Life holds many challenges, and LDS singles life is no exception. Whether you never married, are divorced, or are widowed, heartache can cripple you emotionally and obscure your view of a bright future. But just because you can’t see a bright tomorrow doesn’t mean that bright tomorrow won’t come. Day always follows night; it’s natural law. And it’s always darkest just before the dawn. It’s easy to believe in that dawn when the light shines over the horizon. It’s harder to believe in the dawn when the darkness is all you can see. How do you resist the call of pessimism to abandon all hope? You do it with faith. You must have a vision of what you can become. You must believe in that vision and your own ability to realize that vision. And you must have the resiliency to go the distance needed to make that vision reality. You must never say die. Choose your vision It takes faith to a have a vision of what you can become. It takes even more faith to believe you can achieve that vision. Where does such faith originate? It comes from the source of all true faith — the Lord Jesus Christ. His restored gospel teaches us that through Him we can all become something more and return to live with our Heavenly Father. And in what must be the grandest glorification of God, we can also be like Him. Indeed, the realization of such a vision is a commandment:
Just like every other commandment, the Lord will provide the way to accomplish it.
As I’ve pointed out earlier, Nephi was single when he uttered those inspirational words. He went on to achieve great things. We who are single can be just as inspirational and achieve just as great things in our own lives. Choose your road Walking that path of faith isn’t easy. But it’s not impossible. And it’s a lot more joyful than any alternative. The Lord won’t abandon you. He loves you so much He willingly suffered a tortuous death. Love that strong means He won’t stop until you have every blessing you will receive. Note that I said “will receive.” Great as His love is for you, the Lord will not violate individual agency. He won’t force blessings upon you. That means you have to choose. You must choose light over darkness. You must choose optimism over pessimism. You must choose confidence over doubt. You must choose faith over fear. Many are so much more comfortable with pessimism, doubt, and fear that choosing this low road is much easier. But that choice also means accepting darkness and all its attendant disillusionment and despair as your reality. Don’t sell yourself short or live beneath your potential! Don’t give up on yourself! The Lord believes in you and your potential. He could never lead you into everlasting failure. Everything He has done and continues to do is so that you can become everything you were meant to become. God never stopped believing in you. Will you not take Him at His word? Choose your difference Your blessings are real. They’re not vain imaginations of your yearning soul nor wishful whims of fancy. They are real, and you can achieve them because God has decreed it. Don’t you dare give up on yourself! You and your contributions are far too valuable to sit idly on the sidelines of history. God has reserved you for this time and place because you have goodness which only you can give. Choose to make that difference by leaning on He Who is the difference for all of us. Darkness may surround you now, but that darkness will not last forever. No trial comes into our lives to stay; sooner or later they all pass. Partner with the Lord and let His strength become your strength. Let His faith become your faith. Let His confidence become your confidence. Never say die. It’s not over until you win. When you adopt that attitude, you can do the impossible. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
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It appears Sno-mageddon is alive and well. Normally when it snows here, it’s gone within a couple of days. Not this winter. Cold and colder temps attend every dumping of snow over previous layers of snow-turned-ice. For a while I thought we might be getting a break. I’ve been taking advantage of it while preparing to start a new semester. But today, Sno-mageddon struck again, furiously dumping inches of snow within minutes. The college soon cancelled classes. I’m somewhat disappointed. I certainly want my students safe. But with Monday being a holiday and now today being cancelled, we’ve just passed our first week of the semester without ever having class! Yet when I learned of the school closure, I didn’t shift into panic mode or even survival mode. I shifted into thrive mode by preparing to take what I’ve been given and shine gloriously with it. Not here to fail My experience today resembles LDS singles life. Just as I didn’t anticipate a freak blizzard eliminating class, many LDS singles have met unintended circumstances. We were preparing for a different experience when events beyond our control forced us in a new direction. Lost opportunities can yield heartache, disappointment, and concern about the future. Yet we can always choose our response. Many of us struggle to choose optimism. We yearn after hope but feel overwhelmed by despair. I’ve felt that many times in my life. How do you go on when everything around you seems to say you’ll never do anything but fail? You must awake to this realization: Not everything around you indicates you’ll fail. God certainly doesn’t believe that about you. He loves you. He believes in you. He sent you here to succeed and that gloriously. And He’s constantly pleading with you to believe in those truths. When you do, “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). More than surviving We can get so busy keeping up with life’s demands that we wonder if we’ll ever succeed in having a good life, let alone our best life. Mere survival appears increasingly like a noble virtue. But do you think God sent you here so you could merely survive? Or did He send you here to thrive? Thriving is more than surviving. Thriving is living life with zest and optimism. It’s living in the moment, extracting every ounce of joy that moment offers. It’s exuding confidence in the future that faith will not go unrewarded. I honestly don’t see how any Latter-day Saint — single or married — can experience that without partnering with the Lord for his or her life. That’s best done by seeking Him first. Yet many of us are seeking first the wrong life partner. We naturally want to belong, so when our culture pairs belonging with marriage, we look for someone who’ll help us belong. Plus we yearn for someone who can take away the loneliness, discouragement, and pain of being single. That someone is Christ. He taught, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 5:40). Instead of looking first for an eternal companion to alleviate our troubles, we should look first for the Lord Who can do that and more. Instead of seeking first that special someone to take to the temple, we should seek first to walk with the Lord in the temple. Weather any storm The Lord’s love provides the strength to weather any storm. Nephi understood this. Bound to his ship’s mast in a violent sea, his wrists and ankles became severely swollen. Yet he didn’t complain nor cease to look to the Lord. Nephi always had trouble, yet he partnered with the Lord. Can anyone honestly think his life was not his best life? The Lord can lift you to heights you could never imagine alone. Why settle for the companion you might have now when He can lead you to the companion you most need to have, the one you need for your best life? With the Lord at your side, you can trust all will eventually resolve for your good. That faith allows you to release everything preventing you from living life joyfully in this and every moment. Hope, optimism, and positive energy naturally result from living with the Lord as your first life partner. Don’t just survive. Thrive! Partner first with the Lord Who will help you to hear the whisperings of His Spirit more fully, see His tender mercies around you every day, and feel His love for you in powerful and undeniable ways. He can make more out of your life than you can without Him. He will bring you to your best life. And that will certainly provide you with more joy in your journey.
We’ve all fallen short at times. No one’s perfect. We’re all works in progress. Yet too often we focus on our imperfections. We wonder how we could ever obtain eternal blessings when we just aren’t good enough. We’re not tall enough or thin enough or funny enough or beautiful enough or strong enough or whatever enough. We can go insane focusing on what we lack. Because your focus becomes your reality, focusing on what you lack produces a reality of lack. It’s impossible to feel competent when you always focus on how you fail to achieve. It’s impossible to feel optimistic when you always focus on pessimism. But the reverse is also true. It’s impossible to feel incompetent when you always focus on what you’ve achieved and what you can do. It’s impossible to feel pessimistic when you always focus on optimism and reasons to believe in a bright and glorious future. We each have a choice every single day regarding the perspective we’ll embrace. I choose to say “Enough with enough!” It’s half full and half empty We’ve all heard how perspective in life is like a partially filled glass of water. Is the glass half full or half empty? Seeing the glass as half empty brings pessimism. Seeing the glass as half full brings optimism. I agree our focus determines our reality. That’s why I say the glass is both half full and half empty. Yes, we want to be positive. But ignoring our problems just isn’t smart. Nature teaches that weeds will infest your garden unless you act appropriately. Likewise, ignoring the problems in the garden of your life allows those weeds to grow and fester. Yes, look to the positive. Then take the energy and optimism that perspective gives you to tackle the negative. See the opportunities in your obstacles. Believe in possibility, and make changes in yourself so you increase your probability of success. You’re already enough Of course, you should see the glass as half full before you see it as half empty. That approach fortifies you to overcome your challenges. We can all easily answer what’s wrong with our lives. But what good is in your life? When you follow the advice of the hymn and count your blessings, you’ll start to see how much good you really do have in your life. As wrong as you may feel your life is going, there’s always something going right. Last summer I faced the loss of a very special relationship. Yet in the midst of that experience, the Spirit directed my attention to how much I loved my job and how much it allowed me to contribute to improving the lives of others. While it felt like one part of my life was going very wrong, another was going very right. Focusing on that right part helped me to feel how blessed I really am. Amplifying positive perspectives and experiences in your life grants strength to confront and overcome your challenges. Of no perspective is that more true than of the Atonement. That consummating act of the Lord’s pure love proves you’re already enough. Would He have suffered and died as He did if you weren’t? Of course not. Additionally, the Atonement means He’ll never abandon you. He provides you with many tender mercies every single day. He’ll always be there to help you know your next step and have the strength to take it. You are a conqueror With that strength, you can conquer any challenge before you. You can transform any setback into an advantage. You can find opportunities in any obstacle. Rather than ignoring the “half empty” aspects of your life, you can confront them with confidence and come off conqueror. What obstacle keeps you from your eternal blessings? Are you not funny enough? Say “Enough with enough!” and partner with the Lord to know how to work on improving that skill while searching for that someone who thinks your skill level is enough. Are you not beautiful enough? Say “Enough with enough!” and partner with the Lord to know how to work on improving yourself while searching for that someone who thinks you are enough. And so it goes with any area in which you think you aren’t enough. Say “Enough with enough!” Then partner with the Lord to know what changes you need to make in yourself and get to work. You weren’t sent here to fail. You were sent here to succeed, and that gloriously. Stop focusing on how you aren’t good enough. Say “Enough with enough!” And then get to work on changing you. When you do, you can change your life and have more joy in your journey.
Recently I’ve been considering how I arrived where I am today. I remember a really dramatic episode from several years ago involving a woman I loved with all my heart. I was in my mid-30s and considered her as my last chance to secure the blessings I’d been wanting for over a decade. Everything seemed OK until my rose-colored glasses could no longer obscure the truth. She called to tell me she was seeing another guy. I still held hope things could turn around. After all, we’re supposed to believe in miracles, right? Only deep down I didn’t really believe a miracle would happen for me. Instead I felt desperate. It seemed my last hope was slipping away from me. I kept thinking about what I didn’t want to have happen. So what happened next shouldn’t surprise anyone. She called on my birthday to say she was engaged to be married in two weeks. She knew it was my birthday because earlier she sang “Happy birthday” into my voicemail. As if stabbing me through the heart wasn’t enough, she twisted the knife by bluntly telling me I wasn’t invited to the wedding. The excruciating emotional turmoil that ensued felt unbearable. The anguish of being lost for eternity tortured me. I felt more alone and forsaken than at any point in my life. I entered a depression that took literal months to overcome. See the opportunity
I’ve learned in the years since my tragic episode I wasn’t alone in seeing a specific relationship as my only hope for securing eternal blessings. And I’ve also learned I created much of the pain and anguish I felt from losing that relationship. I hurt like I did because of the way I was thinking. That concept may shock some, but it’s no less true. Sure, other people make choices, sometimes against us. But we construct much of our reality, including our emotional reality, with our thinking. The story has been told of two salesman who get up one morning and see a very wet and windy storm. The first one says, “Wow, what a storm! No one can expect us to go out and make sales today.” He stays home. The second one says, “Wow, what a storm! And what a great day to make sales. Everyone will be home, even the other salesmen!” Both men saw the same storm, but each had a different reality because each choose to see the same storm differently. Where one saw an obstacle, the other saw an opportunity. Really believe That’s what my experiences have taught me over the years. As much as it once felt like I blew my last chance, God has provided others. I just needed to see the opportunities instead of the obstacles. Part of that required me to recognize what an opportunity actually is. So many of us LDS singles think so narrowly in that regard we’re standing in our own way. We place too many and too stringent filters up front, removing qualified candidates from our consideration. And we view the whole dating journey through binary lenses which blind us from seeing any value in relationships that for whatever reason don’t end in marriage. Last week I provided the key to changing our perspective. We need to believe the gospel — I mean, really believe it. We know God loves us, but when you truly believe it, you’ll have the confidence He’s constantly working on clearing the next best pathway to your blessings. We know God is all-knowing, all-powerful, etc., but when you truly believe He has His characteristics, you’ll walk in faith He’ll turn everything bad in your life into everything good. All your mourning will turn into joy. In truth, there is no Obi Wan. There’s never a last and only chance for eternal happiness. God loves you so much He’ll never stop providing you with opportunities to secure your blessings. You just need to set your thinking straight. You need to see the opportunities instead of the obstacles. You need to believe what you know is true. And you need to start doing the right things. The sooner you get on that train, the sooner you’ll savor the joy you can have in life. Last week I extolled our need to choose Christ when life takes unanticipated turns. No matter how bereft or lost you may feel, Christ can transform your life into something meaningful and joyful. Part of that transformation involves your sense of identity. Although many LDS singles know in their mind they’re children of God, many of them have yet to know that truth in their heart. And getting to that deeper level is essential to weathering the storms of LDS singles life with joy in our journey. For example, many LDS singles see themselves and others through the lens of circumstance. Most people, single or married, do this habitually because others’ actions teach them so to act. Yet the perspectives embodied in many of these actions serve more to hinder our progression towards eternal goals than to help. Christ offers ennobling perspectives. To gain those, we need to choose to think in new and different ways. And that means seeing ourselves and others with greater clarity. You are not your body Everyone knows how your body is shaped or groomed isn’t the real you. Yet many LDS singles — men and women — use physical appearance to filter who they befriend and date. These actions clearly communicate you must be attractive to be loved. And many of us feel very unloved. Of course, most prefer interactions with physically attractive people. Improving your physical appearance can increase your chances of having the interactions you want. But people are also hardwired to respond positively to a great attitude. I’m always inclined to know more about someone who displays generosity and cheerfulness towards me. You are not your body. You are the character you choose to embrace. You are not your job It amazes me how some singles accept not getting to know someone who happens to be unemployed. That’s like saying it’s OK to divorce a spouse who loses a job. “What? You lost your job? Well, time to find someone else. See ya!” That’s absolutely ridiculous. And yet many of us have no qualms about filtering others with that ridiculous standard. Those actions clearly communicate you must be occupationally successful to be loved. And many of us feel very unloved. Of course, people typically prefer interactions with successful people. Improving your career can increase your chances of having the interactions you want. But people are also hardwired to respond positively to a great attitude. I’m always inclined to know more about optimistic people. You are not your job (or lack of one). You are the energy you choose to radiate. You are not your bank account On a related note, many LDS singles use wealth to filter who they befriend and date. These actions clearly communicate you must be financially secure in order to be loved. And many of us feel very unloved. I can understand the allure of security, but it’s all facade. Marrying the right person can help us become who we need to become. That’s a life more fully lived than simply not having to worry about how to pay the bills. Of course, we all want to associate with successful people. Improving your financial situation can help you to have the interactions with others you want. But people are also hardwired to respond positively to a great attitude. I’m always inclined to know more about someone who sees the opportunities rather than the obstacles. So are others. My bank account has seen highs and lows, but the best romantic relationships of my life occurred during the lows, not the highs. That’s because my confidence, the confidence others find attractive, has nothing to do with my bank account. How I choose to approach life speaks volumes about who I really am. You are not your bank account. You are the confidence you choose to exhibit in your life. Stay firm Not everyone will choose this perspective. That’s OK. Their use of traditional filters tells you exactly who they are, making it easier for you to filter them from your consideration. When high ideals inform your daily actions, it’s much easier for others to see and focus on your best you rather than any deficiencies. In short, it’s easier for you to succeed. It’s also a more enjoyable way to navigate LDS singles life. Improving how you think improves your approach to life. Making conscious choices to communicate and reinforce gospel ideals with your actions provides more joy in everyone’s journey. You can create a rich life through meaningful contribution. You are not your circumstances. If you think you are, reformat and reboot yourself. You are a child of God with infinite worth and potential. Start seeing that in yourself, and then others will be able to see that more clearly too.
Everyone’s talking about the new year upon us. There’s all kinds of conversations. Some people have the usual list of resolutions. Others just want to simplify their lives. Yet a sense of hope 2016 will be better than 2015 underlies many conversations. Not every one is hopeful, though. Many LDS singles wonder if they really do have any hope of achieving righteous blessings. Will this year really be any different than last year? That’s why I found an excellent Ensign article about being positive so appropriate. I recommend it to everyone, single or married. What I like best about it is its underlying message. Although not directly stated, the article strongly implies an important truth. If you aren’t positive in your outlook, then you’re just not living the restored gospel. Your focus determines your reality I remember some years ago a Sunday School lesson taught in a former ward on the East Coast. I remember the instructor saying unhappy people are unhappy because they aren’t living the gospel. I remember him saying if only they’d repent, they could be happy. And I remember feeling like he targeted me even though he never said my name. Yes, living a lifestyle of sin won’t bring happiness. We all know Alma 41:10. But just because wickedness never was happiness doesn’t mean the reverse is also true. Sometimes unhappiness isn’t related to sin. Sometimes unhappiness comes from the way we approach life. While I appreciated the interest in me, albeit a tongue-in-cheek one, I knew my standing before the Lord. I thought being single in a family-centered culture made me unhappy. But I was wrong. My unhappiness came from my focus. I had lots for which to be grateful, but instead of constantly expressing gratitude to God for His bounteous blessings towards me, I focused on what I lacked. And so my reality became one of lack. That’s natural law. It’s the way God created the universe. When you constantly focus on the negative, your reality becomes negative. And a negative reality means your focus is negative. But if a negative reality comes from a negative focus, does a positive reality come from a positive focus? The restored gospel of Jesus Christ answers with a resounding “Yes!” Be real There’s always hope because there’s always Christ. We sometimes sing “The Lord is my light.” How can that be true for us if we don’t feel the glory of His light chasing the darkness out of our lives? If you aren’t feeling it, then are you really living the restored gospel? I know some of you have your defenses up. Yes, you go to church and say your prayers and read scriptures every day and otherwise do what identifies you as an active Latter-day Saint. But if you’re just going through the motions, you’re not digging deep enough to feel the real power of the restored gospel. I wanted real on Day 1 in 2014, and I still want it today in 2016. I’m done with just going through the motions. I’m done with living a life of mediocrity. “Men [and women] are that they might have joy,” (2 Nephi 2:25), and so this man wants to embrace life. This man wants to experience all of the joy God wants for all His children and makes available to them every single day. Being real means more than just going through the motions. Happiness comes not from just doing the right things but from bringing your all to the right things. If you don’t feel inside of you the truth of the hope and optimism enshrined in the gospel, then how much of yourself are you bringing to the right things? Give your all Your life doesn’t have to be doom and gloom. If you aren’t feeling the hope that really exists for you because of Christ, you can. Just give your all to the right things. One of those right things is gratitude. I don’t care what has happened to you. God has blessed you abundantly. Begin with that truth, and you’ll begin to see the windows of heaven have always been open for you. When you make gratitude a lifestyle, you’ll have a lifestyle of seeing the blessings all around you. Your focus always determines your reality. There’s much more we can do. I’ve talked about them on my blog, and I’ll continue talking about them now on my radio show. The restored gospel gives us great reason for hope and optimism. You can feel that positive energy every day, no matter how much life may knock you around. It all comes back to how you think and how you approach life. Give your all to those right things, and 2016 and every year thereafter can be gloriously wonderful and joyous.
People reflect upon their lives at the start of a new year. Singles who don’t really want to be single usually bemoan their substandard reality. That can be true of anyone, single or married, whose life hasn’t turned out according to plan. I planned on being married by my late 20s at the latest. But after almost two decades since my mission, I’m just as single as I was when I stepped off the plane that brought me home. So, yeah, I can relate to plans not exactly working out. Many surrender to discouragement and even disillusionment when their reality consistently falls below expectations. They tell themselves that someone else is to blame for their plan not working out. I got three words if this describes you in any way. Own your life. You make your reality When you focus on what lies outside your power to control, you give away your control to those people and areas outside of yourself. As I point out in my upcoming book, your focus becomes your reality. So when you focus on what you don’t have, you will always feel lacking. When you focus on how other people never choose in your favor, you will always feel down on your luck. Stuck in that focus long enough, you will eventually feel cheated. Don’t like your reality? Change your focus. That starts by owning your life. That means looking inside yourself and taking responsibility for how your life has turned out. That means accepting the truth about why you are single. That means feeling awkward and even emotionally repulsed by what you find. That means hard work. But the alternative is harder. Living a lie will keep you fixated on some place “out there” when the problem is really “in there” inside of you. The disgust you feel with yourself and your life will only grow the longer you ignore the real problem. Don’t surrender the power God has given you to enjoy your life. Accept the responsibility for however your life has turned out and begin again. Own your life. Don't focus on your past Many singles focus on their past so much that their reality is one of despair from which there appears to be no escape. That’s like driving a car by looking in the rear view mirror all the time. You won’t get very far unless you start looking forward and then move forward. Accept that whatever happened to you has happened and then move on from wherever you are. Own your life. This isn’t coming from someone who’s never been there. I’ve been nowhere but there. Most recently I was laid off from my job, then my position was eliminated, then I ended up moving back in with my folks (which isn’t entirely bad but doesn’t exactly help when you’re trying to attract the ladies), then my cat died, and then I keep getting reject notices for every job I apply for. Do I have some sort of target on my chest? Because it sure feels like it. Kind of reminds me of an old Far Side cartoon. But I’m still owning my life. I’m grateful I have a place to sleep and food to eat. Since I won’t be homeless any time soon, so what that all my job applications ended in rejection? I'm free to learn and to grow from pursuing other options. Sure, losing my cat suddenly was hard. I haven’t had a good night's sleep in the past three months. But my will isn’t following my cat to the grave. I’m writing a book about my cat and the legacy she left behind. And I’m using that draft as a platform to interact with other writers in my community. The potential for adding to my circle of friends and exerting a positive influence on others is immense. Don't stay down In short, I refuse to stay defeated. I’m choosing to change what I can. I’m reaching for the life I want. I’m owning my life. We’ve all heard that when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. I say scratch that. Make lemon chicken instead. After all, lemonade is so cliché and with all that sugar probably not that good for you either. Or choose something else if you don’t like lemon chicken. But don’t just follow the herd and throw another pity party or concede that your life will never be enjoyable. Start the new year with a new you on the inside. Become a better person in 2014. Own your life. Welcome to the new home for my blog. It all started back in 2012 — 12/12/12 to be exact. I couldn’t let the opportunity to start something on a date like that pass me by. Little did I know that my first year would be training for what you see today. And I’ve changed along the way. Now that my blog has a new home and we’re starting a new year, I thought it only fitting that I establish a few expectations. This first post may turn out to be the longest post I make, so if you aren’t comfy, now is a good time to get there. First, it's not about me. When I started my blog, I had some ideas that needed expression. Many of those ideas were in a book about LDS singles that I've been working on since January 2011. In researching how best to publicize the book, I found the ubiquitous advice to start a blog and use it to promote the book. But that doesn’t work for me. See, I started with that idea. And I found along the way that it led me to make everything about me. I felt the tendency to make outrageous comments to drive more traffic or to write for search engine robots to increase page ranking. But things like that don’t matter. It’s people that matter, and it's relationships with people that matter most. That’s why I started writing my book in the first place. It’s a longer story that I can share later if you’re interested. Bottom line = I wanted to create something that would help the growing LDS singles population confront and conquer the challenges of LDS singles life. So I’m turning conventional wisdom on its head. Writers use blogs as marketing tools to promote books. To me, that’s all backwards. I intend my book to support the blog. And I see the blog as a platform for changing the culture within the Church. We need to get more serious about building Zion. A big part of that means changing how we think about what it means to be single in the Church. Too many LDS singles feel like second class citizens in the Church of Mormon Families Who Sometimes Talk about Christ when they should feel like equal members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But the culture will never change if we don’t do anything. We need to start having a conversation about LDS singles life, one that encourages all of us to change the way we think about what it means to be single in the Church. There are changes that marrieds need to make and many more changes that singles need to make. We need to support one another in these changes. That means we have to cut the crap and speak the truth. I’ve been single now for almost 20 years. That’s two decades. So I’m tired of all the high school games and other associated crap that I’ve dealt with in that time period. I want real. I want to connect with other people on a real level and not have everything revolve around my marital status and my desires for eternal companionship. So when I see crap from anyone, I’m calling them out on it. That means some of you will discount me or try to ignore me because what I have to say will contradict whatever agenda you have. Others I will simply annoy. Still others will outright hate me. I’m okay with all of that. You see, I want real. I understand that not everyone is prepared for the truth. That is part of what my book is all about. We all develop habits in which we continue to believe lies about the way the world and our lives are constructed, because those lies make us feel more comfortable. But I’m done with all of that. I want real. That means embracing the truth, no matter what it may seem to do to me in the here and now. And I got three words for those of you who aren’t prepared to hear the truth. I don't care. That’s right. Again, it’s not about me. It’s about changing the culture so that we LDS singles can more easily confront our challenges and we can all — married and single — get about the business of building Zion for real. That is, after all, what all of us covenanted to do at baptism and in the temple. Oh, and I don’t care applies to just about everything. That doesn’t mean I’m going to trample intentionally on the feelings of others. It doesn’t mean I won’t attempt to regard the views of others with respect and courtesy. I probably won't always succeed, as imperfect as I am, but I will strive to be a gentleman. What I don't care does mean is when you read one of my posts, you’re getting real — the real me, what I really think and feel, and all presented in a real way. I don’t care about search engine robots because I write for people. I don’t care about page rank or other Internet statistics which in eternity will be meaningless. I don’t care if I continue writing posts week after week which generate no comments. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me or my opinions. I want real, and I can’t get real if I put on rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything is just peachy when in reality it’s putrid. If a cow crapped it out, I’m going to call it what it really is — cow crap! That means that a lot of conventional wisdom and me just won’t mix. I’m done trying to be someone I'm not just to impress someone into having a relationship with me — and that’s any type of relationship, not just the romantic kind. I’m done living the lie of a life on autopilot. I’m done going through the motions of being an “active” Latter-day Saint. I want to do what I do because I truly feel it deep inside. I want what I do to mean something. I want real. Real also means I don’t look on people reading my blog as customers to be marketed to constantly. I don’t like receiving constant emails telling me how I can’t live without purchasing XYZ, so I’ll never send anyone anything like that. It’s not about me or my book. It’s about building a community through which we can change the culture by changing the way we think about LDS singles life. I refuse to believe it cannot be done. I refuse to follow the herd just because everyone else is doing it. I refuse to believe what I say and do makes no difference. I refuse to believe I'm second-rate or that God must want me to be single because I haven’t yet experienced the subcultural rite of passage that is temple marriage. And I refuse to back down. Sure, I’m imperfect, very much so. I've got more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes. I understand that my endeavors may result in total and complete failure. But that just brings me back to the three words I shared earlier. I don't care. You see, I’ve failed so many times in my life at just about everything in life that I am not certain whether failure has any real meaning anymore. But I am certain that just going through the motions is meaningless. I want real. And real is what you will get from me.
I envision a glorious future in which LDS marrieds and singles come together and build Zion – a place where everyone cares for everyone and everyone looks out for everyone. That is the place where I want to be, whether or not I ever find my eternal companion. Of course, such a place is more made than found, which brings me back to my first point. It’s not about me. It’s about lifting a light so that others can see amidst the darkness. It’s about bringing hope to those in despair. It’s about changing the way that we all think so that we can unite and build Zion. And it’s about becoming more like our Savior so that we can live there and feel like we belong. |
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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