Everyone is beautiful

Seen only through those eyes, we’ll never see the truth that everyone is beautiful.

Recently I watched a documentary about Lizzie Velasquez.  Having no idea who this woman was, I saw a cover image combining phrases such as “The world’s ugliest woman,” “Do everyone a favor and kill yourself,” and “I am fighting back in a different way” with a headshot of Lizzie, who’s clearly not that attractive by purely physical standards.  The combination intrigued me enough to get an hour and 18 minutes of my attention.

For those who don’t know like I didn’t, Lizzie was born with a genetic defect leaving her looking very different than most people.  Everyone struggles in their teen years searching for identity and acceptance, so needless to say Lizzie’s struggle was worse.  But that struggle was heightened even more when an online bully featured YouTube videos of Lizzie under the title “The world’s ugliest woman.”  The documentary shares Lizzie’s experience with online bullying and the results of her decisions in response.  Frankly, I found her story fascinating.

Perhaps most importantly, it really made me think about the perspective driving many LDS dating decisions and the resulting challenge it creates.  Far too many filter decisions about not just who to date but who they talk to through the perspective of the natural man or natural woman.  Seen only through those eyes, we’ll never see the truth that everyone is beautiful.

A demanding lifetime pursuit

Let’s start with a disclaimer: In the words of Indiana Jones’s father, “I’m as human as the next man.”  Conquering the natural man or the natural woman takes a lifetime, so we shouldn’t expect anyone to be completely covenant men or covenant women during their dating journey.

But we can expect improvement.  When I compare the man I am today with the man I was 10 or 20 years ago, those men were definitely more aligned with the natural man.  I’m not completely a covenant man, but I’ve made gains in that direction, and I’ve got the receipts to back that up.

That said, I still have work to do.  That’s part of the value I gained from watching this documentary.  When I first saw a full body shot of Lizzie, I recoiled.  I wasn’t seeing the beautiful soul of the person within, just the shell of flesh and bone that encased it.  The portion of the natural man still within me found that shell repulsive.

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A common blind spot

I’d expect most LDS singles to respond similarly because that’s how most people respond.  Natural men and women see only the exterior.  Those inner qualities of character which have value in eternity have no value to the natural man and natural woman.

When that natural mindset drives dating decisions, LDS singles will always discount worthy potential companions who’d be ideally suited for them because those options aren’t “top shelf.”  They could be sitting next to the very person who could make them maximally happy and never know it.

Worse still, most LDS singles aren’t even aware of how natural their mindset is.  They equate conquering the natural mindset with keeping the standards, and because they keep the standards, they don’t see themselves as a natural man or woman.  That self-image blinds them from seeing how well their dating decisions actually align with the natural mindset.  And it’s that mindset obstructing their dating journey.  They’re blind, and they think they see just fine.

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A more joyful view

That’s where this documentary enters stage right.  Natural men value youth and external beauty.  Lizzie has neither, so of course she’s single.  But as I listened to her story with an open mind and an open heart, I experienced a transformation.  I began seeing more and more the beauty living inside her.  And that inner beauty colored my view of her exterior.  After an hour and 18 minutes, what at first seemed repulsive had become welcome in my inner circle.

What changed it for me can change it for LDS singles in their dating journey.  Far too many insist so much on having “top shelf” they won’t even give the time of day to anyone perceived to be less.  But the truth is everyone is more.  And you’ll never see that vision until you embrace an open mind and heart while spending sufficient time with someone.

Everyone is beautiful.  Acting on that belief at first is an act of faith.  You act as though you see that truth even though you don’t.  Pressing forward in that walk of faith, eventually you reap the reward of your diligence and patience as the vision opens up to you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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