Yes, Elder Holland hit his usual home run. Elder Bednar taught healing truths about missionary service. We rejoiced to see and hear the Prophet speak in Conference. The list goes on, but something seems more inviting in Elder Choi’s remarks. Perhaps it’s because he declared
So often in our lives as LDS singles, we find ourselves in need of strength, balance, and healing. We can find all of these in the Savior when we look up to Him. Find strength Life is hard for everyone. LDS singles are no exception. Although our challenges are all unique, the solution is very much the same. We must look to the Savior for the strength to soldier on. When facing difficulty, we often wish life would be easier and wonder why the battle before us must be ours. Yet instead of wishing our situations were better, we should wish we were better. Learning how to conquer challenges is a major purpose of mortality. We’ll never do that unless we increase our inner strength and become more than what we now are. No one can increase that strength within us more than Christ. His Atonement manifests His power through which He can transform us into new creatures able to do what before we could not do. Elder Choi pointed us to the Savior when sharing this experience:
We can find the strength we need to conquer our challenges when we look up to the Lord. Find balance Directing our focus to eternity can be challenging, especially when the reality of our mortal existence presses us to place our attention in the temporal world. We ease that difficulty when we balance what we see in our mortality with what we know about our eternity. If we live life based only on what we see around us, we walk by sight. The more we walk by sight, the more reactive our approach to life becomes. Simply reacting to life is living on autopilot playing out previously programmed habits that lead ultimately to the unfulfilled life. The restored gospel of Jesus Christ teaches life can be more wonderful when we walk by faith. We can use the gift of agency to choose consciously an approach to life aligned with gospel standards that responds rather than reacts to life. And we can balance what we see in mortality with what we know about eternity when making those choices. Elder Choi spoke about our need for balance and how we can get it.
Our focus determines our reality. When we focus on the limitations of mortality, our reality will be one of limitation. But when we focus on embracing our own personal ministry of contribution to others, our reality will be a life that contributes back to us. Find healing We can get in our own way of making that contribution to others when we cling to our past. For LDS singles, that past often includes heartache, loneliness, discouragement, and hopelessness. Many of us keep repeating those stories of failure to ourselves. Yet carrying unnecessary baggage from the past does nothing but hold us back from living the full and joyful life we can live today. It’s much easier to move forward when our load is lighter. Still, letting go of the past can be difficult, especially when we hold on out of habit. Elder Choi points us to the only lasting solution — the Savior.
Part of the healing we need comes from the power of Christ through His Atonement. Yet another part comes only as we step outside ourselves and realize our lives are smaller pieces in a much larger puzzle. Partnering with the Lord can help us let go of our past so we can make our full contribution to the plan of happiness God has for all His children. And by faithfully embracing a personal ministry that contributes to the lives of others and alleviates their pain, we can find our own pain alleviated.
The longer we look only around at our own lives, the more we will feel helpless, hopeless, and hurt. By looking up to the Lord, we can begin to receive the strength, balance, and healing we need to live our best life. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
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Last week I shared my only goal for 2017 — live my best life. Living your best life is more about the journey than the destination. That’s because, when we depart mortality, we reach the next stage of our progression rather than a finality. Along the way, our changes mark our progress. Living your best life includes some changes. But you’ll find yourself stagnant with the passage of time without permanent change. I recently lamented the lack of change in my life, especially over the past year. This experience led me to seek after my best life. I don’t want to find myself no better off at this same time next year. How do we change so that we don’t repeat making the same goals for ourselves each year? Forget willpower Recently I’ve been investigating that question and discovered some amazing ideas supported by social science research. Many think of change as simply a matter of willpower. You don’t exercise or you eat junk food or you have a less meaningful career or floundering relationships because that’s what you choose. If only you were more determined, you could make whatever change you need. But social science research offers a different story. You fail to make change permanent not for lack of will but rather for insufficient understanding and preparation. When you’re outnumbered by influences you don’t understand and for which you make no provision, the math simply works against you. The first step towards making change permanent is to change the way you think. You need to discard false assumptions and adopt valid ones. No matter your resolve, it’s hard to win the day when you bring a knife to gun fight. Fight fire with fire Here a wonderful book entitled Change Anything by Kerry Patterson et. al. provides much assistance. Based in modern social science research, this book describes how leveraging six major influences promotes any positive change. Those who account for these six influences in their change efforts are ten times more likely to succeed. Of course they would be. Instead of bringing a knife to a gun fight, they brought a gun — and not just a one-shot Derringer but something like an AR-15. Good preparation always promotes good performance. Here’s a very brief synopsis of the six change influences:
The book details how you do all that and provides examples of application. Get your Magnificent Seven I highly recommend the methodology in this book, but I’m adding a seventh item. You need to partner with the Lord. Social science has revealed influences underlying more permanent positive change. The restored gospel has also revealed change influences, most importantly the Atonement. President Ezra Taft Benson once said the world would change men from the outside in, but Christ takes men and changes them from the inside out. When you partner with the Lord, He can reveal to you the specific guidance you need to change more effectively and efficiently. I recently experienced this for myself. I brought the Lord a problem that concerned me greatly. As I discussed my concern with Him, an idea came to mind. Pursuing that idea replaced my concerns with faith and optimism in living my best life with confidence. Do you want to be right where you are today in January 2018? Or do you want to make positive changes and live your best life? Understand the influences involved, partner with the Lord to leverage them to your advantage, and you can live your best life and more. You can change forever. And that will certainly bring you more joy in your journey.
I love Christmas time! Why wouldn’t anyone? It’s a time of merriment, a time for drawing near to family and dear friends, and a time for rejoicing in the goodness of God. That said, many LDS singles radiate negativity during the holidays. Last week I advocated the perspective that even the worst days can be great days if we recognize every day as a gift from God. Some may find that perspective hard to grasp, especially if they’ve been so focused on the negative aspects of their lives that their reality is overwhelmingly negative. That’s why we all need to spread the cheer of the holiday season. Reaching out to others in that spirit of the season can help them to find a better focus that can lead to a better reality. And helping others to experience joy can bring joy into our own lives. That’s what those who feel overwhelmed with negativity during the holidays really need. They need to feel loved so that they in turn can help others to feel loved. We can kickstart that cycle of joy in their lives as well as ours when we reach out and spread the cheer. Obey the law Yeah, life is hard, and woe to you because you’re single. I get it. Believe me, having been single for more than 20 years, I really do get it. Here’s what I also get — happiness comes from giving your all to the right things. Negativity and a constant vision of what you lack is never one of those right things. It never has been, and it never will be. That’s because the universe obeys natural law, one of which is the Law of the Harvest. You can’t get carrots from planting apple seeds. If you want to reap carrots, plant carrot seed. Likewise, if you want to reap happiness, then plant happiness seed. And what’s happiness seed? It’s giving your all to the right things. Certainly keeping those covenants we have made is among those right things. But it’s more than just checking items off a to-do list. It’s a way of being that defines who we are. That means giving to others can’t be just a project or something nice to do. It has to express a sincere interest in sharing joy we really feel inside. Lend a hand It’s certainly hard to share something you don’t have. Serving others can bring positivity to those overwhelmed with negativity. But negativity doesn’t prompt positive action, which provides an obstacle for those who most need to take such action. That’s why we need to reach out and lend a hand. Natural law still holds true regardless of what anyone chooses. Those who focus on negativity will have a negative reality. If we choose to help them, they might change their focus, which will give them a different reality. If we choose not to help them, they likely won’t change their focus and will reap the same reality they’ve been having. That’s why we need to spread the cheer. A positive reality comes only from a positive focus. Being creatures of habit, we all need some external force to break the bonds of inertia that keeps us keeping on in negative habits. We can provide that external force for others when we spread cheer into their lives. Solomon once said, “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken” (Proverbs 15:13). We need to fill the tank of others so they then and fill the tanks of still others. If you’ve ever had to run on empty, you know how difficult it can be to continue serving others when you really need someone to serve you.
What a glorious promise! The Lord will lead us to every blessing we lack. How can we believe Him and not rejoice? We have every reason for cheer.
And we have every reason to spread the cheer to others. So what cheer are you spreading? Whose heart will be lifted because of your cheer? When we spread the cheer of the holiday season in any season, we share the love of our Lord such that we cannot help but also be partakers. And that brings more joy into all of our journeys.
Occasionally I step into social media. What I see usually doesn’t strike me as all that meaningful, further convincing me to limit my social media participation. Still, what I sometimes see makes me think. And sometimes I see something like that often enough that I feel compelled to say something. In one form or another, it’s an incarnation of the meme you see here. I have no issue with imparting advice. Social media seems especially adept for that, and I’ve certainly done as much repeatedly in my blog and on my program. Just last week I gave advice to local leaders on how to partner in order to minister to singles. So giving advice doesn’t annoy me. What annoys me is the advice being given. Let’s dig a bit deeper into what we have here. Standing in the way On the surface, the advice seems to make sense. Step out of your rose-smelling world and take a whiff of reality. Guys chase after what they want, so if he’s not chasing you, he’s not interested in you. But that logic rests on a false assumption. Yes, guys chase after what they want, provided they have no issues standing in their way. Last time I checked, guys are human beings with lots of imperfections. I’m fully qualified to speak here because I am a guy and (hard as it may be for some of you to believe) I do have imperfections. In fact, I’ve never claimed to be anything less than a walking construction zone. I can recall many moments when I failed to chase an interesting woman. Mostly I abdicated my own agency to some unresolved issue because I did not own my life. When I was younger, I feared getting rejected. I know some women scoff at that very real issue, but having lived through it I can tell you repeated rejection does horrible things to a man’s psyche and his sense of self. Simply discounting that reality prevents understanding and keeps many of us — men and women — single longer than we need to be. Understanding a better way We’re called adults, but the truth is we all mature at different rates, at different times, and in different ways. When I was in my 20s, fear could easily block my path. I hadn’t yet matured beyond my fear. I didn’t really realize what an illusion fear really is. Thus, I would often fail to take advantage of opportunities to secure the blessings I longed to have. What would have happened, though, had someone reached out and helped me to overcome my obstacles? How different would my life be today? How many more righteous families would exist today? Rejecting a potential candidate simply for having an imperfection seems incredibly immature (and especially when you phrase it like that). But last time I checked, women are human beings, too. They have their own imperfections. They’re walking construction zones in their own right. Our journey would be much more enjoyable if we replaced judgment with love and a quickness to reject with an eagerness to understand. That doesn’t mean we don’t have standards. But it does mean we lend support to those who, as they are right now, fail to meet those standards today. True friendship means extending understanding and support to reach a higher standard. Besides, being willing to help one another along the road to perfection characterizes the best marriages. If we can’t help each other while we’re single, even when a relationship has no romantic aspect to it, what can we expect from marriage? Helping along the way Instead of spreading pseudo-common-sense based on faulty assumptions that serve more to keep us separated, let’s spread understanding based on fortifying love — the kind of love embodied in the Atonement of our Lord and Savior. His example of reaching out to the one and showing compassion for individual needs and concerns should inspire our interactions with one another. That applies to men and women alike. And who knows? Perhaps in encouraging someone to overcome personal issues, you may find the very companion you are seeking. What at first may not have captured your attention because he or she was “obviously” not right for you may unveil itself to be more than you ever hoped of having and calling yours. Again, we can have standards in our search for eternal companionship, as well we should. But we should not abandon others simply because they don’t meet those standards. We should instead abandon the rashness to judgment that blinds us from seeing others as they truly are. Helping each other along the way, whether or not offering that help provides us with any immediate advantage, will surely bring us more joy in our journey.
We’ve all fallen short at times. No one’s perfect. We’re all works in progress. Yet too often we focus on our imperfections. We wonder how we could ever obtain eternal blessings when we just aren’t good enough. We’re not tall enough or thin enough or funny enough or beautiful enough or strong enough or whatever enough. We can go insane focusing on what we lack. Because your focus becomes your reality, focusing on what you lack produces a reality of lack. It’s impossible to feel competent when you always focus on how you fail to achieve. It’s impossible to feel optimistic when you always focus on pessimism. But the reverse is also true. It’s impossible to feel incompetent when you always focus on what you’ve achieved and what you can do. It’s impossible to feel pessimistic when you always focus on optimism and reasons to believe in a bright and glorious future. We each have a choice every single day regarding the perspective we’ll embrace. I choose to say “Enough with enough!” It’s half full and half empty We’ve all heard how perspective in life is like a partially filled glass of water. Is the glass half full or half empty? Seeing the glass as half empty brings pessimism. Seeing the glass as half full brings optimism. I agree our focus determines our reality. That’s why I say the glass is both half full and half empty. Yes, we want to be positive. But ignoring our problems just isn’t smart. Nature teaches that weeds will infest your garden unless you act appropriately. Likewise, ignoring the problems in the garden of your life allows those weeds to grow and fester. Yes, look to the positive. Then take the energy and optimism that perspective gives you to tackle the negative. See the opportunities in your obstacles. Believe in possibility, and make changes in yourself so you increase your probability of success. You’re already enough Of course, you should see the glass as half full before you see it as half empty. That approach fortifies you to overcome your challenges. We can all easily answer what’s wrong with our lives. But what good is in your life? When you follow the advice of the hymn and count your blessings, you’ll start to see how much good you really do have in your life. As wrong as you may feel your life is going, there’s always something going right. Last summer I faced the loss of a very special relationship. Yet in the midst of that experience, the Spirit directed my attention to how much I loved my job and how much it allowed me to contribute to improving the lives of others. While it felt like one part of my life was going very wrong, another was going very right. Focusing on that right part helped me to feel how blessed I really am. Amplifying positive perspectives and experiences in your life grants strength to confront and overcome your challenges. Of no perspective is that more true than of the Atonement. That consummating act of the Lord’s pure love proves you’re already enough. Would He have suffered and died as He did if you weren’t? Of course not. Additionally, the Atonement means He’ll never abandon you. He provides you with many tender mercies every single day. He’ll always be there to help you know your next step and have the strength to take it. You are a conqueror With that strength, you can conquer any challenge before you. You can transform any setback into an advantage. You can find opportunities in any obstacle. Rather than ignoring the “half empty” aspects of your life, you can confront them with confidence and come off conqueror. What obstacle keeps you from your eternal blessings? Are you not funny enough? Say “Enough with enough!” and partner with the Lord to know how to work on improving that skill while searching for that someone who thinks your skill level is enough. Are you not beautiful enough? Say “Enough with enough!” and partner with the Lord to know how to work on improving yourself while searching for that someone who thinks you are enough. And so it goes with any area in which you think you aren’t enough. Say “Enough with enough!” Then partner with the Lord to know what changes you need to make in yourself and get to work. You weren’t sent here to fail. You were sent here to succeed, and that gloriously. Stop focusing on how you aren’t good enough. Say “Enough with enough!” And then get to work on changing you. When you do, you can change your life and have more joy in your journey.
As I read his address, I began to see more of the profundity behind the simple truth that we are children of a loving Heavenly Father. Elder Hallstrom repeatedly proclaims throughout his remarks that this identity should be the preeminent one in our lives. And that caught my attention, because often I’m not convinced it really is, especially for LDS singles. Remember the true center The culture of the Church centers on family. I wish it centered on Christ. After all, everything else about the Church does. The doctrine, the scriptures, the priesthood, the ordinances — everything about the Church centers on Christ except for the family-centered culture. That’s why the mark of belonging is being married with kids. And you need both elements to belong, hence the struggles of childless married couples as well as singles to feel like they really fit in. If the culture centered on Christ, then the mark of belonging would be discipleship of the Savior. That’s one reason why Elder Hallstrom’s address resonated with me. What if we saw each other not through the lens of martial status but rather that of divine lineage? What unity could we develop with that perspective? How much better prepared would we as a people be to receive the Lord when He comes again? Our Lord has said, “If ye are not one, ye are not mine” (D&C 38:27). I don’t know about you, but I want to be the Lord’s. Remember your divine heritage Early in his remarks, Elder Hallstrom shares, “A correct understanding of our heavenly heritage is essential to our exaltation.” Why is that? Let me answer with another question. How do we really understand our purpose here in mortality unless we understand where we came from? Knowing we’re children of God promotes faith in Him that our existence here is part of a much grander plan to make us glorious beyond description. That perspective can help us face the storms of life. Elder Hallstrom referenced many of those storms when he said, In real life, we face actual, not imagined, hardships. There is pain—physical, emotional, and spiritual. There are heartbreaks when circumstances are very different from what we had anticipated. There is injustice when we do not seem to deserve our situation. There are disappointments when someone we trusted failed us. There are health and financial setbacks that can be disorienting. There may be times of question when a matter of doctrine or history is beyond our current understanding. Certainly that list of trials describes life for many LDS singles. And so the questions Elder Hallstrom poses are just as pertinent. What is our response when confronting difficulty? Do we forget our divine heritage and cower in fear before the very experiences that we need to grow and claim the glory that is our birthright? Or do we remember our divine heritage and embrace the challenges before us, looking for the opportunities in the experiences that form part of the plan our Heavenly Father has instigated for our eternal destiny? Elder Hallstrom shares a remark made by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland while teaching about this principle. Said Elder Holland, “You can have what you want, or you can have something better.” What a perspective!
We live in a world that can cause us to forget who we really are. The more distractions that surround us, the easier it is to treat casually, then ignore, and then forget our connection with God. Unfortunately, for many LDS singles the family-centered culture of the Church can be a part of that world causing them to forget who they really are. We LDS singles can focus so much on the marital status we don’t have that we forget the much more meaningful identity we do have. Remembering that identity can help us better access our Lord’s Atonement, which can strengthen us as we encounter the pains, the heartbreaks, the injustices, and the disappointments that come to us in mortality.
And here’s the best part. If we LDS singles would focus more on our discipleship than on our marital status, we could change the culture that presents us with one of our greatest challenges. We could influence its center to move towards Christ. We could all — single and married — come together and truly be one. We could increase our power as a people to stand firm in support of our covenants and the truths of the gospel, including the institution of the family. So remember who you are. That divine heritage can help you to reach for the light and have more joy in your journey.
I’ve been thinking about a recent monologue in which I took a new spin on the expression and it came to pass. Our trials always come to pass and never to stay. This perspective can help us to endure our trials better. That monologue is one of my best since I started blogging about LDS singles life almost four years ago. Yet the more I think about it, the more I sense something’s missing. Yes, our trials will always pass with time, but that perspective alone doesn’t make them any easier to bear in the moment. Is it possible to have real, deeply felt joy while your world is crumbling around you? I believe the answer is a resounding yes. And I believe the key goes beyond perspective and embraces attitude. Like so much in life, it’s all in how you approach it. You make it What happens to you doesn’t determine the quality of your life. It’s what you do about it. We all have challenges in life, but not everyone has the same quality of life. Mortality challenges us by design. It’s part of the plan to help us grow and achieve our eternal potential. That means we came here to have challenges. The typical response to trial is to wallow in despair and self-pity. We ask, “Why does this have to happen to me?” But what does that approach provide? It certainly doesn’t make us stronger. If anything, it makes us weaker. And the more we embrace that attitude, the weaker we become. Obviously, we need a different approach if we want a different experience. Perspective can help with that, but it’s not the whole answer. We need a new way of thinking. That starts for you when you accept the truth. What happens to you doesn’t determine the quality of your life. You do. If you want your world to change, then you must change. You must make the life you want. You choose it What happens to you happens to everyone. Sure, you may have a challenge others don’t seem to have. But guess what? Others have challenges of their own you don’t have. Again, that’s by design. We’re here in mortality to experience challenges so we can fulfill our eternal potential. That’s why marriage, which so many LDS singles consider the solution for their problems, really isn’t a solution at all. You’ll leave behind some challenges, yes, but other challenges will take their place. Mortality is designed to challenge everyone. We’re all challenged by something, so there are no real differences. What happens to you happens to everyone. The Savior taught, “for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). The difference is in how you choose to respond. You have a glorious gift called agency. You don’t have to give the typical response to trials. You don’t have to ask, “Why me?” You can instead ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” Or “How can I use this experience to make a renewed and better attempt?” Or “How can this experience help me be a better person?” Or “What opportunities does this experience provide?” The person asking these questions isn’t some pathetic clod in a corner. The person asking these questions is rising to the challenge in confident nobility. You become it Our trials never come to stay and always come to pass. As good as that perspective is, we still have this question: What good will that passing provide? Will your challenges change you into something more than you were before? Or will they simply pass and leave you the same? The answer is entirely up to you. You have agency. You decide what your response will be. And that response dictates what effect your trials have upon you. In the end, we all make it to the end. You determine what that end is for you and the quality of your journey there by the choices you make. So what life will you choose to make for yourself? Will you shrink in the sulking of self-pity? Or will you rise with your regal heritage as a child of the Ultimate Creator and meet your challenges head on? The natural man inspires the typical, destructive approach to trials. Christ inspires a different, constructive approach. It’s more than just perspective. It’s even more than attitude. It’s a lifestyle. When you adopt that lifestyle, you can have joy in your journey no matter what challenges you. That’s part of the miracle of the Atonement. And you can have that everyday if you but choose to rise to the challenge.
is the very real result of choices you and others have made. But that doesn’t mean you’ve lost a glorious future. There is always hope because there is always Christ. Many LDS singles easily feel their hopes of a temple marriage reside far outside their reach, if they even exist at all. Yet our reality abounds with opportunities for us to have the blessings we desire. We simply need eyes to see what’s really there around us. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf testified of that. His April 2016 General Conference address entitled “He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home” reminds us of the hope all of us can have in a bright and wonderful future. God can rebuild you President Uchtdorf recounted his childhood experience living near Dresden, Germany, during World War II. Bombing totally devastated that city. President Uchtdorf particularly noted the destruction of the Lutheran church the Church of Our Lady. The war reduced this once grand monument to rubble. Yet 70 years later, the city now stands completely renewed. This includes the Lutheran church. Some of the old stones were used in its reconstruction. President Uchtdorf describes the sight of these stones within the structure as “‘scars’ [which] are not only a reminder of the war history of this building but also a monument to hope — a magnificent symbol of man’s ability to create new life from ashes.” President Uchtdorf then remarks,
No matter how derailed you feel your life may be, you can get it back on track. Through the Atonement, Christ can heal anyone and restore anything. But He won’t violate individual agency. We need to choose Him to effect His marvelous Atonement in our lives.
Of course the Savior will. That’s the whole purpose behind His Atonement — to rescue us from an impossible situation separated from God. While not on the same scale, many LDS singles experience their own individual impossible situations. “With all my deficiencies, how could anyone want to marry me in the temple?” “How can I ever rebuild my life after losing my marriage to divorce?” “How can my life have any meaning now that my spouse has died?” No matter the question, choosing Christ is the answer. That’s because choosing Christ is always the answer to life’s difficult questions. Centering our lives around Him provides us with the perspective we need to journey home. And because He’s already feeling after you, you’re sure to find and feel His love once you choose Christ. President Uchtdorf proclaimed,
You are made of more glorious matter than what your earthly eyes can see. No matter how lost or despairing you may feel, the eternal God of the universe Who has always and will always love you is still in control. Your eternal destination has not changed. Although earthly circumstances may necessitate a different path than what you anticipated, that eternal destination is still within your reach. So reach after it. Abandon your doubts and embrace your faith. Forsake your fears and face the glorious future awaiting you. When you choose Christ, He’ll stand by you for each step you can take and carry you for each step you cannot. Choose Him today and start to experience the hope that can lead to more joy in your journey home.
When I was a boy, I loved riding my red bicycle. Then one day my father suggested we take the training wheels off my bike. I was really confused. How could my dad want me to fall flat on my face? Despite my staunch resistance, my dad more staunchly and patiently persisted in moving me forward. He offered to hold the bike while I rode. My little kid brain couldn’t understand how that solved anything. I could pedal faster than he could run, so how would he keep up to balance the bike? Surely facial scars were in my near future. But my dad simply waited and did the deed while I watched Saturday morning cartoons. When I realized he was outside with my bike, I rushed to find him fastening the last nut after removing the training wheels. My dad tried to curtail my obvious angst by suggesting I now give riding my bike a try with his help. Reluctantly I mounted the bike. Because deep down I trusted that my dad really didn’t want to hurt me, I began riding down the street. I soon realized my dad wasn’t holding the bike, and I wasn’t falling on my face! I couldn’t understand it, but it was incredible. I was happier riding that bike than I had ever been, and since then I’ve never even so much as thought of using training wheels again. Keep pedaling This experience applies directly to LDS singles trying to navigate life. Although my kid brain couldn’t understand it, I later learned that forward motion balances a bike without training wheels. Moving the bike forward supplies the forces needed to keep the bike in balance. To prevent myself from falling on my face, I just need to keep pedaling. Very often we LDS singles feel we’ve fallen flat on our face. We see others getting married and wonder where our blessings are. Or we experience a very painful loss of a marriage we thought would last forever. We wonder how our lives won’t end up with us falling flat on our face forever. The way to prevent that is the same in life as it is on the bike without training wheels. We need to keep moving forward. It’s the forward motion that keeps the bike and our lives in balance. Leverage success Bad situations are part of mortality. Dwelling on the negativity of your bad situation will perpetuate imbalance. Your focus always becomes your reality. So look ahead to better times and move forward towards them. That may be challenging if you feel like you’ve never been successful. I used to think I’d never succeed at dating because I didn’t look like a movie star and wasn’t otherwise “good enough.” But that focus on my failures brought me a life filled with failure because your focus always becomes your reality. How do you improve your focus? Everyone has experienced success somewhere. Use that success to leverage success at small wins in new areas. Those small wins can help propel you to greater success with bigger wins. Don't go it alone Sometimes you simply won’t have the strength to go it alone. That’s OK because you’re not supposed to do life alone. Reach out to the Lord and partner with Him. Just as my dad initially held my bike so I could take the leap of faith I needed to ride without training wheels, so the Lord will hold you so you can take your leap of faith. That’s what partners do, and the Lord loves you more than any other partner you could ever have. You’re not here in this world by chance. You’re here as part of a noble plan designed to promote your growth into something so amazingly incredible you can’t really imagine it. And guess Who designed that plan? A Heavenly Father who loves you so immensely that anything less than your growth into an exalted, celestial being would never be His ultimate objective. You’re not here to fail. You’re here to succeed, and that gloriously! The way to succeed is to keep moving forward. The obstacles in your path may seem huge, but the power of the Lord’s Atonement is greater than any power any other opposition may offer. Partner with Him and keep moving forward. Just as I learned to balance my bike without training wheels by continuing to move forward, so LDS singles can balance their lives without a spouse by continuing to move forward. Partnering with the Lord can help you to know what you need to do to move forward and provide the strength you need to do it. So what are you waiting for? Partner with the Lord today, and enjoy the serenity of a life in balance.
Afterwards single ladies posted those remarks on social media with some inclusions of their own. “Yeah, you need to get busy and do your priesthood duty!” That for me 20-year-old refrain doesn’t inspire anything positive and is inspired more by issues within them rather than any issue I have. That’s why I absolutely loved Elder Holland’s remarks at the conclusion of General Conference entitled “Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You.” Conference indeed presents high ideals, from which many of our own personal situations seem far removed. How ever can we bridge the gap? Elder Holland reminded us how the Atonement makes our improvement possible and that trying is what counts, even if we sometimes fail. As I’ve said before, it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey. See the similaritiesI struggled for many years with dating. Because I own my life, I take responsibility for how my life has turned out. That means the story I tell to explain why I’m still single lays the fault on me. It’s not that I didn’t want to be married. I just didn’t have the right attitude or project the right image to attract the type of woman I really wanted. True, most of my dating invitations failed miserably. For many years I felt trapped because my eternity seemed completely outside my control at the mercy of others who could never see the real me. But because I now own my life, I accept I wasn’t doing a good enough job of showing the real me to them. What always annoyed me were the ladies who always threw marriage quotes from General Authorities in my face. When I did manage to work up the courage to ask them out, they rejected my invitations in ways that made me feel completely worthless. Ladies, if you want us brethren to ask you out more, then you need to own your life and approach us more effectively. I understand you’re frustrated in not receiving the dating invitations you want. You feel trapped because your eternity seems completely outside your control at the mercy of others who don’t seem to see the real you. That’s not very different from the experience I and other single LDS men have had. Can we all come to a place where we start to see the potential in each other rather than the problems? Can we see each other the way God sees us, as brothers and sisters on the same eternal journey who have much more in common than we do different? I answer with a resounding yes. And Elder Holland’s recent conference talk shows us how.
What a glorious perspective! Too often we focus on the destination and consider ourselves as “less” because we haven’t yet arrived. Yet God sees us as “striving to be more” and so should we! It’s about the journey and not the destination! Elder Holland continues:
Just because we don’t see the way forward doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It is there. And when we partner with the Lord, He will not only help us to see the reality of the blessings we want but also provide help to secure them. After all, He created this world in which we are journeying! I love this perspective from Elder Holland:
Let’s extend that grace to our neighbor. Let’s see each other more as God sees us. Let’s divert our energy from criticizing others for their failings to helping them overcome the obstacles that impede their journey home. In so doing, we’ll accelerate our own journey to the same heavenly destination. Tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you because today He will do wonders with you and within you when you partner with Him, rely on His marvelous Atonement, and keep trying. May God bless each one of us so to do.
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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