Natural is the enemy

. . . when it comes to dating, natural is the enemy.

Recent discussions in LDS singles Facebook groups have got me thinking.  One in particular involves a frustrated woman competing unsuccessfully for the attention of men that interest her.  Her description of her problem makes clear she's at her wit's end.

I thought about using her post the way last week I used the post from a single man.  But I never really got very far into his post during the show, so I'm certain I wouldn't even crack the tip of the iceberg this woman left.  Her post is longer — much, much longer.  When you add in all the replies and their individual discussion threads, it's all just too much for a single radio broadcast episode.

But it's all really good discussion that touches on many interesting points.  And that got me thinking.  Pondering that and other LDS singles posts leads me to conclude that, when it comes to dating, natural is the enemy.

Recognize the natural

You might wonder what that means.  After all, these days anything natural is in vogue.  It's associated with purity, innocence, and goodness.  How can natural be the enemy?

You don't need any mental gymnastics to answer that question in a dating context.  You need only understand the differences between natural men and women and covenant men and women.

The Book of Mormon beautifully expresses that difference.  We don't usually discuss Mosiah 3:19 in terms of dating, but it possesses perfect applicability.  Consider each of these words carefully, for this one verse teaches bibles worth of truth:

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For the natural man [and woman] is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he [or she] yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man [and woman] and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him [and her], even as a child doth submit to his [or her] father.

How do these words apply to dating?  Increasingly in the world, natural men and women have destroyed dating and with it the families that might have resulted.  Thinking primarily of self and following natural behavioral drivers have removed many partners from the dating scene and complicated it for those who remain.

Know the difference

We Latter-day Saints covenant to be in the world but not of it.  That doesn't mean the world doesn't influence us.  In fact, the behavior I see some LDS singles displaying smacks very plainly of a worldly, natural mindset.

Enticement drives the choices of natural men.  Put enough enticement in front of him, and he'll pretty much follow the carrot at the end of your stick.  Of course, all men aren't alike; some enticements enchant some men more than others.  But the concept holds true for all natural men.

Experience, namely the state of feeling desired emotions, drives the choices of natural women.  We all know natural women; they have backup boyfriends, always look to "trade up" if they can, and are ruthless with other women who they see as their competition for their desired experiences with men.

Conversely, covenant men and women value covenant living over their natural drivers.  They seek to make and keep covenants.  Covenant men still feel the natural tug of enticement, and covenant women still feel the natural tug of experience, but they don't follow after it.  They choose to value covenant living over the natural focus on self.

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Put off the natural

Natural men and women value self over covenants.  The natural woman stays single by insisting on dating only perfect men who can provide her desired experience with emotion.  Since most men aren't that, the natural man struggles with the lack of enticement, eventually opting out of dating to seek enticement in other avenues.

Thus, following natural inclinations results in rejecting opportunities to marry sufficiently good companions and create families that can further the Lord's purposes for this world.  The natural man and woman are indeed enemies to God.

In reality, no single one of us (pun intended) is completely a natural person or a covenant person.  We are each a mixture of both — good and evil, light and darkness, covenant keepers and covenant breakers.  What we choose to value determines how much we are of each.

Will we follow our natural desires when dating?  Will we insist on having only the best when an "average" option can deliver not only the maximum amount of joy it's possible to experience but also make available the covenants we need for exaltation in the eternities to come?  Will we view dating and marriage through the lens of self or through the lens of the family we will create out of that union and the generations that will follow after us?

In so many ways, natural is the enemy.  And it will always be the enemy unless the natural man or woman values covenant living over self.  Only valuing covenant living opens the heart to the Savior and His marvelous Atonement, which can transform us from natural men and women into covenant men and women.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here and continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Find more information about this episode, including how to listen to the entire episode, by going to the show page for this episode.