Every woman a mother

When we adopt a broader view of motherhood, we make every woman a mother who strives to serve others in ways that meet their needs.

With Mother’s Day around the corner, we’re sure to hear again from those single women who feel ostracized by the holiday.  The brunt of it usually comes Sunday afternoon on social media.  Single women from all corners of the Internet complain about how unloved they feel after attending church services that celebrate the birthing of children they never experienced.

Not every female LDS single feels that way.  Plenty of single mothers delight to receive their due recognition for hoeing their hard rows, and well they should.  Single parenting is not for sissies.  Those women who accept the realities of single motherhood deserve to be commended for the hard work they contribute every day in raising children without the support of a father in the home.

That recognition begs this question: Are all such contributions worthy and meaningful to children because they came from the one who gave them birth?  We shouldn’t need much reflection to realize the answer.  Why then do women continue to hold to a definition of motherhood that requires them to bear children in order to be called mother?

We need a new culture

Like it or not, many Latter-day Saints consider being married with kids as the definition of acceptance within their culture.  And since we all want to belong, many LDS singles strive to obtain that mark of belonging.  So if you define motherhood to require the bearing of children, then you’re limiting your window within which you will feel accepted.

Clearly, the results observed respecting this issue go back to how people think. If only we could all adopt a new culture that grants acceptance from doing one’s best to make and keep every sacred covenant that one can, we wouldn’t be hearing from the single ladies who are really complaining about how they don’t fit in under the guise of complaining about whatever presentation they saw in church.

That’s easier said than done, but no single woman need wait for the culture to change in order to change the way she thinks about what it means to be a mother.  In fact, we should all change how we think about that because we are biologically hardwired to get our sense of normal from the people around us.  Single women can more easily adopt a more effective definition of mother when everyone around them does the same.

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We need a new definition

And what is this new definition of motherhood everyone should adopt?  Being a mother simply means consistently recognizing and then meeting needs in others.  That’s something every woman can do, whether single or married.

Think about it in terms of your own mother.  If you’re like me and were blessed to have a mother who loved you and always worked every day to show she cared, isn’t that what we best remember about our mothers?  Isn’t that what we most treasure about the memories of our mothers, that this woman consistently recognized our needs and worked to satisfy them?

Now if you didn’t have a mother like I had, I’m sorry, but you should still be able to see the point.  You don’t need to give birth to children to recognize a need within them and then work to satisfy it.  And women are uniquely endowed with a natural ability to do just that, whether or not they’ve given birth to children or not.

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We need a new approach

It’s high time we all embraced a broader approach to motherhood.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Your focus determines your reality.  When you focus on what you lack, your reality becomes filled with lack.  That breeds discouragement and despair.  But when you focus on what you have and on what you can do, your reality becomes filled with possibility and opportunity.  That breeds optimism and hope.

Let’s help single women everywhere by defining motherhood in terms of what all women can do and not just those who have given birth to children or even those who are legally responsible for raising children.  Let’s define motherhood as consistently recognizing and meeting needs in others.  This is a definition that fits all women based on what they can control (their actions) and not what they can’t (their life circumstances).

When we adopt a broader view of motherhood, we make every woman a mother who strives to serve others in ways that meet their needs.  We show greater sensitivity towards those whose life circumstances aren’t what they desire.  And we better support them in feeling loved and supported themselves.  And that will bring us all more joy in our journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.