Everything works that way.  We all dream of having our best life, but to have that life, you must pay a price in faith, diligence, patience, and longsuffering in daily doing the small acts that over time will aggregate into a harvest of success.  Most people don’t do that because it’s hard.  But that’s precisely why it’s worth doing.  With great diligence, you can have the positive changes you want in your life.

Success isn’t complicated.  Do the right things day after day, and eventually you get what you want.  But like the seed in Alma’s parable, you don’t reap a harvest overnight.  And that’s probably the hardest part of achieving success.

We all have changes we want in our lives.  But taking action day after day and not seeing the results you want can wear you down.  Many quit the fight too soon.  Because only action produces results, quitting the fight means taking no action, which means getting no results.  So what can keep you in the fight when it gets hard?

Alma provides an answer.  He mentions diligence, but first he mentions faith.  And that’s what can pull you through.  With a vision of your life after you pay your price for what you want, you can keep on keeping on.

I’ve used that in my PhD program.  As I’ve felt the challenge increase, I remember teaching as an adjunct and relive how good it felt to work my dream job.  My faith that overcoming my present difficulty will get me closer to the result I seek drives me through the difficulty.  So it is with anything in life.  Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is really the other side of the mountain and not an oncoming train can help you push forward no matter how bleak your present position.

As you push on in the darkness of the moment, the difficulty separating you from your desired best life isn’t just in doing what’s needed everyday but also in having to wait for results to materialize.  We all want results on our schedule, and our schedule often screams now.

So it’s not surprising Alma, to faith and diligence, adds patience.  It takes patience to nourish a seed into maturity.  Part of the price you’ll pay for what you want is in patience.  You must take the small steps required day after day, continually putting forth effort with faith those results will come, especially when they don’t come instantly.

Faith helps me have patience, but so does celebrating small wins.  Recognizing a victory, no matter how small, helps me feel I’m making progress and moving closer to my best life.

Having patience in the overall journey and not just the task before me also helps.  When one approach fails, I don’t lose hope.  I have faith the approach I need exists, and I keep searching with the determination to do so until I find the approach that will work for me.

That attitude necessitates a lot of trial and error, which requires longsuffering.  Often you must pay your price over a long time without seeing desired results.  Little wonder Alma includes longsuffering in his parable of the seed.

Suffering must be endured; it makes your harvest much more precious.  But suffering doesn’t mean you must be miserable.  You can have sincere joy while suffering if you strengthen your faith and focus on the blessings and opportunities along your way.

Whatever positive changes you want can be yours if you pay in full and in advance the price you must pay.  That requires diligence in doing the small daily actions that over time will accumulate into your success.  But you also need faith to see the glory awaiting you, patience to allow the natural workings of the universe to operate, and longsuffering to endure well the time before results come.  With those three attributes married to diligence, you can make whatever positive change you want.  You can have your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Conference provides a great opportunity to reflect and recommit ourselves to a better path.  But truth be told, every single day holds the same opportunity.  Each day provides a new opportunity to consider your ways and act to change your life.

We all have the same 24 hours each day, but we all choose to spend it differently.  And how you spend your time reveals what you value most in life.

Me?  I’ve always been a big fan of sleep.  There’s no way it’s overrated.  It’s fantastic!  But you can pursue many things to excess, and sleep is no exception.  I’m sure we’re all familiar with the admonition in D&C 88:124 to “arise early.”  I’m actually still working on that.

But I’ve found, when I can do it, an early start radically changes the entire day.  I’m way more productive, producing more value more easily.  I feel more focused and energized throughout the day.  And at the end of the day, I’m just more satisfied with myself.

I don’t get those benefits if I prioritize personal playtime and consuming content, and neither will you.  If you want your best life, you need to answer these questions: Do you devote more time to worthy causes or frivolous pursuits?  Are you the captain of your life’s ship, or do you just float wherever the waves of life take you?

Speaking of sleep, what does “retire to thy bed early” mean?  I think we each must find our own way.  For myself, the sooner I get to sleep, the easier it is to beat the sun up.  My body simply takes what sleep it needs, so staying up late doesn’t help me “arise early.”  And if I don’t get up early, I won’t get the resultant benefits.

In fact, getting up late usually means getting the exact opposite.  I get tons more desire to play and waste the day.  If I do manage to drag myself into some productive pursuit, I’m anything but focused.  My mind goes all over the map.  At the end of the day, I’m left with nothing but the shame of having wasted the day.

On my mission, I heard an African story.  Every morning a gazelle awakens.  He knows his best chance of escaping the tiger hunting him is to get as much of a head start as he can.  But every morning that tiger also awakens.  He knows his best chance of eating that day depends on catching the gazelle before he starts running.  Thus, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a gazelle or a tiger.  When the sun comes up, you had better be running.

Your sleep schedule is just one of many ways you should consider.  We should all reflect on what we need to get where we each want to go and then consider getting what we don’t have but need.  Sometimes that means gaining new knowledge.  Sometimes that means acquiring a new tool.  Sometimes that means having the right people in your life.  Your Heavenly Father, the Lord, and the Spirit are indispensable members of that support team.  Don’t forget to include them in your plans for success.

In the end, you won’t get the most out of life unless you live intentionally.  Only by choosing your activities with intention can you get the most juice for your squeeze.  And the best intention for your time includes your own personal ministry by which you contribute to making the world a better place.

So consider your ways.  Are you making the most of every day?  Are you living with intention?  I can’t say I always have.  But I can say I’ve experienced real joy in living when I’ve consciously chosen how to spend my time to achieve worthy goals.  And I’m grateful to be reminded of the opportunity each day brings to consider my ways and make changes where necessary.

If you haven’t considered your ways recently, do so now.  You’ll open the door to feeling more satisfied with yourself each and every day.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

That attitude has everyone accepting only “top shelf,” which is great if you can get it but isn’t essential to maximizing your joy in life.  That maximum joy comes from embracing good enough. And just like worthiness is not flawlessness, good enough is not flawless.

How incredibly ironic that many LDS singles expect perfection in an eternal companion but then also expect they’ll be completely acceptable in their imperfection.  They expect the “perfect” person to love them for who they are as they are.  It’s as though change has no place in their equation.

But change is at the heart of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  Indeed, the idea we need to change or be lost forever is core to the Atonement, the central part of our Heavenly Father’s plan.  Expecting a companion who doesn’t need to change isn’t just unrealistic; it stands at odds with the gospel plan.  That plan has us here in mortality with imperfections galore.  We’ll all have many flaws as we journey through this mortal life.

Elder Wilcox noted the same principles as he responded to this hypothetical question:

Too many LDS singles aren’t progressing in their dating journey because they insist on not changing, that anyone who can’t love them as they are obviously isn’t the perfect companion.  But the truly perfect companion is one who will both love you as you are today and not leave you as you are today.  The perfect marriage is the union of two imperfect people who work together to perfect each other.  They accept each other as they each are today, but they don’t accept staying that way.

Some LDS singles undoubtedly reject the idea of change because they know what change will mean.  Seeing themselves in all their imperfections, they know how much work correcting those imperfections will require.  It’s much easier to cling to the thought of a “perfect” companion than to put the hammer down and do the work which change in self requires.

Yet doing the work is the more practical approach.  No matter your approach to your dating journey, the fundamentals will always operate.  You don’t progress without the necessary agreement, and you don’t get that agreement unless you’re agreeable enough.  So progress in the dating journey often means traversing a longer road of change through hard work.

That’s how all of life is designed to be.  Elder Wilcox recognized that design when he declared,

Just as worthiness isn’t about perfection but about patience and persistence in walking the covenant path, so your dating journey isn’t about finding the perfect person but about finding the type of person who’ll walk with you as you help each other become perfect together.

If you’ve sincerely tried to walk that path yet feel beaten down by failure after failure, don’t succumb to surrender and change your destination away from eternal blessings.  When the destination is eternity, it’s always better to deal with frustration by changing your approach.

Many share impatience as an imperfection, so it’s not surprising many LDS singles want the changes they seek to happen now.  Yet often the changes we seek will not come overnight or all at once.  Elder Wilcox taught this principle as he shared the story of Damon, a young man who struggled with his own changes.  In the end, Elder Wilcox recommended,

Good enough is not flawless but is committed to positive change.  Embrace needed changes in you and others as well as the work those changes will require.  And embrace the Lord by partnering with Him for your journey.  You’ll find it easier to make progress and more support as you do.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I believe there is.  Our enemies aren’t just people determined to act against our beliefs.   “For,” wrote the Apostle Paul, “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12).  We wrestle against the natural man and woman, our imperfections, and ourselves.

And yet the Lord’s command remains the same: Love your enemies.  Though it may seem completely backwards, this path brings the greatest joys LDS singles can experience in their single years.  And they can be yours when you love all your enemies.

You’re thinking that’s totally crazy.  How can we possibly love the natural man and woman when King Benjamin famously declared, “For the natural man [and woman] is an enemy to God” (Mosiah 3:19)?  And how could that possibly bring more joy to LDS singles?

The natural man and woman are indeed enemies to God, so I’m in no way proposing you love that aspect.  I’m proposing you love your natural self, the person you really are inside.

You’re not just the product of evolutionary biology, although we all coexist with that aspect. You’re a beloved child of God with quirks — features of your personality and disposition that you’ve always had.  They’re part of what makes you . . . well, you.  But we often want to hide our quirks to fit in.  We view them as an enemy.

The greatest joy in life comes from embracing all the right things for you.  Of course, keeping the commandments and your covenants will always be among those right things.  But there’s more that’s right for each of us.  And your quirks — the unique expressions of who you naturally always have been, even before mortality — definitely qualify.  So love your quirks and that part of your natural eternal self.

And while you’re at it, don’t forget to embrace your imperfections.  That’s not what you’d normally hear from a booming self-improvement industry fueled by the assumption that tolerating imperfections equals acceptance of a miserable life, or at best a mediocre one.

Yet I’d never be a better man without my imperfections.  It’s the struggle to overcome challenge that facilitates growth.  My imperfections provide me with that challenge.  My imperfections help me become my best self, and thus, they help me live my best life.

Your imperfections can likewise help you.  I’m not suggesting you stop trying to eliminate your imperfections.  By all means put them on the next bus, train, boat, or plane out of town.  What I’m suggesting is your imperfections provide opportunity for the struggle that makes you your best you.  And being your best self lets you live your best life.

But having your best life means loving yourself.  Too often we don’t live the life we most want because we’re in our own way.  The best way to get out of your own way and stay out of it is to love yourself.

Many singles yearn for the companion who’d make them not so single anymore.  But they don’t love themselves — and by love I mean care for themselves the way God cares for them.  We all broadcast our inner selves to others, who intuitively pick up those broadcasts.  Others will sense if you don’t love yourself and want little if anything to do with you if you don’t, because they want to be loved, not used and certainly not despised.

In encouraging you to love yourself, I’m not suggesting you prioritize selfish desires.  I’m suggesting you get good with you, that you sincerely love the deepest part of who you are, because that will then broadcast to others.  And that can lead to joy you can’t have while you’re single.

So, yes, love all your enemies.  Love your quirks that communicate your natural eternal self.  Love your imperfections that provide opportunity for growth.  And love yourself in the deepest part of who you really are.  When you do, you’ll enjoy your single years more because you’ll embrace all the good they have to offer you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I’m not sure what it was exactly.  It’s not like the situation this sister describes is abnormal, extraordinary, or unusual.  Confronting loneliness is part of the reality of singleness.  I just felt I should address the question posed in this post.

Don’t ask me to compare the loneliness of the never-married versus the divorced versus the widowed.  I don’t even know where to begin there, nor am I entirely certain that comparison would provide any real value.

What I do know is that I’ve had my own confrontation with loneliness and overcome it.  I know the depths of despair that can enter the heart from prolonged singleness.  I’ve been single for over two decades.  I also know the pure joy and hope that fill the heart and soul when you change the way you think and adopt a personal ministry.  And I know this is true because I’ve lived that joy and am living it now.

Most of the comments offered in response to this single mother’s question revolved around two approaches: hobbies and renewal activities.  They represent two ways of what I see as fundamentally the same approach.  And that approach doesn’t address the real issue at hand.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not against hobbies.  And I’m certainly not against participating in regular activities that renew the spirit, heart, mind, and body.  In fact, having regular renewal rituals is a great way to live life.  We all need to recharge from time to time.

Yet neither of these methods proposed to combat the loneliness we LDS singles encounter solve the problem.  They’re simply bandages covering the problem with a seemingly healthy and often pleasurable distraction.  Avoiding problems will never solve them.  Real solutions always require us to act.

That action starts when we change the way we think.  We need to discard the notion that we have to be married or have some significant other in our lives in order to be happy.  We need to stop conditioning our happiness on the choices of others.  And we need to throw off any vestige of any victim mentality we have and replace it with a victor mentality.  We need to own our lives, taking full responsibility for whatever results we do have and recognizing the power of our own choices in delivering to us the life we want.

Attitude without action will never bring you achievement. Some people get fired up with positive thinking, but then their lives don’t change because they didn’t really change, especially in the way they think.  Changed thinking always leads to changed action, which in turn always leads to a changed reality.

One of the best actions more effective ways of thinking always lead one to take is to adopt a personal ministry.  Your personal ministry is that unique contribution of goodness you make to the world, the cause through which you uplift and bless the lives of others.  We’ve discussed before on the program how adopting a personal ministry can help LDS singles overcome their challenges.  Here are just three of those reasons:

1. A personal ministry provides a sense of progression when other aspects of life (dating especially) can seem stagnant.
2. A personal ministry creates space for you to joy in the joy you bring to others through your personal ministry.
3. A personal ministry makes you more attractive to a potential spouse.

When you think about it, it’s not hard to understand why a personal ministry offers so much benefit for LDS singles seeking to overcome loneliness and other challenges we LDS singles face.  It aligns us with the path the Savior trod by turning ourselves outward towards others.

That’s in stark contrast to the bandage solutions mentioned earlier.  Again, I’m not against hobbies and renewal rituals.  But focusing exclusively here will turn ourselves inward towards ourselves.  That’s why they will never really solve the problem of loneliness.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with others in ways that remind us we aren’t ever really alone.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with the Savior Who fills us with His love that helps us to know we aren’t ever really alone.

If you feel consumed by loneliness, consider your focus.  Your focus will always determines your reality.  Change your thinking, adopt a personal ministry, and turn yourself outward.  You’ll shift your focus towards others and shift your reality away from your problems and into your possibilities.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

That said, many of us are still taxing ourselves.  We are by nature social creatures, so it’s natural to respond to a crisis by nearing ourselves to others.  Yet the current crisis keeps many of us physically apart.  And without some plan to provide for needs, that separation is taxing many beyond their capacity.

We’ve discussed before the basic areas of life, what I call the spirit, the heart, the mind, and the body.  Regardless of the names you employ, these areas each have their own needs, which will tax anyone’s reserves when left unmet.  And the faith that optimistically inspires us to see beyond the current crisis can guide us to solutions amidst the current crisis.

We achieve that result in large measure by answering this question: “What can I do?”  Too many of us, yearning for a return to normal, seek after what we’d like to do had the pandemic not turned the world upside down.  But that thinking won’t help us thrive in our new world.  We must adapt or die.  To thrive in a new reality, we must change our thinking to match the landscape.

For example, before the pandemic hit, I was investigating exercise options.  Then the pandemic eliminated the gym as an option.  But instead of wallowing in my inability, which would just lead me to inaction and its attendant reality lacking results, I focused on answering “What can I do?”  That question led me to using my own body weight for strength training and walking in my neighborhood for cardio.  That combined with changes in diet have led to my first real weight loss success in a long time.

In like manner, we can ask “What can I do?” to address any need in life.  By focusing our attention on what we can do, we empower ourselves not only to conquer the challenges before us but to do so with a smile-laden gusto.  We really can have joy in life regardless of our circumstances.

That power to transcend our troubles resides in agency, God’s gift made meaningful by Jesus Christ.  His Atonement makes it possible to triumph over sin and death, obstacles that separate us from God.  Without that Atonement, our overcoming any obstacle in this world would have no meaning.  We would all unavoidably perish (Alma 34:9).

Of course, such a key component in our eternity did not come about by chance.  It was part of a plan provided before this world was.  What we see now created temporally God first created spiritually (Moses 3:5).  Following that example as we answer the question “What can I do?” will lead us to the plans we need to meet our needs during the coming months.

With so much unknown at present about coronavirus, we can expect the current situation of sequestering and social distancing to last at least through summer.  Do you have the plans and the means in place to meet your own needs during that time?

When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  But you don’t have to fail.  You have a choice.  You have power within that choice to change your attitude and how you think.  And when you change how you think, you change your life.  You can feel real joy regardless of what negative or pessimistic circumstances surround you.

Don’t tax yourself by failing to plan appropriately for your changed landscape.  Ask yourself, “What can I do?” and then partner with the Lord as you answer that question.  Those answers can structure a plan for meeting your needs for as long as the crisis lasts.  The storm of pandemic may rage on the outside, but you can live with faith, optimism, and confidence on the inside.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

But you can still own your life.  You can still take responsibility for yourself and the results you have in your life.  And today is the perfect opportunity to do just that because today is April Fool’s Day.  Now, I’ll admit social distancing and sequestering have radically changed the landscape.  But a change in landscape should never signal us to surrender positive energy.  Now more than ever we should be always up for fun.

Many people don’t associate staying at home with fun.  They think about going out to restaurants, stores, malls, parks, concert venues, and the like.  Many of us approach April Fool’s Day the same way, conjuring images of practical jokes played on people and often in front of other people.

But that was yesterday.  Today the landscape is different.  We need to practice social distancing and sequester ourselves in our homes as much as possible.  And those who refuse to change their thinking to match this new landscape will experience untold and unnecessary hardship.

Long time listeners to this program are familiar with these principles in relation to helping LDS singles find joy regardless of their circumstances.  For example, many singles who leave YSA land without getting married experience a difficult transition into SA world.  Some don’t even transition; they go inactive or leave the Church altogether.

That’s because their YSA thinking doesn’t match the new SA landscape, and they simply respond to their biological hardwiring which encourages them to maintain the status quo.  They keep thinking the same way, and that just leads them to leave.  But if these singes would change their thinking to match their new landscape, they could experience a greater amount of joy despite their circumstances.

We can begin to capture much of the joy we’ve been missing by owning our lives and looking for the opportunity amidst the obstacle.  I demonstrated that attitude this morning in my Daily Dose video.  Is it cheesy and silly?  Absolutely.  And that’s OK, because I refused to let my current situation keep me from having a spot of fun.

You too can refuse to allow your current situation to keep you from experiencing joy amidst adversity.  You can still celebrate April Fools Day.  Will it be the same?  Of course not.  But joy is still joy, no matter how it comes.

Presented with this knowledge, each of us now confronts this question: Will you own your life?  Or put another way, will you take responsibility for the results you experience in your life?  Will you refuse to allow your circumstances to dictate your attitude and perspective?

I choose to own my life.  My circumstances will be what they will be, but they will never dictate my choices.  I choose to live with intention, not on autopilot.  I choose to produce more than I consume, not just consume.  I choose phenomenal, not mediocre.  I choose life, not death.  I choose faith, not fear.  I choose hope, not despair.  I choose love, not hate.  I choose joy, not sorrow.

And so can you.  Decide today you will own your life.  Decide that no matter your circumstances you will be always up for fun.  Then follow through with that decision by taking advantage however you can of the moments for fun that come your way.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Many don’t believe that.  They assume life is the collection of circumstances outside their control.  But that’s why many people aren’t all that happy.

Your focus determines your reality.  Because you can choose what you focus on, you can choose your reality.  True, most don’t choose their circumstances, but that never stopped anyone who lived joyfully from living joyfully.  These people lived their best life because they made different choices with the same circumstances.

Some of us should take a lesson from a farmer.  Farmers don’t choose their circumstances.  They have the soil and the water that’s available.  Their seeds for planting are whatever they are.  The weather will be whatever it will be.  So much of what’s needful for the harvest is outside their control.  Yet with hard work in what they can control, they produce bountiful harvests year after year.

In like manner, we haven’t chosen many of the circumstances of our lives.  What we have is what we have, and it’s often all we have.  But if we work hard in what we can control, we can produce harvests of truly joyful living year after year.  This is what I call your best life.

I can hear many of you now.  What exactly can we control?  Here’s my answer: Standards, attitude, approach.

It starts with standards.  You’ll never design your best life without knowing what’s acceptable and what’s not.  The best delineations between what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t are made after partnering with the Lord to get good with you.  Once you know and accept who you really are and what your personal ministry should be, you can best draw that line between what you’ll accept in your life and what you won’t.  The more clear you make that definition, the more able you’ll be to live the life you intend.

Once you know exactly what you want, you need resolve to do whatever it takes to get it (within the realm of covenant living, of course).  You need the attitude of the victor and not the victim.  That attitude will fire your imagination to design a life you’ll truly enjoy and pull you through to that fulfilling end when the road there gets tough.

Of course, attitude without action will never bring you achievement.  To live a life you design, you must take action.  Working smart as well as working hard requires attention to one’s approach.  Too often we think what we seek must come in one specific way.  But much of life is not path-dependent; there’s often more than one road leading to the top of the mountain.  And sometimes the road that’s best for us to travel is not the one we expect.

With these three elements in place — standards, attitude, and approach — you can decide what you want your life to be and feel the joy that comes from working to make it happen.  Usually that means taking small steps every single day to inch yourself closer to the life you dream.

That’s where many of us fall short.  We don’t do the little things everyday that can near us to our best life.  Then, after a larger block of time has passed, we can’t help but notice we’re left standing on the pier because our ship has long since sailed.

That’s where being clear about your standards, attitude, and approach holds its best value.  Once you’re crystal clear on those elements, what you need to do everyday will be obvious.  Performing those seemingly small and insignificant actions everyday will collect to create the very significant life you design for yourself.

So what are you waiting for?  Get clear, and then get going. None of this happens overnight.  But as you move closer to the life you design for yourself, you’ll feel the joy that comes from making progress.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

It’s natural to think life would be better if only we had something we don’t now have.  We think, I'll be happy when ______ .  You can fill in the blank.

And many do.  Some think they’ll be happy when they get a new job or a new house.  Some marrieds fill that blank with a new baby.  Many singles fill that blank with getting married.

These thoughts are natural, and that’s why they ultimately don’t lead to happiness.  Happiness never comes from following the inclinations of the natural man or woman.  Those inclinations turn your focus inward on yourself.

But true happiness requires you to turn your focus outward on others and contributing to make their lives better.  The more of yourself you give in that endeavor, the happier you become.  And because you can always contribute to others in some way, you don’t have to wait for happiness.

Often we place too many conditions on our happiness.  By thinking we can’t be happy unless we possess something — be it some material object, social status, or notable achievement — we equate happiness with possessing that something.

And that’s the first part of the trap.  As long as you don’t possess whatever that something is, you’ll be unhappy.  And because true happiness comes from what you give rather than possess, fulfillment will always elude you.

The second part of the trap comes by thinking you must possess your something because your life plan says it’s “right.”  After all, how can you be happy when your life isn’t what you want it to be?

Many singles get caught in this second part of the trap.  Thinking you need to have that special someone to be happy is self-defeating.  If you’re not happy now, you’re not likely to attract that special someone.  People generally don’t want to spend ten minutes let alone their entire life with negative emotions like unhappiness.

Not getting what you think you need to be happy then just feeds the cycle to continue.  And releasing your wanting will be hard so long as your life plan tells you it’s “right” to keep wanting it, further reinforcing the cycle.

But you don’t have to be trapped.  You can free yourself by changing your thinking.  Quit waiting for some condition to be met.  Start understanding the true source of happiness, and start making more effective choices.

Happiness comes from giving your all to the right things.  Long-time audience members know the right things are more than just keeping the standards.  Of course those standards are right for everyone.  But the right things also include your unique contribution to improve the lives of others.

And you can’t just do your right things and expect to be happy.  It's what you bring to what you do while doing the right things that produces happiness.  It’s how much of yourself you give willingly to doing your right things.

If just doing the right thing would make you happy, everyone at church would be just peachy.  After all, church attendance is a right thing.  But you can’t just go through the motions to become happy.  You must give your all to the right things.  That’s why those who contribute while attending church are always happy.  They’re giving their all to their right things.

Likewise, simply acting out your part during the marriage ceremony won’t make you happy, however "right" that marriage may be.  What will make you happy is bringing your all to that union.  Happiness comes from giving your all to the things that are right for you.

Here’s the best part about this definition of happiness.  You don’t need to wait to be happy.  In His tender mercies, the Lord has placed within your reach the things that are right for you now.  You can choose to change your thinking so that you can see your right things all around you.  And you can choose to give your all in embracing those right things.

When it comes to being happy, you don’t need to wait.  You don’t need a change in your situation.  You need a change in your thinking and then you just need to choose to be happy.

Don’t sacrifice the joy of today by focusing on a future that always seems elusive.  Focus instead on the contribution you can make today.  You can be happy now if you align your thinking and your actions with the true source of happiness.  When you give your all to contribute to others in the way that’s right for you, you’ll feel that happiness come into your own life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

We all know the LDS single who’s so eager to be married that he or she instantly gravitates towards anyone who appears to promise a blessed end to single status.  Maybe you’ve even been that single yourself.

I was once all about finding that eternal companion but never actually finding her.  I felt like that hamster down at the pet store, always just spinning my wheels and never getting anywhere.  And I felt miserable.

I thought I was doing the right thing.  After all, our leaders have talked endlessly about the importance of marriage and family.  Our LDS culture is centered around family.  It made sense to go after it directly.

But that’s exactly the problem.  It doesn’t come when you pursue it directly.  It comes when you let it come to you.

We’re all hard wired to operate out of habit.  And what we do determines what we get.  So if we entertain less effective habits, we’ll keep getting less effective results.  And it won’t end until we replace the less effective habit with a more effective one.

Many LDS singles have the less effective habit of making a beeline for anyone appearing to promise hope for marriage.  But when you understand how everything works, you’ll realize you need to ditch the beeline.

Here’s how it works.  Marriage means the agency of another person is involved.  You can’t choose for others.  Someone else has to choose you.  That means the most you can do is influence that choice.

That’s why you keep hearing platitudes like “Just be yourself” or “Keep working on yourself.”  They’re all true up to a point.  Doing these things will influence the right person to choose you.

But beyond that point lies the reality where we all live.  This most important choice has many influences in addition to the one you exert.  And these other considerations outside your control can drown any hope of acquiring desired blessings.  Your challenge, then, is to exert your best influence, trusting the Lord to cross your path with someone who will choose you.  Are you up to it?

You can best rise to the challenge by letting go of pursuing marriage directly and adopting a personal ministry.  This really is your best approach for exerting your best influence.

Here’s why.  When you pursue marriage directly, you broadcast to everyone around you you’re all about marriage.  No one really wants to marry someone who’s more interested in some personal agenda.  So you come off appearing desperate.

When you drop the beeline and adopt a personal ministry, you’re about something bigger than yourself.  You let your best self shine while serving others.  Devoting yourself to your own personal ministry shakes off the scales of desperation so that others see you as someone interesting, someone worth getting to know better, maybe even share a life with.

Guess what? Now you’re influencing others to decide in your favor.

Other powerful influences exist, yes, but that’s where walking by faith comes in.  When you partner with the Lord, He’ll lead you to those with whom your best influence will be more than good enough.  That’s because they’ll hearken to the voice of the Spirit when He says, “Give this one a chance.”

Many LDS singles live in fear that their desired blessings won’t come.  But that’s no way to live.  It’s much more joyful to let go of directly pursuing marriage and instead pursue what will influence others to choose in your favor.

Devoting yourself to your own personal ministry can make the waiting more joyful, however long that waiting lasts.  Do you want just to endure to the end?  Or do you want to thrive?

Of course, you should keep looking for and pursuing opportunities that arise.  But your universe won’t be rotating around them.  So let go of directly pursuing marriage.  Let it come to you.  When you devote yourself to your personal ministry, you can embrace your best self.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.