That’s true for anyone, LDS singles included. How much injustice have we endured? How often have we been considered an “other” or somehow “less than”? The bitterness we singles can feel — and indeed many have felt — isn’t fundamentally different from the bitterness behind all the chaos currently tearing the country apart. Bitterness is bitterness. Hate is hate.
And so as we approach Father’s Day this year, I reflect upon the never-married single men who want to be fathers but feel embittered against the single women who have constantly rejected them. I reflect upon the divorced single fathers who feel embittered from a broken marriage. I reflect upon the widowed men who feel embittered after tragedy forces singleness upon them. For these and so many others, what we need is forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there can never be healing.
Start with self
I was once quite embittered. In fact, I often joked, “I’m so jaded, I’m diamond!” — a tongue-in-cheek jab at the single sisters who somehow couldn’t see what a real find I was.
But that attitude never made me less single. If anything, it kept me more single. After all, who wants to live with bitterness?
And the ironic part is that the hatred bitterness always breeds is most fully directed against self. One may think all of the hatred is directed outward, but how can people truly love others without also loving themselves? We’re all children of the same Heavenly Father.
Only after I embraced forgiveness — of both myself and the imperfect ladies making imperfect choices regarding me — did healing begin to take hold in my heart. And only after my heart had healed could I broadcast a more positive energy that then led to more positive dating experiences
Take strength to let go
Simply put, the failure to forgive will hold everyone back from living their best life. Many singles harbor ill-will for both perceived and real injustices related to their singleness. However justified singles may believe their feelings to be, bitterness will always consume more the longer it’s held. Healing can’t happen until we let the bitterness go.
Chris Williams was a married man until a drunk teenage driver robbed him of his wife, then pregnant with their fifth child, and two of his other children. He watched his wife’s last breath. I can only imagine the sorrow this man endured.
If you’re unfamiliar with the story of Chris Williams, I highly recommend you watch the video in which Chris tells his story. And if you’re anything like me, grab a box of tissues first because you will break a water main.
Let the healing begin
Of course, it’s not just single men who need to embrace forgiveness. Everyone’s been wronged somehow. Bitterness works the same way in anyone. It knows no preference on whom it feeds.
And it doesn’t matter who is involved. Bitterness will corrode and canker whatever soul contains it. It works the same way on anyone. Its antidote is also the same for anyone. What we need is forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there can never be healing.
So this Father’s Day, show your love for fathers by embracing forgiveness. Forgive the man who was never the father you needed. Or forgive the one who took your father from you. Or forgive the man who has yet to be a father, especially if that man is you.
Whatever your situation, embrace forgiveness. Let the healing begin. Only then will come the peace and comfort you yearn to feel. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly radio show to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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