Look ahead and believe

I know it’s been almost two months since General Conference, but I keep coming back to an address delivered at a previous General Conference.

In the October 2013 General Conference, Elder Edward Dube spoke about a lesson his mother taught him.  While working with her in the field one day, he stopped to observe what they had accomplished.  He tried to get his mother to look back with him, but she refused.  Her response?  Never look back but always forward at what you have yet to do.

Elder Dube spoke of hastening the work of the Church.  But I think there is a lesson in there for many of us singles about being single.

Many of us singles have some discouraging life experiences.  You were never considered “good enough” and so never married.  Or maybe you were married but not anymore after a painful divorce.  Or perhaps you endured the bitterness of a spouse’s death.  I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

The adversary wants us to keep looking back.  We may be reliving negative moments in our lives, or we might be congratulating ourselves on some former accomplishment.  Either way, we’re not looking forward at we have yet to do.

But how do you do that?  How do you keep looking forward when the past keeps tugging at you?  People all handle the same challenges differently. But the most successful people have some common traits in their approach.

Don't drive with the rear view mirror

In my book I compare our lives as singles to driving a car.  The best way to drive a car is by looking forward and moving forward.  Yet many of us singles compulsively immerse ourselves in whatever unfairness happened to us.  That’s like driving a car by looking only in the rear view mirror.  How far do you think you will get driving a car like that?

Neither will you get very far driving your life that way.  Yet many of us, overwhelmed by our challenges, can’t help but wallow in the mire of our misfortunes.

So the first step is to quit gazing at the past.

Faith is about the future

Of course, looking ahead to the future requires a good measure of belief.  You must believe that your future — and note that I said your future and not just the future — can actually be better than your past.

It is one thing to believe that the future in general can be different than the past.  It is quite another to personalize it and to believe that your future can be different than your past.

Elder Dube touched on this pointed when he quoted Elder Holland:

The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future.

Because God has given you agency, you can choose today differently than you did yesterday.  Own your life, make conscious choices, and you can have a brighter tomorrow.

Watch the self-talk

One of the most important choices you can make today is to watch the messages that you receive, particularly the ones that you give yourself.  Again, it’s natural for people to wallow in the mire.  But that naturally results in people staying in the mire.

You will find it hard to imagine what a brighter tomorrow would look like if you have been reminding yourself of all your imperfections and all the other reasons why you cannot succeed.  Belief becomes easier when you constantly receive messages that encourage belief.

So make conscious choices to immerse yourself in positivity.  You are your best source of positive reinforcement.  You can conscious choose to give yourself messages of encouragement and faith that keep your focus on the brighter tomorrow that God wants you to have.

What are the messages you give yourself?   If more are negative rather than positive, then review some of my tips for improving your self-talk.  Your focus determines your reality, and it’s hard not to focus on something when it constantly surrounds you.  If what surrounds you is more negative than positive, guess what you reality will be?

This is what helps me, but if something else works for you, please don’t keep that to yourself.  We all have a part to play in the overarching plan of God for the world.  Help us keep our gaze forward on what we have yet to do.  Leave a comment and share your suggestions with the rest of us.

---