The top 4 things singles need from marrieds

Last week I posted about our need to involve ourselves more in each other’s lives. Many marrieds leave the task of supporting singles to other singles.  But offering real support to singles isn’t all that complicated, and we singles need marrieds to contribute to our lives.  What can marrieds do?  Plenty.  In no particular order, here's the top four.

1. Don't let us sit alone

A common complaint from singles is loneliness.  It’s not hard to understand why we feel that way if we’re sitting all by ourselves and no one really talks to us beyond simple greetings.

I’ve posted before about how singles need to reach out to marrieds.  But marrieds can also take initiative.  One of the easiest things marrieds can do is invite us to sit with us in church.  When you come into church, don’t just look for the place to sit your family.  Look for a place to sit your family plus one — the one single you invite to join you.  Or look for a place to sit your family where a single is already seated.

Sitting with us takes so little effort on your part.  Yet it would mean the world to many of us singles.

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2. Listen to our story

Everyone has a story to tell.  That’s because humans use stories to make sense out of life.  Without someone to listen to our stories, we’ll all go insane.  Singles are no exception.

Again, singles can and should take initiative.  We can journal and schedule interviews with our bishop.  But marrieds can also take initiative.  If you’re a bishop or otherwise responsible for a single, invite us to an interview.  Then listen as we tell our story.  And don’t just do this once.  Invite us back again and again.

At first we’ll wonder what’s going on.  But as you prove to have sincere interest in hearing our story, we’ll turn around and start to feel more like we belong.

3. Give us a meaningful calling

Anyone would feel marginalized without meaningful involvement in the larger community.  Marrieds can help us immensely by extending meaningful callings.

Meaningful means that we’re using our talents to contribute to the lives of others frequently.  If I have a talent for teaching, don’t ask me to manage the hymnals.  Ask me to teach.  And ask me to do it not once a month but every week.

It’s not that managing the hymnals isn’t important.  There are no unimportant jobs in the Church.  But when my contribution falls below my talents, I’ll never feel like I’m being all I can be.  And those feelings very easily bleed into feelings of inferiority and marginalization.

The same goes when our callings don’t require us to interact with other ward members on a regular basis.  Frequency plays a part of making a meaningful contribution.  We all feel more useful with a weekly contribution of our talents versus the monthly one.

Everyone needs to feel useful.  Help us feel that way with a meaningful calling.

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4. Walk with us

To feel supported, we need your constant involvement.  I’ve posted before about how we singles need marrieds to be involved in our eternal progression.  Having someone to walk with us as we face our challenges can make worlds of difference for good.

Missionaries will do anything within the bounds of righteousness to help investigators remove obstacles to receive the ordinance of baptism.  Why should it be any different for those trying to receive the ordinance of eternal marriage?

What a world of difference marrieds can make in supporting the family by helping us singles to create our own!  I’m not talking about matchmaking so much as I am talking about counseling with us, asking after our latest dating efforts, providing encouragement, offering new ideas to consider for moving forward, and often just listening.  Knowing that someone has our back can bolster us to keep trying.  And when it comes to dating, we’ll never succeed if we quit trying.  Marrieds can help us make the journey by walking with us along our road.

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We're not that different

Considering that this list can help anyone, we’re not that different.  Life is challenging for everyone.  We’re all here to have an experience that will prepare us for the next step in our journey to our heavenly home.

And it’s the same home we’re all trying to reach.  Marriage is designed to fill needs we all have as human beings.  Those who don’t have the blessings of that institution will live with needs unmet unless others step in to help.

We’re not that different from one another when we really examine it.  So let’s come together and journey joyfully together to our heavenly home.

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