There is no Obi-Wan

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Recently I’ve been considering how I arrived where I am today.  I remember a really dramatic episode from several years ago involving a woman I loved with all my heart.  I was in my mid-30s and considered her as my last chance to secure the blessings I’d been wanting for over a decade.

Everything seemed OK until my rose-colored glasses could no longer obscure the truth.  She called to tell me she was seeing another guy.  I still held hope things could turn around.  After all, we’re supposed to believe in miracles, right?

Only deep down I didn’t really believe a miracle would happen for me.  Instead I felt desperate.  It seemed my last hope was slipping away from me.  I kept thinking about what I didn’t want to have happen.  So what happened next shouldn’t surprise anyone.

She called on my birthday to say she was engaged to be married in two weeks.  She knew it was my birthday because earlier she sang “Happy birthday” into my voicemail.  As if stabbing me through the heart wasn’t enough, she twisted the knife by bluntly telling me I wasn’t invited to the wedding.

The excruciating emotional turmoil that ensued felt unbearable.  The anguish of being lost for eternity tortured me.  I felt more alone and forsaken than at any point in my life.  I entered a depression that took literal months to overcome.

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See the opportunity

Looking back on the ensuing years, I’ve gained more perspective on that tragic episode.  I’ve met many people and learned from their experiences.  And of course I’ve had experiences of my own.

I’m reminded of the scene from Star Wars (Episode 4, or the first one from 1977) where Princess Leia provides secret plans to R2-D2 with instructions to convey them only to Obi-Wan Kenobi.  In the message she records for Obi-Wan, she pleads, “Help us, Obi-Wan. You’re our only hope.”

I’ve learned in the years since my tragic episode I wasn’t alone in seeing a specific relationship as my only hope for securing eternal blessings.  And I’ve also learned I created much of the pain and anguish I felt from losing that relationship.  I hurt like I did because of the way I was thinking.

That concept may shock some, but it’s no less true.  Sure, other people make choices, sometimes against us.  But we construct much of our reality, including our emotional reality, with our thinking.

The story has been told of two salesman who get up one morning and see a very wet and windy storm.  The first one says, “Wow, what a storm!  No one can expect us to go out and make sales today.”  He stays home.  The second one says, “Wow, what a storm! And what a great day to make sales.  Everyone will be home, even the other salesmen!”  Both men saw the same storm, but each had a different reality because each choose to see the same storm differently.  Where one saw an obstacle, the other saw an opportunity.

Really believe

That’s what my experiences have taught me over the years.  As much as it once felt like I blew my last chance, God has provided others.  I just needed to see the opportunities instead of the obstacles.

Part of that required me to recognize what an opportunity actually is.  So many of us LDS singles think so narrowly in that regard we’re standing in our own way.  We place too many and too stringent filters up front, removing qualified candidates from our consideration.  And we view the whole dating journey through binary lenses which blind us from seeing any value in relationships that for whatever reason don’t end in marriage.

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Last week I provided the key to changing our perspective.  We need to believe the gospel — I mean, really believe it.  We know God loves us, but when you truly believe it, you’ll have the confidence He’s constantly working on clearing the next best pathway to your blessings.  We know God is all-knowing, all-powerful, etc., but when you truly believe He has His characteristics, you’ll walk in faith He’ll turn everything bad in your life into everything good.  All your mourning will turn into joy.

In truth, there is no Obi Wan.  There’s never a last and only chance for eternal happiness.  God loves you so much He’ll never stop providing you with opportunities to secure your blessings.  You just need to set your thinking straight.  You need to see the opportunities instead of the obstacles.  You need to believe what you know is true.  And you need to start doing the right things.  The sooner you get on that train, the sooner you’ll savor the joy you can have in life.

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