Let’s chase away ghosting

Too many LDS singles make dating decisions with the natural mindset rather than the covenant one.

With Halloween just around the corner, I’ve been trying to get into the spirit (pun intended) of the season.  But for some reason, it’s just not coming.  Maybe I should eat more pumpkin.

Speaking of spirits, we’re focusing the program today on ghosting, the practice of simply dropping a dating candidate from one’s life.  There’s no discussion, no explanation, and no warning.  One partner simply “disappears” from any further interaction, not responding to messages and often blocking the other person on social media.

Both men and women ghost, but women ghost far more than men.  Some ascribe it to a lack of maturity or a fear of confrontation.  It’s much easier simply to drop someone than to face an unpleasant conversation.  That may play a part, but I believe the practice ultimately manifests from the natural mindset.  Too many LDS singles make dating decisions with the natural mindset rather than the covenant one.  Properly viewed, it’s not hard to see we need to chase away ghosting.

Realize the difference

To understand the real roots of ghosting, we need to understand the difference between the natural and covenant mindsets and how they manifest in dating decisions.  Although encouraged to be not of the world, LDS singles still live in the world.  As such, without sufficient awareness, LDS singles more easily succumb to being of the world in their dating decisions.

The natural and covenant mindsets differ mainly in what they value most.  Natural men and women most value self-gratification.  What satiates the desires of evolutionary biology to pass good genetic material to the next generation dominates decision making.  In contrast, covenant men and women most value making and keeping sacred covenants.  They’ll give up some things of this world to have the things of the world to come.

That difference cannot be overemphasized.  Placing higher value on the desires of evolutionary biology essentially turns the heart towards this fallen imperfect world and our mortal life in it.  That priority says temple marriage and the world of eternity are acceptable only if natural desires are fully satisfied in this world of mortality.  Exactly opposite, the covenant mindset places higher value on the desires of discipleship and turning the heart towards the eternal world to come.

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Understand the values

Ghosting plays right into the natural mindset.  But women ghost more than men because the natural woman doesn’t have the same values as the natural man.  Both most value self-gratification, but what gratifies the natural man often doesn’t gratify the natural woman.

Natural men value youth and beauty because these women are more likely to bear healthier children.  But natural women don’t value youth; men can play their part well into old age.  Instead, natural women value looks, muscles, money, and status because these things make it more likely the woman will bear healthier children or the woman and child will receive support after the birth.  It’s all about perpetuating this life in this world.

Ghosting plays right into that mindset.  Because of what she values most, the natural woman is always looking for a better option that’ll make it more likely she’ll bear healthier children and/or have support after the birth.  That’s what ghosting essentially is.  It’s exchanging someone less desirable for someone more desirable based on perceived ability to perpetuate life in this world.

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Choose the covenant

Conversely, the covenant mindset seeks to perpetuate eternal life in the world to come.  Because it’s not natural to think that way, the covenant mindset requires conscious choice and discipline along the road of covenant discipleship.

King Benjamin taught as much in his classic discourse to his people.  Mosiah 3:19 teaches how to overcome the natural man.  The same prescription works for the natural woman.  Just replace all the masculine words with their feminine complements.  Either way, putting off the natural mindset requires conscious choice.  And we do it through the Atonement.

But you can’t choose the covenant if you aren’t aware.  Without awareness, we’ll all simply do what comes naturally.  The world, either in ignorance or rejection of the covenant, fully embraces the natural mindset.  This is the world where LDS singles live.  Being not of the world means recognizing that influence and consciously choosing against it.

We can start by chasing away ghosting.  That’ll take time and patience.  After all, no one’s perfectly in the covenant mindset.  We’re all both the natural and the covenant according to we’re at on the path of eternal progression.  But when we start by recognizing that truth and then increasing our awareness of which decisions the natural mindset dominates and which the covenant, we can let Christ and His Atonement into every aspect of our lives.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

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