Men & women need each other

A woman celebrating her “freedom” after having given up on dating declared, “I don’t need a man.”  I disagree, honey.

In the most recent episode of The World of TED, I promised some further response to a comment discussed in the episode.  A woman celebrating her “freedom” after having given up on dating declared, “I don’t need a man.”  I disagree, honey.

I disagree not because I’m a blind follower of some standard line.  It’s not because I want to oppress women.  I simply disagree because of my perspective.

Modern feminism has been proclaiming the lie that women don’t need men since the 1960s.  It didn’t start there, of course, but women who today believe modern feminists are the heirs of this most recent incarnation of the idea.  Yet I disagree with that idea because as I see it men and women need each other.

Understand the two logics

We all process our world and our place in that world with the way we think.  Understanding how men and women naturally think can then help us understand why men and women can’t really do without each other.

To the surprise of many men, men and women are both logical.  Women are biologically hardwired with emotional logic.  They process their experiences in terms of how they feel.  Men, on the other hand, are biologically hardwired with intellectual logic.  They process their experiences in terms of how rational they are.  Women naturally think with emotion, whereas men naturally think with rationale.

Thus, the same event often elicits completely different responses from men and women.  Take ghosting, for example.  A man goes out several times with the same woman who then suddenly goes completely AWOL.  The man’s bewildered because, using intellectual logic, it’s rational to expect a continuation of what’s already happened several times.  It doesn’t make intellectual sense for the woman to disappear.

But it could make emotional sense.  If she doesn’t feel what she wants to feel from the relationship, the woman has no natural motivation to continue it.  And since those often unpleasant conversations introduce undesired feelings, from an emotional logic standpoint, it makes perfect sense to avoid it, hence the disappearing act.

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Embrace complements in life

Once we understand how they naturally think, it’s easier to understand why men and women need each other.  It’s also easier to understand why modern feminism’s lie is just that — a lie.

I presume the woman whose comment inspired this episode was frustrated with dating because she doesn’t understand the fundamentals of what’s she’s trying to do.  Very few of us do when it comes to dating — that’s why I wrote a book about it.  Frustration feels negative, so it makes emotional sense for the woman to retract.  She then believes the lie she doesn’t need a man, swears off dating, and feels “liberated.”  That positive emotion naturally motivates a woman to embrace that direction and even think it’s the “right” one.

Only it’s not.  Truly holistic intelligence is both intellectual and emotional.  Truth makes sense to both components of intelligence, not just one.  And this is why men and women need each other.  Men best learn emotional intelligence with the help of women.  Women best learn intellectual intelligence with the help of men.  Only together do men and women best learn their naturally missing complement and become truly whole.

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Enjoy your dating more

Of course, men can be emotional and women can be intellectual.  I’m simply stating the natural hardwiring inherent in our biology.  And understanding that inherent biology can improve our dating journey.  Dating frustrates many LDS singles who use the logic they inherently have instead of its complement.  An approach grounded in the logic of the intended audience can bring better results.

For example, some women get frustrated when men don’t seem impressed with their extra education.  Status means quite a bit to the natural woman because of how it makes her feel.  But it doesn’t mean anything to the natural man because it’s not rational to take care of a woman who can clearly take care of herself.

I’m not saying women shouldn’t be educated.  I’m simply saying approaches that consider the intended audience tend to bring better results than those that don’t.

In the end, men and women need each other.  Only with the help of the other can we each become more whole.  So stop thinking solely in terms of your naturally endowed component of intelligence.  Include in your life those of the opposite gender who can help you.  When you open your thinking to embrace the complementary component, you’ll grow in your understanding of your life experiences.  You’ll become more accepting of past failures and more resilient to future potential emotional disasters.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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