We need forgiveness

What we need is forgiveness.  Even if revenge is obtained, without forgiveness, there can never be healing.

With the world going bat nut crazy, I’ve certainly had a lot on my mind.  Our imperfect world has always had its problems, but somehow everything now seems to be tearing apart.

I also was tearing apart — until the Spirit spoke the solution to my heart.  What we need is not revenge, rage, or a repudiation of the structures that, while imperfect, have brought much good into the world, though some refuse to recognize it.  What we need is forgiveness.

Martin Luther King Jr. understood that.  So does President Nelson, who in a joint statement with the NAACP, recently proclaimed, “Evil has never been resolved by more evil.”  What we need is forgiveness.  Even if revenge is obtained, without forgiveness, there can never be healing.

That’s true for anyone, LDS singles included.  How much injustice have we endured?  How often have we been considered an “other” or somehow “less than”?  The bitterness we singles can feel — and indeed many have felt — isn’t fundamentally different from the bitterness behind all the chaos currently tearing the country apart.  Bitterness is bitterness.  Hate is hate.

And so as we approach Father’s Day this year, I reflect upon the never-married single men who want to be fathers but feel embittered against the single women who have constantly rejected them.  I reflect upon the divorced single fathers who feel embittered from a broken marriage.  I reflect upon the widowed men who feel embittered after tragedy forces singleness upon them.  For these and so many others, what we need is forgiveness.  Without forgiveness, there can never be healing.

Start with self

I was once quite embittered.  In fact, I often joked, “I’m so jaded, I’m diamond!”  — a tongue-in-cheek jab at the single sisters who somehow couldn’t see what a real find I was.

But that attitude never made me less single.  If anything, it kept me more single.  After all, who wants to live with bitterness?

And the ironic part is that the hatred bitterness always breeds is most fully directed against self.  One may think all of the hatred is directed outward, but how can people truly love others without also loving themselves?  We’re all children of the same Heavenly Father.

Only after I embraced forgiveness — of both myself and the imperfect ladies making imperfect choices regarding me — did healing begin to take hold in my heart.  And only after my heart had healed could I broadcast a more positive energy that then led to more positive dating experiences

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Take strength to let go

Simply put, the failure to forgive will hold everyone back from living their best life.  Many singles harbor ill-will for both perceived and real injustices related to their singleness.  However justified singles may believe their feelings to be, bitterness will always consume more the longer it’s held.  Healing can’t happen until we let the bitterness go.

Chris Williams was a married man until a drunk teenage driver robbed him of his wife, then pregnant with their fifth child, and two of his other children.  He watched his wife’s last breath.  I can only imagine the sorrow this man endured.

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And yet, though many would justify vengeance, he didn’t become embittered.  He turned to the Savior, Who in turn not only helped him heal but also become a conduit extending that same healing to the teenager responsible.  Here’s a portion of what Chris had to say about his experience:

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I’m grateful that God allows tragedies and trials to occur in our lives, not because they’re easy or because they’re desired, but because they help us love.  And that too is a wonderful blessing because I sought my brother.  Coming to know a Man of Sorrows and One Acquainted with Grief, as I’ve come to understand it, is really why I was sent here.  And it has been incredibly difficult to have to learn those lessons in the way I’ve learned them.  But I have always ended those episodes of grief with an assurance and a hope that one day perhaps I will see Him as He is.  One day hopefully I will be like Him.

If you’re unfamiliar with the story of Chris Williams, I highly recommend you watch the video in which Chris tells his story.  And if you’re anything like me, grab a box of tissues first because you will break a water main.

Let the healing begin

Of course, it’s not just single men who need to embrace forgiveness.  Everyone’s been wronged somehow.  Bitterness works the same way in anyone.  It knows no preference on whom it feeds.

And it doesn’t matter who is involved.  Bitterness will corrode and canker whatever soul contains it.  It works the same way on anyone.  Its antidote is also the same for anyone.  What we need is forgiveness.  Without forgiveness, there can never be healing.

So this Father’s Day, show your love for fathers by embracing forgiveness.  Forgive the man who was never the father you needed.  Or forgive the one who took your father from you.  Or forgive the man who has yet to be a father, especially if that man is you.

Whatever your situation, embrace forgiveness.  Let the healing begin.  Only then will come the peace and comfort you yearn to feel.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.