Elder Godoy rightly remarked that “any sacrifice we make is small compared to the sacrifice of the Son of God.” Because of His ultimate sacrifice, the great plan of redemption is operative in the lives of all who will embrace it. Elder Godoy asked, “How can we honor that infinite sacrifice? Each day we can remember that we have one more day to live and be faithful.” I love that response! We have the days we have because of the Savior’s sacrifice. How appropriate that we respond to His gift of time with our own gift of a broken heart, a contrite spirit, and faithfulness to all our covenants! And how appropriate was Elder Godoy in quoting President Howard W. Hunter.
Consider the sacrifices the Spirit whispers to you that you should make in your life. Then plan your sacrifice. Consciously dedicate the time needed to make sacred that needful act and give honor to it. When you do, you’ll give honor to your own life and receive for your sacrifice the blessings of heaven. And that will bring more joy in your journey.
I’ve read James’s famous discourse about faith and works many times. It’s an absolute classic. If you haven’t read it, check out James 2:14-26. This classic discourse on faith and works has always been one of my favorites. Yet in one reading not too long ago a new interpretation of these verses came to me. I saw them as I had never seen them before. And this new interpretation makes an absolutely classic discourse even more classic. What did I see? Many singles leaders, especially those serving on stake committees, confine their responsibilities to planning activities. They believe filling blank spaces in a calendar is the extent of their responsibility. If any of the singles they claim to be serving have legitimate needs, these leaders believe that the Lord will somehow provide for them. Their job is just to provide a program. Yet simply filling blanks in a calendar is very much like faith without works. They’re both dead. “What doth it profit?”I love how James opens his remarks about faith and works. He describes someone without clothes and starving who is told to be “warm and filled” yet not given clothes or food. Then James asks, “What doth it profit?” Obviously, nothing. And that same answer remains when the same question is posited about the attitude of many single leaders who think their only job is to plan activities. OK, you planned all these great activities. Now, what does that mean to the single adult who grieves over the death of a loved one? Or how about that newly divorced single who still feels the death of a marriage that was thought to last forever? What about the LDS single struggling with issues of identity after losing a job? Just calendaring events isn’t going to mean anything to any LDS singles who have real needs in the real world. So what does it profit that you planned all these activities? Just as well wishes will never clothe and feed naked, starving people, so filling blanks in a calendar will never by itself meet the needs of LDS singles. “Justified by works” Yes, you can shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works” (James 2:18) Action is what brings real change into the lives of people. And action comes through works, not just faith. True, faith in its pure and true form will lead to action. But faith without action means nothing. To meet the needs of the people, we must act. You can show me your faith that the Lord will provide for the needs of LDS singles without you lifting even one finger to act in that direction, and in return I will show you my faith that the Lord will provide for the needs of LDS singles by working myself to meet what needs I can. I love the example James provides in Abraham. He produced works in offering his only son Isaac upon the altar, works motivated by faith. And through those works, his faith was perfected. In like manner, singles leaders who focus mainly on filling a calendar see singles activities as an end in themselves. But the truth is just the reverse; activities are the means to the end of meeting the needs of the people. Activities provide the platform from which leaders and individual LDS singles can minister to the singles in their midst. And in so doing, their faith becomes perfected through their works. “The body without the spirit is dead” James provides the perfect ending to his classic discourse on faith and works with a simple analogy involving the body and the spirit. The body dies once the spirit departs. In like manner, faith dies once the works that should attend it cease. Also in like manner, singles groups can feel absent of life when leaders focus primarily on filling blanks in a calendar. These leaders often wonder why attendance is so small and what can be done to turn things around. We talked last week how to turn ailing singles programs around, but a key part of that transformation is the necessity for leaders to adopt the attitude we are discussing here and now. You must do more than just fill a calendar. You must fill your hearts with compassion and extend your hands to those you serve. You must focus on using the activities you plan as a means to the end of ministering to them and helping to meet their needs. When you do, you’ll inject life into your singles groups and light into your own life. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
After church on Sunday, a member of the stake high council asked me if I were going to attend the singles activity later that day. I confided that I haven't been attending because I don't feel welcome. Why should I dress up in a stuffy shirt and tie to sit on benches that aren't that comfortable only to be all alone? I can wear a T-shirt and sweat pants on my couch and be just as alone but far more comfy. So why go? In the ensuing conversation, I learned that he recognized the people hold the perspective of the dating forum. I then shared with him some of what I’ve shared about the dating forum and the activity club many times in this forum. We quickly came to agreement there, but then he simply repeated his invitation without any resolve to change anything. I said I’d think about it. Of course, I didn't go. I did think about that conversation, though, during the following days. Those thoughts led to an important realization: Clearly we see the problem in how singles view activities, but the problem will never be solved unless we take action. But exactly what action is anyone supposed to take? I’ve done this before and so know what to do. But do my local leaders? Based on the conversation I had Sunday, it doesn’t seem so. What can be done to turn around a local singles group so that people choose the support network over the dating forum and the activities club? That's the very question I’m going to answer right now. Get buy-in from leadership The first thing you need to do is get buy-in from leadership. Nothing happens in this church unless leadership is on board. So you've got to get the vision of the support network yourself. And then you must sell that vision to leadership. And by leadership, I mean both married and single members serving in leadership positions. Everyone from the stake presidency to the high council to the bishopric to any singles leaders serving on both stake and ward levels must adopt the vision of the support network. Anyone who thinks their responsibility is just to calendar activities doesn’t have the vision. You've got to work with them until they adopt the support network. You’ll know they have the vision when they start playing their part in the support network. Those attending activities will actively greet and welcome everyone they can. They'll talk to people, helping them feel somebody cares enough to be interested in them. They'll also look for those sitting by themselves, offering to sit with them or inviting them to join a larger group seated together. Get buy-in from the people Once leadership is on board, you’ve got to secure buy-in from the people. That means you instill the vision of the support network in every single adult so that they do the same things leaders do — connecting with people and helping them feel supported. Too often we think those in leadership positions do things no one else does. In some respects that's true, but more often than not, leadership is something everyone should display. Leadership is a choice, not a position. And leadership in spreading the vision of the support network is something every single adult should practice. Otherwise, you'll never have the support network. The arrangement of everybody helping everybody happens only when everyone reaches out to everyone. It can't be just those in leadership positions. Everyone has a part to play because everyone matters. Accept nothing less than glory Support networks take time to build because you must change the way people think. And because we’re hardwired to follow habit, you're going to meet some resistance both from leaders who think their job is to do nothing more than plan activities and from singles who think in terms of the dating forum or the activities club. That's why part of leadership’s role is to instill the vision of the support network in everyone. You must tell people directly what you're trying to accomplish. You must show them what can happen when everyone gets on board with the vision. And you must invite them one by one to play their part in making that vision reality. It won't be easy, and it will take time. But it is possible. I know because I’ve done it. So be patient. Keep working. Love the people. Accept nothing less than glory, and in time you’ll see the support network start to take hold. You'll see people reaching out to each other. You'll see the needs of people being met. You’ll see that you can turn it around. And you'll feel more of the Savior's love for one another. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Mother’s Day is once more around the corner. And of course I remember my own dear mother. She’s a sweet lady who’s continually given to me all of my life. I can’t help but remember her. I also remember a “controversy” that swept through LDS singles groups on social media last year. I rarely use social media, but I remember someone showing me what people were saying. Some childless sisters were getting upset about all the attention paid to women who have born children. Their comments reflected feelings of hurt, isolation, and neglect. Because I still rarely use social media, I can’t tell you if any similar discord exists this year. But I can tell you this episode illustrates a great truth. Half the problems we LDS singles have are all in our head. If we’d adopt more effective ways of thinking, half our problems would literally disappear. Don’t get me wrong. Those feelings of hurt, isolation, and neglect are real. Emotions are not figments of our imagination. But those feelings stem from less effective ways of thinking about yourself and your world. Once you adopt more effective ways of thinking, many negative feelings disappear because they have nothing to drive them within you. Watch your focus What are these more effective ways of thinking? One of the most important is to control your focus. I feel like a broken record, but your focus becomes your reality. Change your focus, and you change your reality. Negative emotions often attend a focus on what you lack. When you focus on what you lack, your reality becomes one of lack. And that reality doesn’t make a very happy life for anyone. Furthermore, focus can become habitual. Because we’re designed to function out of habit, the way we were designed to function may be keeping us in a negative reality. Of course, the reverse can also be true. When we adopt habits of positive focus, we can experience a positive reality habitually. We can have joy all along our journey regardless of the circumstances that surround us when we focus on the positive. “Give,” said the little stream What then should be the focus of those who feel isolated by holidays like Mother’s Day? What’s so positive about not fitting in and having it rubbed in your face? This brings us to another aspect of more effective thinking — action. Many simply act according to how they feel. But you can also act yourself into feeling a certain way. For example, it’s been said that, when you don’t feel like praying, you should pray until you do. By persisting in the act of praying, you adjust your focus to a new reality. Before long, your thinking starts to match that reality. And then your feelings change to match the new reality. What actions can LDS singles take to combat feelings of lack and isolation on holidays like Mother’s Day? The opposite of lack and isolation is abundance and connection. And feelings of abundance and connection prompt us to give. Giving helps us to focus more what we have than on what we lack. Remember who you are It’s easy to see yourself as not fitting into a family-centered culture when you define motherhood as having born children you don’t have. But in a broader and much more meaningful sense, motherhood is about giving love to those who need it. It’s in that sense that I remember my own mother. The love she has continually given me throughout my life is what makes our relationship meaningful to me. The great part about this is that we all have someone to love. God has given to all of us people in our lives who need the love we have to give. When we focus on giving that love to those whom God has given us to love, we focus on what we have and what we can do, not on what we don’t have or can’t do. Our reality then becomes one of abundance. Many of the challenges LDS singles face are simply issues of identity. You embrace a more healthy sense of identity when you adopt more effective ways of thinking. By directing your focus and action towards giving love to those whom God has given you to love, you can embrace a new identity that transcends any challenge. You can rise above any difficulty. Who has God given you to love? Who can claim you? This Sunday, let’s all celebrate the true spirit of motherhood by giving love to those whom God has given us to love. A focus on giving love will create a reality filled with love. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
General Conference has ended, and traditionally my task is selecting just one of the many fabulous addresses for the post-Conference program focus of Joy in the Journey Radio. I’ve always struggled with that task. This past Conference was no exception. And yet at the same time, it was. This latest General Conference was exceptional — truly historic, in fact — in many ways. Consider everything that happened, starting with what occurred before the Conference. This was the first Conference on the new schedule. The third session now alternates between the General Priesthood meeting and the General Women’s meeting, now no longer held the weekend before Conference. We also started the year with a new method of instruction during the block schedule in which we face and teach each other. Truly all that was just the tip of the iceberg. Conference began with a solemn assembly. We learned that wards will discontinue high priests groups. Then came the death of home teaching and visiting teaching. Instead, we will now be ministering to others in our wards and branches. And let’s not forget the announcement of new temples. Perhaps the most historic was the last in President Nelson’s list —“somewhere near a major city in Russia.” Truly, in many ways this Conference was historic. Now it’s our turn to be historic by playing our part in the new changes which our leaders have outlined. Embrace the reorganization I’ll say it from the start — I’m rather enamored with these changes. I can see them playing a pivotal role in the evolution of the broader Latter-day Saint community. And at the same time, I feel very strongly we haven’t yet realized all the greatness that lies ahead for us as a people. Take, for example, the reorganization of local priesthood quorums. Now only those high priests currently serving in a designated leadership position will be members of one stake high priests group over which the stake president presides. All other high priests will join the elder’s quorum of their respective wards. I can see the vision the Brethren described in older and younger generations each supporting and learning from each other. Yet the larger benefit may well be the change that takes place in our hearts as we knit them together in love and unity. As we put off the generational lenses of our worldly culture and embrace the unity of a true gospel culture, we’ll find our lives enriched as we cannot now imagine. Embrace the ministering That unity can and will extend beyond the Melchizedek Priesthood brethren to all adults and youth in our wards. No longer will we go home teaching and visiting teaching. Now we will minister to our wards and branches. Gone are the days of scheduling last-minute visits to read a message others can well read for themselves. Now we’ll focus on meeting the needs of the people to whom we are called to minister. Now, whether performed by brethren or sisters, by young Aaronic Priesthood holders or now Young Women, we’ll work together to meet one another’s needs. This next evolutionary step shouldn’t surprise anyone. After all, this is what real home teaching and visiting teaching has always been. Meeting the needs of the people has always been the true intent behind these programs. Announcing it as the stated purpose and then coupling it with new language that supports that end will reinforce that intention to wonderful effect. Embrace the new culture Perhaps the most exciting result I envision from all these changes is the change in our culture, especially as it concerns LDS singles. I see the day when LDS singles no longer feel like second-class citizens in the Kingdom but rather full-fledged “fellowcitizens with the Saints” (Ephesians 2:19). In fact, I see the changes announced in Conference laying the groundwork for changing the culture for singles within the broader LDS community. For far too long, LDS singles have existed on the fringes of mainstream LDS society. Centering LDS culture around a status that by definition singles don’t have naturally yields this result. Now with the new emphasis on meeting the needs of individuals and families, the Brethren are leading us into a new culture, one in which we see each other as the brothers and sisters we really are, one centered around Christ and the covenants we make with Him, and one in which we strive to follow His wonderful example of ministering to the one. The changes we are about to make are historic. A bright and glorious future awaits us all. If we will embrace history, surrender to love, and seek to minister to one another as the Savior would, we will change the culture because we’ll have changed ourselves. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
As 2018 dawned, I had heard about the Church’s new self-reliance initiative but didn’t know much about it. I became more interested upon learning part of it concerned starting a business. Then a self-reliance fireside in my stake was announced from the pulpit, and I went. I learned stakes throughout the Church now hold self-reliance classes every 12 weeks in four areas:
After the presentations, everyone divided into groups based on which area interested them most. In this way, we formed ourselves into class groups. Group members then decided when and where to meet for the next 12 weeks. Now that the 12 weeks are ending, I can’t say enough good things about this new self-reliance initiative. This program can bless everyone to improve upon themselves. But it can also bring joy to LDS singles while making them more attractive for eternal blessings. Throw off frustration and hopelessness Many LDS singles feel frustration and hopelessness in their pursuit of eternal blessings. Paired with negative self-talk, that frustration and hopelessness can grow to astronomical levels. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Frustration results from having unmet expectations. Change your expectations, and you can avoid frustration. But changing an expectation so it’ll be met doesn’t discard hopelessness. That feeling comes mostly from the sense of lacking motion. It’s easy to feel hopeful when you’re moving in some direction. Even if you don’t know where you’re going, at least you know your destination might be a better place. That’s why I’ve long advocated LDS singles adopt a personal ministry. Working towards worthwhile objectives from a personal ministry provides a feeling of progress many LDS singles aren’t finding in their dating journey. And a personal ministry just might ease that dating journey, because everyone is more attractive when devoted to worthy pursuits. Embrace progression That’s not the only way to feel a sense of progression. The Church’s self-reliance classes can accomplish the same ends. They align directly with the noble pursuit of improving oneself. I really like the program’s structure. There’s no dedicated instructor. Instead, the Church provides basic materials we all use to learn from one another. Each lesson contains commitments which class members are supposed to keep, and keeping them provides valuable lessons. At the start of each new lesson, class members report on how well they kept their commitments and what they learned from it. Class members are also paired as action partners. Action partners contact each other during the week to provide support for keeping commitments. I really love this model of everyone helping someone else. That’s a great environment for improving oneself. And let’s be honest. Some of us are single because we need to improve ourselves. We need more education or a better job to attract the companion we desire. The Church’s self-reliance program can help there. Bring it all together Attending my classes, I learned more about how to start a business. But I also learned how intertwined the gospel is into every aspect of our lives. Each lesson begins with a review of foundational principles — gospel standards of living found in the scriptures and the teachings of modern-day prophets and apostles. These foundational principles connect to the rest of the lesson content as well as the commitments we need to complete during the coming week. The Lord cares not just about the spiritual aspect of our lives, but every other aspect as well, including the way we provide for our temporal needs. We can and should partner with the Lord to improve ourselves and our temporal situations. Those who are more self-reliant — and therefore less dependent on others — are able to give more, serve more, and satisfy the needs of more people. Taking my self-reliance class over the past 12 weeks has taught me more than just how to start a business. I’ve learned more about how much the Lord truly loves all of us, how interested He is in the details of our lives, and what glorious potential we can fulfill when we partner with Him in every aspect of our lives. When we do, He’ll make more out of our lives than we can by ourselves. And that will bring more joy in our journey.
As the new year approached, I wondered which president of the Church we’d be studying this year. Then on the last Sunday of December, my ward held a joint meeting for the third hour to explain what would follow in 2018. No longer would we study the words of modern prophets in manuals devoted to individual servants of the Lord. Now we’d study the words of prophets and apostles from recent Conference addresses. And we’d be discussing them as a group, with everyone seated in a circle facing each other. The word discussion is key. The Church would no longer provide lesson plans as it had previously. Now discussion leaders would need to prepare their own plans ahead of time considering the needs of the class. Since learning of these changes, I’ve been intensely curious to see how well they’d work. After all, this free-form format leaves a lot of blanks to fill. But observing how those blanks have been filled over the past two months, I’m totally sold on the new model. I believe it’s but a prelude of greater things to come when we embrace the moments. Embrace the freedom Part of my concern with the new program related to my new calling as a Sunday School teacher for the 12-year-olds. It’d been years since I last taught the youth, and the Church has made many changes to youth instruction in that time. For the past couple of years, the youth have experienced in their classes what all of us now experience in our classes and meetings. The Church still provides the skeleton pieces of what could be a lesson plan. I like this new model, especially the freedom to put the pieces together in the way I feel inspired. I also love how, even though we make our own lesson plans, we can go off script any time we feel inspired. Instructors have always had this freedom, but I’m glad the new model builds on it. Some of the best learning moments for both student and instructor occur during those unpredictable moments that simply come. Embrace the belonging What I really like best about the new model is a newfound sense of belonging. Perhaps the biggest contributor to this sense lies in the seating arrangement. Before, chairs would commonly be arranged in rows. Often people would sit as far back as they could. Everyone has typical places to sit as well, providing a feeling of stagnation. Now, with the insistence on sitting in a circle, there’s no more seeing the backs of other people’s heads. The circle arrangement has everyone seeing everyone. And there’s no “fixed position” for anyone. That arrangement changes the whole dynamic of how I’ve come to see myself in my ward. Over the years, I’ve typically felt estranged. Lessons were typically about this marriage-and-family thing I didn’t have. And sitting so as to be less visible by others didn’t help with the sense of belonging either. That’s all changed with the new model. Lessons still focus on the marriage-and-family thing I don’t have, but there’s something about sitting in a circle where everyone can see everyone that provides this sense that we don’t need to be in the same chapter of life to be on the same journey. Embrace the opportunity That shift in perspective helped me to see something I wasn’t seeing before. We singles need to contribute more to meetings and classes in general membership wards. Our failure to do so hurts everyone. The other week in quorum meeting, the discussion turned to descriptions of children spending countless hours watching online videos of other kids doing things, like play a video game or build a model. A flash of inspiration came to me, and because I felt more a part of the group, I decided to share it. After announcing my ignorance in dealing with kids, I suggested the fathers actually do with their kids what they’re watching other kids do in the videos. This comment completely changed the tenor of the meeting. The discussion branched into a direction it otherwise wouldn’t have. The spirit and comments that followed helped me to see that many of the brethren were edified by the new direction the discussion took after my contribution. As I said before, I’m totally sold on the new model the Church has employed for our classes and meetings this year. We singles have much to contribute therein. Instead of complaining about how we don’t fit in and tuning out, we can embrace the moments the new model offers to lift where we stand. When we make those contributions, we can bless the lives of others on the same journey we’re on. And that will bring more joy in our journey.
|
Author
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
Comment
Joy in the Journey Radio encourages the free discussion of ideas but reserves the right to remove and/or block comments which do not conform to LDS standards.
Donate
Joy in the Journey Radio offers many free resources to help LDS singles everywhere, but it certainly isn't free! Help Joy in the Journey Radio in its mission to improve the lives of LDS singles by donating today.
Posts by Month
December 2022
Categories
All
|