You matter too

You can’t help others to climb unless you yourself are standing on higher ground.

Last week we discussed the importance of following your bliss in every area of life: the spirit, the heart, the mind, and the body.  That may seem strange in a time of pandemic when everyone is sheltering in place and practicing social distancing.  But only by keeping your dreams alive will you thrive during the pandemic.

Most of us are looking simply to survive.  That’s like settling for mediocrity.  Why just survive when you can thrive?  Why settle for second best when you could emerge from the pandemic stronger, more skillful, and better than ever before?

You’ll be hard pressed to achieve that result without adopting a new way of thinking that matches your new landscape.  In pre-pandemic times, one might hear of souls going the extra mile of the extra mile, literally working themselves to the bone in the name of service to others.  Now with the pandemic in place, some have continued that way of thinking, going that extra mile of the extra mile while sheltering in place and social distancing.

But that old way of thinking that giving all of yourself was somehow a virtue was unhealthy before the pandemic.  And it’s still unhealthy now.  You can’t help others to climb unless you yourself are standing on higher ground.  You can’t nourish others when you yourself need nourishing.  Yes, other people and meeting their needs matter.  But you matter too.

Strive for balance

That idea falls right in line with following after your bliss.  Your best life is the one with the best boundaries for you, boundaries that demarcate a balance between what you should do for others and what you should do for yourself.

And balance is not necessarily about equalizing the proportions those areas occupy in your life.  It’s about making sure each area is appropriately sized so that they can sufficiently support the other.

Giving service to others satisfies basic needs we all have for sociality.  Supporting others in their times of stress can give us strength in dealing with our own stress.  But caring for ourselves requires us to meet all our basic needs.  You can hardly say your approach is balanced when you neglect other needs to care exclusively for just one need.

That’s where following after your bliss can help you achieve the balance you need between caring for others and caring for yourself.  Many out of balance in the service arena feel guilty if they aren’t continually giving of themselves to others all the time.  Their life is unbalanced because their thinking is unbalanced.  By following after your dreams and helping others you encounter along that path as you can, you establish a healthy balance between doing for others and doing for you.

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Avoid both extremes

Of course, not everyone unbalanced is unbalanced in that way.  Some go to the other extreme, focusing so much on themselves that they give little if any thought to others.  And they structure their lives accordingly.  Just chronicle the activities they regularly embrace in their day, and their excessive focus on themselves becomes obviously apparent.

It’s really easy for singles to fall into this practice, especially if they don’t have any children.  And avoiding that practice certainly isn’t helped by living in a pandemic requiring social distancing and sequestering.  The healthy focus on caring for self can be mutated into an unhealthy consumption of self.

The solution here is the same.  Follow after your bliss and help others you encounter along that path.  This approach will help you establish a healthy balance between doing for others and doing for you.

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Thrive

In all our efforts to achieve that healthy balance, we should remember that what constitutes a healthy balance for one person may not be that healthy for another.  While we all have the same basic needs, the amounts we need to satisfy those needs can differ greatly.

Pandemic may have changed the landscape, but it has not changed our ability to thrive.  When we change our thinking to match the landscape in our lives, we allow ourselves to meet better our current challenges, whatever they might be.

So take a step back and evaluate how you’ve structured your life.  How much do you give to others?  And how much do you give to yourself?  Others matter, yes.  But you matter too.  Those who know their proper balance between caring for others and caring for themselves set themselves up for success.  Pandemic or no, they will thrive on the road to their best life.  And that will bring them more joy in their journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.