While deciding the topic schedule for this year, I consulted the Internet for a list of holidays. I thought the appearance of a show on or very close to a holiday might spark an idea. That’s when I saw something I had never before seen. Today, 24 January 2018, is a holiday. Can you guess what that holiday is? OK, I won’t keep you in suspense. It’s Global Belly Laugh Day. Yes, that’s right. And if you just broke out into gut-busting laughter, then you’ve already got it. But if you were more like me, then you just snickered, smiled, and thought, “Uh, yeah. OK.” Having just learned about the existence of Global Belly Laugh Day, I of course know nothing about it. So I started looking. And what I found made me think about LDS singles everywhere. A little background
All these benefits sound like great antidotes to many of the challenges LDS singles face. Yet how many of us actually get enough laughter in our lives? We need to laugh a little more than we do. Of course, I’m all for seriousness in the proper contexts. But I’m also for balance, and that means including some more laughter in our lives when that context is proper. A little moderation And yes, I know what some of you are thinking. You’ve whipped out your sticks or your phone as a prelude to quoting D&C 88:69, which says in part, “Cast away your idle thoughts and your excess of laughter far from you.” Or maybe you were heading to D&C 59:15, which in part says, “... not with much laughter, for this is sin ....” Well, I have just one word for you. Actually, I have two. Whatever, dude. Seriously, I’m not talking about anything exceeding moderation here. Anything in excess is probably not that great for you. And, yes, that includes laughter. I can remember times in college when friends and I became so engulfed in riotous laughter that it felt intoxicating. Excess laughter can lead you to forget your propriety. You can say and do some pretty stupid things under the influence of excess laughter. That’s clearly not what we’re advocating here. We’re promoting an approach like the one taken by the Prophet Joseph Smith. He was always one for merriment, but he also knew how to work hard and when it was time for each. His life was far from easy, but laughter provided a good inoculate to the pessimism and negativity that could have clouded his perspective. The late Elder Joseph Wirthlin understood that approach. His last Conference address “Come What May, and Love It” describes that very attitude. If you’ve never read it, give it a go. This classic might open your eyes to a new way of living. A little indulgence
And if none of those did it for you, find something that will. Laughter has so many positive benefits that life without enough of it isn’t much of a life. Don’t let that be your life! Make the conscious choice to find the humor around you and laugh a little more. When you do, you’ll have more joy in your journey.
0 Comments
It’s no secret that I love Christmas. What’s not to love? There’s a general feeling of good will that pervades everything. There’s time with friends and family. There’s all the holiday goodies that aren’t so great for the waistline but wonderful for taste buds. There’s the lights that turn ordinary neighborhoods into works of electric art at night. And of course, there’s the real reason for the season. There’s the opportunity to renew our discipleship by following Him more fully. There’s His peace that we can feel in our hearts. There’s His light that we can share with others. Yet for some, Christmas is simply about tradition. They enjoy friends, family, good food, and all the external trappings of the season. They may even include something spiritual in their holiday habit. But they don’t really feel the season because they’re on autopilot. They just go through the motions. Once the season is over, they return to whatever lives they had before. Seeing these people got me thinking. Do I just go through the motions of the holiday season, or do I allow the miracle that is Christ to change my heart? You gotta choose it Sometimes I catch myself going through the motions. It’s not that hard to do. After all, we’re designed to have habits and play them out without thinking about what we’re doing. But the truly fulfilled life comes only with discipline in constantly making conscious choices. We must choose consciously what we say and do. And we can’t just choose anything if we want to maximize our joy in life. We must choose Christ. This is admittedly not the easiest task to accomplish. We are after all designed to operate out of habit. That’s why it’s more productive to leverage our natural design than to fight against it. We need to adopt the habit of not living by habit. One way to do this is by participating in the Church’s Light the World campaign. We could also make our own calendar with actions that we choose for ourselves. Or we could go through each day of the Christmas season just looking for opportunities to share goodness. We don’t necessarily need a set plan; just an openness to whatever opportunities cross our path and a willingness to take advantage of them. You gotta feel it Christmas is especially appropriate for random acts of goodness. That’s what I love about this time of year. It shakes me out of my usual year-long doldrums and gets me introspective. Am I really feeling the reality of Christ within me? Or am I just on autopilot? That is the ultimate test for me. If I’m not really feeling it inside, then it’s not really working for me. And that begs the obvious question: Why do it? I want real. And for me, real isn’t life on autopilot. Real is life with flavor created by consciously chosen experience. I can surround myself with the real reason for the season and maybe get something out of that. Or I can consciously choose to surrender myself to Him and certainly get everything out of that. That’s life you can feel, not just a bare existence. So whenever I realize I’m not feeling it, that’s a red flag alerting me to choose differently. I need to break my habit of living on autopilot and embrace the habit of not living by habit. You gotta live it Living life by conscious choice creates awareness of the joy already around us. Living life on autopilot removes that awareness. All you need for life on autopilot is to follow a habit without thinking about it. It’s the awareness that makes all the difference. Again, that’s what I love about Christmas. It provides enough newness to shake me free of the same old same-old that bogs me down. It reminds me of my need for awareness. Once I become aware of myself, it’s easier to live by conscious choice. And living by conscious choice results in the realization that the joy of the season is around us all year long. We simply need eyes to see. Seeing that joy makes it easier to feel. Feeling that joy makes life delicious and truly sweet. That’s the miracle Christ makes possible for us all. He saves us not just in the next life but in this one as well. It’s a reality you can have when you consciously choose Him. Christ truly is the real reason for the season. Are we engaging our yearly traditions on autopilot? Or are we consciously choosing Christ and allowing His miracle to save us? Consciously choosing to keep Christ in the heart is the best way to savor the season. And that will bring more joy in our journey.
The Christmas season is now in full swing upon us once again. It’s time once more for yuletide cheer and merriment. This is my favorite time of year. Of course, along with the traditions we each practice with the season, we should always remember the reason for the season. Good thoughts and deeds are always appropriate and even more so as we remember He who gave us the best example of good thoughts and deeds. It was He who taught “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16). To that end, last year the Church promoted a campaign aimed at sharing the light we have with everyone around us during the Christmas season. Appropriately, it was called Light the World. This year the Church has renewed that campaign. And I can’t think of a more appropriate way to celebrate the real reason for the season. Learn it As it did last year, Light the World focuses on individual action. The Church provides leadership in the form of short videos explaining ways to light the world during each of the 25 days of Christmas. These videos and the corresponding calendar show how we can individually light the world. I just love this bare-bones campaign. It fosters an effort that depends upon us for success. And that encourages us to live the gospel — really live it by putting it into action. The Master taught, “Ye shall know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16). Our actions tell everyone who we really are. For what will we be known? Will those around us know us for the goodness we have? How can that happen if we don’t share the goodness we have? Lighting the world will also light our world. Only by putting the gospel into action by living it will we ever know how real it really is. Only by setting that example can we light the way for others to know that for themselves as well. Love it I love the gospel more when I live to set that good example. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know God is good and will bless us abundantly. That goodness is easier both to see and to feel when we actively participate in spreading that love to others. People don’t light candles to hide them but rather to provide light so all may see (Matthew 5:15). In like manner, we should freely bring goodness into the world so that others can see and feel the love of God in their lives. When we do, we can’t help but love our lives more. Just like last year, the Church has provided help with their Light the World calendar. Each day has suggestions of ways to spread goodness and thereby light the world. In addition, we can adopt our own ideas for action. I’ve discussed previously my tradition of closing out the year by studying the Sermon on the Mount. I’ve felt love in my heart grow as I’ve taken daily action in response to my Sermon on the Mount study. Most of my actions have been small in nature, but the added light I feel inside of me has been substantial. How can any honest soul not love that? Live it That seems to be at least some of the intention behind Light the World, and I love it. We make the gospel more real by actually living it. And anyone who has read my posts since 2014 knows I’m all about real. Of course, that reality doesn’t have to stop with the coming of Christmas Day, nor should it. We can feel God’s love every day by continuing to share that love with others every day. The Church’s Light the World calendar is a great aid during the 25 days leading to Christmas, but what’s to stop any of us from making our own calendar for every day of December and any other month of the year? Only ourselves. It’s only by living true principles that we come to feel their reality in our lives. It’s only by giving love to others that we can feel the full extent of love in our own lives. We can choose for ourselves what light we will give to others. When we live true to that conviction to bring goodness into the world every day, we’ll have more joy in our journey.
It’s like they say. When life gives you lemons, keep them. Because, hey, free lemons. Oh, did I get that wrong? Let’s try again. When life gives you lemons, make lemon chicken. After all, lemonade is so cliché, and with all that sugar probably not that good for you either. Of course, if you want to make lemonade with your free lemons, go ahead. You’ll still be getting the point — seeing the opportunity amidst the obstacle. Too often we LDS singles are like many others who focus so much on the obstacle that our reality becomes one of frustration. But when we focus on the opportunity that always comes with the obstacle, our reality can be one of freedom. Either way, our focus becomes our reality. We’ve discussed before how seeing the opportunity amidst the obstacle can lighten our burdens of adversity and even help us to overcome them. Opportunities vary with the obstacle, but one is fairly constant across the spectrum. That’s the opportunity to laugh. Make the time With the holidays almost upon us, many seem so busy with all that needs doing because the holidays are almost upon us. They’re so busy, in fact, they’ve become rather serious — maybe too serious. Sure, I’m all for respecting why we have the trinity of holidays that connect the years together. There’s some serious purpose in that as well as serious work needed to prepare for our associated traditions. Yet taking ourselves too seriously, we’ll miss much of the joy our Heavenly Father has provided in our journey. We must make time to laugh. Recently I’ve discovered I’ve been too serious. Mostly it comes from my day job. I want to be known as a professional who delivers good work. Yet all science and no philosophy is no way to live life — at least not a pleasant one. I see the need to laugh more often. I once agreed with Neil Young who sang, “It’s better to burn out than to fade away.” But now I’m starting to wonder if the reverse is true. How else will generations who outlive me see my light and benefit therefrom? Plus I’ll have more time to laugh. Seize the opportunities I actually have plenty of opportunities to laugh all around me. I didn’t realize how many I had until I started to look. I have some funny movies that I haven’t watched in years. I’ve started to watch these again and have noted something. In addition to providing me with opportunities to laugh, these films have brought back memories of friends from prior years, especially ones I had in college. Remembering these people who blessed my life has lifted my spirit. I’ve also discovered the humor section in my personal library was larger than I thought it was. Just looking through some of these tomes brought back memories of college friends I haven’t seen in years. Joy and laughter attended those memories. For example, thumbing through my copy of The Dilbert Principle reminded me of my engineer roommate Ben and the Dilbert TV show sound clip we adopted for our answering machine message. I’ll never forget walking with him inside the Institute building when around the corner came one of our friends who upon seeing us immediately went into a tirade, screaming that she would never call our apartment again until we got that extremely long message off our machine. Just remembering that episode sets me to giggling just like my roommate and I did in that moment. Wherever you find your humor, the point is still the same. We all have opportunities to laugh all around us. We just need to look to find them. Make new memories In addition to finding opportunities to laugh from memories of the past, we can make our own opportunities to laugh. In so doing, we provide joy in our journey now in the present and later in the future as we reminisce about the past. Finding those opportunities requires a focus on finding on them. That doesn’t imply anything more than the right balance of a laid back attitude with an alert mind that can recognize opportunities when they appear. I wish I could say I were the best at doing that. And not everyone appreciates my sense of humor. But we all have room to improve somewhere. I’ve improved over the years, but this still happens to be one of my “somewheres.” As I apply myself and practice I’ll eventually get better. I’ll also get better as I make more time in life to laugh, something all of us should do more and more often. Take some time to find your jollies. Doing that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Over the years, I’ve thought about Mormon’s description of the Nephite people in Alma 50:23: “But behold there never was a happier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni, yea, even at this time, in the twenty and first year of the reign of the judges.” More recently, I’ve pondered upon these questions:
It’s no surprise to learn Mormon picks this time out of the roughly 1000-year history of his people. His descriptions of Captain Moroni reveal Mormon as a huge fan of the young commander. Giving his son the same name, Mormon likely admired him as a sort of mentor, since they both held the same military position. But is Mormon really picking this time as the happiest among the entire Nephite history because this is when their equivalent to Captain America had his adventures in mortality? Again, what was it about this time that made it the happiest? Let’s examine that. Preparing for war The year 69 AD saw the Nephite nation living under the threat of war. Just two years previous, Amalickiah was defeated after gaining the Lamanite throne by deceit and waging an unsuccessful military campaign to subjugate the Nephites. Captain Moroni spent the following year preparing his nation for war. He knew Amalickiah would return, and he wanted his people to be ready. They built new, fortified cities as well as fortified those cities already in existence. Those preparations continued on into the next year, the time when “there never was a happier time.” We don’t know much else about that year. The people were busy preparing for war. How does preparing for war create the happiest time ever? Mormon’s commentary may provide a clue. He gets sidetracked talking about how Nephite history has verified the Lord’s promises. Troubles always came to the people when they forgot God and abandoned their covenants. On the other hand, those who remembered their covenants were always delivered. Immediately after this observation, Mormon comments that this time was the happiest ever since the days of Nephi. Could this observation have something to do with creating that happy situation? Remembering the founder Nephi himself described his people in his day living “after the manner of happiness” (2 Nephi 5:27). What exactly does that mean? Nephi had separated himself from his older brothers because they sought to kill him. Nephi didn’t leave alone; he took with him “those who believed in the warnings and the revelations of God” (2 Nephi 5:6). In other words, Nephi left with those who wanted to make and keep sacred covenants with God. And what did they do once they established their separate community? Nephi’s words explain it all:
Here Nephi describes two main activities:
We see the same activities among the Nephites in 69 AD. They were certainly industrious as they built new cities and fortified existing ones. And Mormon’s commentary suggests they were probably turning to the Lord. Why else would he have thought to insert that commentary? Taking a lesson What lesson here can LDS singles apply to their lives? Even though they lived under the threat of war, the Nephites were happiest when they were mindful about keeping their covenants with the Lord and industrious in meeting their temporal needs. LDS singles can follow that example. We singles may lack the covenant of marriage in our lives, but we’ve made other covenants at baptism and in the temple. Holding fast to those covenants we have made can provide strength to endure well the challenges of our lives. Temple service in particular can provide perspective to see the opportunity amidst the obstacles. Nephi mentioned having a temple, and I’m sure it wasn’t just for decoration. We singles should do what we can to include the temple more in our own lives. We singles can also be industrious in meeting our temporal needs. This industrious attitude can and should extend to our own personal ministries. God gives each of us gifts so we can contribute to His work. By focusing on utilizing those gifts in our own personal ministry, we bless our own lives by blessing the lives of others. The Nephites lived their happiest time when they filled their days with devotion to the Lord and hard work. We LDS singles can have our happiest time when we follow that example. And that will bring more joy in our journey.
Recently I’ve reflected on everything I’ve done since all this started on 12/12/12. I’ve come a long way. The road behind me is filled with accomplishment, much of which I simply didn’t envision back in 2012. I can’t say all of my blog posts have been classics, but I do have a post for every week since the start of 2014. That’s almost 3 ½ years of weekly posts, most of which have no comments. I said back then I wasn’t doing any of this for acclaim, and that’s still true today. All I’ve ever wanted was real. You don’t need the attention of others to get real. That post at the start of 2014 is definitely a classic. I’ve produced a few more along the way. One that keeps coming back to me reminisced about a older friend who lives in Seattle. We conversed 90 minutes about love, concluding no one can really define what love is. We know when it’s there and when it’s not because we can feel it. But it’s impossible to define exactly what love is. Love means sacrifice That conversation transformed me. It’s since led me to ponder this question: What does it mean to love someone? Before that conversation, I thought I knew. Since then, I’m not completely sure I do know. Part of the answer surely lies in sacrifice, forgoing your own desires to help others fulfill theirs. It’s been almost four years since Tashi died, but I still think about her and how my heart broke. Even a blind man can see I loved that cat. But why? When I first adopted her, Tashi had tremendous trouble eating properly. Every time I fed her, she would eat as though it were her last meal, which isn’t normal for cats. This and other behaviors led me to wonder if a previous owner had abused her. Of course, eating so quickly caused her to vomit later. Every day I had a new mess to clean. I spent 11 months training Tashi to eat normally. And even then she never completely stopped vomiting, though it was much less frequent than before. Without my sacrifice, my love for her wouldn’t be as deep as it was and still is today. Love means selflessness That conversation with my Seattle friend reminds me of the final midsingles activity I attended there — FHE in my friend’s home. The lesson portion evolved into a conversation in which people were sharing their thoughts about how to grow the midsingles group. Normally I like to listen to others and learn how they see the world. This evening, however, I couldn’t resist sharing my perspective. And knowing this to be my last activity there for the foreseeable future, I held nothing back. I declared love is meaningful only when it involves people who are different. Talking to others we like and sitting with others we want around us isn’t all that difficult. We get to stay in our comfort zone. Conversely, talking with others who are very different and sitting with others we don’t want around us does require us to leave our comfort zone. Yet here love truly has meaning because here we act against self-interest. The Savior taught,
Love means discomfort I spoke many other words along the same vein that evening. All together they made some visibly uncomfortable. I rejoiced to see that, not because I have some sadistic pleasure in seeing people squirm but because it meant I was speaking truth. I was getting real. In the end, I invited everyone to surrender to love. I testified that only by surrendering to love would we ever become the truly supportive group everyone talked about becoming. Since then I’ve seen singles group after singles group struggle with creating a true sense of community. Leaders who consider singles committees as nothing more than activity planning groups don’t help. No one can come together when everyone has their own agenda. That will never change until we all surrender to love. Only by forgetting ourselves and focusing upon others will we ever create the community of the support network many LDS singles need in their lives. Yes, surrendering to love is hard. It goes against the natural man and woman. But the rewards of love far outweigh the price we must pay to obtain it. And having those rewards will bring us more joy in our journey.
I love Christmas time! Why wouldn’t anyone? It’s a time of merriment, a time for drawing near to family and dear friends, and a time for rejoicing in the goodness of God. That said, many LDS singles radiate negativity during the holidays. Last week I advocated the perspective that even the worst days can be great days if we recognize every day as a gift from God. Some may find that perspective hard to grasp, especially if they’ve been so focused on the negative aspects of their lives that their reality is overwhelmingly negative. That’s why we all need to spread the cheer of the holiday season. Reaching out to others in that spirit of the season can help them to find a better focus that can lead to a better reality. And helping others to experience joy can bring joy into our own lives. That’s what those who feel overwhelmed with negativity during the holidays really need. They need to feel loved so that they in turn can help others to feel loved. We can kickstart that cycle of joy in their lives as well as ours when we reach out and spread the cheer. Obey the law Yeah, life is hard, and woe to you because you’re single. I get it. Believe me, having been single for more than 20 years, I really do get it. Here’s what I also get — happiness comes from giving your all to the right things. Negativity and a constant vision of what you lack is never one of those right things. It never has been, and it never will be. That’s because the universe obeys natural law, one of which is the Law of the Harvest. You can’t get carrots from planting apple seeds. If you want to reap carrots, plant carrot seed. Likewise, if you want to reap happiness, then plant happiness seed. And what’s happiness seed? It’s giving your all to the right things. Certainly keeping those covenants we have made is among those right things. But it’s more than just checking items off a to-do list. It’s a way of being that defines who we are. That means giving to others can’t be just a project or something nice to do. It has to express a sincere interest in sharing joy we really feel inside. Lend a hand It’s certainly hard to share something you don’t have. Serving others can bring positivity to those overwhelmed with negativity. But negativity doesn’t prompt positive action, which provides an obstacle for those who most need to take such action. That’s why we need to reach out and lend a hand. Natural law still holds true regardless of what anyone chooses. Those who focus on negativity will have a negative reality. If we choose to help them, they might change their focus, which will give them a different reality. If we choose not to help them, they likely won’t change their focus and will reap the same reality they’ve been having. That’s why we need to spread the cheer. A positive reality comes only from a positive focus. Being creatures of habit, we all need some external force to break the bonds of inertia that keeps us keeping on in negative habits. We can provide that external force for others when we spread cheer into their lives. Solomon once said, “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken” (Proverbs 15:13). We need to fill the tank of others so they then and fill the tanks of still others. If you’ve ever had to run on empty, you know how difficult it can be to continue serving others when you really need someone to serve you.
What a glorious promise! The Lord will lead us to every blessing we lack. How can we believe Him and not rejoice? We have every reason for cheer.
And we have every reason to spread the cheer to others. So what cheer are you spreading? Whose heart will be lifted because of your cheer? When we spread the cheer of the holiday season in any season, we share the love of our Lord such that we cannot help but also be partakers. And that brings more joy into all of our journeys.
blog and program immediately afterwards is challenging. But this time around the choice was clear. From the moment I heard President Russell M Nelson speak, I knew his address was the one. How could it not be? In his address, entitled “Joy and Spiritual Survival,” President Nelson discusses how to feel joy amidst the trials of life. That’s very much in line with Joy in the Journey Radio, a project I developed to spread positive energy into the lives of LDS singles everywhere. President Nelson’s remarks directly promote that purpose. In addition, those remarks provided unanticipated blessings. Although many of the references are simply scriptural citations, quite a few include comments that elucidate his main address. Including them (as I do in parentheses in the portions I’ll quote) provides helpful perspectives. I also found further answers for the questions I posed last week regarding local leaders who fail to support singles. Taking my own medicine Let’s tackle that elephant first. In the middle of his address, President Nelson taught, “Saints can be happy under every circumstance. We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year! My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives” [emphasis added]. I had the answer in front of me the whole time. How long have I been preaching that your focus determines your reality? It’s a bedrock principles of my blog and this program. By focusing on the lack of support and love from my local leaders, I created a reality in which I felt unsupported and unloved. How thankful I am to President Nelson for reminding me to take my own medicine! That doesn’t excuse local leaders who fail to support singles. I’ll never excuse inaction due to ignorance. If you need to learn something in order to move ahead, then please accept one word of free advice — learn! We don’t always have all the answers we need in life, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Looking for those answers helps us to grow. And we can’t always do life alone; that’s why we have each other. We’re supposed to help each other as we journey home. Seeking the positive In reality, we all need to balance help we provide ourselves and help from others. Marriage is designed to provide much of the support outside ourselves. Singles by definition aren’t married and so are more out of balance to begin with. That concept seems simple, yet it never ceases to amaze me how many local leaders don’t seem to realize that a greater measure of imbalance means we singles need a greater measure of help to make up the difference. Confronted with that situation, we can very easily focus on the injustice of the inequity. But when we do, we compound the problem by preventing ourselves from being part of the solution. We need to help our local leaders just as much as we need them to help us. Where there is ignorance, we should educate. Where they show lack concern, we should show greater concern. President Nelson hit the nail on the head when he declared,
When we confront the injustices that come naturally from being single in a family-centered culture, we must place our focus on Christ and the positive benefits our challenges can offer. If we see only the obstacles, we’ll never see the opportunities. Every challenge comes with opportunity to bless, to uplift, and to increase goodness in a world starving for it. True disciples of Christ will always seek those opportunities. Rejecting the negative Seeking the positive is only one side of the joy coin. We also need to reject the negative. President Nelson declared, “Anything that opposes Christ or His doctrine will interrupt our joy. That includes the philosophies of men, so abundant online and in the blogosphere.” President Nelson also taught that the unrighteous can never feel joy “not in this world nor in the world to come” because “joy is a gift for the faithful. (Righteous Saints ‘who have endured the crosses of the world … shall inherit the kingdom of God, … and their joy shall be full forever’ (2 Nephi 9:18).) It is the gift that comes from intentionally trying to live a righteous life, as taught by Jesus Christ. (For examples, see 2 Nephi 27:30; Alma 27:16–18.)” Christ is the great prototype. Following His example can help us to feel joy even in the midst of great trial. President Nelson declared,
Yes, our local leaders won’t always get it when it comes to ministering to singles. And injustice will often result. But we can better endure those moments by focusing on the Savior and our covenants to follow Him. Doing that places us in a better position to be heard by our local leaders. And doing that can open us to the joy of Christ, a joy that can swallow all of our sufferings and that can be ours every day.
I’ve been thinking about a recent monologue in which I took a new spin on the expression and it came to pass. Our trials always come to pass and never to stay. This perspective can help us to endure our trials better. That monologue is one of my best since I started blogging about LDS singles life almost four years ago. Yet the more I think about it, the more I sense something’s missing. Yes, our trials will always pass with time, but that perspective alone doesn’t make them any easier to bear in the moment. Is it possible to have real, deeply felt joy while your world is crumbling around you? I believe the answer is a resounding yes. And I believe the key goes beyond perspective and embraces attitude. Like so much in life, it’s all in how you approach it. You make it What happens to you doesn’t determine the quality of your life. It’s what you do about it. We all have challenges in life, but not everyone has the same quality of life. Mortality challenges us by design. It’s part of the plan to help us grow and achieve our eternal potential. That means we came here to have challenges. The typical response to trial is to wallow in despair and self-pity. We ask, “Why does this have to happen to me?” But what does that approach provide? It certainly doesn’t make us stronger. If anything, it makes us weaker. And the more we embrace that attitude, the weaker we become. Obviously, we need a different approach if we want a different experience. Perspective can help with that, but it’s not the whole answer. We need a new way of thinking. That starts for you when you accept the truth. What happens to you doesn’t determine the quality of your life. You do. If you want your world to change, then you must change. You must make the life you want. You choose it What happens to you happens to everyone. Sure, you may have a challenge others don’t seem to have. But guess what? Others have challenges of their own you don’t have. Again, that’s by design. We’re here in mortality to experience challenges so we can fulfill our eternal potential. That’s why marriage, which so many LDS singles consider the solution for their problems, really isn’t a solution at all. You’ll leave behind some challenges, yes, but other challenges will take their place. Mortality is designed to challenge everyone. We’re all challenged by something, so there are no real differences. What happens to you happens to everyone. The Savior taught, “for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). The difference is in how you choose to respond. You have a glorious gift called agency. You don’t have to give the typical response to trials. You don’t have to ask, “Why me?” You can instead ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” Or “How can I use this experience to make a renewed and better attempt?” Or “How can this experience help me be a better person?” Or “What opportunities does this experience provide?” The person asking these questions isn’t some pathetic clod in a corner. The person asking these questions is rising to the challenge in confident nobility. You become it Our trials never come to stay and always come to pass. As good as that perspective is, we still have this question: What good will that passing provide? Will your challenges change you into something more than you were before? Or will they simply pass and leave you the same? The answer is entirely up to you. You have agency. You decide what your response will be. And that response dictates what effect your trials have upon you. In the end, we all make it to the end. You determine what that end is for you and the quality of your journey there by the choices you make. So what life will you choose to make for yourself? Will you shrink in the sulking of self-pity? Or will you rise with your regal heritage as a child of the Ultimate Creator and meet your challenges head on? The natural man inspires the typical, destructive approach to trials. Christ inspires a different, constructive approach. It’s more than just perspective. It’s even more than attitude. It’s a lifestyle. When you adopt that lifestyle, you can have joy in your journey no matter what challenges you. That’s part of the miracle of the Atonement. And you can have that everyday if you but choose to rise to the challenge. Last week I extolled our need to choose Christ when life takes unanticipated turns. No matter how bereft or lost you may feel, Christ can transform your life into something meaningful and joyful. Part of that transformation involves your sense of identity. Although many LDS singles know in their mind they’re children of God, many of them have yet to know that truth in their heart. And getting to that deeper level is essential to weathering the storms of LDS singles life with joy in our journey. For example, many LDS singles see themselves and others through the lens of circumstance. Most people, single or married, do this habitually because others’ actions teach them so to act. Yet the perspectives embodied in many of these actions serve more to hinder our progression towards eternal goals than to help. Christ offers ennobling perspectives. To gain those, we need to choose to think in new and different ways. And that means seeing ourselves and others with greater clarity. You are not your body Everyone knows how your body is shaped or groomed isn’t the real you. Yet many LDS singles — men and women — use physical appearance to filter who they befriend and date. These actions clearly communicate you must be attractive to be loved. And many of us feel very unloved. Of course, most prefer interactions with physically attractive people. Improving your physical appearance can increase your chances of having the interactions you want. But people are also hardwired to respond positively to a great attitude. I’m always inclined to know more about someone who displays generosity and cheerfulness towards me. You are not your body. You are the character you choose to embrace. You are not your job It amazes me how some singles accept not getting to know someone who happens to be unemployed. That’s like saying it’s OK to divorce a spouse who loses a job. “What? You lost your job? Well, time to find someone else. See ya!” That’s absolutely ridiculous. And yet many of us have no qualms about filtering others with that ridiculous standard. Those actions clearly communicate you must be occupationally successful to be loved. And many of us feel very unloved. Of course, people typically prefer interactions with successful people. Improving your career can increase your chances of having the interactions you want. But people are also hardwired to respond positively to a great attitude. I’m always inclined to know more about optimistic people. You are not your job (or lack of one). You are the energy you choose to radiate. You are not your bank account On a related note, many LDS singles use wealth to filter who they befriend and date. These actions clearly communicate you must be financially secure in order to be loved. And many of us feel very unloved. I can understand the allure of security, but it’s all facade. Marrying the right person can help us become who we need to become. That’s a life more fully lived than simply not having to worry about how to pay the bills. Of course, we all want to associate with successful people. Improving your financial situation can help you to have the interactions with others you want. But people are also hardwired to respond positively to a great attitude. I’m always inclined to know more about someone who sees the opportunities rather than the obstacles. So are others. My bank account has seen highs and lows, but the best romantic relationships of my life occurred during the lows, not the highs. That’s because my confidence, the confidence others find attractive, has nothing to do with my bank account. How I choose to approach life speaks volumes about who I really am. You are not your bank account. You are the confidence you choose to exhibit in your life. Stay firm Not everyone will choose this perspective. That’s OK. Their use of traditional filters tells you exactly who they are, making it easier for you to filter them from your consideration. When high ideals inform your daily actions, it’s much easier for others to see and focus on your best you rather than any deficiencies. In short, it’s easier for you to succeed. It’s also a more enjoyable way to navigate LDS singles life. Improving how you think improves your approach to life. Making conscious choices to communicate and reinforce gospel ideals with your actions provides more joy in everyone’s journey. You can create a rich life through meaningful contribution. You are not your circumstances. If you think you are, reformat and reboot yourself. You are a child of God with infinite worth and potential. Start seeing that in yourself, and then others will be able to see that more clearly too.
|
Author
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
Comment
Joy in the Journey Radio encourages the free discussion of ideas but reserves the right to remove and/or block comments which do not conform to LDS standards.
Donate
Joy in the Journey Radio offers many free resources to help LDS singles everywhere, but it certainly isn't free! Help Joy in the Journey Radio in its mission to improve the lives of LDS singles by donating today.
Posts by Month
December 2022
Categories
All
|