As many of you know, I have only one goal for 2017 — live my best life. But how do I live my best life when I feel my ward is just a place to go to church and storehouse my membership record? That got me thinking about interactions I’ve had with local leaders. Not finding any support from my ward, I reached out to my stake president. We exchanged emails over a few months mostly due to pauses in between messages. What I found especially frustrating was my failure to feel understood, an experience shared by many LDS singles. I wished my leaders would just stop and listen to me. Then I realized I should take my own medicine. They are, after all, babes in sacrament meeting. As I stopped and listened to their words, I began to perceive they have no clue how to minister effectively to LDS singles. So I dedicated myself to helping them learn. My initial efforts producing no results, I’m taking a different approach — one that will help LDS singles everywhere and not just me. And it starts with a series of programs devoted to this very topic, beginning with this monologue about the role of stake leaders in ministering to singles. Back to basics The idea that stakes can’t effectively minister to singles is a convenient lie. It’s convenient because it allows busy leaders to rationalize inaction as the best response for meeting the needs of singles. And it’s a lie because stake leaders can do much to minister effectively to singles. Admittedly, we’re not talking here about stake officers interacting with every single adult in the stake. That’s impractical. But we are talking about actions stake leaders can take while in the performance of their normal duties. Three principles provide the foundation for all my suggestions for effective ministering to LDS singles.
Understanding stake roles Often stakes simply give wards stewardship over singles. And what typically happens is nothing. Expecting a job to get done without providing accountability is nothing more than wishful thinking. This is where stake presidents can help. In their regular interviews with bishops, they can ask two questions: First, how are the singles in your ward? Second, what are you and the ward council doing to help meet their needs? The few minutes these questions take are all that’s needed to provide accountability. The key is to ask these same questions interview after interview after interview. The first time or two bishops encounter these questions, they’ll likely not have many if any positive answers. By the third time, they’ll come to expect these questions and so take action to have better answers for each next interview. Each repetition of the questions fosters a continued sense of accountability. High council members can support this accountability by promoting attention to singles issues when speaking in individual wards. And instead of just planning activities, stake singles committee members can focus on creating support networks for singles. Coming together Much of the heavy lifting will come from the wards. That said, stakes can do more than they typically do to minister effectively to LDS singles. If your stake leaders believe there’s nothing they can or should do for singles in your stake, please help educate them by pointing them here. LDS singles will never have the support they need if everyone does nothing, and that everyone includes us singles. I am convinced the majority of our leaders want to help but simply don’t know what to do. Point them in a direction that will help them learn. Point them here. Only by taking action do we see any results. Let’s all partner with each other to make life better for LDS singles everywhere. When we do, we’ll all have more joy in our journey.
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Recently I found myself reading my patriarchal blessing. I didn’t plan it; it just happened. I’m not even sure when I last read my patriarchal blessing, but this particular reading refreshed me. I’ve been“discussing” with local leaders how they can best support LDS singles. They keep saying things like “Everything will be made right in the next life.” No one disputes that. But seeing as I’m expecting to live for at least another 40 years if not longer, could we please not give up so soon? How about we focus on what we can do to make things right in this life? It’s almost as if my leaders are really saying, “See? I did something to help them. Now it’s not my problem anymore.” I really hope they aren’t rationalizing their lack of involvement in our lives like that. It won’t look good for any who do that when things do get put right in the next life, if I read Matthew 25 correctly. Context can change the entire meaning. Perhaps reading my patriarchal blessing in that context heightened the power of my experience for me. Respecting the sacred I consider patriarchal blessings to be sacred documents. For me, that means not sharing details with just anyone. I’m extremely selective in who reads it. That also means not quoting from it in public forums like this. I know many others would and have. I don’t judge them. I just hold myself to my standard which I apply only to myself. That said, I’ll communicate general ideas from my patriarchal blessing. For example, most patriarchal blessings declare the recipient’s lineage. I have no qualms in saying mine declares my lineage. I also don’t mind sharing that my patriarchal blessing provides specific counsel for different phases of life. For example, there’s a section on my mission. Every time I read it, I think back to the moments when the promises made there were all fulfilled — and fulfilled completely. What was old becomes new There’s also a section about my marriage. In the past, I’ve always been able to read the part about my mission, think about how that part was fulfilled, and then apply that same thinking to the part about my marriage. Generally I’m left with the impression the promises made are still true. During this recent reading of my patriarchal blessing, the availability of these promises in this life struck me very palpably. It’s not just the strength of the impression convincing me those promises are true. It’s noticing for the first time the meaning behind some of the language of a different part of my blessing. My patriarchal blessing talks about my children as well as my marriage and what they will become with respect to this nation, meaning the country of my (and presumably their) birth. As I pondered that language, I realized there are no nations in the next life. That means my patriarchal blessing is talking about my children in this life. But that can’t happen unless I actually have children in this life. And that won’t happen unless I actually get married in this life. Sometimes the promises of a patriarchal blessing find fulfillment in the next life. So I don’t completely blame small minds from jumping to the conclusion that those promises to someone in my situation are meant for the next life. That’s why this particular reading touched me so powerfully. After all I’ve endured, what a great comfort to know my loving Heavenly Father is aware of my circumstances! What a tender mercy to feel the strength of His support as He communicates the truth of His promises to me! Get your own experience I don’t know if all my future patriarchal blessing readings will result in similar faith building episodes. I certainly hope so. But regardless of whether or not that happens, I still have the memories of faith promoting experiences like this one that have happened. I can leverage them to buoy my faith in a God acutely aware of me. I’m not the only one of whom God is aware. He’s aware of you also. Properly employed, patriarchal blessings can help you along your journey home. When was the last time you read your patriarchal blessing? Do you believe the Lord’s promises to you? Do you treasure them within your heart? If it’s been a while, take them out and read them. It may just refresh your soul. Whether or not that happens, I do know one thing for sure. I know every promise God makes will be fulfilled in its entirety. We just need to stay true and faithful to Him. When we do, He’ll support us along the way, and we’ll have more joy in our journey.
Heaven indeed hears our cries. This past weekend the Church released a new series of seven videos. I’m excited to see what seems like the Brethren in Salt Lake attempting to change the culture of the Church. Without diminishing the role of the family in the gospel plan, they seem to be encouraging members to replace our current family-centered culture with a Christ-centered culture, one in which all members feel they belong. The speakers in the new videos don’t directly call out the problem of singles not fitting in with the family-centered culture of the Church, although they scream that very message as I watch them. I suspect the Brethren want to speak in more general terms so their message can have broader application. Whatever their reasoning, I support the Brethren. Although not every video addresses the problem many singles have with attending church, most of them do. And they do it without mentioning the words single, married, or family. Here’s the new videos by speaker and title.
Note that all the brethren are apostles and the two sisters serve in general auxiliary presidencies. Although all these videos are outstanding, the comments from Elder Christofferson and Sister McConkie most impressed me. Walking together Since I’m a gentleman, let’s consider the lady first. Sister McConkie does a bang-up job of calling attention to the neglected and ignored among us. Even though she never says the word single, you know she’s talking about singles. Sister McConkie admits she knows “people who come to church every Sunday so they can be inspired and uplifted and who just simply walk away feeling judged and unloved, unneeded, like there is no place for them at church. We need to do this differently.” Can I get an amen? Seriously, if that’s not a call to change the culture, albeit a tongue-in-cheek one, I don’t know what is. She continues, We cannot allow judgement to dictate the way we interact with people. It’s just not right. . . . We just cannot be or even call ourselves a disciple of Christ if we are not helping others along that path. The gospel of Jesus Christ does not marginalize people. People marginalize people. And we have to fix that. We need to be sensitive and love them and allow them the opportunity to grow and to blossom and to be their best selves. They have talents and abilities and personality that is needed in the kingdom of God, and if we’re going to build the kingdom of God on the earth we need everyone to come, to come and do their part. And we need to recognize that. When anyone’s shadow darkens the door of the chapel, they ought to feel immediately embraced and loved and lifted and inspired, that when they walk out that door, to go and be better because they know the Lord loves them and because they have friends in their faith. Wow! That sweet vision would make a wonderful reality for LDS singles everywhere! We need to walk together, singles and marrieds, helping each other along the journey to our eternal home. I love that bit about building the kingdom. If we’re going to be serious — I mean really serious — about building God’s Kingdom on earth, then we have to include every faithful soul. We do play a part, but it’s not about us. It’s about everyone, and that means reaching out to include everyone so everyone can play their part. Coming together Elder Christofferson does no less in maintaining that glorious banner. He directly pursues the question of fitting in with a positive and emphatic yes. Like the speakers in the other videos, he never uses words like single, married, and family. Yet we all know his words apply in that context. He then brings up Paul’s classic analogy that we’re all “many members yet but one body” in Christ (1 Corinthians 12:20). I especially love Paul’s rhetoric questions: "If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?” (1 Corinthians 12:15–17) In God’s design for His Kingdom, everyone willing to make covenants with Him is needed. The problem comes when many LDS singles don’t feel needed. I love how Elder Christofferson acknowledges the reality of such feelings and then offers a two prong solution: The diversity we find now in the Church may be just the beginning. Frankly, I think we’ll see greater and greater diversity. In the ancient church there was tremendous diversity. And it’s not just diversity for diversity’s sake, but the fact that people can bring different gifts and perspectives and the wide range of experience and backgrounds and challenges that people face will show us what really is essential in the gospel of Christ and that much of the rest that’s been perhaps acquired over time and is more cultural than doctrinal can slip away and we can really learn to be disciples. So on the one hand, we’ve got to be better as a people at receiving and helping and walking together with everybody, and on the other hand, every individual needs to be determined that they’re going to have a place in the kingdom of God. They’re going to have a place in the body of Christ. And others who are thoughtless or careless or worse can’t prohibit that, can’t drive them away, can’t take it away from them” (emphasis added). Yes, LDS singles need to own their life and control their reality by controlling their focus. At the same time, I love Elder Christofferson’s recognition that some of what we do is “more cultural than doctrinal [and] can slip away.” I’ll gladly place our alienating family-centered culture on that list. Of course, changing that culture means coming together and being real disciples of the Master. But isn’t that we should be doing anyway? Rising together A new day is dawning. The time when LDS singles needed to have the mark of belonging to the Church community to get the help they need is dying. Rising is a time when true disciples of the Lord reach out and bring all willing to make covenants with God together in a grand, diverse unity of the faith. Single and married will be situations, not identities. And the culture we embrace and promote will center on the Savior, He Who spilt His precious blood so that all of us could be redeemed. The time has come for us to walk together. The time has come for us to embrace a true unity of the faith. The time has come for us to be true disciples of Christ and start building the Kingdom for real. The time has come for us to change the culture.
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been talking about local LDS leaders who fail to understand how to minister effectively to singles. No one was intended to do life alone, and yet that’s the reality for many LDS singles everywhere. I really like President Nelson’s perspective in his latest Conference address. It offers more hope than any other answer I’ve encountered. And it’s Christ-centered, which probably explains why it offers the most hope. Some might interpret that answer to mean we LDS singles can fulfill all of our needs by ourselves simply by changing the way we think. That’s far from true. I can’t meet all of my needs by myself. No one can. We all need others to be involved in our lives while we journey the bumpy road that is mortality. I’ve discussed before how our greatest need as singles is to have others walk with us. That need is our greatest in part because it remains unmet for so many of us. Yet I’m convinced that many local leaders neglect singles not because they don’t want to help but because they don’t know how. Today I’d like to tackle that issue directly. Adopting a more effective approach In my recent “conversations” with my stake president, I found his description of simply passing the buck for ministering to singles over to the wards as “more effective” especially annoying. How is a model that produces zero results more effective? I get why the stake does that. They think the wards are better suited to interact with singles on an individual level. And generally that’s true. The problem comes with its attendant assumption. Just because you say the wards are responsible doesn’t mean they’ll follow through. I wish a lot were that easy. But the universe doesn’t work that way. God was able to speak the words of creation and it was so because when He spoke workers followed instructions. In like manner, we need to say the words we want to make reality, and then we need to work to make them reality. My years of experience as a ward and stake rep as well as working with singles issues through my blog and now my radio program suggest a different approach. Ministering more effectively to singles involves a partnership between the stake and the wards. Everyone has a part to play. Stakes provide accountability Stakes must provide accountability. Without accountability, the wards aren’t likely to do anything. Ward leaders are usually busy people. Between the demands of just work, family, and their calling, they’ve got a lot on their plate. Expecting them to do more without following up is wishful thinking. In a family-centered culture, those without families are very easily overlooked. Fortunately, stakes can easily provide accountability. Every stake president has regular interviews with the bishops in his stake. He can provide sufficient accountability by asking two questions in each successive interview: 1) How are the singles in your ward? (Be sure to insist on names and details in an answer.) 2) How is your ward council organizing to help them? These questions take only a few minutes. The key is to ask these same two questions interview after interview after interview. Hearing that repetition, most bishops will get moving because they’ll want to have good answers for the questions they know they’ll be asked. The stake can offer training to those who say they don’t know what to do. In addition, the stake performs about 20% of the groundwork, providing activities so singles from different wards can interact and support each other. I’ve no space here to delve into further detail, but anyone who says stakes can’t minister effectively to singles doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Wards supply action Once bishops understand their stake president will ask them two key questions in their next interview, they do what they should’ve been doing all along — counseling with their ward council on how best to meet the needs of individual singles in their ward. Bishops should have regular interviews with every active single in the ward. He counsels with those interested in obtaining their next essential ordinance. Regular interviews can communicate a sense of support, provide valuable insight that can aid ward council deliberations, and allow pivotal teaching moments that can help singles make the changes they need to make. Singles also need real home teachers, but Elder Holland already pretty much said it all on that count. In the end, singles wants results when it comes to meeting their needs. Ministering to singles is very easy once everyone understands and plays their part. Working together we can all walk together, arriving at our heavenly home. And what a glorious day that will be.
blog and program immediately afterwards is challenging. But this time around the choice was clear. From the moment I heard President Russell M Nelson speak, I knew his address was the one. How could it not be? In his address, entitled “Joy and Spiritual Survival,” President Nelson discusses how to feel joy amidst the trials of life. That’s very much in line with Joy in the Journey Radio, a project I developed to spread positive energy into the lives of LDS singles everywhere. President Nelson’s remarks directly promote that purpose. In addition, those remarks provided unanticipated blessings. Although many of the references are simply scriptural citations, quite a few include comments that elucidate his main address. Including them (as I do in parentheses in the portions I’ll quote) provides helpful perspectives. I also found further answers for the questions I posed last week regarding local leaders who fail to support singles. Taking my own medicine Let’s tackle that elephant first. In the middle of his address, President Nelson taught, “Saints can be happy under every circumstance. We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year! My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives” [emphasis added]. I had the answer in front of me the whole time. How long have I been preaching that your focus determines your reality? It’s a bedrock principles of my blog and this program. By focusing on the lack of support and love from my local leaders, I created a reality in which I felt unsupported and unloved. How thankful I am to President Nelson for reminding me to take my own medicine! That doesn’t excuse local leaders who fail to support singles. I’ll never excuse inaction due to ignorance. If you need to learn something in order to move ahead, then please accept one word of free advice — learn! We don’t always have all the answers we need in life, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Looking for those answers helps us to grow. And we can’t always do life alone; that’s why we have each other. We’re supposed to help each other as we journey home. Seeking the positive In reality, we all need to balance help we provide ourselves and help from others. Marriage is designed to provide much of the support outside ourselves. Singles by definition aren’t married and so are more out of balance to begin with. That concept seems simple, yet it never ceases to amaze me how many local leaders don’t seem to realize that a greater measure of imbalance means we singles need a greater measure of help to make up the difference. Confronted with that situation, we can very easily focus on the injustice of the inequity. But when we do, we compound the problem by preventing ourselves from being part of the solution. We need to help our local leaders just as much as we need them to help us. Where there is ignorance, we should educate. Where they show lack concern, we should show greater concern. President Nelson hit the nail on the head when he declared,
When we confront the injustices that come naturally from being single in a family-centered culture, we must place our focus on Christ and the positive benefits our challenges can offer. If we see only the obstacles, we’ll never see the opportunities. Every challenge comes with opportunity to bless, to uplift, and to increase goodness in a world starving for it. True disciples of Christ will always seek those opportunities. Rejecting the negative Seeking the positive is only one side of the joy coin. We also need to reject the negative. President Nelson declared, “Anything that opposes Christ or His doctrine will interrupt our joy. That includes the philosophies of men, so abundant online and in the blogosphere.” President Nelson also taught that the unrighteous can never feel joy “not in this world nor in the world to come” because “joy is a gift for the faithful. (Righteous Saints ‘who have endured the crosses of the world … shall inherit the kingdom of God, … and their joy shall be full forever’ (2 Nephi 9:18).) It is the gift that comes from intentionally trying to live a righteous life, as taught by Jesus Christ. (For examples, see 2 Nephi 27:30; Alma 27:16–18.)” Christ is the great prototype. Following His example can help us to feel joy even in the midst of great trial. President Nelson declared,
Yes, our local leaders won’t always get it when it comes to ministering to singles. And injustice will often result. But we can better endure those moments by focusing on the Savior and our covenants to follow Him. Doing that places us in a better position to be heard by our local leaders. And doing that can open us to the joy of Christ, a joy that can swallow all of our sufferings and that can be ours every day.
It’s Conference time again, and I can hardly wait! Church in my ward has turned into a real trial. So many people, all married, have talked from the pulpit week after week about how wonderful the ward is because others were there to help when the needed them. I really am happy about that. But when the storms of life came crashing on my door, who was there to help me? It’s not just occasionally; it’s a consistent pattern of neglect spanning over three years. From where I sit, it seems like my ward is just a club for married people. The last time I talked with my bishop about my feelings, he told me, and I quote, "I don't know what to do with you." Hey, I love the honesty. What I don't love is that he left it at that. He's shown no interest in looking for the answer, or even an answer. That's why I reached out to my stake president. And that's where things got really trying. Where my efforts got me I explained my circumstance to my stake president via email. Initially he asked for some time before replying, and that’s fair. After all, stake presidents are busy men. When I finally got my reply, he told me my "singleness" was all in my head and that in the next life everything would be put right. He then claimed I needed more scriptures and service in my life. He also encouraged me to look to Moroni as an example of a faithful single before sharing with me his desires that I stay faithful also, as though I'm in danger of going inactive any moment now. But that's not the biggest kick in the pants. He said the stake was giving the responsibility for ministering to singles to the wards because that's "more effective." That means when I need help to weather life's storms, I’m left with the man who’s already told me he doesn’t know what to do with me and leaves me to figure things out on my own. And in some twist of logic I still can't wrap my head around, that arrangement is "more effective" at meeting my needs. No disrespect to the mantle my leaders carry on their shoulders, but I've never before felt like they’re so disconnected. Where the rubber hits the road Let’s be very clear here. I’m not declaring my leaders have fallen or anything like that because I don’t believe that. I simply believe they’re good men who are also ignorant. They’re babes in sacrament meeting. Meanwhile, I’m still sitting in church suffering the injustice of my situation while those who carry “more effectively” the responsibility of helping me do nothing. This is where the rubber hits the road. This is where I need Conference. Of course, I own my life. But I’m also tired. Tired of doing life alone. Tired of reaching out only to be told trite phrases and left to my own devices. Tired of constantly hearing how marrieds get help while single me doesn’t. I need the uplift from Conference. I need the renewed perspective from Conference. I need the spiritual regeneration from Conference. I need the burning hope from Conference. Simply put, I need Conference. I’m so ready for it. What to do next I know I need to practice what I preach. And I will. That’s why I’m going to educate my local leaders. If my local leaders really are babes in sacrament meeting, then like babies they do what they do because they don’t know any better. They need someone to educate them. And if I who know so much about how to approach LDS singles issues don’t do it, then who will? If I keep silent, my local leaders will continue to endorse the current approach which produces no meaningful results. Nothing will change if I stay silent. I need Conference to show me how to approach that, though. How would the Lord have me do it? As I pray and search the scriptures, I can feel God’s love for me. But as far as any specific answers go, I’m clueless. Of course, I’ll also be alert for the usual promptings of how to chart the course of my life for the next six months. What changes do I need to make in me so that I become more of what the Lord wants me to become? Yes, I’m glad it’s Conference time again. I need everything it offers right now. And despite my love for Tigger, I’m sure, as I think about the vast population of LDS singles I’ve been serving for many years, that I’m not the only one. It’s amazing how life unfolds. Last week I discussed our need to see one another as God sees us. I shared my perception that many of our local leaders don’t see us LDS singles as God sees us. They just fill blanks in an activity calendar and then do a Pilate — wash their hands and say they’re done. When the storms of life came to me, my ward or stake wasn’t there for me. I wrote that monologue the day before my weekly recording session. So here I have written how I, an active LDS single, feel unsupported by my ward and stake. It wasn’t the sole focus of what I wrote, but it played an important role in building the overall message I’d be recording and then disseminating to the whole world via the Internet. That very day, the day I wrote my monologue, the day before I broadcast that monologue to the world, I get a call from my elders quorum president. Events then unfolded to remind me that God is fully aware of us LDS singles. Setting the meeting My EQP called to ask when he could visit me. To understand my surprise, you need to know he’s never visited me in the three years I’ve been in his ward. And he lives just two houses down. I also never had home teachers – or if I did I never knew it because they never did anything. Yes, all those storms of life I mentioned last week happened while my priesthood leader lived two houses down from me. Oh, the irony! How many other priesthood leaders are completely unaware of the singles directly around them who need help? I routed his call to voicemail because I was at work. He just said he wanted to visit with me. I thought this meant he wanted to extend me a calling. My girlfriend suggested he thought I was inactive. After all, I’ve been attending church with my girlfriend in her ward. Each of those possibilities seemed likely. I wondered which would unfold when my EQP came to visit with me. Meeting opportunity The moment arrived. My EQP had no calling for me, and he didn’t think I was going inactive (though he did wonder why he hadn’t seen me at church recently). My girlfriend was with me when he visited, so we all conversed together. It didn’t take long for our conversation to bend towards the experience of being single in the Church. My EQP married young and has two kids. He expressed surprise as my girlfriend described leaving the YSA ward as either “graduating with honors” (meaning you left because you got married) or “graduating without honors” (meaning you left because you aged out). He seemed genuinely ignorant. Hello! Babes in sacrament meeting! As I recognized that concept in the context of my leader’s ignorance, I was moved with compassion towards him and others who should have been helping me but weren’t. I sensed from him a genuine concern while he visited with me. Should I not nurture that perspective by adopting a reciprocal perspective in myself? Looking ahead The visit ended without extending any calling or any invitation to forsake inactivity. My EQP didn’t even hint he would visit again. But his visit has caused me to reflect. I’ve believed for some time now that our leaders on the global level really do get it when it comes to ministering to LDS singles. That doesn’t mean they couldn’t learn a thing or two. They’re not perfect. But they have the vision of everyone coming together and being one that all singles and marrieds need to embrace. Somehow that vision gets lost in translation when you get down to the local level. Or if our local leaders do have it, they’re often thinking only of people like them who are married with children. The question then becomes this: How will we LDS singles respond? Will we respond with a perspective of isolation, demarcation, and abandonment? Or will we respond with an eagerness to embrace compassion, empathy, and unity when they present themselves? The timing of my EQP’s visit speaks very forcefully to me that the Lord is very much aware of me. I am not forgotten or forsaken to Him. And neither are any of you. He paid too great a price ever to forget any of us. In the end, I am filled with hope and optimism. Yes, my hopes have been dashed before. But none of that negates the Lord’s love for us individually nor His power to bring positive developments into our lives. Will our eyes be open enough to see the tender mercies He provides? I hope the answer is yes.
the General Conference addresses. I always have a hard time picking just one. Returning again and again to Conference is a great idea. As I recently returned to Conference, Elder Dale G. Renlund’s remarks entitled “Through God’s Eyes” spoke to me again. Reading his words, I found a powerful message I wish many of our local leaders would receive when ministering to us LDS singles.
But seeing Chad’s parents as they saw their dead son shattered that emotional distance. Elder Renlund’s own words say it best. Then Elder Renlund delivered the crux of his message:
How I wish our local leaders could see us LDS singles as God sees us! Too often no one mourns with us when we mourn or comforts us when we need comforting. It’s easy to say they do that because they’re so focused on family. As true as that may be, I think a larger reason for their inactivity in our lives is they simply don’t see us as God sees us.
Seeing as God sees Too many leaders reduce singles committees to activity planning groups. They think all they need to do is provide a fireside, a dance, a conference, or some other activity. Then they can rest easy, having “done their duty.” As wonderful as many of these activities are, not a single one helped me when my cat died, or when I needed a job, or when my girlfriend broke up with me. When the storms of life came to me, I needed support. I needed others to reach out to me and put their arm around me and help me to keep walking. Who was there for me? Not my ward or stake leaders. And neither were any of their agents. My experiences in different parts of the country convince me that many other LDS singles have the same problem. And I think it’s because our local leaders see us more as numbers on a membership report rather than children of God trying to get back to the same heavenly home they are. And I think they see themselves more as activity sponsors than as ministers of the Good Shepherd to a beloved part of His flock. Turning the tables Pointing the finger of blame at others is really easy. But for every finger we point at others, there are three more pointed back at us. So let’s turn this question around. What are we doing to see our leaders and other married friends in the Church as God sees them? Are we using the same lenses of compassion and concern we want them to use when viewing us? Our complaints about their failure to support us won’t go far if we aren’t supporting them. Elder Renlund gives some good counsel in this regard. Said he,
I say we go one step further. We should pray that not only we ourselves be filled with this love but also our ward and stake leaders. We should plead with God to open their eyes to our situation and their hearts to our suffering. We should cry for heaven’s help in supporting them and call angels to incline our leaders in our direction. And we should plead with God every day for this. The changes we want to see in our culture won’t happen unless we look within and change ourselves first. We have to start seeing our leaders as God sees them if we want them to see us as God sees us. And we LDS singles have to start seeing each other, our fellow LDS singles, as God sees all of us. Only after we adopt that perspective will we see clearly the path we need to take to invite others to come together and live in Zion for real. I pray that we will all adopt this vision and continue to pray for the changes we need in ourselves so that the changes we need in others can come more readily.
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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