People are not products

Treating people like commodities just keeps everyone single.

It’s normal to want the perfect solution to your problem — whatever the problem — to appear magically in your own backyard just waiting for you to integrate into your life.  We do this all the time when shopping online for the latest commodity.  We want nothing less than ideal at a low price.

But applying those attitudes to dating diminish our probability of success because people aren’t products.  Products might sometimes be perfect, but people never are.  We’re all works in progress.  And sometimes what you most need neither looks like what you expect or is where you expect to find it.

Many LDS singles have habits of thinking that give zero consideration to that truth.  Too often they put the cart before the horse by insisting that potential casual dates meet their marriage standards.  This practice encourages equating dating with marriage, warping dating for everyone.

Online dating only magnifies that ill perspective.  If you don’t make an overwhelming first impression with your profile — and primarily your photo — in the first two seconds, you’re done.  Treating people like commodities just keeps everyone single.

Don’t close off possibilities

When you buy a commodity online, you expect what you buy to maintain its quality long after the purchase.  A tool that works when you buy it should work years from now.  Clothes you buy today should still look good years from now.  Media that plays today should play problem-free years from now.

And that’s where treating online dating like commodity shopping breaks down.  People aren’t products that never change.  People will change over time.  The person you marry today isn’t the person you have today but the person you will have 5, 10, 15, 20 years down the road.

But of course, none of that enters into our consideration when viewing online dating profiles.  We don’t think in terms of potential and the direction people have for their lives.  We think in terms of position and how well a candidate can satisfy us today.

In so doing, LDS singles often close themselves off from possibilities to have the very blessings they seek.  When considering dating opportunities, we should consider direction more than just position.  We need to see others as they will likely become.

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Direction is more than position

We came to this mortal existence to grow towards perfection.  Traveling on this path towards perfection means that none of us are perfect as we are now.

Yet our Heavenly Father doesn’t condemn us for not having yet completed our journey.  He knows we’ll eventually arrive at our celestial destination if we maintain the proper direction.  And He knows we can always change our direction.

How often LDS singles fail to take that perspective when dating!  We too often prefer someone who provides present satisfaction over someone who’ll provide eternal satisfaction.

Case in point: Most aren’t attracted to overweight suitors.  Yet being overweight is merely position.  What about direction?  There’s a world of difference between the overweight person stumbling through diet and exercise and the overweight person doing nothing except crying over why no one wants to love them as they are.  With your help, that person you discount today could be more than satisfactory tomorrow.

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Potential to change is not change

Of course, just because someone can change doesn’t mean they will change.  For example, perpetrators of physical abuse can change, but that doesn’t mean you should trust them just because they can change.  Potential for changing direction isn’t the same as actually changing direction.

That’s why you must examine what people do when assessing their direction.  What we do every day determines whether we end in one destination or another.  And small changes today can result in large differences tomorrow.

No one’s perfect in this life.  We all miss the mark somewhere.  But that doesn’t mean we always will.  Your actions today can build a case that over time demonstrates a more positive direction, convincing those with eyes to see just what a find you really are.

Seeing others for their potential can reveal doors of opportunity you didn’t know existed.  Because no one’s perfect, the eternal companion you seek isn’t perfect.  Learning to value others for what they will become because of their direction may help you find that companion who actually fulfills your needs more than you could ever imagine.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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