Not just one thing

I can provide tools and teach you how to use them, but I can’t use them for you.  You must build your life.  And building your best life won’t happen until you own your life and accept that the change you need to make is not just one thing.

We LDS singles can overcome our challenges and enjoy life more fully.  But we must own our lives.  We must accept responsibility for the results we have in life.  Only then can we gain a full awareness of the habits holding us back.  Only then can we consciously choose to move closer to our righteous desires.

Most seem interested when I talk about those general concepts.  But many don’t want a journey of discovery in which they learn “here a little and there a little” (2 Nephi 28:30).  No, they want the answer handed to them all at once.  Some even want a cherry on top.

I recall a phone conversation in which a young lady asked me, “What is the one habit holding me back from getting married?”  She was calling after we had exchanged a few emails.  I tried to explain that there isn't just one thing but rather multiple things that require attention.  And I couldn’t get more specific because I didn’t really know her that well.

We’re all unique enough that my list of needed changes will be different from yours, because my truth about why I’m single is probably different than yours.  We both need to face our own truth, but the actual steps we take to apply that shared principle may be quite different.

I can provide tools and teach you how to use them, but I can’t use them for you.  You must build your life.  And building your best life won’t happen until you own your life and accept that the change you need to make is not just one thing.

Examine your assumptions

The memory of that phone conversation has stuck with me.  Maybe it’s because the question asked is a common one.  "OK, so what's the one thing I need to do in order to . . . . ?"  It seems like an intelligent question to ask, but I've got a serious problem with it.

You see, it's really not that intelligent at all.

Run with me for a moment.  The question assumes you need to change only one thing in order to transport your world into a new and higher dimension of existence.  Seriously, what sense does that make?  I know that’s what we all want, but it’s just not realistic.

Here’s real: I've got more imperfections than Swiss cheese has holes and certainly more than most people.  And the vast majority of people aren’t that far behind me.  We all have many ways in which we can improve.

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Ask a better question

Here’s a better question: What is everything I need to do to improve myself?  With that answer, you take a more holistic approach towards making needed changes in yourself.

Of course, the answer to that question will likely overwhelm; we’re all so imperfect that the list of needed changes is quite long.  I recall the experience I had taking notes during General Conference.  The resulting list of changes I obtained overwhelmed me to the point that I didn’t want to take any action.  Making any progress seemed hopeless.

That’s why you should ask yourself this best question: What one thing can I do today to improve myself?  The answer to that question won’t overwhelm because it’s just one thing.  At the same time, this question doesn’t assume you need to do only one thing to improve.  The approach is well balanced.

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Get to work

Of course, simply knowing what you must do won’t bring the results you seek in life.  Results come from one thing and one thing only, and that is action. You must do.

When you take action, you can begin to understand yourself better.  You can make better sense of the terrain of LDS singles life.  You open yourself to receiving the tools you need.  And action leads to a sense of progress that is truly liberating.  You may have a lot to do, but conquering the one thing you need to do today will give you confidence from knowing you’re on your way.  And that knowledge makes the journey so much more joyful.

Don’t wait to feel free.  Don’t wait to feel better about yourself and your life.  No matter how much you need to improve, we all need to practice what President Oakes has described as “the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.”  We make the journey to eternal glory one step at a time.

Never assume your list of needed improvements has only one item.  It’s not just one thing.  But take that understanding with you as you tackle the one thing you need to do today.  Doing so will help you walk by faith.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.