Own every part

"Confident people never play the victim.  Victimization isn’t a position of power.  Victims are victims because they’re powerless.  Playing the victim means giving away your power to someone else.  And yes, you had power over your life before you gave it away.  It’s called agency."

We’ve discussed ways LDS singles can overcome the challenges of LDS singles life.  Dating becomes more simple and fun when we act out a proper understanding of the dating journey.  Learning to forgive others along the way can lighten the load on our journey.  Partnering with the Lord can help us understand our gifts and fulfill our own personal ministry.  And holding fast to our covenants while being industrious can help create our happiest time.

Yet all this assumes we assume ownership of our lives.  No one will create your best life for you.  You must create it.

Fortunately the Lord wants you to have your best life and is willing to help you create it.  But first you must accept responsibility for however your life turns out.  You must own every part of your life.

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You have the power

Owning your life must precede living your best life.  Failing to accept responsibility for how your life turns out means assigning that responsibility elsewhere.  And that leaves you playing the victim.

Confident people never play the victim.  Victimization isn’t a position of power.  Victims are victims because they’re powerless.  Playing the victim means giving away your power to someone else.  And yes, you had power over your life before you gave it away.  It’s called agency.

The Lord has declared, “For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward” (D&C 58:28).  We make our lives by the choices we make for ourselves.  Inasmuch as we choose well, we’ll not lose our reward.

That’s the law of the harvest.  We reap what we sow.  Any other result would place the universe out of balance, and God would cease to be God.

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It is your fault

I know what some of you are thinking.  “It’s not my fault no one ever married me.”  “It’s not my fault I got divorced.”  “It’s not my fault I’m widowed.”  In short, “It’s not my fault I’m single.”

Actually, it is.  And the sooner you own all of your life by accepting your part in the events that have brought you to where you are, the sooner you can move past your challenges and live life with confidence and satisfaction.

Sure, other people make decisions that directly impact your life.  But your decisions — the ones you make for yourself — also impact your life.  Those decisions are the only ones you can control.  You empower yourself by placing your focus there.

I’m sorry if you’ve never married.  But you chose how to present yourself, what attitude to broadcast, and what direction to take in life.  You can’t convince me those factors didn’t influence others when they decided against you.

I’m sorry if you’re divorced.  But if you’re completely honest, you’ll admit you contributed to your failed marriage.  Even if (and given how imperfect everyone is, that’s a really BIG if) you did everything right, who decided to get married?  Yes, you married a jerk, but who chose that?  You chose to enter a marriage that ended how it ended.

I’m sorry if you’re widowed.  But again, who decided to marry your spouse?  You chose to marry someone who died before you do.  Had you known that would come, you might have chosen differently.  But you couldn’t see then all the consequences your choice would have today.  We often make such choices in life.  And now you have the consequences from your choice.

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You can be free

This approach may feel incredibly harsh, but it’s also incredibly empowering and liberating.  Having once tasted it, you’ll never want to go back.

Why is owning every part of your life empowering and liberating?  If your choices can make an undesirable life, then your choices can also make a desirable one.  Your past doesn’t determine your future.  Your choices in the present determine your future.  You can make better choices and get better results.

Again, the choices of others do affect the course of our lives.  But placing any focus there is unproductive because you decide only for yourself.  Your choices brought you the life you have today.  You must accept that truth to move forward.

Accepting that truth doesn’t mean wallowing in self-pity or punishing yourself constantly for choosing poorly.  Just accept your choices had their consequences, learn from the experience, and move on.  It’s really no more complicated than that.

Own every part of your life.  Don’t allow failure to take responsibility for anything in your life hold you back from having your best life.  When you take that attitude, you can move forward with confidence towards that best life.  And that will bring more joy in your journey.

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