You got played, bro

Yes, it hurts, but you minimize your future pain when you get good with you, chart your course, and then stay your course.

Recently I've noticed an increase in Facebook posts from frustrated single LDS men (or at least those groups I've joined).  The latest greatly concerns me mostly because I see clear as day what's happening while the man in this story (who we'll call Harry) gropes in darkness, heartbroken and confused.

Now, every story always has more than one side.  I'd love to consider the woman's side, but we have only Harry's.  That said, we can still draw some conclusions, especially considering what happened to this poor priesthood holder is much more common than unique.

Here's the post.  Unsure whether Harry wants to be known in this forum, I'm erring on the side of caution by blotting a few identifying details.

Harry has no clue what happened here.  But I do; I see very clearly what's happened.  Harry, my man!  You got played, bro.

Get good with you

In the comments to this post, most men think the woman was disingenuous, and most women think she was completely honest.  I think if we understood more how each gender thinks, we all might gain an increased understanding prompting greater patience.

Men think with logic.  Reason drives them to seek enticement.  Women think with emotion.  Emotion drives them to seek experience, by which I mean the experience of desired emotions as they live their life.  To understand the choices made in interactions between the sexes, we need to see those choices through each respective perspective.

From the perspective of logic, it's reasonable to expect further interactions based on positive past experience.  From that perspective, what the woman did was not honest; she's playing games.  However, from the perspective of emotion, it's just as reasonable to choose the feeling of being with someone offering enjoyable company (even if that someone is not the right type) over the feeling of being with no one.  From that perspective, what the woman did was honest; she's not playing games.

Who's right?  They both are.  That's why you have got to get good with you and the biological hardwiring in each gender's brain, because that's not going to change.  The sooner you can understand each perspective, the sooner you can accept those perspectives and get busy with what will make you more attractive and your dating journey more enjoyable.

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Chart your course

The best way to become more attractive and enjoy your dating journey is to become the best version of you and adopt a personal ministry — your unique contribution of goodness to the world.  By improving upon yourself and giving all of yourself to your special way of improving the lives of others, you chart a course that will both best attract the type of companion that's best for you and maximize your joy along the way.

Too many LDS singles struggle with dating because they have ineffective assumptions.  It's all too common to find men and women who view singles life as something they must escape.  While understandable, that mindset is all backwards.  Trying to escape singles life suggests it's a problem, and no one wants more problems.  It also makes you look desperate, and no one really wants desperate.

Many LDS singles also don't understand the fundamentals of dating.  When they participate in dating (or what they think is dating), they trip all over themselves, ending up hurt and frustrated.  But that's to be expected when you don't understand the fundamental principles governing what you're trying to do.

When you do understand, you see your best course is to embrace singles life.  No matter how long it may be, make your singles life the best it can be.  Get good with you, make you the best you, and throw yourself into a life of contribution, a life that someone special will want to live with you.

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Stay your course

Of course, the hardest part is to keep going without knowing how much farther until your journey ends.  But you must keep going, because the moment you quit is the moment you lose all attractiveness, the currency you need to secure the agreements required for progress in your dating journey.

You can't avoid the difficulties surrounding not knowing when your dating journey will end, but you can avoid many other difficulties in that journey with more frequent, higher quality communication.  We all need to assume less and ask more.

Harry, I'm truly sorry you got played, bro.  Yes, it hurts, but you minimize your future pain when you get good with you, chart your course, and then stay your course.  Understand how each gender thinks and what drives their choices.  Stop trying to escape singles life and start embracing it.  When you do, you'll start living your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey. 

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here and continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Find more information about this episode, including how to listen to the entire episode, by going to the show page for this episode.