Recently a young man unfamiliar to my girlfriend asked her daughter on a date. My girlfriend expressed an obvious concern about him. I shared that concern plus one of my own. Apparently this guy wants my girlfriend’s daughter to plan the date.
That’s when my girlfriend confessed typically seeing that behavior in men. She said about 90% of men in her experience have expected her to decide on the date activity and make all arrangements. She then expressed gratitude that I’m not like that at all. It just makes it easier for her to fall more deeply in love with me, she said.
And that left me flabbergasted.
Real men lead
Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy to hear that me being the way I am makes my girlfriend fall in love with me even more. What gets me is this apparently popular attitude among single guys that the ladies should provide so much.
Hey, gents, I get it. You want the good that comes with the date, but like so much else in our catered society you also want someone else to take care of the details for you.
Maybe I was just raised differently. For me, part of being a man is taking a leadership role in charting the course to travel. A real man will at least signal a course to travel. In the context of dating, that means the guy plans the details and makes the arrangements.
I don’t have any problem with women who provide anything or everything, including partial or full payment of any expenses. But neither do I insist upon it. That’s just not their role.
Yes, sometimes I’ll involve the lady in the planning, but never for a casual date and often only in unexpected situations for a serious date. In all cases my role is to provide at least some idea for the lady’s consideration, some idea that can get things rolling. That’s part of the leadership role that we single men need to be playing. Real men lead.
Real invitations entice
Some guys have legitimate concerns about wanting to ensure the lady enjoys the date. After all, if she enjoys the date, then she’ll be more likely to accept another date, and perhaps even more. I get that.
Now get this, gentlemen. We’re all busy people. So when you relegate the details of the date activity to the lady, you’re creating one more thing she needs to do to live her life. Essentially you’re telling her that, to have a relationship with you, she needs to be even more busy than she already is.
That’s not exactly an enticing proposition.
Here’s something more enticing. You exercise leadership by planning the activity and making all necessary arrangements. Then you invite the lady to come with you for the activity you planned. This very simple approach provides a much more attractive prospect for the lady, increasing the likelihood that she will accept your invitation.
It also portrays you as someone who will exercise proper priesthood leadership in the home once you are married.
Real ladies support
I know many ladies are screaming, “Yeah, that’s right. You guys need to get with the program!” But that’s not really all that helpful.
Here’s what is. Just refuse to date any guy who won’t plan the date himself. And say that in your refusal. Tell the guy you want someone who exemplifies real leadership.
If he reforms himself and presents a plan, he may be worth examining more closely. But if he doesn’t, then right there you’ve saved yourself a huge hassle by avoiding a less-than-quality candidate at the start.
And to those ladies who retort that there aren’t any guys asking them or any other ladies out, I would invite you to consider two items:
Gentlemen! Please stop expecting the woman to plan the date. It’s time for you to man up. Be a real man and exercise some real leadership. And ladies, please help us men to be the real men we should be. By working together and walking together, we better journey together towards the perfection we all want. And we enjoy ourselves much more fully along the way there.
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and now I produce a weekly radio show to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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