Everyone’s talking about the new year upon us. There’s all kinds of conversations. Some people have the usual list of resolutions. Others just want to simplify their lives. Yet a sense of hope 2016 will be better than 2015 underlies many conversations. Not every one is hopeful, though. Many LDS singles wonder if they really do have any hope of achieving righteous blessings. Will this year really be any different than last year? That’s why I found an excellent Ensign article about being positive so appropriate. I recommend it to everyone, single or married. What I like best about it is its underlying message. Although not directly stated, the article strongly implies an important truth. If you aren’t positive in your outlook, then you’re just not living the restored gospel. Your focus determines your reality I remember some years ago a Sunday School lesson taught in a former ward on the East Coast. I remember the instructor saying unhappy people are unhappy because they aren’t living the gospel. I remember him saying if only they’d repent, they could be happy. And I remember feeling like he targeted me even though he never said my name. Yes, living a lifestyle of sin won’t bring happiness. We all know Alma 41:10. But just because wickedness never was happiness doesn’t mean the reverse is also true. Sometimes unhappiness isn’t related to sin. Sometimes unhappiness comes from the way we approach life. While I appreciated the interest in me, albeit a tongue-in-cheek one, I knew my standing before the Lord. I thought being single in a family-centered culture made me unhappy. But I was wrong. My unhappiness came from my focus. I had lots for which to be grateful, but instead of constantly expressing gratitude to God for His bounteous blessings towards me, I focused on what I lacked. And so my reality became one of lack. That’s natural law. It’s the way God created the universe. When you constantly focus on the negative, your reality becomes negative. And a negative reality means your focus is negative. But if a negative reality comes from a negative focus, does a positive reality come from a positive focus? The restored gospel of Jesus Christ answers with a resounding “Yes!” Be real There’s always hope because there’s always Christ. We sometimes sing “The Lord is my light.” How can that be true for us if we don’t feel the glory of His light chasing the darkness out of our lives? If you aren’t feeling it, then are you really living the restored gospel? I know some of you have your defenses up. Yes, you go to church and say your prayers and read scriptures every day and otherwise do what identifies you as an active Latter-day Saint. But if you’re just going through the motions, you’re not digging deep enough to feel the real power of the restored gospel. I wanted real on Day 1 in 2014, and I still want it today in 2016. I’m done with just going through the motions. I’m done with living a life of mediocrity. “Men [and women] are that they might have joy,” (2 Nephi 2:25), and so this man wants to embrace life. This man wants to experience all of the joy God wants for all His children and makes available to them every single day. Being real means more than just going through the motions. Happiness comes not from just doing the right things but from bringing your all to the right things. If you don’t feel inside of you the truth of the hope and optimism enshrined in the gospel, then how much of yourself are you bringing to the right things? Give your all Your life doesn’t have to be doom and gloom. If you aren’t feeling the hope that really exists for you because of Christ, you can. Just give your all to the right things. One of those right things is gratitude. I don’t care what has happened to you. God has blessed you abundantly. Begin with that truth, and you’ll begin to see the windows of heaven have always been open for you. When you make gratitude a lifestyle, you’ll have a lifestyle of seeing the blessings all around you. Your focus always determines your reality. There’s much more we can do. I’ve talked about them on my blog, and I’ll continue talking about them now on my radio show. The restored gospel gives us great reason for hope and optimism. You can feel that positive energy every day, no matter how much life may knock you around. It all comes back to how you think and how you approach life. Give your all to those right things, and 2016 and every year thereafter can be gloriously wonderful and joyous.
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Welcome to the new home for my blog. It all started back in 2012 — 12/12/12 to be exact. I couldn’t let the opportunity to start something on a date like that pass me by. Little did I know that my first year would be training for what you see today. And I’ve changed along the way. Now that my blog has a new home and we’re starting a new year, I thought it only fitting that I establish a few expectations. This first post may turn out to be the longest post I make, so if you aren’t comfy, now is a good time to get there. First, it's not about me. When I started my blog, I had some ideas that needed expression. Many of those ideas were in a book about LDS singles that I've been working on since January 2011. In researching how best to publicize the book, I found the ubiquitous advice to start a blog and use it to promote the book. But that doesn’t work for me. See, I started with that idea. And I found along the way that it led me to make everything about me. I felt the tendency to make outrageous comments to drive more traffic or to write for search engine robots to increase page ranking. But things like that don’t matter. It’s people that matter, and it's relationships with people that matter most. That’s why I started writing my book in the first place. It’s a longer story that I can share later if you’re interested. Bottom line = I wanted to create something that would help the growing LDS singles population confront and conquer the challenges of LDS singles life. So I’m turning conventional wisdom on its head. Writers use blogs as marketing tools to promote books. To me, that’s all backwards. I intend my book to support the blog. And I see the blog as a platform for changing the culture within the Church. We need to get more serious about building Zion. A big part of that means changing how we think about what it means to be single in the Church. Too many LDS singles feel like second class citizens in the Church of Mormon Families Who Sometimes Talk about Christ when they should feel like equal members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But the culture will never change if we don’t do anything. We need to start having a conversation about LDS singles life, one that encourages all of us to change the way we think about what it means to be single in the Church. There are changes that marrieds need to make and many more changes that singles need to make. We need to support one another in these changes. That means we have to cut the crap and speak the truth. I’ve been single now for almost 20 years. That’s two decades. So I’m tired of all the high school games and other associated crap that I’ve dealt with in that time period. I want real. I want to connect with other people on a real level and not have everything revolve around my marital status and my desires for eternal companionship. So when I see crap from anyone, I’m calling them out on it. That means some of you will discount me or try to ignore me because what I have to say will contradict whatever agenda you have. Others I will simply annoy. Still others will outright hate me. I’m okay with all of that. You see, I want real. I understand that not everyone is prepared for the truth. That is part of what my book is all about. We all develop habits in which we continue to believe lies about the way the world and our lives are constructed, because those lies make us feel more comfortable. But I’m done with all of that. I want real. That means embracing the truth, no matter what it may seem to do to me in the here and now. And I got three words for those of you who aren’t prepared to hear the truth. I don't care. That’s right. Again, it’s not about me. It’s about changing the culture so that we LDS singles can more easily confront our challenges and we can all — married and single — get about the business of building Zion for real. That is, after all, what all of us covenanted to do at baptism and in the temple. Oh, and I don’t care applies to just about everything. That doesn’t mean I’m going to trample intentionally on the feelings of others. It doesn’t mean I won’t attempt to regard the views of others with respect and courtesy. I probably won't always succeed, as imperfect as I am, but I will strive to be a gentleman. What I don't care does mean is when you read one of my posts, you’re getting real — the real me, what I really think and feel, and all presented in a real way. I don’t care about search engine robots because I write for people. I don’t care about page rank or other Internet statistics which in eternity will be meaningless. I don’t care if I continue writing posts week after week which generate no comments. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me or my opinions. I want real, and I can’t get real if I put on rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything is just peachy when in reality it’s putrid. If a cow crapped it out, I’m going to call it what it really is — cow crap! That means that a lot of conventional wisdom and me just won’t mix. I’m done trying to be someone I'm not just to impress someone into having a relationship with me — and that’s any type of relationship, not just the romantic kind. I’m done living the lie of a life on autopilot. I’m done going through the motions of being an “active” Latter-day Saint. I want to do what I do because I truly feel it deep inside. I want what I do to mean something. I want real. Real also means I don’t look on people reading my blog as customers to be marketed to constantly. I don’t like receiving constant emails telling me how I can’t live without purchasing XYZ, so I’ll never send anyone anything like that. It’s not about me or my book. It’s about building a community through which we can change the culture by changing the way we think about LDS singles life. I refuse to believe it cannot be done. I refuse to follow the herd just because everyone else is doing it. I refuse to believe what I say and do makes no difference. I refuse to believe I'm second-rate or that God must want me to be single because I haven’t yet experienced the subcultural rite of passage that is temple marriage. And I refuse to back down. Sure, I’m imperfect, very much so. I've got more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes. I understand that my endeavors may result in total and complete failure. But that just brings me back to the three words I shared earlier. I don't care. You see, I’ve failed so many times in my life at just about everything in life that I am not certain whether failure has any real meaning anymore. But I am certain that just going through the motions is meaningless. I want real. And real is what you will get from me.
I envision a glorious future in which LDS marrieds and singles come together and build Zion – a place where everyone cares for everyone and everyone looks out for everyone. That is the place where I want to be, whether or not I ever find my eternal companion. Of course, such a place is more made than found, which brings me back to my first point. It’s not about me. It’s about lifting a light so that others can see amidst the darkness. It’s about bringing hope to those in despair. It’s about changing the way that we all think so that we can unite and build Zion. And it’s about becoming more like our Savior so that we can live there and feel like we belong. |
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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